Text Advice Request

[DoWhatWorks]

Hi gang,

*Full disclaimer before people say just move on, I'm regularly sleeping with 2 other girls and I'm only asking for advice as from my experience (40+ lays) I know this is salvable but it has to be played right*

Context: Met this girl at a bar and number closed. Been a couple flakes but she's responsive overall. First date she made the move to kiss me and we agreed she'd come to mine for cocktails on the 2nd date. She got cold feet and we met at a bar instead.

Current Situation: This Friday (our 2nd date) I got too drunk and wasn't smooth. I asked her to come mine (she declined) & we were making out and groping on some side street lol. Also seeded next weekend dinner at mine. My last text was "enjoyed hanging out and hope you got home safe" which she hasn't replied too.

Also found out the real reason she didn't come round was because she didn't want to meet my housemates which I said I could sort out.

My theory: She's attracted to me but needs more comfort and logistics aren't in my favour (we live 1 hour away from each other so tend to meet halfway). Also suspect she's got other options so is stalling... She's one of those 24k instagram follower types with a marketing job at a fashion company you have heard of.

Way forward?: Warm voice note along the lines of:

"Hey X just checking to see you're alive as you met me on Friday & had a girls night plans on Saturday! If you're still down to hang out, I meant what I said about you being comfortable, so let's meet in X central for an ice cream/coffee (rum break for us aha) then take it from there if we decide to get dinner together after?

I'll then pick a central place that's only 20 mins from mine to date hop her back to my place. I think she's nearly there and being more composed last date would of made this so much easier! But it is what it is... What do people think?

 

[Skills]

Most of you should not invite women straight home, is always higher odds meeting her in a nearby place or have her come over just to meet (if she drives) then you both go somewhere else... "pick me up or come to my house and we go to ______ place close by"--->plausible deniability and lower asd.....

even if you live with people, never disclose this that was a mistake...

- the follow up ping text is horrible (block of text that is, the home safe is good), i would not send that.... read this https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/simple-basic-texting-guide.23663/

- i would ping her first with something simple and no that block of text, and do not talk about coming out, till she invest a bit in the text.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Thanks for the advice, agreed now I'm dating older girls (25+ vs 19/20s) ASD is higher so I need to be more calibrated.

Note taken about my living situation - next time I'll just say I moved out my parents and live independently.

"i would ping her first with something simple and no that block of text, and do not talk about coming out, till she invest a bit in the text."

Your texting post is gold and I'm surprised I hadn't seen it before. I'll be implementing that asap.

@Skills Quick question: (which I ask purely to learn from you)

Would my "chit chat" not come across as needy now? As this is a girl who has already seen me 2x after very low effort logistics texting. So being like "how's your girl night?" when previously I just said "when are you next free?" seems incongruent to me.

Or should I just see this as me getting micro-investments and a yes ladder as I've taken too many no's in a row?

Also in case it makes a difference my message will be a voicenote (which I've done before) so it appears as one 20 second message rather than a wall of text. My texting skills isn't that bad!! lol.

 

[Skills]

Thanks for the advice, agreed now I'm dating older girls (25+ vs 19/20s) ASD is higher so I need to be more calibrated.

Note taken about my living situation - next time I'll just say I moved out my parents and live independently.

"i would ping her first with something simple and no that block of text, and do not talk about coming out, till she invest a bit in the text."

Your texting post is gold and I'm surprised I hadn't seen it before. I'll be implementing that asap.

@Skills Quick question: (which I ask purely to learn from you)

Would my "chit chat" not come across as needy now? As this is a girl who has already seen me 2x after very low effort logistics texting. So being like "how's your girl night?" when previously I just said "when are you next free?" seems incongruent to me.

Or should I just see this as me getting micro-investments and a yes ladder as I've taken too many no's in a row?

Also in case it makes a difference my message will be a voicenote (which I've done before) so it appears as one 20 second message rather than a wall of text. My texting skills isn't that bad!! lol.

oh i see! voicemail, to be honest my own opinion is voicemail is when you need that extra push.... Other wise for ME, voicemail is a bit try hard, when i used to leave voicemail to women (if ever) it was with women i was already sleeping with, and me fucking around with none sense or sexual adaptations of rap songs(like in my videos)

anyways, at this point, i would text "are you always this talkative"? to see if she bites on that ping, or some other dead silence ping you like... keep in mind that your window of opportunity has kind of expired plus mistakes etc...

 

[foggy]

skills told you what to do next. im going to analyze your texts and let you know the theory behind why they didnt/wont work.

your first text to her was this:

DoWhatWorks: enjoyed hanging out and hope you got home safe

She is not allowing things to move forward in person, and you are stating that you like that. In other words, you continue to pull her towards you while she pushes you away. For this reason, it comes across as needy.

On the other hand, in terms of asking for immediate investment from her, this a non-needy, low-risk text. As in, you're not asking or expecting her to invest into the conversation with it. Now, the issue here is that she did not respond to it. An interested girl would have responded.

Let's look at the text you want to send her:

DoWhatWorks: Hey X just checking to see you're alive as you met me on Friday & had a girls night plans on Saturday! If you're still down to hang out, I meant what I said about you being comfortable, so let's meet in X central for an ice cream/coffee (rum break for us aha) then take it from there if we decide to get dinner together after?

I don't suggest you send it because there's a couple of issues with it:

1. "Hey X just checking to see you're alive" is subcomming to her that you think she is ignoring you, thus reinforcing the negative frame between you and her.
2. "If you're still down to hang out" is not confident language - you're acting like it may not be a possibility, and handing over all the control to her
3. It's too long of a text, with many many ideas in it. All the ideas here should be taking place over the course of a conversation.

Make sense?

 

[DoWhatWorks]

@fog & @Skills guys like you are the reason I rate this forum so highly. Advice is solid thanks again to the both of you.

I sent a ping text of” Hey are you still alive after Rum & girls night?”

This frame worked as it’s specific to her, low effort & confident in assuming she’s only not replied because of how busy she’s been.

I got back: “Hey!! just about (laugh emoji), in need of some (sleep emoji) though, did you have a good weekend?”

Game on - I’ll reply tomorrow evening