- Joined
- May 22, 2016
- Messages
- 86
So here it goes.
At this point in time, if I look at my situation from an honest view, I can see that I am so hungry for attention and some sort of physical contact with women that I randomly get oneitis for girls who are of lesser quality than my ex. It's been almost a year since our break up. It seems the only way I'll truly get over her is if I start loving another girl. Let alone starting another relationship, I have not yet succeeded in reliably having sex with new girls after the separation. Just before I got into a LTR I was adding 1 girl a month and starting to see some consistent results... Chase talks about this phenomenon where guys get into relationships just before breaking into a new level in pickup.
I met a girl in class 2 days ago, made light banter and asked her to grab some coffee after our class. I had a date with her yesterday in university campus. In the middle of the conversation she starts talking about her BF, who's doing a PhD. Adding that she lives with him and that she came from Austria for him. Seeing that it wasn't going anywhere I ended the date. She tells me "we should do this again sometime", I tell her the fakest "yeah sure" I could muster and leave.
I've met the oddest girls in this university. Asexuals, lesbians, 20 year olds with 4 year old kids, Mormons (this is the Netherlands, not even US), girls with aspergers and others. I'm fucking sick of studying here. The whole university has 22% girls against a 78% male population. Let that sink in for a second. The situation is actually more dire, as my technical major has even less girls, somewhere around 10 percent. I've pulled statistics from every city in here and found that not only is the university a sausagefest, but also there is the biggest sexual imbalance in this city's inhabitants. Since many students come from other cities, double checking both sources was a sure way of confirming the immense sexual competition going on in here.
When I read about guys "preferring" to game in bars and clubs with 60%, or heck even, 70% women, I have a hard time relating to them and their experiences. Nighttime street game is awfully fierce, as girls are confronted with hordes of guys giving drinks, validation and attention to girls throughout the night. By the end of it, the girls have had enough, and those that decided not to take a guy home simply brush off any type of opener, whether it be direct or indirect. The only thing that is even remotely worth doing is the indirect-direct opener, asking them directions and then hoping you can turn it around in the 15 second window for a flakey number.
There is a local pickup group, and in the rare times I go out it with, I see them just standing around and waiting for girls to approach them. Which never happens, unless the girls know them from school or something. When I ask them why they don't approach, they tell me that they don't want to come across as needy.
I went out to daygame with another guy last week, and he opened a girl in front of me, so we all naturally got into a conversation. She was immediately hooked, and we both made her laugh her ass off since she was responding so well to our sense of humor. Normally I don't use so much humor or act like a comedian but this was an exception. He got her FB and then after 20 minutes we told her goodbye.
Tonight we planned on going out with that guy, and he would contact that girl and her friends so we could all go out and hopefully have an afterparty at my place. It turns out he's on a date with her right now. I know my reaction is pathetic and needy, but I hate the fucking fact that I am so far removed from abundance (let alone absolute abundance) in this environment that I feel envious of that guy because he's on a date with a girl that I felt "connected" with.
If I had even normal access to girls I wouldn't try to "cling" onto any remark or move that a girl would make towards me, or daydream later on when they would compliment me.
If a girl gives the slightest of attention or signs of interest/attraction towards me, I get oneitis, as it's a rarity.
It's like telling a starving man in the desert, "Oh, just be cool bro! Don't be so hungry, food isn't everything. Drink some water. There's so much food in the world, you're bound to get some". I can't just turn off my sex drive.
I logically know there are 3.5 billion women, but I need to religiously read GC to prevent myself from burning out. I wish I had chosen another university. I can barely focus on my studies as I think about the one or two hot girls in my class whom I either got rejected from or know that they have boyfriends.
I just eat, sleep, study, and read. I don't play videogames like I used to, nor watch movies. Haven't taken out my DSLR camera in months. Do none of the hobbies I used to do, like archery, fishing, gunsmithing, or RC cars. Dropped out of the student committee I was in. I don't drink alcohol when I go out, and the only alcohol I drink is a glass of wine with a meal (almost always in the case of a date at my place). I have stopped porn for over a year. Did nofap for some time, then later on put it in a schedule of masturbating (with imagination) once every 8 days, to increase testosterone.
Stopped eating added sugar, no more ice cream, no more chocolate or any junk food. No soda. The only enjoyment I get out of life is the fun classes I have, reading interesting non-fiction, GC and pickup. I've chosen to live a life of minimalism(relative to my previous self, ofc it's not like a true monk) like this. But I feel like I'm pedaling and my chain is broken.
Here I will write my experiences. And I will read this journal when I move out of here. I will read this journal when I move to Amsterdam. I will read this journal when I move to California. I will re-read it anytime I lose my gratitude and see my struggles to come to the place I will be in the future. I hope seduction and women never become desensitized to me when I reach absolute abundance in the future. I do not want my passion to ever die out. I want to be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor and my skills, without quickly satiating myself and getting sick of it afterwards.
Here we go.
At this point in time, if I look at my situation from an honest view, I can see that I am so hungry for attention and some sort of physical contact with women that I randomly get oneitis for girls who are of lesser quality than my ex. It's been almost a year since our break up. It seems the only way I'll truly get over her is if I start loving another girl. Let alone starting another relationship, I have not yet succeeded in reliably having sex with new girls after the separation. Just before I got into a LTR I was adding 1 girl a month and starting to see some consistent results... Chase talks about this phenomenon where guys get into relationships just before breaking into a new level in pickup.
I met a girl in class 2 days ago, made light banter and asked her to grab some coffee after our class. I had a date with her yesterday in university campus. In the middle of the conversation she starts talking about her BF, who's doing a PhD. Adding that she lives with him and that she came from Austria for him. Seeing that it wasn't going anywhere I ended the date. She tells me "we should do this again sometime", I tell her the fakest "yeah sure" I could muster and leave.
I've met the oddest girls in this university. Asexuals, lesbians, 20 year olds with 4 year old kids, Mormons (this is the Netherlands, not even US), girls with aspergers and others. I'm fucking sick of studying here. The whole university has 22% girls against a 78% male population. Let that sink in for a second. The situation is actually more dire, as my technical major has even less girls, somewhere around 10 percent. I've pulled statistics from every city in here and found that not only is the university a sausagefest, but also there is the biggest sexual imbalance in this city's inhabitants. Since many students come from other cities, double checking both sources was a sure way of confirming the immense sexual competition going on in here.
When I read about guys "preferring" to game in bars and clubs with 60%, or heck even, 70% women, I have a hard time relating to them and their experiences. Nighttime street game is awfully fierce, as girls are confronted with hordes of guys giving drinks, validation and attention to girls throughout the night. By the end of it, the girls have had enough, and those that decided not to take a guy home simply brush off any type of opener, whether it be direct or indirect. The only thing that is even remotely worth doing is the indirect-direct opener, asking them directions and then hoping you can turn it around in the 15 second window for a flakey number.
There is a local pickup group, and in the rare times I go out it with, I see them just standing around and waiting for girls to approach them. Which never happens, unless the girls know them from school or something. When I ask them why they don't approach, they tell me that they don't want to come across as needy.
I went out to daygame with another guy last week, and he opened a girl in front of me, so we all naturally got into a conversation. She was immediately hooked, and we both made her laugh her ass off since she was responding so well to our sense of humor. Normally I don't use so much humor or act like a comedian but this was an exception. He got her FB and then after 20 minutes we told her goodbye.
Tonight we planned on going out with that guy, and he would contact that girl and her friends so we could all go out and hopefully have an afterparty at my place. It turns out he's on a date with her right now. I know my reaction is pathetic and needy, but I hate the fucking fact that I am so far removed from abundance (let alone absolute abundance) in this environment that I feel envious of that guy because he's on a date with a girl that I felt "connected" with.
If I had even normal access to girls I wouldn't try to "cling" onto any remark or move that a girl would make towards me, or daydream later on when they would compliment me.
If a girl gives the slightest of attention or signs of interest/attraction towards me, I get oneitis, as it's a rarity.
It's like telling a starving man in the desert, "Oh, just be cool bro! Don't be so hungry, food isn't everything. Drink some water. There's so much food in the world, you're bound to get some". I can't just turn off my sex drive.
I logically know there are 3.5 billion women, but I need to religiously read GC to prevent myself from burning out. I wish I had chosen another university. I can barely focus on my studies as I think about the one or two hot girls in my class whom I either got rejected from or know that they have boyfriends.
I just eat, sleep, study, and read. I don't play videogames like I used to, nor watch movies. Haven't taken out my DSLR camera in months. Do none of the hobbies I used to do, like archery, fishing, gunsmithing, or RC cars. Dropped out of the student committee I was in. I don't drink alcohol when I go out, and the only alcohol I drink is a glass of wine with a meal (almost always in the case of a date at my place). I have stopped porn for over a year. Did nofap for some time, then later on put it in a schedule of masturbating (with imagination) once every 8 days, to increase testosterone.
Stopped eating added sugar, no more ice cream, no more chocolate or any junk food. No soda. The only enjoyment I get out of life is the fun classes I have, reading interesting non-fiction, GC and pickup. I've chosen to live a life of minimalism(relative to my previous self, ofc it's not like a true monk) like this. But I feel like I'm pedaling and my chain is broken.
Here I will write my experiences. And I will read this journal when I move out of here. I will read this journal when I move to Amsterdam. I will read this journal when I move to California. I will re-read it anytime I lose my gratitude and see my struggles to come to the place I will be in the future. I hope seduction and women never become desensitized to me when I reach absolute abundance in the future. I do not want my passion to ever die out. I want to be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor and my skills, without quickly satiating myself and getting sick of it afterwards.
Here we go.
