Testing: The Real Dynamics

[Godsninja]

Hi. Last night I got tested, and failed, and it brought back these feelings I wish I would never feel again: weakness, powerlessness, shame, etc.

I got really angry with myself, and went and found all the articles I could about tests, which were about 4...so I believe I have an uptodate view on tests, and I know I can't be upset with the girl for doing it, it's inwards where I have to look. I couldn't help but notice, this is the most touchy topic among this community, the replys were off the chart to both chases initial AND follow up post, and I no doubt believe guys are still saying "#### you ##### stop testing me!!!".

Now my real question. Where do we draw the line? I'm not asking, where do we say "ok stop or you can leave", I'm talking about a more serious, real life response reaction. Most of the time it's straight forward, but is there a time when it's ok to freek out, I guess? Not freek out like a girl, but to tell this girl off? In the animal kingdom, or more realistically, if shit were to hit the fan, I wouldn't want to be around a girl that strikes really deep towards my core as a man, it could potentially risk both of our lives. So, I guess what I'm asking is two-fold, is there a way to really bring it to the table that she is probing where I don't like it, and that if she wants to continue with me, she should reevaluate herself instead of my own damn mind (not meant to come off anti-testy)? I know there is, actually, that's not my question, but where is the line, and/or can I artificially create one without looking weak, etc, so I can take the test on my own terms, not when there is a lion around the corner (so to speak) ?

I just want more dynamics on these tests, I'm talking about the big ones that make you feel weak when you fail, not the ones given in examples from any of the articles. Those ones seem pretty weak, I'm talking about the core power of a man being tested...

 

[DesiBro]

Can you provide an example of the type of test you are talking about?

 

[Joy]

Honestly, I like it when girls test me. Don't get me wrong, I don't find it particularly pleasant but I see it as them doing both me and themselves a favor by poking holes in my arrogance. Failing a test shows the girl a man's weaknesses but if he's paying attention he gets to see his own weaknesses as well. With the new self awareness, it is then clear what a man needs to work on.

That said, nobody's perfect and infallible. The trick to dealing with these things is 1) be NON-reactive 2) Respect the humbling experience for what it is 3) Give / Show value.
If things get too intense just imagine the girl as a little puppy trying to act tough when all it needs is a little love. If the girl is consistently being rude about things, again stay cool and say something like "Stop being rude, that's not cool." in a calm nonchalant way. I suggest you only use this when the girl loses plausible deniability. From then she'll either step back, keep the tension, or escalate. If it's the latter, she's likely a value taker and you're better off nexting her. The first two-scenarios give you wiggle room.

That's just my 2 cents on the matter mate. I didn't address your exact question but I hope what I said gives you a little more perspective.

 

[Godsninja]

We were going to sext, i told her to take her pajamas off, then she told me her boyfriend was next to her and acted offended
Then I reacted by saying sorry and that i felt weird

I figured it out pretty quick that it was bs, but she said i didnt take it too well, and it just felt like she was rubbing it in my face and i got so pissed at myself.

This kind of test is pretty much one to see if i am used to doing this kind of thing with girls, and by me failing, just feels like what I want is something that I don't deserve..

I told her before hand to not play me for a fool.. and she went and did that. I'm not mad at her.. I just don't fully understand..

 

[Marty]

God's Ninja:

It's important to understand that a woman does not consciously make a decision to test a man. Rather, it is an inbuilt reflex that has evolved through sexual selection to maximize the probability of the furtherance of her genes, and that is set in motion involuntarily when she detects that a man who is of as yet unknown genetic quality is making a sexual play for her.

Think about it this way. When a girl kisses you, you probably find that you have an erection. This is in readiness for sex, which may or may not happen, and you cannot control it. You would also be pretty bewildered if a girl felt it through your pants and exclaimed: "Why are you hard? I didn't say we could have sex!" It would make no sense.

Well, it makes equally little sense to get flustered when you're on the receiving end of a test. Her body is simply readying itself to make a call on a mating quandary that is as yet very uncertain. The wrong decision could cost her dear: 9 months' pregnancy and the loss of opportunity to mate with a superior male instead. Not only is it worth it for her to subject you to the test, it's mission critical. And if you act offended, you fail... end of story.

-Marty

 

[Godsninja]

God's Ninja:

It's important to understand that a woman does not consciously make a decision to test a man. Rather, it is an inbuilt reflex that has evolved through sexual selection to maximize the probability of the furtherance of her genes, and that is set in motion involuntarily when she detects that a man who is of as yet unknown genetic quality is making a sexual play for her.

Think about it this way. When a girl kisses you, you probably find that you have an erection. This is in readiness for sex, which may or may not happen, and you cannot control it. You would also be pretty bewildered if a girl felt it through your pants and exclaimed: "Why are you hard? I didn't say we could have sex!" It would make no sense.

Well, it makes equally little sense to get flustered when you're on the receiving end of a test. Her body is simply readying itself to make a call on a mating quandary that is as yet very uncertain. The wrong decision could cost her dear: 9 months' pregnancy and the loss of opportunity to mate with a superior male instead. Not only is it worth it for her to subject you to the test, it's mission critical. And if you act offended, you fail... end of story.

-Marty

Wow..that is a pretty darn good comparison you made there... and I really like your answers. It seemed to me, and the thought was further strengthened from a friend, that she consciously did the test.. that's probably where my discomfort is coming from. It also wouldn't make sense because she's still texting me, and i dono if it's just me, but if I consciously tested someone like that and they failed, I would never talk to them again.

I really like what you said, that testing is "an inbuilt reflex that has evolved through sexual selection to maximize the probability of the furtherance of her genes".
It actually makes me feel pretty boss! Thanks!

G