Text Dilemma After Successful Dates

[Epik]

Met a HB 9 and scored a date with her using the "Pick a number between 1-10" technique mentioned in The Game. I had #7 written down on paper and she agreed to a date if I guessed it and I did.

We go on our first date at a local bar (her choice) and we end up hitting it off. We passionately make out a few times that night thanks to Chase's Movie Kiss write up and a bit of liquid courage. We were unable to leave together so the night ended there.

The next day she asks me to meet her at her work and I do. We hit it off again and spend a few hours together. She looses a bet to me and in return I ask for a kiss which I redeem at the end of the night. I had work early the next morning and it was late so we said goodbye. She asks me to text her when I get home and I call her instead. She said she appreciates that. We end up talking for 5 hours! We set up dinner at her place for later that night. I get 45 minutes of sleep.

I show up at her place and as I am walking in I go to give her a hug she kind of goes to give me a kiss at the same time. I screwed up. After that it was completely awkward. We sit on her couch and she sits away from me. Her body language is showing me she is not comfortable. I tell her to put her legs on me and I rub them which put her at ease. Then I suggest she sit on the floor and I give her a backrub. She says its the best backrub she has ever had but she is clearly tired and yawning. I am running on no sleep so I tell her goodnight and go to give her a kiss. She deflects and I kiss her cheek. She asks me to text her when I get home and I do.

The next day I shoot her a text asking how her day was going. She responds with a detailed response but doesn't ask me how my day is going which is out of character for her. I figured I would address the situation last night and I sent her a text saying sorry if things were awkward and that I was sleep deprived. I added that I enjoyed our time together and that I hoped we could continue to have fun and see where this goes. NO RESPONSE for a day now...PLEASE HELP!!! I have read the "What to do if she doesn't text back" article but that was tailored to setting up a date in the beginning. (I am going out of town for 7 days and the day I get back we have a date set up)

 

[Franco]

This post has been moved to the 'Beginners' board.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Kind of hard to tell exactly where you're at here but it sounds like a case of not moving fast enough and overproviding good feelings that seem to have put you in the provider/friendzone.

The next day she asks me to meet her at her work and I do. We hit it off again and spend a few hours together. She looses a bet to me and in return I ask for a kiss which I redeem at the end of the night.

If I had to bet I would put my money on you missing an escalation window somewhere here. By that I mean you probably had the opportunity that night to take her to bed and make something happen which she was probably hoping that your did, and you disappointed.

You were making out with her the first night so you clearly both liked each other and it's too bad you didn't go to bed with her then. So I'm guessing she was hoping you'd take her to bed the next night (she called for you to come pick her up from her work).

No biggie, we've all done this before. I had so many missed escalation windows in highschool it's agonizing looking back on. But the past is the past and if you take responsibility for your dumb mistakes then you can do better in the future. Which is what I suggest you do!
Next time you go on a date try building sexual tension faster and touching her to see what you can get away with more/faster into the interaction. If you kiss her on the date she clearly likes you! No reason to continue making out with her, just get her to a place where yall can seduce one another and take her to bed!

Also another thing that needs addressing that you can do better next time is the phone call for 5 hours. Now I commend you that you're confident enough to talk to women on the phone (I can't stand it! So nerve racking for me though I can cold approach no problem) but if you talk for 5 hours you end up becoming her "chat buddy" and "chat buddy"= Friend zone. Phone conversations are great but you want to cut your time down pretty significant here and make it seem like you have more important stuff to attend to than talking on the phone with a girl for the purpose of bonding. This will make you seem like you have more going on in your life and you become more scarce. Scarce= women chase you more= good thing for both of you. Talking on the phone for to long also does this:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/overproviding-good-feelings

So I don't have much advice for you on how to go about getting this girl to chase you again maybe read this https://www.girlschase.com/content/3-second-date-strategies-make-her-flirt-and-swoon.
But I do recommend you move faster next time around and don't talk on the phone too long (20-30 minutes or less Maximum).

Good luck and nice meeting you Epik (nice screen name btw).

-Rob

 

[AsianPersuasion]

I seriously want to help you out like you asked, but I'd honestly be beating a dead horse here. Mr. Rob pretty much nailed everything on the head here, so there isn't a whole lot for me to add, sorry man.

So anyway, I'll just add something for fun. Next time you bet something, try "If you win, you get to kiss me. If I win, I get to kiss you." No idea if this works, because I haven't had the opportunity to try it. I just felt the need to add SOMETHING. Hahaha

Hope this helps. I look forward to seeing you in Field Reports.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Lol AP I've gotten that to work before. https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=4244 That's one of the only times I've used it but it seems like if you're already flirting it just adds to the vibe and creates more sexual tension to work off of (and gets her thinking about kissing you .

-Rob

 

[Epik]

Hey Rob thanks a ton for the input! I have to say I agree with everything you have said. I would have been thrilled to get the opportunity to bed her sooner. The first and second date just were not an option. On the third date where we ate dinner at her place I knew I had to make a move but she was in a strange mood after the failed hug/kiss confusion. I read on here to make it a rule to kiss in ten minutes or less and I failed to do that. Unfortunately I read that today.

I am persistent and I haven't given up hope yet that I might be able to salvage the date when I return from my 7 day vacation. This girl asked off of work for the Saturday night when I return home to go on a date with me and again for Valentines Day. I guess what I really need help on is what should I text her from here and when?

It is a hail Mary but I have a week until our next date is planned so I figure there is some hope. Maybe I am naïve. Regardless thanks again for the help! You have no idea how much this means to me right now

 

[Epik]

I seriously want to help you out like you asked, but I'd honestly be beating a dead horse here. Mr. Rob pretty much nailed everything on the head here, so there isn't a whole lot for me to add, sorry man.

So anyway, I'll just add something for fun. Next time you bet something, try "If you win, you get to kiss me. If I win, I get to kiss you." No idea if this works, because I haven't had the opportunity to try it. I just felt the need to add SOMETHING. Hahaha

Hope this helps. I look forward to seeing you in Field Reports.

Haha nice one! I will remember that bet for the next competitor.

 

[Mr.Rob]

I like your attitude Epik, your not whiny or bitter, just concerned on how to improve. Just what we like around here!

That last article I posted would possibly give you some insight on what to text her next. As for me I don't have much advice on that one.

-Rob

 

[AsianPersuasion]

Don't worry too much about exactly what you should text her. Maybe it's the right thing, maybe not... But don't ever be afraid to fail, because that's where your best lessons will come from. There's nothing specific I can possibly give you for texting, except just do it. This is the way you learn the right answer whether it's now, or after you've scraped your knees a few times.

You've gotta be beaten down to near death before you can heal up and get the Zenkai, if you're familiar with DBZ

 

[Light]

Here is an overview on what went wrong:

- You was sleep deprived, and it more or less affects your concentration level in providing her the attention she wanted.
- You failed to just be honest with her and actually let her know that you are sleep deprived.
- After screwing up with the kiss, and the awkwardness began, I would have told her "Sorry if you feel like I'm not putting in much effort tonight, but you've kept me up all night, I'm usually not like this", then grab her and manhandle her.
- She wanted sex without a doubt - even if you wasn't able to perform that night, at least escalate into foreplay, and just tease her. So she feels like you're both moving on to the next stage. She will want more next time.
- You left without saying "I'll be back tomorrow night to give you what you want after I've re-energised".
- You should not have sent her an apologetic text. That makes you weak. And she perceives it as just another excuse. Any reasons you had should have been addressed there and then at the moment as mentioned above.


What can you do now:

- She has pretty much let you go already so your chance is slim.
- But the best thing to do is do nothing for now. You do not want to appear chasing.
- Do you know where she works? Valentine's Day is coming. Probably a good idea to send flowers over to her at work to try reignite her feelings for you (just to let her know that you haven't forgotten her)
- If not, I still suggest you wait until after valentines day, and try contact her again after she has reflected on her relationship status.
- Should you do so... CALL her, instead of sending a text.
- Try get her out for another date, and start all over again. It will be your last chance.

 

[luego]

- Do you know where she works? Valentine's Day is coming. Probably a good idea to send flowers over to her at work to try reignite her feelings for you (just to let her know that you haven't forgotten her)

Can you explain? I'd worry that it'd come off as a desperate hail-mary from a bf-candidate. And I know chase addressed a similar answer in the questions on his valentines day post (I was looking for it, as was wondering the same for potentially salvaging a lost-cause). Not looking to challenge you, just interested in the explanation.

 

[Epik]

Rob, AP, and Light I appreciate all your advice and help! Looks like I might get another chance at this...she text me very late last night.

Her- "Sorry I wasn't ignoring, I have been super busy followed by work and I just got home"

I have not responded yet. I am going to wait a while to respond so I don't appear like I am chasing. We still have a date set up a week from now upon my return from vacation. I know this will be my last chance so I am going to make it count. Thanks again guys!

-Epik

 

[Light]

- Do you know where she works? Valentine's Day is coming. Probably a good idea to send flowers over to her at work to try reignite her feelings for you (just to let her know that you haven't forgotten her)

Can you explain? I'd worry that it'd come off as a desperate hail-mary from a bf-candidate. And I know chase addressed a similar answer in the questions on his valentines day post (I was looking for it, as was wondering the same for potentially salvaging a lost-cause). Not looking to challenge you, just interested in the explanation.

Its not big deal.

Just order some flowers online, and have it delivered to her on Valentines day with a note that says no more than "Happy Valentine's Day, Lets catch up sometime soon - Epik"

This is effortless in your part, and shows that you are putting in minimum effort, while still remember her.

Then you do nothing, and you WAIT for her to contact you.

You don't call, you don't text, you don't chase. If she doesn't contact you then you can just move on.

 

[Franco]

Just order some flowers online, and have it delivered to her on Valentines day with a note that says no more than "Happy Valentine's Day, Lets catch up sometime soon - Epik"

This is effortless in your part, and shows that you are putting in minimum effort, while still remember her.

You'll rarely see me disagree with Light on here, but I'll have to disagree with this. This is actually a much more high effort move than you might realize, and gifts should only really be considered after you've already slept with the girl. Girls know that gifts like this come from a place of neediness, and that's exactly how it's going to be perceived. The gift will either only (A) put you further into boyfriend territory or (B) cause a drop in attraction for you. I would avoid sending gifts to girls you haven't slept with like the plague. I have it as a hard rule of mine.

That being said, the idea of giving her a call near Valentine's Day isn't a terrible idea if she hasn't gotten back to you yet. It can be debatable as to whether or not it's better to do it before Valentine's Day or after Valentine's Day, but I'm learning toward the latter as Light suggested. If the date ends up not happening and you haven't heard back from her, trying giving her a call on February 15th/16th and setting up another get together. It's likely she'll be in "I want a man" mode!

- Franco

 

[Light]

This is actually a much more high effort move than you might realize, and gifts should only really be considered after you've already slept with the girl. Girls know that gifts like this come from a place of neediness, and that's exactly how it's going to be perceived. The gift will either only (A) put you further into boyfriend territory or (B) cause a drop in attraction for you. I would avoid sending gifts to girls you haven't slept with like the plague. I have it as a hard rule of mine.

Thanks Franco, this is very interesting and valuable. Always something new to learn. Glad I'm here.
This seems to have always worked for me, but like you said, it tends to put me more towards option (A) which I now realised.

I'm going to have to try your way this year

 

[Marty]

Hey Franco:

Girls know that gifts like this come from a place of neediness, and that's exactly how it's going to be perceived.

Interesting. I've observed this drop in attraction firsthand and can confirm it is true. Only thing is, I don't understand the reasoning behind the explanation. What does a "place of neediness" mean? Does it mean that it's seeking approval and validation, so that you get smiled and clapped at like a puppy performing tricks?

-Marty

 

[Franco]

Marty,

I don't understand the reasoning behind the explanation. What does a "place of neediness" mean? Does it mean that it's seeking approval and validation, so that you get smiled and clapped at like a puppy performing tricks?

It's more like she knows exactly why you're buying her the gift: to get her attention.

Women aren't stupid by any means, and a girl will know that when a guy (who hasn't slept with said girl) is buying a gift, it's that he feels like he needs to "win" her over because she is above his own status. A woman doesn't want to be "won" over. She wants to win over the man that every other woman is trying to win over. Buying gifts for a girl will firmly slot you below her on the social value scale 99 times out of 100 because she knows that the men she really desires never have to buy her gifts. It's the same idea as putting her on a pedestal.

Of course, buying gifts for her in a long-term relationship is a whole different story. Even these should be few and far between, but they can be used to show that you care about a girl when she might be worried that you're too high value for her. But other than these LTR scenarios, gifts are pretty much out of the question for me.

- Franco

 

[Epik]

Marty,

I don't understand the reasoning behind the explanation. What does a "place of neediness" mean? Does it mean that it's seeking approval and validation, so that you get smiled and clapped at like a puppy performing tricks?

It's more like she knows exactly why you're buying her the gift: to get her attention.

Women aren't stupid by any means, and a girl will know that when a guy (who hasn't slept with said girl) is buying a gift, it's that he feels like he needs to "win" her over because she is above his own status. A woman doesn't want to be "won" over. She wants to win over the man that every other woman is trying to win over. Buying gifts for a girl will firmly slot you below her on the social value scale 99 times out of 100 because she knows that the men she really desires never have to buy her gifts. It's the same idea as putting her on a pedestal.

Of course, buying gifts for her in a long-term relationship is a whole different story. Even these should be few and far between, but they can be used to show that you care about a girl when she might be worried that you're too high value for her. But other than these LTR scenarios, gifts are pretty much out of the question for me.

- Franco

Damn dude you are good. This really makes sense when you break it down like that.

-Epik

 

[Epik]

Good News...need advice

So I went out of town and did not text the girl for about a week to give her some radio silence. Upon my return two days ago I sent her this text:

Epik- "What up (her name)...just got back in town how was the show?" (I knew she went to see a comedy show while I was away

She responded about an hour ago and said this:

Her: "Dang I really wanted to be done with this book by the time you came back in town:/ yikes! How was your trip" (I had lent her a book as her new years resolution was to read more)

I have yet to respond and wanted to get some advice on how to play it from here. FYI We had scheduled a Valentines date for this weekend but we haven't made any real plans or anything. Thanks for your help everyone...

-Epik

 

[Mr.Rob]

Tell her something small about your trip (very small) "Ah the trip was amazing, so nice escape the city for a while. Hope your week was just as well! Say, lets grab that dinner we talked about later this week. When is good for you schedule wise?" and then ask her when she's free.

Nothing really to overthink here. Less is more.

If she makes up some excuse don't take it personally just realize where you messed up originally and do better next time.

If you end up going on the date I highly doubt you'll be able to escape back into the "lover" category. I've been cramming Chases article into my noggin for a good year now and it sounds like you're firmly in the provider if not friend zone.

Try and get her out on a date. I guess either way you're going to have to get your book back. In the meantime don't think about her to much. Go meet a girl on the street and think about how awesome she is instead of this girl or something.

Good luck. Btw you could have gotten your answer from https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-text-girls-20-more-tips-and-techniques
Read it if you haven't already. This is where I pulled the answer out of to guide you.

-Rob