Note that this is the last date that I'll have that doesn't take into account the feedback that I've received from my previous date reports here. You'll see that it was a textbook way of how to mess up a seduction and I'm hoping to learn from it. I don't think that I felt such strong attraction for her and I'm teetotal while she's very far from that and so it's not so disappointing to mess it up.
I met this woman on a dating system before Christmas. We had tried to organize a date for weeks and ended up having one in January. I had the feeling that if I didn't set a date soon, the opportunity would be lost, and so I went along with it. She's from an Asian country.
We met at a train station. Mistake 1 was the date location. This was 35 minutes travel for me and around 40 minutes travel for her. This was a bad location because the logistics were bad. I should have set the date nearer to me or, failing that taken a chance to put it nearer to her and attempt to pull there. But setting it here in the middle is a bad idea. Is that right?
After we met, I wanted to walk her to the canal side, take a walk and then choose a drink venue there. In the end I got lost and it took us 20 minutes to do a 5 minute journey. But she kept saying stuff like "I'll trust your directions" or "I'll follow you". So at this point, I was still OK. While walking, we were talking about how she came to be here and how this city compares to her home city. These seem like reasonable small talk topics and so I think that so far the date had gone OK. We were also comfortably touching each other on the elbows or arms at this stage.
When we got to the bar, we sat down with drinks and started talking. There were couch seats and I managed to sit next to her by saying that we'd be too far away sitting opposite and that was OK. Is it definitely always better to sit next to her or can opposite be better? Suppose I have strong fundamentals comprising well groomed hair and facial hair, excellent posture and a finely tuned voice. Won't all these qualities be observed better by a person sitting opposite?
The conversation was awful. She did most of the talking, but the topics were so dull. It was about her childhood, her parents and her therapy sessions. She spoke about her views on relationships (relationships in general not us!) and marriage. I was getting bored but couldn't think of another topic to switch to. I made her laugh once or twice but then she went back to the serious stuff and I could feel the date losing momentum. We were still touching politely (arms, elbows, hands) here and that felt comfortable. We went on like this and then both had to go (I had given her a constraint on how long I could stay before the date). We walked back to the train station and said goodbye.
Additional questions
1. If I feel the date losing momentum like this, what should I do? I know that one option is to lightly bust or tease her for being boring but this wouldn't have worked here, I think, because I didn't have high enough attainability and because I was the one who directed her to talk about the dull stuff. Also I know that if we didn't have beverages going, I could have just tried to move her, but that was also not an option here.
2. My conversation is evidently very weak. (consider also that women seem to enjoy my activity dates more than my drinks dates). I think that I must be a good general conversationalist but I'm trying to use those skills on a date. That's obviously going to fail because a date isn't a discussion and the conversation needs to be fun rather than an effective exchange of information. How can I improve here? I'm saying that I think that I'm good at talking about general stuff but I'm having trouble having good conversations on dates. I believe that I could keep a conversation going, say 2.5 hours if needed - and I've done it before on dates - but it's just conversation I could have with anybody not conversation to make two people on a date closer and more excited about each other.
I met this woman on a dating system before Christmas. We had tried to organize a date for weeks and ended up having one in January. I had the feeling that if I didn't set a date soon, the opportunity would be lost, and so I went along with it. She's from an Asian country.
We met at a train station. Mistake 1 was the date location. This was 35 minutes travel for me and around 40 minutes travel for her. This was a bad location because the logistics were bad. I should have set the date nearer to me or, failing that taken a chance to put it nearer to her and attempt to pull there. But setting it here in the middle is a bad idea. Is that right?
After we met, I wanted to walk her to the canal side, take a walk and then choose a drink venue there. In the end I got lost and it took us 20 minutes to do a 5 minute journey. But she kept saying stuff like "I'll trust your directions" or "I'll follow you". So at this point, I was still OK. While walking, we were talking about how she came to be here and how this city compares to her home city. These seem like reasonable small talk topics and so I think that so far the date had gone OK. We were also comfortably touching each other on the elbows or arms at this stage.
When we got to the bar, we sat down with drinks and started talking. There were couch seats and I managed to sit next to her by saying that we'd be too far away sitting opposite and that was OK. Is it definitely always better to sit next to her or can opposite be better? Suppose I have strong fundamentals comprising well groomed hair and facial hair, excellent posture and a finely tuned voice. Won't all these qualities be observed better by a person sitting opposite?
The conversation was awful. She did most of the talking, but the topics were so dull. It was about her childhood, her parents and her therapy sessions. She spoke about her views on relationships (relationships in general not us!) and marriage. I was getting bored but couldn't think of another topic to switch to. I made her laugh once or twice but then she went back to the serious stuff and I could feel the date losing momentum. We were still touching politely (arms, elbows, hands) here and that felt comfortable. We went on like this and then both had to go (I had given her a constraint on how long I could stay before the date). We walked back to the train station and said goodbye.
Additional questions
1. If I feel the date losing momentum like this, what should I do? I know that one option is to lightly bust or tease her for being boring but this wouldn't have worked here, I think, because I didn't have high enough attainability and because I was the one who directed her to talk about the dull stuff. Also I know that if we didn't have beverages going, I could have just tried to move her, but that was also not an option here.
2. My conversation is evidently very weak. (consider also that women seem to enjoy my activity dates more than my drinks dates). I think that I must be a good general conversationalist but I'm trying to use those skills on a date. That's obviously going to fail because a date isn't a discussion and the conversation needs to be fun rather than an effective exchange of information. How can I improve here? I'm saying that I think that I'm good at talking about general stuff but I'm having trouble having good conversations on dates. I believe that I could keep a conversation going, say 2.5 hours if needed - and I've done it before on dates - but it's just conversation I could have with anybody not conversation to make two people on a date closer and more excited about each other.
