FR the adventures of sunflowergirl04

[Double_O_69]

Sunflowagoil take care of yourself.Your mental health matters above everything else.

 

[sunnygirl]

I expanded on the rest of the FR and convos in PC already, next time plan to get her in the right frame of mind to keep escalating fully as she's leaving in a couple weeks (March 15th). Tbh I just dont feel comfortable expanding on what happened that night or posting screenshots of anything in the public forum as there are some weirdos on here unfortunately (though the good guys outnumber them by far) and I don't want my FR to be sexualized. I feel like I can fully trust people who know me off the forum at this point, hope you guys understand.

Anyways, I'm staying away from the Internet for a while, I'll still keep in touch with some of y'all outside the forum on social media/calls/texts periodically and update on how everything is going with her, other approaches I plan on doing, and more. I spent a lot of time on polarizing relationship forums, (extreme feminism and redpill), and I feel like by people pleasing both sides I wasn't being genuine, and I've lost track of my real personality and core values, tbh this is something I struggle with because sometimes I'll just shift my personality to whoever I'm talking to at the moment to match theirs. I want to work on being more genuine, and I don't think spending time on the Internet is helping because there is a whole myriad of personalities out there and I feel myself getting easily influenced by others. I recognize part of this is due to my childhood (not receiving enough validation) but you know what, this is my responsibility to work through. Even though this forum is more balanced in opinions on gender dynamics, I don't know, I don't think it's healthy for me to spend time on these kinds of seduction sites, this is me being brutally honest.

And yeah I think part of the problem was me taking the internet way too seriously and actually taking these echo chambers as legit and caring too much lol, I think part of the problem was that my best friends moved out of state and so I was stuck by myself this year and I looked at the Internet a lot and basically connected a lot with older guys online which was great to hear their perspective but I could feel my thinking become like more masculine and jaded, it was weird. Like I could feel myself thinking like them after reading all of their perspectives, maybe because I spent way too much time on there lol. I just wish there was an internet forum for young women to connect because I'm more of the intellectual type and I love all this discourse but again its atypical behavior, like whenever I told my friends I spend time on seduction PUA sites analyzing behavior talking to guys decades my senior they look at me like I have three heads. Honestly I'm doing more activities to connect with same age peers and same gender because really miss my gal pals so much and I want to make more friends, I can't wait for college.

I have received so much great advice from you guys, especially on things outside of gender dynamics (workouts, positivity, meditation, etc).

The key for me is to just not overthink, get out of my head, live in the present moment, and live in REALITY.

My plans moving forward are to not waste time on things that don't matter, I have an Excel spreadsheet with a schedule because I believe a solid routine is one of the best ways to regain mental health and clarity. I've included schoolwork, reading hardcopy literature, exercise, meditation, spending time with my fam before college, volunteering, working, being involved in a community of sorts, and of course, slots to have fun in my free time.

Take care everyone!

Sunflowergirl04

 

[TheEcho]

This is kinda off topic to my FR but the valedictorian and salutatorian of my school was just announced today and wow, it kind of made me nostalgic because we grew up together all 12 years of being in the same school and I used to be at their level, not distracted by anything else but studying and winning awards/competing. Part of it was the pressures of my parents and part of it was just that competitive streak. Even up to sophomore year I was in the running's for being val/sal since I took a bunch of AP courses on top of IB but unfortunately, I got distracted by everything and I'm ranked #40 now (which is still in the top tenth percentile of my class). I literally can't believe I went from being a straight A student to the situation I'm currently in. It is disheartening to know how much potential I wasted, and this is just further motivation to get back on track in college.

I feel that pretty strongly. I used to be a star student and then wrapping up my college experience, going to the award ceremonies and such kind of kicked me in the balls with "wait, what happened to me, why did I not do anything to get up there?". Don't want to totally blame it on my relationship dynamics, but I do feel my ambitions/confidence died over the years I was with my ex.

 

[deletedaccount]

Take your break sunflowergirl! It's so nice having another younger bi girl to relate to on here. Your insight has always been so refreshing! Also, good luck w the baddie. Trust me when I say leagues aren't real, ESPECIALLY in wlw relationships. I'm sure you're gorgeous anyways, but I've been w girls (and guys) wayyyy too attractive for me, so don't let that stop you!

 

[sunnygirl]

Take your break sunflowergirl! It's so nice having another younger bi girl to relate to on here. Your insight has always been so refreshing! Also, good luck w the baddie. Trust me when I say leagues aren't real, ESPECIALLY in wlw relationships. I'm sure you're gorgeous anyways, but I've been w girls (and guys) wayyyy too attractive for me, so don't let that stop you!

thanks love, for the encouragement and support and for having my back on here girl, appreciate it so much <3

 

[Double_O_69]

I'm not mentioning it by its name, I never did anyways on loveshack or even in the priv chats out of respect, anyways I wouldn't really call it completely manosphere/redpill, I don't want to paint the guys on there with one brush. Sure, there were some guys that supported misogynistic sentiments on there but also a lot of good guys who were in LTRs/married and just wanted to help other people out, however that drama is DONE and OVER WITH. For the longest time I wasted so much time trying to convince them I was sincere afterwards but there's some things you can't come back from, and I will own my part, I was coming off as attention seeking and brought up FDS and said some nasty spiteful shit after they were calling me names.

They were actually very nice to me actually to begin with, gave me great advice, it just went sideways because of I commented on like a post about age gaps with negativity, I was just so sick of them saying women over 25 are useless.... lol anyways, what's done is done.
Fighting fire with fire is never a good thing, there's always the Ignore button to mute those you don't want to waste your precious time on

Yea @Double_O_69 to answer your question that was a truly horrible and pathetic woman, she knew the truth about me but threw me under the bus for male validation (because they were already skeptical of me), and she blatantly lied while simultaneously apologizing in my PMs for lying. She even got exposed on that site for being a fraud and a sugar baby in a marriage, just on there site to get guys' hamster wheels running lol, just not trustworthy in general, but anyways, enough of this bullshit drama.

But moving forward from that let's not talk about that website again and just move on to a more drama free peaceful space, this place is less extremist and more accepting of female viewpoints (generally speaking) which I appreciate

Damnnn lolll I think i know who this is...but my mouth is zipped gerll

there are snakes everywhere be careful with female friends. I trust @girlchasing though.

 

[sunnygirl]

I feel that pretty strongly. I used to be a star student and then wrapping up my college experience, going to the award ceremonies and such kind of kicked me in the balls with "wait, what happened to me, why did I not do anything to get up there?". Don't want to totally blame it on my relationship dynamics, but I do feel my ambitions/confidence died over the years I was with my ex.

For real, I just received my rejection from UF and it kinda made me nostalgic because I was on fully on track until I ruined my future by my own actions and procrastination lol. Also, I don't know about you, but I find taking responsibility for my own doings helps me a lot. I fully had the potential to get accepted there and other top 20 colleges in the nation. At the end of the day the Internet is there but it was my choice to waste hours on there lol.

Yeah, I'm such a disappointment to my family, especially my Asian side. I feel there's an immense pressure to get accepted into an elite college for prestige and pride reasons, honestly, I feel like that side of the fam is very passive aggressive and always one upping, our culture is really competitive in terms of academic achievement, awards and accomplishments, and thinness. But at the same time ironically in the past when I was competitive with school and disciplined, I was a lot happier because I felt fulfilled and not so swayed by external influences.

But you know what, college acceptances/denials don't define us as a person, and I just want to keep motivated for the future.

And admissions are just confusing in general, https://talk.collegeconfidential.co...ida-class-of-2027-official-thread/3624816/209 like how the hell did some people with 1500 SAT scores and nearly perfect gpa's get denied from a state flagship school? Everything is getting more competitive and cutthroat nowadays.

But @TheEcho that feeling really kicks in when you realize you could've gone so much further, but it was your own choices that impeded you, I feel the same way, I'm like a disgraced star student lol.

 

[TheEcho]

For real, I just received my rejection from UF and it kinda made me nostalgic because I was on fully on track until I ruined my future by my own actions and procrastination lol. Also, I don't know about you, but I find taking responsibility for my own doings helps me a lot. I fully had the potential to get accepted there and other top 20 colleges in the nation. At the end of the day the Internet is there but it was my choice to waste hours on there lol.

Yeah, definitely can't be blaming her for me just expecting things to work out just cause "I'm me".

Yeah, I'm such a disappointment to my family, especially my Asian side. I feel there's an immense pressure to get accepted into an elite college for prestige and pride reasons, honestly, I feel like that side of the fam is very passive aggressive and always one upping, our culture is really competitive in terms of academic achievement, awards and accomplishments, and thinness. But at the same time ironically in the past when I was competitive with school and disciplined, I was a lot happier because I felt fulfilled and not so swayed by external influences.

Yeah... my ex came from that fully. It caused most of the tension in our relationship with her working and me still being in college for a Bachelors.

But @TheEcho that feeling really kicks in when you realize you could've gone so much further, but it was your own choices that impeded you, I feel the same way, I'm like a disgraced star student lol.

Lol, disgraced star student is such a sad, accurate way to put it... Honestly though, community college saves so much money. Per my AI post, I see the next 2-3 years being completely dominated by "they who can communicate with the AI the best". I'm starting to drown myself in as many entrepreneurial/AI instructional videos as I can to fuel brainstorming. I'm fortunate to have gotten a skillset that can be automated for great profit, but I'm sure there's plenty of small openings to cut in and get a lot of money.