FR SvelteLady

[Marty]

Gentlemen, I want to take a moment to share a mini-FR (ongoing) that seems to illustrate how outcome independence can lubricate an interaction and make everything run more smoothly.

Saturday afternoon I walked across the street to pick up... some groceries! I had already opened four women that morning and was on a roll, but not specifically looking to open another—I was in the store because I actually needed groceries, for a change I saw a couple girls there; one turned out to be with a "hidden boyfriend" down another aisle (always one to watch out for!) but another actually caught my gaze briefly at the produce section. I briefly considered opening but then the moment was gone and the angle wasn't right and... well, I got lazy.

So as I was checking out, the girl from the produce section sauntered over to the checkout next to me. I kinda regretted not opening her before; her face, while cute enough I suppose, wasn't exactly on a par with Helen of Troy, but she evidently took good care of herself and had a nice shapely... figure We'll call her SvelteLady. I was slightly ahead of her time-wise, so I paid and then hung around near the exit, ostensibly checking out some special offers etc.

I caught her movement toward the exit in my peripheral vision, counted to three, then started moving toward the exit, staying slightly ahead so as not to be seen to be reacting. As she emerged into the fresh air I slowed, drew very close alongside, and with my body parallel and only a very slight head and eye motion toward her, opened with:

• 
  Marty: Do you have a second, please?
  
  SvelteLady: What did you say?
  
  Marty: I asked whether you have a second to speak with me.
  
  SvelteLady: Certainly.
  
  Marty: I just saw you shopping a moment ago, and I noticed ... (pause) ... you have a very elegant figure, and I ... (pause) ... just wanted to say hello!
  
  SvelteLady: (smiling, looking down) Oh, thank you!
  
  Marty: What's your name?
  
  SvelteLady: I'm SvelteLady.
  
  Marty: Delighted to meet you, SvelteLady! (pause, take her hand, stare deep into her eyes) I'm Marty.

So the next bit is definitely not by the textbook. I'm phoning it in... I skip over banter and rapport completely (deep-dive: that's a joke!) and go straight for the date—Chase would've killed me!

• 
  Marty: Care to grab a coffee sometime?
  
  SvelteLady: (momentarily speechless, then giggles) That's a bit random!

I give her the skeptical look. She's sweet, but I'm hungry and tired and my heart's not in it.

• 
  SvelteLady: Yes, I'd certainly be interested in doing that.
  
  Marty: There, it wasn't that random, was it?

While I am getting out my phone, I ask her what times are normally best. She explains that she works during the week, so after six PM is good. This is an obvious opportunity to make up for my previously skipped step, so as I'm unlocking the phone and putting it into "dial" mode, I ask where she works and what she does, and build brief rapport on that, connected with her personality... the usual approach.

I wait two hours, then shoot off an icebreaker, then forget about her. In the meantime I open Espresso&Cream and this occupies all my attention. SvelteLady is somewhat lower value; she's certainly over thirty (though I'm not exactly a spring chicken myself) and her reaction speaks to not being approached all that often by quality men, but I must say I find her physically very appealing.

Twenty-four hours later (clearly she's been reading Cosmo), she replies assuring me that she has my number and was glad to meet me too. Isn't that just dandy? So I wait another thirty hours and pop the "calendar" question. Tonight (fully forty-eight hours later) she writes back, apologizing for the tardiness of her response, giving a brief explanation, asking after me, and proposing a coffee date for the weekend. How about that? Minimal effort, zero rumination, promising results. This "outcome independence" business has something going for it after all!

Speak to you chaps again soon

-Marty

 

[Smurf]

Hey, Marty!

Good job on that approach! I think what worked for you best was your physicality: your fundamentals. They spoke for you, especially that facial expression, which hit it off for ya'. Obviously you've got some deep diving to do WHEN you get that date! Aaaand, it looks like this girl does read some sort of magazine. I usually test a girl's texting time by waiting a few hours, a day, or even five minutes later to see what she'll do, but this girl definitely seems like she has a method. On the date, take her out of her routine, bro!

Good luck Marty!

Jake.

 

[ocantu1987]

Marty, good job man. It seems like you don't always have to go by the book sometimes to get a date haha. I saw the same on pinot noirs FR, he strait up asked for a date without any rapport building or repartee and he actually got the date. I need to try this myself haha.

let us know if you get a date with this girl

 

[Marty]

Jake D and Ocantu,

Thanks for the props and commentary! We'll see what happens...

Ocantu, I'll certainly update here if there's more to report; I appreciate your interest.

Jake D, thank you for your assessment of my fundamentals; this one is tricky. I can't seem to get a good read on my own fundamentals; do you ever feel that way? Sometimes I think they are good, other times I'm guessing they're rotten; the only way I can judge, it seems, is by women's actions and responsiveness.

NarrowJ has started writing articles for the main site, and I've asked him to do a piece on fundamentals including how to perform a self-assessment, so we'll see if that bit's possible! Don't you think it's difficult? Do you know of any way to get a read on them?

I've never been conformist or a groupie, nor too friendly either; always fiercely independent and proud but with a sense of decency, so I'm guessing that's all in my favor. I take care of myself, that almost goes without saying for members of this forum; but what I'm naturally lacking in is the kind of internal drive and burning passion that leads men to succeed—I tend to be a little passive and reactive, so I'd imagine that counts against me. I'm speaking about how I may come across to women in general terms, not this one specifically.

Approaching women has improved my own confidence enormously over the past six months, and it has also had the collateral effect that I've gotten to know a greater variety of people in that time, even if only scratching the surface, than in perhaps the decade before that! And it's fun!

-Marty

 

[Smurf]

Hey Marty,

Yeah I know that feeling. Now I feel like my fundamentals are good because right now I'm getting a lot of response from girls. I feel it might be because of pre selection in high school, so other girls see me with other girls and they come up to me right afterwards. So yeah it is hard to get a read on it.

Maybe you could go out in the street and go up to a girl and see how much compliance you can get. I'll come back later when I'm on my computer.

Jake.