Taking a short break from the game (Though we never REALLY stop playing)

[Paulie Walnuts]

As stated in the title, once you take the red pill you never actually stop playing "The Game"; you can't, you just know too much and the former ignorance you had about how things work has dissipated.

Unfortunately I have one of those minds that tends to get a little over obsessive, and this has resulted in me getting REALLY burnt out; I tend to go out every Friday and Saturday, doing anywhere from 50-100 approaches per weekend (if not more). Combined with actually going out to do continuous daygame throughout the week, I've been putting too much effort in.

Basically what's been happening is I've become incredibly outcome dependent, which is counter to everything that is taught here. If I don't have 7-8 dates set up for the week I consider it a bad week, and because I'm so burnt out I find myself at a loss for words at times on these dates or when I'm approaching. I find I look at my phone to see when girls are (and haven't been) texting me back; so it seems that I've just been putting too much effort in and this is also counter productive in the sense (that as someone pointed out here) I've become a try-hard. I also analyze approaches and dates while still out in the field (when I should be doing it at home before I pass out for the night).

I'm always talking about Game, talking about how well I do with women (even though I really don't do all that well), and this basically shoots me in the foot as I lose tons of social proof by just being a try hard/coming off as a loser who's obsessed with getting good with girls. Also girls are starting to talk and it's not good for my reputation (a guy pretending to be a player who's not at that level yet). I tend to already be a pretty arrogant person, extremely vain; and it seems to be a major turn off for women (not that it can't work, I'm just using it in the wrong way).

I also have a lot of depression and anxiety issues, so what I'm dealing with is not the exact same as everyone else.

The Counters: I've instituted a new rule for myself when I get back into things, I'll only check my phone to see which girls have responded at the end of a said day (just so I can switch them into my "girls that I'm actively texting" or "girls that I will followup on" lists and keep track of everything), my persistence will be limited to two "blue texts" (which are mine) without a response with a day of radio silence in between. I'm also not going to discuss game anymore, at all; or analyze things outside of my room before I go to sleep.

As far as the Depression, I'm going to start Meditating and going even harder at the gym (pushing 4-5 times a week to 6-7 times, since it seems to help a lot), I need to get into that Positive Mindset again, that's been one of my greatest tools of success for not only women, but life in general.

It's time to be a King, instead of a Peasant or worse; a Jester.


Taking a break is going to give me what I need, just a couple weeks off. I'll still do approaches here and there when I see something I like (just so I don't lose the skills I've built up so far). I have 4 dates set up for the week with a couple follow up girls as well, but I'm not going to take things as seriously. Just gonna go out, use the skills that I've learned here, and have fun; fuck outcome dependency.

I will say everything I've learned so far has been incredible, my Thursday date WAS AMAZING! I did everything right, leading, playful mentality, sexual framing; and it worked perfectly (didn't result in an LR, but I'll change that come Tuesday, I'd have written an FR+ but my stupid computer shut down halfway through and I'm too lazy to write it up again). My nightgame approaches and leading during pickup have gotten much better too, my interactions are longer and more fruitful than ever before.

 

[Bboy100]

If I don't have 7-8 dates set up for the week I consider it a bad week

I also have a lot of depression and anxiety issues

I went through a similar phase last summer. I felt like if I didn't have 3 or 4 dates a week, I'm somehow "losing progress" or I'm "not measuring up" which created a lot of anxiety. I talked this over with a really good counselor, and what he said is that it's likely that I have something which he dubbed a "performance mindset".

The basic definition of it is that in one way or another we're measuring our own self-worth based on external accomplishments. Our culture more or less encourages this type of mindset. That's why everyone wants to be rich, good looking, have women etc. Because according to our society, that's what "value" is. The solution is to stop trying so hard to measure up to some sort of self-made standard.

So in this case, your standard is "I must have 7-8 dates per week". And the implication that comes with that is "if I don't have 7-8 dates per week, I have failed". This is literally the recipe for anxiety & depression. We start to feel anxious when we face some sort of perceived threat. So in your case the "threat" is that you will fail to get 7-8 dates per week. Also, we start to feel depressed when we have low self-esteem. And since its likely that you have this "performance mindset", there's a good chance your self-esteem is tied into your success at getting these dates. Because as I said before, its likely you're measuring your self-worth based on external accomplishments. So basically, every time you fail to get 7-8 dates, you're likely to have episodes of depression and anxiety.

So what's the solution? It's self-acceptance. Its learning to love yourself and take pride in who you are regardless of your accomplishments. Yes, that means even if you're broke af, gain 400 lbs, never get laid again, have no friends etc., you should still love yourself. This is a totally foreign concept to our Western society. But it's one which we must necessarily internalize if we're to have any hope of consistent happiness and good mental health. So bottom line is, you need to adopt the mindset that you are intrinsically valuable just because you're a human being. Nothing else is necessary.

Unfortunately, I don't have any good resources for actionable steps to achieving self-acceptance. Just realizing that this is the path you must take is a start. It did wonders for me. Also, a quick google search will bring some good resources.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

I started listening to Meditation Tapes, at first I thought they sound stupid as fuck but they really helped last night haha, got some good sleep for the first time in weeks.

 

[Fuck This]

Yep, it sounds as if you are chasing , something other than a particular girl...

I think repetition helps desensitize us to anxiety, but soon we are less committed to the execution of the interaction because we are interested in more Reps.

There is an analogy to weight training here in more ways than one.....In WT you start out with light weight and more reps to strengthen connective tissue and perfect form. Gradually increasing weight. Then you move to heavier weight and fewer reps, with periodic Max efforts for one rep.

If you don't increase your Weight and do high reps over and over, the workout isn't as effective as progressing. That is what I see the High approach Hamster wheel is doing to your mind set.

I'm going to advise (and you may take or refuse the advice), that you let your approaches become less forced and be more social rather than gamey. Go do things you want to do solo and find the joy in that. While doing those things for the joy of the activity you will find people who share that passion and you will find yourself being approached. Wanna push back depression, do something you feel is worthwhile and you can document your progress. When that woman comes into your life who recognizes your progress and takes an interest, there is no game. It just flows.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

@TwoRocky, that's probably good advice, I think I might try to balance social/gamey a little more to be less outcome dependent, make it matter less.

With what I've learned here so far even as a beginner, I think even just plain social interactions with women will probably progress the way I want them too, especially with how polarizing I normally am. Even if they don't, it's totally cool; the two week break will really help get my mindset back in the right place.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

You're about to break through, Trackrunner. Keep pushing. Stay with the addiction. It'll subside once it becomes more of a hindrance than a boon. I'm very selective about my approaches now and usually get hooks/dates/lays from my first few. I don't even really count indirect opens anymore.

You have the right idea though; you're slowly transitioning from "have to approach" to "want to approach." The former strategy was nothing more than learning how the equipment at the gym works. And only you can say when you're finally ready to just focus on getting big/stronger, rather than doing reps for the sake of reps (as TwoRocky beautifully illustrates).

My criteria for approaching now is:

1. She's gorgeous and I feel a "pull" towards her. Not sure how to explain this, but 99% of the time I have this, the interaction is SPLENDID. I think all of them are highly likely to end up in intimacy; at that point it's a matter of game, but the instinct to approach is almost perfect. Almost as if it's not even me who's guiding it all...

2. Approach invitation or strong sign of interest; she checks me out, stares, hovers near me, etc.

3. Because fuck it why not (I don't do this too much, but every once in a while I'll do it just cuz, keep myself honest; these are no where near as precise as #1 or #2, for obvious reasons, but with a girl who's too far away to show any interest, i mean, why not).

The whole it's "not even game" sentiment is a very hard one to adequately describe. It's like the Daoist "wayless way" pedagogy. I'd only reserve teaching it to advance guys, because beginners and intermediates will take it as "whatever I do will work," and I assure you, that's not true at all. But for a hundred different reasons (your fundamentals are on auto-pilot, you've seen this interaction before and don't have to think about it too much, etc), you will get to a point where "no game, it just flows" is GREAT advice. Just gotta be honest with yourself and say "am I ready for that?" Only you can say.

But I'd say you're close and TwoRocky's advice is, for you, splendid.

As for measuring you're success on how many dates you have this week, etc - totally understand. You guys all point out the addictive "gotta have 5 dates a week" process I went through about 2 years ago. I had ~60 dates in my spring 2014 semester at a VERY small school, but only fucked like 20, and that's not counting the dozens of times I went out. Terrible precision, and right now I'm working on that (I've always been a "smash your head against a wall and it'll work" kinda guy, rather than the methodical "do it right the first time" guy). I should have a high close rate on my dates, but it's still not nearly as high as I want it to be (for many reasons that would take too long to explain, but basically I'm "waking up" to a new style). I spent too long on the hamster wheel stage (love TR's metaphors) and it hurt me psychologically, but the benefit was the total extinction of approach anxiety. Hella worth it.

In short, you have approach addiction. Pussy addiction. totally normal and highly encouraged. It'll subside after you lose your mind a bit. And losing your mind is okay, IMO. Depression, anxiety, existential angst - it's all a gift. Look for the message that your mind is trying to show you when you're depressed at your progress.

Hector