- Joined
- Feb 13, 2013
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- 1,275
I have been thinking about this for a while now. There was a point in time where things suddenly got easier, and I no longer felt like it was necessary to go make 10, 15 or 20 approaches in one day. I could instead simply go about my business each day, and when I see a pretty girl, just seize the opportunity.
And, this is how that happened:
When I first started doing this stuff, I kept hearing over and over how pickup is just “a numbers game” and you have to go out there and throw yourself into hundreds of conversations to get laid, which didn't seem to follow the principles of Law of Least Effort and Sprezzatura. I was going to the mall and hanging out in all kinds of different places, doing a routine in which I’d have the same boring conversations with women again and again. I’d get some numbers, and go on some dates, and end up in bed with an extremely miniscule percentage of the women I was approaching. The concept of a process or routine is a simple one: you perform the same learned and rehearsed technique many times, focused on a single end goal (in our case, having sex with a woman). I kept telling myself, there has to be a way to increase my productivity.
So, I made it a priority goal to perfect my technique in hopes of markedly improving my overall game. I started closely analyzing my interactions with girls and reviewing the things I did and said, her reactions, things she said as well as the overall vibe. After months of practice, hard work and a lot of thinking… I came to a conclusion. I had conquered approach anxiety, was good at opening, and I was also fairly good at closing (getting the number on a high point). I started to really delve into the “meat in the middle”: the actual conversation I had with the woman. I mean think about it, you spend 5 seconds opening her and maybe a minute offering a date and putting her number in your phone. The other 10 minutes, what are you doing? You’re engaging in a conversation with the girl. So make it count, because in order to get her out on a date she will need to feel as if she has a connection with you.
How More Than What
I often wondered what kinds of things I should be talking to with the girls I’d meet. I already knew NFL or NASCAR was probably not a good option to start off with, but then that’s quite obvious. What you talk about ends up being fairly important, and we’ll get to that later. But, first things first: how you carry on a conversation is a far more important factor when it comes to creating attraction. If you have the right body language, vibe, and effective eye contact, then it really won’t matter so much what you talk about… so long as it is a deep topic that she shows interest in. Again, we will focus on that later. So, for now, I want to dive into how you should present yourself during the conversation.
The two basic elements of “How” that I will talk about here are eye contact and body language. Both are extremely important while making conversation with a woman, or any person for that matter. Let’s take a good look at both of these things, and see what we can do to maximize their effectiveness.
Eye Contact
One of the most important aspects of your interactions with other human beings is how you look at each other. Strong connections can be built in short periods of time if you know how to make the other person feel things when you interact with them. Eye contact can convey many things to your counterpart, including but not limited to: respect, interest, appreciation and understanding. Eye contact can mean the difference between seeming overly aloof and a new friendship. Or, in our case, getting that cute little brunette in the sack with you.
And, here is how you do just that:
Like you’ve probably already learned if you’ve read the advice given regarding eye contact, your eyes should be focused straight ahead to the bridge of her nose directly between both eyes. Do not switch left and right from one eye to another, as it will make you appear insecure, inattentive, and confused. Something extremely interesting I’ve read but have yet to try out is to look into her left eye, because the right side of the brain controls emotions but controls the left side of the body.
If you feel like you’re staring, then you’re not doing it right. Maintain eye contact in a relaxed manner, and remind yourself that you’re having a pleasant conversation. There’s no reason to be anxious about it. You’ll also want to break eye contact periodically (again, so as not to have that feeling of “staring”). You should break eye contact to the side. Try to avoid breaking eye contact in an upward motion, as it subtlety conveys superiority. Conversely, and even more importantly, you should not break eye contact in a downward motion. This conveys submission to your conversation partner.
Although you will want to break eye contact periodically, another good thing is to show “eye magnetism” during important parts of the conversation. If she is telling you something extremely compelling and interesting, don’t let outside influences break your eye contact. If something happens outside of the frame of your interaction that actually does call for your attention, don’t look away hurriedly. In addition to making you seem jumpy and unrelaxed, it could also create a vibe that you’re not locked into the conversation. Looking away is hard to refrain from, but you can train yourself to do it.
Finally, make your eyes “smile.” Unfriendly eyes and fake smiles will make her uncomfortable and want to leave the interaction. This is a feeling, and not something tangible, so it can be somewhat hard to get accustomed to. But when you get it right, you will know it and she will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame.
Eye contact checklist:
Body Language
If there is anything that indicates to a woman that there is a sexy, dominant, powerful man in her presence-- it is body language. Ever overheard a woman talking about some man she knows that is so sexy and irresistible, and hear her say the words “it’s just the way he carries himself”? What she’s talking about is his body language. Powerful, dominant men and slow and calculated in their movements. They open themselves up, taking up space and just looking like they kick metaphorical ass (and have been known to kick actual ass too, more than likely).
So, work on having good posture. Stand up straight with your shoulders back and your chest out. Look relaxed. Being fidgety or nervous is much more obvious than you would think it is. Women have a sixth sense when it comes to anxiety and nervousness in men. You can seriously practice this at home. Don’t feel silly using a mirror to get it right! If you display elite body language she will also feel more "locked-in" and less nervous instead of just wondering why she's still there because you stopped her to tell her you thought she had a neat purse.
Another reward of good body language and strong posture is that is actually makes you feel more powerful and confident. There have been recent studies and research performed that indicates that having strong posture and holding a powerful “pose” will actually alter your hormone levels and make you feel more confident, and thus more willing to take risks. When you feel more powerful, you will seem more powerful.
As an example, there are people out there of the belief that “game” is mere trickery and debauchery designed to fool women into sleeping with you. However, having “game” actually alters your own perception of yourself and creates a positive power feedback loop. You become a better man, and thus become more confident and assertive in your actions. This works the same way with your body language. It's a circular concept in that the cause and effect are the same, and can be interchanged. Having strong body language and good posture makes you feel more confidence, just as being confident will cause you exhibit an aura of strength and dominance.
Try this:
Assume a pose that will inject you with confidence. Uncross your arms, open your legs, lift up your chin and your chest, and put your shoulders back. Breathe deeply and calmly. How do you feel? Do you feel like you are ready to take on the world? Although, it’s not the world you’re taking on. It’s just a girl, so you should be fine.
Conversation Topics: What You Should Talk About
Now that we’ve covered everything about how you should present yourself during an approach, let’s move on to the subject matter. As a general roadmap for conversation during an approach, I like to start off light, get deep, and then end it lightly. You can’t be like pancakes: All exciting at first, but by the end you’re freaking sick of them.
I’m not going to talk too much about opening a girl, or getting the number. Those are really separate subjects altogether, and what I want to focus on here is the stuff in the middle where you relate to her and form a (hopefully strong) connection. You’re going to at some point need to diverge from simple banter to deep-diving her and finding things that she is passionate about. I’ve found that assumptions are okay for first dates, and it can seem like you’re leaving no stone unturned when talking to a girl and looking for something that interests her.
So what are good ways to kick off a deep conversation with a girl you just met moments ago? I find that the easiest things to make conversation about are very general things, which can eventually spiral into very specific conversation topics.
Once she hooks on a topic, the conversation can take many paths. If she likes Italian food, well, there's literally thousands of Italian dishes that can be talked about in depth. You can even move to a related topic when this one dries up. Wonderful, she likes Italian food. Does she enjoy cooking or aspire to have a beautiful garden filled with colorful tomatoes and healthy greens? Once you get that positive affirmation that you've found a topic that she is passionate about, you can delve further and possibly find some things you can genuinely relate on without it seeming like you are forcing a connection with her.
On the other side of the coin, you will want to avoid some topics. For whatever reason, women tend to love drama, conflict, romance, famous people (and their lives) and psychology. But, I still don’t find those to be appropriate topics for deep-diving with a girl that you’ve just met. They’re ok, but just not that enthralling. It’s also best to avoid talking to her about things like religion, politics, money, relationships, health problems, or anything else that could be offensive should you say the wrong thing or take an opposing position. You don’t want to start talking to a girl about stalking, rape and kidnapping if you want her to feel comfortable meeting you at Starbucks later in the afternoon. Think about what you’re asking her, and if it’s going to lead you somewhere good or not (remember, you’re slow and self-controlled). Also, talking negatively about people in general, even your own friends or family, looks bad and will make her wonder what kind of person you are.
And while you are going to spend some time deep-diving, remember to sprinkle in some humor. You don’t want to be stiff, dry and boring. So have some fun. Now, don’t take it the wrong way. Being an entertainer (jester) gets you nowhere. You don’t want to be funny like a clown, but rather you want to be funny like a sexy man who teases her and makes her laugh. Funny and flirty versus funny and goofy. Make the distinction. While you’re talking about a serious subject, it’s always nice to insert a positive spin here and there to show them you’re not a downer or depressive person. So capture those moments as a canvas for some teasing and framing. Just don’t overdo it.
Finally, balance your attainability. Right now, you're still doing the chasing because you approached her. Don’t keep dishing out compliments over and over, especially if you opened her direct. You can follow up some compliments with some light negative hits as a push-pull tactic. This is a good tactic if you are careful with it, and women love the roller coaster ride. You don’t want to come off as seeking her approval, either. Women want a man who is a challenge. They want that big validating ego boost when they finally “get” you. If you seem like you’re going out of your way to please her, she’ll be turned off and tuned out. If you can make a girl laugh while not seeking her approval or coming off needy, then you will have a very powerful weapon for creating attraction at your disposal.
The Total Package
If there’s a lot of uncomfortable silences during your interactions, you probably need to focus on the “How” more so than the “What”. Women will feel the social pressure themselves to fill in the void of conversation if they are in the presence of a strong, dominant man.
To summarize everything, when you get into a conversation with a woman you’ll want to:
The beauty of it all is that of all the elements of seduction, this is the one that you can practice the most. Even if a girl isn’t interested in you, you still talked to her and you probably learned something from it. And that was my takeaway, at least.
-NarrowJ
And, this is how that happened:
When I first started doing this stuff, I kept hearing over and over how pickup is just “a numbers game” and you have to go out there and throw yourself into hundreds of conversations to get laid, which didn't seem to follow the principles of Law of Least Effort and Sprezzatura. I was going to the mall and hanging out in all kinds of different places, doing a routine in which I’d have the same boring conversations with women again and again. I’d get some numbers, and go on some dates, and end up in bed with an extremely miniscule percentage of the women I was approaching. The concept of a process or routine is a simple one: you perform the same learned and rehearsed technique many times, focused on a single end goal (in our case, having sex with a woman). I kept telling myself, there has to be a way to increase my productivity.
So, I made it a priority goal to perfect my technique in hopes of markedly improving my overall game. I started closely analyzing my interactions with girls and reviewing the things I did and said, her reactions, things she said as well as the overall vibe. After months of practice, hard work and a lot of thinking… I came to a conclusion. I had conquered approach anxiety, was good at opening, and I was also fairly good at closing (getting the number on a high point). I started to really delve into the “meat in the middle”: the actual conversation I had with the woman. I mean think about it, you spend 5 seconds opening her and maybe a minute offering a date and putting her number in your phone. The other 10 minutes, what are you doing? You’re engaging in a conversation with the girl. So make it count, because in order to get her out on a date she will need to feel as if she has a connection with you.
How More Than What
I often wondered what kinds of things I should be talking to with the girls I’d meet. I already knew NFL or NASCAR was probably not a good option to start off with, but then that’s quite obvious. What you talk about ends up being fairly important, and we’ll get to that later. But, first things first: how you carry on a conversation is a far more important factor when it comes to creating attraction. If you have the right body language, vibe, and effective eye contact, then it really won’t matter so much what you talk about… so long as it is a deep topic that she shows interest in. Again, we will focus on that later. So, for now, I want to dive into how you should present yourself during the conversation.
The two basic elements of “How” that I will talk about here are eye contact and body language. Both are extremely important while making conversation with a woman, or any person for that matter. Let’s take a good look at both of these things, and see what we can do to maximize their effectiveness.
Eye Contact
One of the most important aspects of your interactions with other human beings is how you look at each other. Strong connections can be built in short periods of time if you know how to make the other person feel things when you interact with them. Eye contact can convey many things to your counterpart, including but not limited to: respect, interest, appreciation and understanding. Eye contact can mean the difference between seeming overly aloof and a new friendship. Or, in our case, getting that cute little brunette in the sack with you.
And, here is how you do just that:
Like you’ve probably already learned if you’ve read the advice given regarding eye contact, your eyes should be focused straight ahead to the bridge of her nose directly between both eyes. Do not switch left and right from one eye to another, as it will make you appear insecure, inattentive, and confused. Something extremely interesting I’ve read but have yet to try out is to look into her left eye, because the right side of the brain controls emotions but controls the left side of the body.
If you feel like you’re staring, then you’re not doing it right. Maintain eye contact in a relaxed manner, and remind yourself that you’re having a pleasant conversation. There’s no reason to be anxious about it. You’ll also want to break eye contact periodically (again, so as not to have that feeling of “staring”). You should break eye contact to the side. Try to avoid breaking eye contact in an upward motion, as it subtlety conveys superiority. Conversely, and even more importantly, you should not break eye contact in a downward motion. This conveys submission to your conversation partner.
Although you will want to break eye contact periodically, another good thing is to show “eye magnetism” during important parts of the conversation. If she is telling you something extremely compelling and interesting, don’t let outside influences break your eye contact. If something happens outside of the frame of your interaction that actually does call for your attention, don’t look away hurriedly. In addition to making you seem jumpy and unrelaxed, it could also create a vibe that you’re not locked into the conversation. Looking away is hard to refrain from, but you can train yourself to do it.
Finally, make your eyes “smile.” Unfriendly eyes and fake smiles will make her uncomfortable and want to leave the interaction. This is a feeling, and not something tangible, so it can be somewhat hard to get accustomed to. But when you get it right, you will know it and she will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame.
Eye contact checklist:
- Your eyes should be focused right in between hers.
- Do not switch back and forth from one eye to the other.
- Be relaxed and enjoy the conversation.
- Be “magnetic” when appropriate.
- Break eye contact to the side, when appropriate to do so.
- Make your eyes “smile.”
Body Language
If there is anything that indicates to a woman that there is a sexy, dominant, powerful man in her presence-- it is body language. Ever overheard a woman talking about some man she knows that is so sexy and irresistible, and hear her say the words “it’s just the way he carries himself”? What she’s talking about is his body language. Powerful, dominant men and slow and calculated in their movements. They open themselves up, taking up space and just looking like they kick metaphorical ass (and have been known to kick actual ass too, more than likely).
So, work on having good posture. Stand up straight with your shoulders back and your chest out. Look relaxed. Being fidgety or nervous is much more obvious than you would think it is. Women have a sixth sense when it comes to anxiety and nervousness in men. You can seriously practice this at home. Don’t feel silly using a mirror to get it right! If you display elite body language she will also feel more "locked-in" and less nervous instead of just wondering why she's still there because you stopped her to tell her you thought she had a neat purse.
Another reward of good body language and strong posture is that is actually makes you feel more powerful and confident. There have been recent studies and research performed that indicates that having strong posture and holding a powerful “pose” will actually alter your hormone levels and make you feel more confident, and thus more willing to take risks. When you feel more powerful, you will seem more powerful.
As an example, there are people out there of the belief that “game” is mere trickery and debauchery designed to fool women into sleeping with you. However, having “game” actually alters your own perception of yourself and creates a positive power feedback loop. You become a better man, and thus become more confident and assertive in your actions. This works the same way with your body language. It's a circular concept in that the cause and effect are the same, and can be interchanged. Having strong body language and good posture makes you feel more confidence, just as being confident will cause you exhibit an aura of strength and dominance.
Try this:
Assume a pose that will inject you with confidence. Uncross your arms, open your legs, lift up your chin and your chest, and put your shoulders back. Breathe deeply and calmly. How do you feel? Do you feel like you are ready to take on the world? Although, it’s not the world you’re taking on. It’s just a girl, so you should be fine.
Conversation Topics: What You Should Talk About
Now that we’ve covered everything about how you should present yourself during an approach, let’s move on to the subject matter. As a general roadmap for conversation during an approach, I like to start off light, get deep, and then end it lightly. You can’t be like pancakes: All exciting at first, but by the end you’re freaking sick of them.
I’m not going to talk too much about opening a girl, or getting the number. Those are really separate subjects altogether, and what I want to focus on here is the stuff in the middle where you relate to her and form a (hopefully strong) connection. You’re going to at some point need to diverge from simple banter to deep-diving her and finding things that she is passionate about. I’ve found that assumptions are okay for first dates, and it can seem like you’re leaving no stone unturned when talking to a girl and looking for something that interests her.
So what are good ways to kick off a deep conversation with a girl you just met moments ago? I find that the easiest things to make conversation about are very general things, which can eventually spiral into very specific conversation topics.
- You can ask her what she does for work.
- Find out what brings her to where you both are now.
- Ask about her interests or hobbies.
- Is she from around here?
- You can ask her about her family.
- Does she like to travel?
- What’s her favorite food?
Once she hooks on a topic, the conversation can take many paths. If she likes Italian food, well, there's literally thousands of Italian dishes that can be talked about in depth. You can even move to a related topic when this one dries up. Wonderful, she likes Italian food. Does she enjoy cooking or aspire to have a beautiful garden filled with colorful tomatoes and healthy greens? Once you get that positive affirmation that you've found a topic that she is passionate about, you can delve further and possibly find some things you can genuinely relate on without it seeming like you are forcing a connection with her.
On the other side of the coin, you will want to avoid some topics. For whatever reason, women tend to love drama, conflict, romance, famous people (and their lives) and psychology. But, I still don’t find those to be appropriate topics for deep-diving with a girl that you’ve just met. They’re ok, but just not that enthralling. It’s also best to avoid talking to her about things like religion, politics, money, relationships, health problems, or anything else that could be offensive should you say the wrong thing or take an opposing position. You don’t want to start talking to a girl about stalking, rape and kidnapping if you want her to feel comfortable meeting you at Starbucks later in the afternoon. Think about what you’re asking her, and if it’s going to lead you somewhere good or not (remember, you’re slow and self-controlled). Also, talking negatively about people in general, even your own friends or family, looks bad and will make her wonder what kind of person you are.
And while you are going to spend some time deep-diving, remember to sprinkle in some humor. You don’t want to be stiff, dry and boring. So have some fun. Now, don’t take it the wrong way. Being an entertainer (jester) gets you nowhere. You don’t want to be funny like a clown, but rather you want to be funny like a sexy man who teases her and makes her laugh. Funny and flirty versus funny and goofy. Make the distinction. While you’re talking about a serious subject, it’s always nice to insert a positive spin here and there to show them you’re not a downer or depressive person. So capture those moments as a canvas for some teasing and framing. Just don’t overdo it.
Finally, balance your attainability. Right now, you're still doing the chasing because you approached her. Don’t keep dishing out compliments over and over, especially if you opened her direct. You can follow up some compliments with some light negative hits as a push-pull tactic. This is a good tactic if you are careful with it, and women love the roller coaster ride. You don’t want to come off as seeking her approval, either. Women want a man who is a challenge. They want that big validating ego boost when they finally “get” you. If you seem like you’re going out of your way to please her, she’ll be turned off and tuned out. If you can make a girl laugh while not seeking her approval or coming off needy, then you will have a very powerful weapon for creating attraction at your disposal.
The Total Package
If there’s a lot of uncomfortable silences during your interactions, you probably need to focus on the “How” more so than the “What”. Women will feel the social pressure themselves to fill in the void of conversation if they are in the presence of a strong, dominant man.
To summarize everything, when you get into a conversation with a woman you’ll want to:
- Know that ”How” is more important than “What.”
- Have strong, sexy eye contact.
- Display elite body language.
- Choose your subject matter wisely.
- Avoid potentially off-putting topics.
- Be funny and flirty.
- Balance your attainability by not overdoing compliments and not seeking approval.
- Keep testing yourself, and reviewing the results. Practice, practice, practice!
The beauty of it all is that of all the elements of seduction, this is the one that you can practice the most. Even if a girl isn’t interested in you, you still talked to her and you probably learned something from it. And that was my takeaway, at least.
-NarrowJ
