Calls & Texts Texting is an Artform

[Just_Dave]

Hey Guys,

You ever get a girls number start texting her and out of nowhere she just drops off the face of the Earth?! Well, it's happened to me too and today I'm going to share some big secrets on how to keep it from happening as much as possible.

First: Don't put so much into you're very first message
If your first text resembles a paragraph you're doing something wrong. Don't come onto too strong and by that I mean don't text her saying how much you miss her and how much fun you had and that you can't wait to see her again . . . cut that out! If you come on too strong she'll gossip about you to all her friends.
Be more like "Hey Rachel, great meeting you here's my number -Dave " It's short, simple, and to the point

Second: Text with a purpose
Don't text for the sake of texting. I know you just want to check in the keep the conversation going, bad idea. Your purpose should be to get this awesome new girl out on a date with you, and your end goal should be to get her in your bed. Don't be one of those guys who's getting denied because he sent one too many texts to a girl. If she wants to talk to you she'll text you trust me.

Third: The chase
If there is no chase, no challenge, its game over. The more you push the less attractive you become, so give her some space. Don't be afraid to be too busy to text her back.

• *having sex . . . it can wait "yes, I know people that are that stupid"
  *girl over . . . it can wait
  *partying . . .it can wait
  *weightlifting. . .it can wait
  *getting food . . . it can wait

Fourth: Match textes
Your text should not be longer than her's, if anything they should be shorter. Same with response times, they should be about the same.

This has been a Just Dave message

 

[Verisimilitude]

Thanks Dave these are great ground rules. Do you think you can expand on this a little bit? What I'm wondering more is time related, and more specific. For example, when I sleep with, make out with a girl, or even get her number, I'll be conflicted on when to text them back. I'll often wait too long and then I will miss out on my opportunity. But texting right away and without a purpose can be smothering as well. Any advice on when to text girls back and when to set up a date? (I'm thinking it should be ASAP w/o being creepy)

 

[Just_Dave]

Thanks Dave these are great ground rules. Do you think you can expand on this a little bit? What I'm wondering more is time related, and more specific. For example, when I sleep with, make out with a girl, or even get her number, I'll be conflicted on when to text them back. I'll often wait too long and then I will miss out on my opportunity. But texting right away and without a purpose can be smothering as well. Any advice on when to text girls back and when to set up a date? (I'm thinking it should be ASAP w/o being creepy)

I'll answer this in levels:

Girl you slept with: Depending on what you want with her and if you want to keep her around, text her the next day "Hey Jen, had a good time last night "

Girl you've make out with: Late a couple days, and play it cool you can almost use the same opener each time for each girl. The only thing that varies is the time frame.

Girl you haven't been intimate with: 5 to 7 days, the reason being is you have to give her time to miss you and give her the impression that you're busy and a scare resource. You can't come off as thirsty or boring. Opener, I normally open girls on a Sunday. "Hey Carey, hope your weekend has been good. " You can open them and gauge their response, if it's positive get their schedule and tell them you should get together this week.

Refresher: As far as actual time when exchanging texts you should be matching her response times, but you should be replying slower than she is. Also, keep it short and to the point, the goal is to build rapport via face to face rather than on the phone.

 

[Stewie]

Hey Just_dave,

So I would love your advice on this one then. I hooked up with this girl, and followed all the rules. I texted her later on asking her if she wanted to come over for drinks or something, to which initially she said yes, but day of things came up ( funeral). SO no big, she asked if she could have a rain check, I said just let me know when you're free. She did, but then flaked again but not responding to texts, so I drop.

Few months later I hit her up, she says that we should hang out or something, sure, we hang out, make out and chit chat, cuddle, but nothing seriously physical... She leaves and we agree to a casual fling, and make plans for the weekend. Friday rolls around, I text her asking what her schedule was looking like she says "she is trying to figure it out and will get back to me as soon as possible with smiley Face:. Sunday rolls around, and I just got her text saying that" she has a lot of work, and only got 2 hrs of sleep, could she have a rain check". I have not responded since, what is your insight into this situation?

Thanks
R4L

 

[Just_Dave]

Hey Runner,

Sounds like she's giving you the run around (no pun intended), something things genuinely do happen and peoples lives and that's understandable. The longer a girl goes without seeing you and flakes on you, the less important seeing you becomes to her. The problem right now is that people know their schedules and when they're going to be free. The best thing to say here is something along the lines of, "I think you're cute, but I cant pursue you forever. Text me a day when your free, if not good knowing you. "

*This will let you know where you stand
*Stop the games
*It filters if a girl wants to see you or not

In the future when you are with a girl in person make plans for the actual date right there and then. Make it for the next couple days to ensure that it'll work out. It's easier to get the responses you're looking for in person rather than text because girls can give you the run around until you finally give up in texting.

Dave

 

[Stewie]

Awesome, thanks. I aspire to reach your level one day my friend. Cheers, and continue with your excellence.

 

[Stewie]

Hey Just_Dave, input needed.

So what should I do with said girl above, she did not respond to the text that I sent her which said: "I think your fun and cute, but I can't pursue forever. Let me know when your free, either way I'm sure I'll see you around".

I forgot to include a little background, so maybe this would help. My good friend had hooked up with this same girl the previous year, but now they are just good friends ( he is in a relationship and she considers herself to be one of the guys). He set me up with her, we hook up, and she has an amazing time. Cool. Sent the text next day She said " I had a really fun time too, blah blah blah". A week or so goes by and I hit her up saying we should hang out and grab drinks, she agrees and I set it up. I do my normal check in, she has to cancel, b/c funeral. No biggie I understand, shit happens. She asks for a raincheck, I said just let me know when your free. She never does, so after about 2-3 weeks, I hit her up again asking when she is free, etc. She doesn't give a solid response, but say she will let me know on saturday. Cool. Saturday rolls around, nothing all day, then she sees me, and out of the blue I get a text saying "Hey! How is your schedule looking". I respond that it looks pretty good.... basically nothing happens saturday b/c she wasn't feeling well... so we make plans for sunday. Sunday she is still not feeling well, but says that she might be able to hang for a little bit after seeing a movie with friends. I say cool, have fun. That is the end of that, she doesn't text.

So I go the rest of the term without texting her, and all of break.( like 2 months or so). Now this term I hit her up. She says we should grab drinks or something, I say cool, but use the "I am not good at chasing standard, and leave it on her". To which she responds that she "definitely enjoys spending time with me, and doesn't like chasing cuz it freaks her out, and that she wasn't really herself last term." I say cool, welcome back. and everything is set up. We hang out, chill kiss, makeout a little, but mostly chill ( not that I did not try and escalate, but to no avail). We agree to have a casual thing, and plan on hanging out again. I do my normal routine of text the next day saying I had a lot of fun, she responds that she had fun too. I try setting things up, she said she would let me know how her schedule looked. Nothing. Then sunday, she texts me that she is really busy with work, and only slept for 2 hrs, and asked for ANOTHER raincheck. I sent the text that I mentioned in the opening line, she did not respond.

Also I have recently found out from my buddy, who is good friends with her, that apparently she thinks I am acting weird b/c I sent the whole I don't chase text. My buddy tries to explain to me that she is not trying to make me chase, just that if its a casual thing, and things come up, she should be able to change.

Now here is my viewpoint. We fucked already, you had a great time, you obviously want to hook up again, why does it need to be this difficult. If you wanted to fuck, it would not matter how "busy" you are b/c you would find sometime to come fuck. I respect everyone's schedule, so I understand people being occupied, but it's been like 15 weeks.....lol so not once were you free to hang out and fuck? LOL Help explain this situation to me please, should I drop her? She is a super cool chick, and a good lay, but really, ain't no body got time for this!

Bests,
R4L

 

[Franco]

R4L,

Few months later I hit her up, she says that we should hang out or something, sure, we hang out, make out and chit chat, cuddle, but nothing seriously physical... She leaves and we agree to a casual fling, and make plans for the weekend.

It sounds to me like your mistake occurred here. If this was mutually agreed to be something casual, then it also should be something sexual. You absolutely must have sex with her every time you see her, especially after the first sexual encounter. This is probably where things got a little muddied for her since she wasn't sure what it was you were after (even though she was probably hoping it was sex), and then she wasn't sure if it was worth her time to hang out with you again.

And then of course, to make matters worse, you ended up sending her the text about chasing her -- but you've already won the chase and taken her to bed. There was no chase there, and even if there was, I wouldn't have brought it up! I could see where it confused her and then made her feel uncomfortable.

Once you've slept with a girl, your job as the man is to continue sleeping with her every time you see her. This goes for both casual relationships AND more serious ones.

Anyway, you've made it clear you're cool with hanging out with her again, so at this point, you need to let her decide whether or not she wants to see you. Unfortunately, the decision is probably in her hands at this point. In the meantime, I would start seeing some new women!

- Franco

 

[Stewie]

Splendid, thanks for the response Franco. Frustrating to screw things up. lesson learned; I doubt she will contact me. On and forward to more women. Question though, you stated that I should not have brought up the chasing because I had already slept with her? Could you expand on this some more? Thanks

R4L

 

[Franco]

R4L,

Check out this article for more information: How Your Relationship With a Girl Changes After Sex

- Franco

 

[Stewie]

Hey Franco, thanks for all the help! I was wondering what would be the best in this situation now. Do I send a text, she has not contacted me or I her; if so what do I say, I mean we have already established that I kinda messed up. I am still meeting women, but I must admit this lady is pretty chill and a good lay; she is a senior so I wouldn't mind a nice fling before she moves on to bigger and better things. Love to hear your input on this. Thanks

R4L

 

[Franco]

R4L,

I was wondering what would be the best in this situation now. Do I send a text, she has not contacted me or I her; if so what do I say, I mean we have already established that I kinda messed up.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything you can proactively do to help this situation. The problem is, you've only slept with her once and you've messed up not longer after. If you've been sleeping with a girl for awhile and THEN you mess up, then things are usually recoverable since she will know that that is not the "normal" you, but she currently has no idea what the "normal" you is right now. You sleep with her once and then get weird... that can often be enough for a girl to re-think sleeping with you again for her own sake.

I would personally assume that nothing is going to happen between you two again and that you should move on. If she happens to contact you, that's great, and I would try setting up a meet at your place. If not, then I'm sure you'll already be seeing some other hotties by that time anyway. =)

- Franco

 

[Stewie]

Thanks for the response Franco, yeah I figured that would be the case. Just another lesson learned, and mistake that should not happen again. Bests,

R4L