Talking to girls in a foreign country (USA)

[barneystin]

I moved to the US from west africa a couple years ago and i started learning seduction about a year ago. I’ve mostly been with american women but whenever i talk to women close to my background, i can tell the vibe is just different.

I’m not trying to impress, be funny or even sleep with her. I’m fully present, trying to amuse myself, and just curious about her. The connection is usually almost instant and if it isn’t, i don’t really care. I don’t take her/myself too seriously and just try to have fun. I’ve kinda felt this with men too.

But when it comes to american women, i’m more goal oriented (the goal being sex) instead of enjoying the process. Conversation doesn’t flow as well as i don’t have enough cultural context to even imagine what kind of girl she is and what her life must have been so it just feels forced.
I have almost a satisfactory level of success but i want to get rid of this sticking point and start to treat american women the way i do women from my background.

Has anyone had experiences with this?

 

[AspiringStoic]

Yes. I can relate. It has to do with entitlement. You feel more entitled to and worthy of women from the same background as you. You feel you have more to offer to them.

Whereas when it comes to American women, you still pedastalize them a bit which leads to more outcome dependence. I had this too for quite a while when I moved. Its great that you are aware of it.

But in my experience, the only way to get over this is to keep approaching American women and racking up little successes with them here and there which will lead to you pedestalizing them less. And once you date and bed enough of them, they will feel the same as the women from your culture.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I would say that if you feel that more things connect you to certain women this makes sense. If you have similar life experiences, interests, ways of seeing the world you will naturally feel closer to them and they will feel to you.

So one way would be to try and understand more these women you are going for, how their lives are, getting to know them and their interests and empathising.

There is also the other aspect which is connecting over their experience of being alive and especially a woman in itself. I feel that this is even more powerful because to the core we all have the same human desires so it should be possible to see someone for that and connect deeply.

But yeah when you see her subconsciously as something different and unknown it is difficult to empathise, so getting to know them more and realising they are just women like all the others with their specific life experiences is valuable.

 

[James Cruse]

Conversation doesn’t flow as well as i don’t have enough cultural context to even imagine what kind of girl she is and what her life must have been so it just feels forced.

I think this is the most important point. These women would also likely think the same about you - she has no idea of the cultural context you've come from or what it's like - so it would difficult for HER to make conversation also.

Most American women won't be trying that hard to reach for an unknown cultural context for a conversation.

But when it comes to american women, i’m more goal oriented (the goal being sex) instead of enjoying the process.

Why do you think you're so goal-oriented with American women but not with West African women?

Have you actually slept with any white American women so far since moving to the US?

 

[barneystin]

I think this is the most important point. These women would also likely think the same about you - she has no idea of the cultural context you've come from or what it's like - so it would difficult for HER to make conversation also.

hmm good point, you think it’s a good move to volunteer information first then? For example, “back where i’m from, we have…”

Have you actually slept with any white American women so far since moving to the US?

Yeah they’ve been most of my lays (sitting at 20 lays in total now). But I also think my results could be better. I feel so much more natural talking with girls from my background and i want to bring that flow to my interactions with american girls as well

Why do you think you're so goal-oriented with American women but not with West African women?

I guess I started learning game when i moved to the US so that’s my only frame of reference for how to game american girls lol.