The Age Gap

[Anonymous]

I did a search of this site and was excited to find SOME reference to this topic … but then i just had to laugh when guys are sweating over being 28 and hitting on 20 yr olds!! That’s no ‘Age Gap’ …. being 65 and hitting on 35-45 yo women sorta is though!!

What i have found, which i am sure holds true for all males if they are honest about it … is that while the body accumulates the visible signs of ageing …. the internal ‘guy’ still sees young women (any legal age!) as desirable!! The internal guy NEVER ages! … which can become somewhat problematic when one finds oneself single again at 65 yrs of age and NEEDING to get some healthy intimacy into his life!!!

I find myself in between a ‘rock and a hard place’ -- single again after my third marriage (of 20yrs) .. was first married at age 25 … then again 30 … and finally at 40. So basically i have been the ‘married guy’ all my life. Before my first i was always too timid and unsure of myself to actually hit directly on women and so let things just happen as fate would decree.

Having this site to me is truly a wonderful thing … if ONLY i had have been aware of this advice when i was young and single … i am sure my social life would have been a hell of a lot different. But in those days … well, it was ALWAYS a mystery to me how men ‘picked up’ women!!

So here i am at 65 -- fit, trim and healthy … the big issue however is that I am in no way shape or form attracted to women in my age group!! I still see the world through the eyes of a 25-30yr old … i prefer the company of younger (much younger) people … and now that i am single again i need to get intimate with younger women!!

I only started with this 'girlschase' information about a week ago .. but have devoured it incessantly as so many things just ‘made sense’ and ‘struck a chord’ …at last, i thought, a ‘hand-book’ on how to get women into your life!

The thing is … went out by myself last Friday night … couple of low key joints ... started to work on developing some sort of game!! … at 65, do you believe it!! Was not fussed about the results … just focussed on the process. However, at the end of the night … dropped into a quiet bar on my way home, half an hour before closing time, walked up to the bar to order a night cap only to be confronted with a jaw dropping young lady serving behind the bar …. i seemed to go into automatic mode … applying what i had crammed in over the past week or so … I could see myself as an observer and i was monitoring the situation, even if with my limited knowledge.

To cut a long story short … i was amazed at how effective doing ‘the smile’ and ‘the eyes’ right was … and because i am a natural conversationalist the ‘deep diving’ just happened as a matter of course. I could see that she was affected and that I had touched her soul somehow … it was a most wonderful experience … GOD, i even cracked half a ‘boner’ standing there at the bar … with with somebody who has ED issues this was a most encouraging event *ahahaha*

So the half hour gone .. bar closing … she now busy roaming and tidying up and me finishing my drink and having to leave! So much wanted to do ‘the close’ … but then the AGE GAP MONSTER entered my head …. and i now saw myself as some ‘dirty old man’ trying to hit on a ‘young kid’! .. Needless to say i did not close … however upon leaving the premises i made sure i walked right past her, where she was tidying up, and as i walked by leaned over and said: “it was an absolute pleasure to have met you!” ….. upon which she stumbled a reply mirroring the same and adding … “I hope I see you again!" … by which time i was half way out the door and on my way!

Analysing it later … after having caught my breath, because that brief encounter was certainly one of the INTIMATE kind … i comforted myself by telling myself if i had have tried to close we would have had a clash of frames because, as she told me during our banter and deep diving, that i reminded her so much of her ‘grandfather’ … but said in a loving way .. not used as a sarcastic tool.

Does anybody else find themselves in this situation?? I would love to hear from anybody who has a strategy for working a massive age gap into their game!!

… and Chase … if you read this … is that moment gone? Or would you, in my situation, go back and try to close?

Thanks.

PS: the 'jaw dropping young lady' behind the bar turned out to be 20yrs old --- now THAT fellow 'girl chasers', is an age gap!!!

 

[Ross]

I can only hope that I will still be able to pull women when I'm 65.

and i now saw myself as some ‘dirty old man’ trying to hit on a ‘young kid’!

Definitely age gap problems. But as long as you're doing your best to stay looking young and have extremely tight game, I don't see many problems other than an increased resistance because of age, which you may be able to dutifully deflect in women.

If you don't think that the age is a problem, you'll have an easier time deflecting age-related questions. If they say you're too old and you agree, then that's the end of story. But if you dismiss their objections and have good fundamentals you shouldn't have too many problems pulling women 20 years younger than you.

 

[Chase]

Jellywag-

When I did work for the Navy, my supervisor was a Navy captain in pretty good shape (still had a bit of a gut), who was, in 2007, 59 years old... so I guess that’d put him right at your age these days, 6 years later. The guy had plenty of energy and joie de vivre, and when I went out to a lunch with him and another coworker one day, I remember he and I taking turns with our silver tongues at the 20-something barmaid, and it was neck-and-neck. I was impressed, but not surprised. A colleague reported going on a work trip with him, and watching him smooth-talk what the colleague described as a thin, busty, pretty 23 year old waitress who ended up giving him her phone number on a piece of paper and inviting him to get in touch the next time he was in town (they were leaving the next morning). My colleague, who was a single 28 year old guy who didn’t do too bad with girls himself, said he was sitting there the whole time thinking, “Go CAPT!”

Culture factors have a big impact here. For instance, if you travel about much of Asia, you will frequently see young women with much older men, and that’s both accepted and normal because the culture believes that women want a secure, established man who can provide for them, and an older man is assumed to be that. When I first traveled through Asia, I thought all the couples I saw were hooker/john couples, and in certain areas they were, but I also met men in their 60s and 70s with wives in their 20s and 30s who threw none of my “gold digger” flags. These were women who genuinely liked their guys and were with them for that reason.

In the West you don’t see it quite as much - likely due to economic factors; as women become more economically independent, their mate selection criteria becomes more like that of men, and there's also been cultural pressure of late against older man / younger woman couples (while simultaneously singing the praises of younger man / older woman couples... I don't get Western culture anymore) - but historically, successful older men have had much younger women and it was simply accepted that that’s the way it was done, nothing “dirty” about it. I still can’t get over how many teenage and twenty-something American girls I hear comment that Sean Connery is so sexy... not the Sean Connery of the 1960s, but the Sean Connery of right now - the one in his eighties, with saggy cheeks and age spots all over his crown. Many of these girls haven’t even seen any of his movies - they just find his facial expressions and voice and look and demeanor exciting.

I recall watching a recent Harrison Ford film with a girlfriend in China, and Harrison Ford being stuck at one point, and my girl saying, “Ooooh! I just want to jump into the movie and save him... And leave you there, and bring him out!”

And I remarked, “You like him? Really? Even though he’s much older than you?”

And she said, “Oh, he’s VERY manly. Just the way he looks... He feels very safe. Very strong.”

I’m planning a fuller article on this for the main site at some point hopefully soon, but there seems to be a segment of younger women that actually prefers older men to younger men, everywhere in the world.

In fact, I might even say MOST women naturally prefer strong, attractive older men (silverbacks, if you will), but some have cultural repression or think they shouldn’t or that it’s wrong or some such. Generally, the more independently-minded women tend to be much more open to older men in the West.

Harrison Ford and Sean Connery are probably the best role models for older men that I can think of off the top of my head. I like James Garner a lot too, but like Connery he’s getting up there in years and isn’t active much anymore. He’s been out of the limelight for a while now.

Traditionally I’d have told you that the older guy approach is to be calm and solid and powerful, but my Navy captain supervisor flies in the face of that - he’s a bundle of energy, bouncing up and down, and women respond to that too. Yet, they also find Harrison Ford’s smoldering steaminess sexy, and Sean Connery’s charm and dry wit very appealing. So it seems like even as an older guy, there are different styles to choose from that work - depends on what fits you best.

The biggest barrier you have to overcome is probably the one in your head, of “dirty old man.” You will run into women who judge you and think of you that way - but heck, I have women who judge me and dislike me for approaching them when I’m the same age as they are. Goes with the territory.

I’m sure if Sean Connery went out and started approaching young women on the street, there’d be some who would say, “Eww, gross - dirty old man!” and give him filthy looks. But there’d be some other young women - even if they didn’t know who he was, and even if he wasn’t a celebrity - who’d find him charming, and entrancing, and even sexually exciting - and when he said to them, after a brief chat, “What say you and I go and have ourselves a coffee?” they’d say “yes.” And when, after a good conversation at the coffee shop, he said, “You know, I’d love to show you my collection of Scottish artifacts - and we’ll have a drink, too,” they’d say, “okay.” And when he started kissing them back at his place, they’d probably say, “But you’re too old for me!” and he’d say, “I know. Isn’t it terrible?” in his half-sarcastic, half-deadpan way, with a bit of a smirk, and the girl would go back to kissing him, then go to bed with him.

On that one particular girl, I wouldn’t worry much about her for now - if you go back too soon or with too much intention, it likely ends up coming off the wrong way, and she’ll lose attraction - and once she’s lost attraction, she’ll use some excuse like, “Oh. Don’t you think you’re a little old for me?” which will be hard to hear when you’re first starting out again, especially from a girl who seemed to like you (and who might never have said it or even thought much about it had things progressed smoothly between the two of you).

However, should you find yourself in her bar another time, and should things go well, it’s always worth a shot - but there are lots of women out there, and you don’t want to get too caught up on one or two when you’re just starting out after a long period of dormancy.

Best to make sure you keep meeting different women, so you can start recognizing the signs of the women who are closed to considering older men as potential mates, and women who are open to it - and start zeroing in on those young women open to older men.

Chase

 

[Landlord]

I am SO glad this is an official topic now.
This subject is driving me crazy.

I, too, am divorced. In my 40's, feel 25, am ONLY attracted to FIT women, and EXTREMELY attracted to SUPER FIT, young women.
I want to have a family and I've no interest in women any older than 35.

My Ex is my age but looks 10 years younger.
Having also lived in Asia most of my adult life, I am accustomed to dating women 10-15-even 20 years younger than me and feel quite normal about it.
A Mate of mine married (at 42) a STUNNING, wonderful woman of 22 in Singapore.
My 34 year old little brother's 20 year old girlfriend just moved in with him.
Since the divorce I've slept with couple of 22 year olds (Asian—one in China, one in America) and picked up/dated/fooled around with a handful of 20-28 yr olds. My preferred age range is 28-33, but I don't discriminate. I can't even tell how old women are anymore. 20, 25, 30 I don't know and I don't care.

So here's a strange situation where instead of "un-learning limiting beliefs" I am starting to LEARN them.
Especially here in conservative Midwest America.
Twice in the past week I've been rebuffed (HARD!) in bars by 20-something women who outright called me An Old Man.
(despite guessing me to be 7-10 years younger than I am, and despite my using what I think are funny, non-bothered responses to such objections ie. Sweater's famous: "Don't worry, I'm old enough, you're not going to get arrested.")

Online (where age is immediately evident)—my results SUCK!
It is RARE INDEED that women in their 20's even reply.
(While I get a steady stream of women in their 40's and 50's contacting me...)

pof.com just changed their policy so that one cannot even CONTACT someone outside of a 14 year age gap.
Everywhere around us the message is "dating outside of a certain age range is perverted" despite thousands of years of human history and every day common sense empirical evidence showing otherwise!

I'm in the best shape and performance of my life mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally and financially!
I've got all my hair and none of it grey. I work out 5 days a week...and I mean MMA, BOXING, Muay Thai, Jiu Jitsu...I spar with guys half my age,
and within the last two years I fought and WON an amateur boxing match with a 26 year old in front of 700 spectators. ALMOST every woman I've been with sexually in the past year has claimed me to be their best lover ever (or close to it.) I don't work right now because I don't need to, I'm totally focused on enjoying life, travel and finding the (next) woman of my dreams. I don't want to date fat old barren ladies!!!!!! Just not into it!!!

But this age thing... it really is a proper hurdle.
It's not in our minds... MANY younger women really DO have a problem dating older men.
For the most part, I have been unable (in America) to overcome it.

I'd love to see this topic expanded and worked on here with any of the over-35 gents.

 

[Humay]

I heard that the formula of the acceptable age range was:

(Your age/2) + 7

Anything below that age is deemed 'unacceptable' (whatever that implies).

Hope this helps

 

[Landlord]

except that I just finished shagging a 27 year old blonde HB9 on a first date.... heavy text message build up, and she confessed she was into older guys somewhere in the evening. LR to follow. Two blondes in one day!