FU  Texting fail causes sexy daygame lead to ghost after setting date

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Background:

Daygame cold approach, wearing a navy blue t-shirt, white shorts, white sneakers. Two set, walking opposite me talking excitedly. Short sexy black haired one (H) with beautiful pale skin on the right catches my eye immediately. I pass, and loop back, running up beside them.

Opened direct with the usual default (which I use if I can't think of anything else to comment on) "Hey, I know you're having a conversation and you're going to have to excuse me, but I saw you both walking by, and thought, you both looked fantastic (I say this so the friend doesn't feel ugly). But you (looking directly at H) are totally gorgeous. I had to come say something otherwise I was probably going to regret it".

Talked back and forth, found out they were catching up with each other for the first time in a year. When I found out they lived pretty close to each other I teased them about that.

I found out H's name - it was an uncommon colour which was interesting.

Tried getting closer to H but she was keeping her distance and staring me in the eyes while talking. We talked, joked around. Found out her friend lived where I did, so when I told them where I lived, H said to her friend "Looks like I'm going to be coming to [location] to visit you more often". When she said that I knew it was on - she would not have said this if she wasn't highly interested.

H was still pulling away and it looked like she wanted to leave. I told them that since they hadn't seen each other in a year, I wouldn't keep them too much longer, and then suggested we grab a drink at the awesome new rooftop that just opened up near me. I fumbled over this part because I was a bit nervous, and after stammering away a little H just straight up said "Do you want my number?". I said yes, took it and bit them farewell.

Texting and FU


Thursday, Jan 7, 2021
B (9:17 pm): Hey H, it's Prince Charming (B)! Glad we got to link up earlier - save my number :) [Jokingly called myself that in the interaction]

H (11:04 pm): Hey it was nice meeting you earlier x
Saturday, Jan 9, 2021

H (9:09 am): Hey are you free for a drink next week? [She initiated. Good sign. I was typing a message when she sent this]

B (9:12 am): I was literally typing you a message when this popped up, haha.

B (9:13 am): I am! What's your schedule looking like?

H (9:16 am): Hahah no way!!

H (9:17 am): I've got a show on Thursday night and visiting my parents on Saturday. So does Friday work? [Setting aside her Friday, another good sign]

B (9:25 am): Yeah, was wondering how Thursday went and if you two had already made plans to meet up next year ;P

B (9:25 am): Cool, Friday works for me - why don't we lock that in and work out details over the week?

H (10:00 am): Laughed at “Yeah, was wondering how Thursday went and if you two had already made plans to meet up next year ;P ”

H (10:01 am): Friday it is!

H (10:05 am): I'm actually impressed you got my name right by the way

Sunday, Jan 10, 2021

B (9:30 am): That's impressive? You did say H like the colour so it would have been hard to mess up :p [started slowing down the texting here because I didn't want to get dragged into a week long text convo, but maybe this was actually my undoing. One problem I'm finding with the text sequence is the girls keep asking me questions over text "how was your day", blah blah. How do you answer their questions without getting roped into a long conversation? ]

H (10:10 am): You would think so but I get a lot of different names and variations

B (10:45 pm): I shouldn't be surprised, people

B (10:45 pm): (totally want to hear the best ones you've gotten though)

Tuesday, Jan 12, 2021

H (7:06 pm): Oh ok let's make a game out of this! I'll give you the top three names I get and you have to guess which name I get most often

H (7:07 pm): The top three names I get:
- [Name 1]
- [Name 2]
- [Name 3]

Wednesday, Jan 13, 2021

B (4:49 pm): I'm disappointed [over the top joke misspelling of her name] didn't make the cut. [could this have been insulting?]

B (4:50 pm): Ok, I thought it was [Name 1] before you corrected me but feel like that wouldn't be common. But the others are so wrong! I'm going to assume the worst - [Name 3] [Too wordy, feel I should have just guessed the name without the rest of it. I still tend to text like I talk in person. This is something Tony said I was doing, I still have trouble not doing it.

B (6:55 pm): Also, for Friday, what do you say we meet at the [Bar]l in [Location] at 7:00pm? There are a lot of cool places nearby that we can check out afterwards too, including that rooftop which is a short walk away. Let me know if that works! [Since it was Wednesday and the date was Friday, I wanted to make the suggestion now]

Friday, Jan 15, 2021


B (11:53 am): Hey H, happy Friday! Are you still on for drinks tonight?

Any thoughts on this? If I was to do this again I would have just gone with the flow and played the game by answering that day and not being too wordy. Waiting too long for a simple text that she made easy to respond to, and then my response being too long I think came across to her as "this isn't a guy I can have fun with", and that's what killed it.

This also happened last week (It's Wednesday now). I know it's 99% dead, but if anyone has any ideas for how I could possibly reengage her in a non-needy way (I was thinking about sending a voice or video note), I would really appreciate it.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Also, because you're not allowed to post text convo screenshots on SS and it's a real pain to transcribe your text conversations here, I've written a python script which automatically takes a text file generated by the "SMS Backup Print and Restore" android app and formats it like I have in this post (automatically replacing your name and her name, adding blue for your responses, pink for hers, and sorting the dates in bold).

PM me if you're interested in it and I'll see if I can clean it up to send you. You'll need some basic programming experience to run it but I'll tell you how.

(Speaking of which, now that most of the trolls have been banned, can we allow screenshots again? And if you do post identifying information, you get a strike and eventual ban?)
 
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Skills

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Next time try to say you have fill in the blank going on but maybe I can squeeze you in. So it shows you have a life.. the triple texting was awful. Some of the conventional threads were bad
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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This is very sad this girl did all the work and closed you and little by little, the cool sexy guy she met in day game subcommitted too much eagerness, neediness, excitement on the last 4 quadruple texting
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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is very sad this girl did all the work and closed and little by little, the cool sexy guy met in day game subcommitted too much eagerness, neediness, on the last 4 quadruple texting
Yeah, this was definitely my most embarrassing FU which is exactly why I wanted to post it here (as much as it hurts and bruises the ego, this is the one place I have to be 100 percent honest about how much I suck). But I have a question - what do you mean by "some of the conversational threads were bad". I know my responses were bad but how were the conversational threads themselves bad?
 

Velasco

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@Beam
you said, one problem you're finding with the text sequence is the girls keep asking me questions over text "how was your day". well with this text,

B (9:30 am): That's impressive? You did say H like the colour so it would have been hard to mess up :p

your kind of encouraging her to continue that thread. ultimately your downfall

and then this one

B (10:45 pm): (totally want to hear the best ones you've gotten though)

again encouraging her to continue a thread that's moving you closer and closer from secret bad boy lover to friendzoned orbiter.

idk if any of the GirlsChase writers talk about this, but you don't HAVE to respond to every text.

last point is, she set up the meetup for 6 days in advanced. me i personally don't like to be booked that far in advanced. you see @Skills response is also based along that same thinking. So I'd response. "Hmm which day did u have in mind?" => tells u what day => "ok I'll let u know". then couple days later send silly meme related to someting u talked about on tuesday night => "hahahaha". if she ask if u know by now => i'll find out tomorrow. then wednesday. silly text to get her feeling suspense. "I have good news and bad news" => bad news is I'm only free after 8 on friday. good news is that's the only bad news :p" not these exact words, but the framing. Now you confirmed only 2 days in advanced VS 6 days. Perception game :)
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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@Beam
you said, one problem you're finding with the text sequence is the girls keep asking me questions over text "how was your day". well with this text,

B (9:30 am): That's impressive? You did say H like the colour so it would have been hard to mess up :p

your kind of encouraging her to continue that thread. ultimately your downfall

and then this one

B (10:45 pm): (totally want to hear the best ones you've gotten though)

again encouraging her to continue a thread that's moving you closer and closer from secret bad boy lover to friendzoned orbiter.

idk if any of the GirlsChase writers talk about this, but you don't HAVE to respond to every text.

last point is, she set up the meetup for 6 days in advanced. me i personally don't like to be booked that far in advanced. you see @Skills response is also based along that same thinking. So I'd response. "Hmm which day did u have in mind?" => tells u what day => "ok I'll let u know". then couple days later send silly meme related to someting u talked about on tuesday night => "hahahaha". if she ask if u know by now => i'll find out tomorrow. then wednesday. silly text to get her feeling suspense. "I have good news and bad news" => bad news is I'm only free after 8 on friday. good news is that's the only bad news :p" not these exact words, but the framing. Now you confirmed only 2 days in advanced VS 6 days. Perception game :)
Good point 6 days in advance totally increase flakiness
 

Skills

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Yeah, this was definitely my most embarrassing FU which is exactly why I wanted to post it here (as much as it hurts and bruises the ego, this is the one place I have to be 100 percent honest about how much I suck). But I have a question - what do you mean by "some of the conversational threads were bad". I know my responses were bad but how were the conversational threads themselves bad?
You where to accommodating, no leading. And taking charge, and the quadruple texting is a killer
 

Científico

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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IMO two things:

1.) The conversation thread about her name was not useful, communicates a more "gay best friend" vibe rather than a lover.
2.) Triple text on Wednesday Jan 13th shows neediness, and continues with the suboptimal conversational thread.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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@Beam
you said, one problem you're finding with the text sequence is the girls keep asking me questions over text "how was your day". well with this text,

B (9:30 am): That's impressive? You did say H like the colour so it would have been hard to mess up :p

your kind of encouraging her to continue that thread. ultimately your downfall

and then this one

B (10:45 pm): (totally want to hear the best ones you've gotten though)

again encouraging her to continue a thread that's moving you closer and closer from secret bad boy lover to friendzoned orbiter.

I actually hadn't meant for that second one to continue in text, I actually wanted to hear it in person but should have been clearer. But.. reading this yeah I shouldn't have said anything at all. My line of reasoning at the time was that, because it was a short interaction, I wanted to convey some sort of personality. But she was already down to meet so I didn't need to do this.

idk if any of the GirlsChase writers talk about this, but you don't HAVE to respond to every text.

This still feels weird to me, but I've started doing it. Texting a chick I number closed last week, I blatantly ignored her "how was your week" text and drove the convo in another direction. I'm slowly learning though that it's ok. Thinking back to past encounters where I've not responded to her last text (generally because her text has been a statement) , when I've reengaged the girls they have generally responded pretty quickly.

last point is, she set up the meetup for 6 days in advanced. me i personally don't like to be booked that far in advanced. you see @Skills response is also based along that same thinking. So I'd response. "Hmm which day did u have in mind?" => tells u what day => "ok I'll let u know". then couple days later send silly meme related to someting u talked about on tuesday night => "hahahaha". if she ask if u know by now => i'll find out tomorrow. then wednesday. silly text to get her feeling suspense. "I have good news and bad news" => bad news is I'm only free after 8 on friday. good news is that's the only bad news :p" not these exact words, but the framing. Now you confirmed only 2 days in advanced VS 6 days. Perception game :)

I'm the opposite - I like being booked in advance. In this case, I wanted to lock down a date before she made other plans. I see what you mean though. What if it did get to Wednesday and she already made plans? Then even more time would pass before meeting and we all know attraction has an expiration date. Or in your experience do you think she would be holding off on her plans until she heard from you because your value is so high in her eyes?

and the quadruple texting is a killer
Triple text on Wednesday Jan 13th shows neediness

I know you guys are right, but my brain still needs to understand fully why the triple text on the 13th showed neediness (yeah, the fourth one I could have done without).

To play devils advocate, the first two were within one minute of each other and simply played her game, without asking anything in return. There were two so it wouldn't be one long paragraph.

The second one was simply setting logistics for Friday because it was already Wednesday night, and asking her if that worked for her. Besides the length, how was that needy? I'm still having a tough time understanding. I know you guys are right, but I don't fully understand why and want to so I don't make the same mistake again.
 

Velasco

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What if it did get to Wednesday and she already made plans? Then even more time would pass before meeting and we all know attraction has an expiration date. Or in your experience do you think she would be holding off on her plans until she heard from you because your value is so high in her eyes?
what did I say in scenario before Wednesday?
"Hmm which day did u have in mind?" => tells u what day => "ok I'll let u know". then couple days later send silly meme related to someting u talked about on tuesday night => "hahahaha". if she ask if u know by now => i'll find out tomorrow. then wednesday. silly text to get her feeling suspense. "I have good news and bad news" => bad news is I'm only free after 8 on friday. good news is that's the only bad news :p"
Meaning, she still hasn't made plans for Friday by Tuesday night (girls usually make plans last minute anyway) when you texted her that meme. And on that same day, you'd also be letting her know, that you'll know for sure whether you're free on Friday or not, the following day. So on Wednesday (aka the following day), she's not gonna make plans on that day for Friday with friends or whatever cuz she's waiting to hear your response.

So what ends up happening is, now she can have 2 days to look forward to it (after having spent 4 days in limbo whether you'd be free or not) VS 6 days, knowing for sure that you'd be available a full week in advance (unattractive).

Lesson #4 - Perception
my brain still needs to understand fully why the triple text on the 13th showed neediness
Its needy because she didn't respond to your first message after a minute and so your brain thought it NEEDED to do more to get a response from her VS dropping it ("ok she didn't respond to that. think I might've offended her, so i'll answer her question now. Damn 2 hours and still no response wtf? Ok...well let me at least make sure she's still down for friday").

ideal obvi like i said, would've been to recognize that it would've lead to an unproductive thread, and not initiated the question in the first place.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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what did I say in scenario before Wednesday?

Meaning, she still hasn't made plans for Friday by Tuesday night (girls usually make plans last minute anyway) when you texted her that meme. And on that same day, you'd also be letting her know, that you'll know for sure whether you're free on Friday or not, the following day. So on Wednesday (aka the following day), she's not gonna make plans on that day for Friday with friends or whatever cuz she's waiting to hear your response.

So what ends up happening is, now she can have 2 days to look forward to it (after having spent 4 days in limbo whether you'd be free or not) VS 6 days, knowing for sure that you'd be available a full week in advance (unattractive).

My bad, I missed that part. That makes sense.

Lesson #4 - Perception

Its needy because she didn't respond to your first message after a minute and so your brain thought it NEEDED to do more to get a response from her VS dropping it ("ok she didn't respond to that. think I might've offended her, so i'll answer her question now. Damn 2 hours and still no response wtf? Ok...well let me at least make sure she's still down for friday").

ideal obvi like i said, would've been to recognize that it would've lead to an unproductive thread, and not initiated the question in the first place.

You're right about answering her question - just leaving the joke answer made me uncomfortable and so I decided to answer her question as well to diffuse the tension.

Regarding the text for Friday, that wasn't what was going on in my brain (I didn't really care whether she responded that day or not, I assumed she was busy and simply wanted to communicate the info to get things moving for Friday) but I can definitely see now how that would have come across as needy...
 
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Skills

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what did I say in scenario before Wednesday?

Meaning, she still hasn't made plans for Friday by Tuesday night (girls usually make plans last minute anyway) when you texted her that meme. And on that same day, you'd also be letting her know, that you'll know for sure whether you're free on Friday or not, the following day. So on Wednesday (aka the following day), she's not gonna make plans on that day for Friday with friends or whatever cuz she's waiting to hear your response.

So what ends up happening is, now she can have 2 days to look forward to it (after having spent 4 days in limbo whether you'd be free or not) VS 6 days, knowing for sure that you'd be available a full week in advance (unattractive).

Lesson #4 - Perception

Its needy because she didn't respond to your first message after a minute and so your brain thought it NEEDED to do more to get a response from her VS dropping it ("ok she didn't respond to that. think I might've offended her, so i'll answer her question now. Damn 2 hours and still no response wtf? Ok...well let me at least make sure she's still down for friday").

ideal obvi like i said, would've been to recognize that it would've lead to an unproductive thread, and not initiated the question in the first place.
^ this is the right idea, you subcomunicate, you got a life and shit going on and it will be difficult for her to get to see you, that good news and bad news is great. Right idea
 
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