- Joined
- Dec 7, 2012
- Messages
- 3
Hi guys. There are couple of my observations about tests and challenges in conversations with women
FIRST:
When I was an intermediate at my social skills, I notice that, while girls start to test you less intensively, or, to say accurately, more precisely, or even flatter you, men tend to challenge you more aggressively. I can explain this from ethological point of view - when you become more attractive, you get more attentions from females at all, attention from higher quality females, and other males begin to recognize you as a threat to their mating success. That's clear. But what's surprising - very attractive females start to challenge you TOO.
Example:
CuteGirl: Why you're so humble? You should have no problems with women.
Me: Why you think so?
CuteGirl: Well, besides that you're handsome, you're so good at listening.
GorgeousGirl: Don't believe him, <cutegirl>. He just acts. Like my gay friends, "I'm acting, I'm in image!"
Nobody replies to her interruption, me and CuteGirl continue conversation.
Later:
GorgeousGirl: Oh, you all are so lumped [in a mildly bored tone]
Me: Yeah. Especially me. [with the same mildly bored tone and a hint of smile in the left of the mouth]
And GorgeousGirl go smiling widely and shiny.
It's clearly a sign that gorgeous girl is interested in me - well, because she's mean and she's mean 'cause she's afraid that I may prefer her less beatiful friend, who's interested in me without any doubt. By the way, that gorgeous chick was partially right - I was acting to some degree
It's obvious that she tests me here, challenging my calmness, smoothness and social skills. It's also amazing, because usual dynamics (for guys that "have problems with women) is quite vice versa - they give all their attention to most attractive woman in the circle, what bores that woman silly, and less attractive girls get angry.
SECOND:
This is more relationship stuff, but anyway, with my current girlfriend I've noticed that large number of our conversations contains a test-challenge dynamic. I mean, she tries to make me more invested in her that I am now, and I suddenly turn things back on her, making her proof herself. My explanation may be not so clear, so here's example of this from telephone сall:
She: Max, you know, we can't meet on that weekend. I'm gonna be very busy...
Me: Yeah? What exactly you mean that you gonna be busy on weekend?
She: Well, I mean, I should go to birthday party with my friends from college... I think you can come with me, but, maybe you don't want to.
Me: You right. I have my business on weekend too. Plus I don't even know anyone from your college.
She: Yeah, I thought so...
Me: But stop, I know someone. There's really no way you can meet with me that weekend?
She: I think... We can. If I leave the party earlier. If I'll leave party early, I can come to you, if you want to.
Me: Nice idea. You sure your friends let you go early? No one will be offended?
She: No, I hope they will!
Me: So call me when it gets clearer. Or write. I will wait for you.
She: Of course I will! Promise to be not very drunk!
She test, will I come with her to that party, which is definitely a pure boyfriend stuff. And at that moment, I didn't see myself as her actual boyfriend (and no one's others too =) ). I made it clear that I don't interested in her friends and in partying with them, but I definitely interested in meeting with her. She gets it (of course) and invests in, proposing a solution that suits us both.
I'm sure you guys have similar experiences, maybe even more demonstrative. I would be very glad to read about it.
FIRST:
When I was an intermediate at my social skills, I notice that, while girls start to test you less intensively, or, to say accurately, more precisely, or even flatter you, men tend to challenge you more aggressively. I can explain this from ethological point of view - when you become more attractive, you get more attentions from females at all, attention from higher quality females, and other males begin to recognize you as a threat to their mating success. That's clear. But what's surprising - very attractive females start to challenge you TOO.
Example:
CuteGirl: Why you're so humble? You should have no problems with women.
Me: Why you think so?
CuteGirl: Well, besides that you're handsome, you're so good at listening.
GorgeousGirl: Don't believe him, <cutegirl>. He just acts. Like my gay friends, "I'm acting, I'm in image!"
Nobody replies to her interruption, me and CuteGirl continue conversation.
Later:
GorgeousGirl: Oh, you all are so lumped [in a mildly bored tone]
Me: Yeah. Especially me. [with the same mildly bored tone and a hint of smile in the left of the mouth]
And GorgeousGirl go smiling widely and shiny.
It's clearly a sign that gorgeous girl is interested in me - well, because she's mean and she's mean 'cause she's afraid that I may prefer her less beatiful friend, who's interested in me without any doubt. By the way, that gorgeous chick was partially right - I was acting to some degree
It's obvious that she tests me here, challenging my calmness, smoothness and social skills. It's also amazing, because usual dynamics (for guys that "have problems with women) is quite vice versa - they give all their attention to most attractive woman in the circle, what bores that woman silly, and less attractive girls get angry.SECOND:
This is more relationship stuff, but anyway, with my current girlfriend I've noticed that large number of our conversations contains a test-challenge dynamic. I mean, she tries to make me more invested in her that I am now, and I suddenly turn things back on her, making her proof herself. My explanation may be not so clear, so here's example of this from telephone сall:
She: Max, you know, we can't meet on that weekend. I'm gonna be very busy...
Me: Yeah? What exactly you mean that you gonna be busy on weekend?
She: Well, I mean, I should go to birthday party with my friends from college... I think you can come with me, but, maybe you don't want to.
Me: You right. I have my business on weekend too. Plus I don't even know anyone from your college.
She: Yeah, I thought so...
Me: But stop, I know someone. There's really no way you can meet with me that weekend?
She: I think... We can. If I leave the party earlier. If I'll leave party early, I can come to you, if you want to.
Me: Nice idea. You sure your friends let you go early? No one will be offended?
She: No, I hope they will!
Me: So call me when it gets clearer. Or write. I will wait for you.
She: Of course I will! Promise to be not very drunk!
She test, will I come with her to that party, which is definitely a pure boyfriend stuff. And at that moment, I didn't see myself as her actual boyfriend (and no one's others too =) ). I made it clear that I don't interested in her friends and in partying with them, but I definitely interested in meeting with her. She gets it (of course) and invests in, proposing a solution that suits us both.
I'm sure you guys have similar experiences, maybe even more demonstrative. I would be very glad to read about it.
