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- Jan 31, 2014
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*NOTE: This written piece comes from self-acquired findings, studies and ideas that I have formed in recent months. This was intended mainly for myself to give my friendly character more edge. During the writing and research, I increasingly got the idea that the bad boy character is often incorrectly misinterpreted. I found out that many people have the potential to be a little bad boy but that there is a misperception about the bad boy. Because of this misperception, most men try to adapt characteristics without knowing why the bad boy character even has these characteristics.. I've made some sort of summary for myself, which might be useful for other members of the forum who wish to give their character more edge. I do not consider myself as a stereotypical bad boy, but I do have some characteristics some might call 'bad' 
Intro
In my last post I talked about the origins of the bad boy persona. After re-reading my previous post, I came to the conclusion that the whole post was rather long-winded and sometimes boring. Today, I will try to make this post less boring and tedious, and I'm going to make an almost step by step guide that you can use to awaken your inner bad boy. In this post I'm going to deal with two aspects of the bad boy: The inner aspects (mindset & motives) en the outer aspects (style & fundamentals).
Inner aspects
As said in my previous post, the bad boy serves the role of liberator in society. Not the kind of liberator that climbs the barricades and yells "Viva la Franche!" but more of a liberator on the intrapersonal level. They're the ones who stand out in a crowd, the breath of fresh air in a warm and dull room. They've an air of adventure, they're exciting and they've just the right amount of rebellion inside them to be likable. A bad boy can be loud and charismatic, he can be introverted and brooding or just a regular guy who carries himself better then the rest. Point is, these guys capture your attention and hold it, making you wonder what they've got that you don't. Two meaningless words (maybe three) my friend: Confidence & Abundance/Freedom
(If you're still wondering why you should be a little more bad boy, or why girls go nuts over bad boys I highly suggest to read Chase's brilliant article Why Girls Like Bad Boys. And specifically the part where he describes the day of an average young woman.)
George Clooney standing out in the crowd
Now that we know that we have to be confident and have some sort of abundance, we all could be a little more bad boy, right?
The answer is more complex than that. First of all, you only mimic the external characteristics without knowing the inner motivation.
And second, without knowing the inner motivation you'll look try-hard, which is bad.. and not the good kind of bad.
So how do you acquire some of the bad boy characteristics without looking try-hard? It's no rocket science, but it requires some hard work and you will have to tweak your character. This could make you feel more confident, make you stand more firmer in your shoes. But at the price that you will piss some people of and that not everyone will like you. But if you ask me, I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. So are you guys ready to dive in the rabbit hole?
Create your own reality
The bad boy lives in his own reality. Not the kind of Alice in Wonderland kind of reality, more of a altered version of our society where everything is more straight forward and simpler. For example: Steve Jobs had something his co-workers called a reality distortion field. When someone entered his so called 'field' he or she came under the influence of Steve his charm, charisma, bravado, hyperbole, marketing, appeasement and persistence. This 'field' distort an audience's sense of proportion and scales of difficulties and made them believe that the task at hand was possible.
(This field, or bubble, is also something that occurs in conversations between people where they forget time and the presence of other people.)
This field or bubble is what makes bad boys so appealing. You get sucked into their reality, where you and the bad boy know something the rest of the world doesn't. So how do you create such a field? For starters (myself included) learn to, and handle, your vibe:
Also recommended are Ricardus articles about the success factor.
Set your own morals
Because of his different world view the bad boy also has a different set of core values and morals. These values and morals may largely correspond to the values and morals of society, or may be the exact opposite. Whatever it may be, the bad boy stands firm when it comes to his personal values and morals, and will (almost) never back down for anybody. If you wanna know this guy you'll have to accept his kind of reality, because he'll never accept yours. So how do you create your personal morals and values? Honestly, that's all up to you. Like I said, it are your personal morals and values. All I can do is give you some pointers on what to think about. Do you think honesty is important? Do you think you come first and the rest of the world comes second. Do you care about what other people are thinking of you? Do you demand respect from everyone? Take some time and really start thinking what you tolerate and what you don't tolerate from people. Then live up to these personal morals and values. And don't be a hypocrite, if you think honesty is important and everyone should speak the truth, so should you! Also, when someone should break one of your morals or values you will have to stand by your morals and take appropriate action. Tell the person you do not accept such behavior and he shouldn't do it again. Set some hard rules for yourself of what you'll tolerate and what you won't and also set some hard rules when someone does violate your morals. One problem with nice guys is that they are nice to everyone - even people who aren't nice back. We are all taught to turn the other cheek. In some cases, unfortunately, this only encourages jerks. Don't reward bad behavior. Be nice to people who deserve it. Remember, being nice to someone mean won't make them like you. Surround yourself with good people who have earned your trust and respect.
Live by your morals
What is the reason that so many people fail to establish their goals. A lack of discipline and a lack of perseverance. Once you've determined your morals and values, and you set some pretty hard rules for those who dare to violate them, you have to live by them 24/7. You have to accept the fact that you will piss some people off. There will be people saying you have changed in a bad way, or that you've become an asshole. Learn to accept the fact that people will always judge you, no matter what you do. Learn to make yourself and your life priority number one. When you treat yourself like you're important, other people, including women, will see you as important too.
Robert Downey JR: Listen, Smile, Agree, and then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway.
When you decide to threat your life as your number one priority you will automatically become more confident. You don't live for the approval of others, only for your own approval. You have your own time, your own dreams, and your own plans, and you should almost never compromise them to make someone else happy (romantic interest or not). You'll become more decisive because the only person you have to take into account is you. A bad boy realizes that he knows himself better than anyone else, thus, his opinion about himself is above the opinion of others. It comes down to having self respect, and you must earn your own self respect before you can expect others, especially girls, to respect you.
Live for a greater cause
Ever notice that a bad boy character in movies or literature never has a 9-5 job, sitting inside a cubicle working his ass of behind a computer. Such a job would likely kill them. They don't like to perform passionless tasks. The word passion is key here, because everything the bad boy does is with passion.That's why most of the bad boys you read about are painters, musicians or just runaways who live from paycheck to paycheck. They're passionate about something and they don't care what others think. This doesn't mean you'll have to quit your job and start painting (unless that's your livelong dream, in that case be my guest).
Pablo Picasso
It means you'll have to (re)-find your passions. What is your live long dream? Are you getting excited about traveling and learning about other cultures? Are you someone who'll appreciate all the beautiful things surrounding him? Or is your lifelong dream to earn the next Nobel price? It doesn't matter where you're passionate about, as long as you have that deep burning desire to complete your dream. A example of how passion can redefine modern culture would be (again) Steve Jobs and the Macintosh. Steve Jobs had such a deep rooted desire to make the Macintosh a success. He exceeded the budget, he delivered the final product months later than planned, firing people who didn't share his vision and perfectionism towards the product. Afterwards he was hated by thousands of people and fired from his own company. But in the end, Steve got the status of an legend because of his deep burning desire to complete his dream. So how can you have such a deep burning passion about something?
And afterwards reread the article about edge again.
Become the outsider woman adore
Have you ever seen a bad boy who was some weak, supplicating nice guy? Me neither..
Bad boys are naturally nomads, they always play to win and are very dominating. This is mainly because of their own reality in which they live.
They don't have time to enter complex social circle, engage in some stupid social ladder climbing to see who's the bigger man. They already know they're the bigger man, so why waste time their value time to prove what they'll already know? They rather enter a group, come of as strong and dominating, obtain what they were going for and then leave.
The Law of Least Effort and Sprezzatura come naturally to them. Why would they go out of their way to please anybody besides themselves? People should go out of their way to please them. This is especially true if someone tries to infiltrate your own reality. Why would you live inside a reality where everyone's unhappy and some rule following sheep? A bad boy rather stays inside his own reality where things are better. When someone wanna get to know the bad boy, they have to accept his reality.
If you've read all the above mentioned points, reread all the linked articles, you'll have a pretty firm grasp on the bad boys dominating behavior. But it can never hurt to re-read some articles.
Recap
After reading this piece I'd hope you'll have a better understanding of the bad boys inner motives and mindsets. It all comes down to the bad boy and his role as the liberator on the intrapersonal level. They don't care about the sociopolitical, that's the rebel his territory. They'd rather focus on themselves and their life. If you wanna be a little more bad boy you'll have to create your own personal reality, with your own rules,morals and values. You'll have to live by these rules and morals, and act accordingly to people who are violating them. It also means that you'll become more self centered. You take your own path and work towards your personal goals and ambitions with a deep rooted passion and burning desire. In essence, the bad boy is someone who's just a breath of fresh air.. inside a warm and dull room..
Comments, support, constructive criticism, compliments and such are always welcome and I look forward to it.
Pax Vobiscum,
Intro
In my last post I talked about the origins of the bad boy persona. After re-reading my previous post, I came to the conclusion that the whole post was rather long-winded and sometimes boring. Today, I will try to make this post less boring and tedious, and I'm going to make an almost step by step guide that you can use to awaken your inner bad boy. In this post I'm going to deal with two aspects of the bad boy: The inner aspects (mindset & motives) en the outer aspects (style & fundamentals).
Inner aspects
As said in my previous post, the bad boy serves the role of liberator in society. Not the kind of liberator that climbs the barricades and yells "Viva la Franche!" but more of a liberator on the intrapersonal level. They're the ones who stand out in a crowd, the breath of fresh air in a warm and dull room. They've an air of adventure, they're exciting and they've just the right amount of rebellion inside them to be likable. A bad boy can be loud and charismatic, he can be introverted and brooding or just a regular guy who carries himself better then the rest. Point is, these guys capture your attention and hold it, making you wonder what they've got that you don't. Two meaningless words (maybe three) my friend: Confidence & Abundance/Freedom
(If you're still wondering why you should be a little more bad boy, or why girls go nuts over bad boys I highly suggest to read Chase's brilliant article Why Girls Like Bad Boys. And specifically the part where he describes the day of an average young woman.)
George Clooney standing out in the crowd
Now that we know that we have to be confident and have some sort of abundance, we all could be a little more bad boy, right?
The answer is more complex than that. First of all, you only mimic the external characteristics without knowing the inner motivation.
And second, without knowing the inner motivation you'll look try-hard, which is bad.. and not the good kind of bad.
So how do you acquire some of the bad boy characteristics without looking try-hard? It's no rocket science, but it requires some hard work and you will have to tweak your character. This could make you feel more confident, make you stand more firmer in your shoes. But at the price that you will piss some people of and that not everyone will like you. But if you ask me, I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. So are you guys ready to dive in the rabbit hole?
Create your own reality
The bad boy lives in his own reality. Not the kind of Alice in Wonderland kind of reality, more of a altered version of our society where everything is more straight forward and simpler. For example: Steve Jobs had something his co-workers called a reality distortion field. When someone entered his so called 'field' he or she came under the influence of Steve his charm, charisma, bravado, hyperbole, marketing, appeasement and persistence. This 'field' distort an audience's sense of proportion and scales of difficulties and made them believe that the task at hand was possible.
(This field, or bubble, is also something that occurs in conversations between people where they forget time and the presence of other people.)
This field or bubble is what makes bad boys so appealing. You get sucked into their reality, where you and the bad boy know something the rest of the world doesn't. So how do you create such a field? For starters (myself included) learn to, and handle, your vibe:
- Changing your vibe.
Learn to be edgy.
Learn to be smooth.
Learn to be sexy.
Learn to have an attitude.
Also recommended are Ricardus articles about the success factor.
Set your own morals
Because of his different world view the bad boy also has a different set of core values and morals. These values and morals may largely correspond to the values and morals of society, or may be the exact opposite. Whatever it may be, the bad boy stands firm when it comes to his personal values and morals, and will (almost) never back down for anybody. If you wanna know this guy you'll have to accept his kind of reality, because he'll never accept yours. So how do you create your personal morals and values? Honestly, that's all up to you. Like I said, it are your personal morals and values. All I can do is give you some pointers on what to think about. Do you think honesty is important? Do you think you come first and the rest of the world comes second. Do you care about what other people are thinking of you? Do you demand respect from everyone? Take some time and really start thinking what you tolerate and what you don't tolerate from people. Then live up to these personal morals and values. And don't be a hypocrite, if you think honesty is important and everyone should speak the truth, so should you! Also, when someone should break one of your morals or values you will have to stand by your morals and take appropriate action. Tell the person you do not accept such behavior and he shouldn't do it again. Set some hard rules for yourself of what you'll tolerate and what you won't and also set some hard rules when someone does violate your morals. One problem with nice guys is that they are nice to everyone - even people who aren't nice back. We are all taught to turn the other cheek. In some cases, unfortunately, this only encourages jerks. Don't reward bad behavior. Be nice to people who deserve it. Remember, being nice to someone mean won't make them like you. Surround yourself with good people who have earned your trust and respect.
- What to do when someone violates your morals.
Set some hard rules for yourself.
Learn to deal with disruptive men.
Learn to deal with interruptions.
Live by your morals
What is the reason that so many people fail to establish their goals. A lack of discipline and a lack of perseverance. Once you've determined your morals and values, and you set some pretty hard rules for those who dare to violate them, you have to live by them 24/7. You have to accept the fact that you will piss some people off. There will be people saying you have changed in a bad way, or that you've become an asshole. Learn to accept the fact that people will always judge you, no matter what you do. Learn to make yourself and your life priority number one. When you treat yourself like you're important, other people, including women, will see you as important too.
Robert Downey JR: Listen, Smile, Agree, and then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway.
When you decide to threat your life as your number one priority you will automatically become more confident. You don't live for the approval of others, only for your own approval. You have your own time, your own dreams, and your own plans, and you should almost never compromise them to make someone else happy (romantic interest or not). You'll become more decisive because the only person you have to take into account is you. A bad boy realizes that he knows himself better than anyone else, thus, his opinion about himself is above the opinion of others. It comes down to having self respect, and you must earn your own self respect before you can expect others, especially girls, to respect you.
- Learn to be happy with an unconventional live.
Be part of the 'secret society'.
Learn to handle social control.
Learn to have real freedom of choice.
Live for a greater cause
Ever notice that a bad boy character in movies or literature never has a 9-5 job, sitting inside a cubicle working his ass of behind a computer. Such a job would likely kill them. They don't like to perform passionless tasks. The word passion is key here, because everything the bad boy does is with passion.That's why most of the bad boys you read about are painters, musicians or just runaways who live from paycheck to paycheck. They're passionate about something and they don't care what others think. This doesn't mean you'll have to quit your job and start painting (unless that's your livelong dream, in that case be my guest).
Pablo Picasso
It means you'll have to (re)-find your passions. What is your live long dream? Are you getting excited about traveling and learning about other cultures? Are you someone who'll appreciate all the beautiful things surrounding him? Or is your lifelong dream to earn the next Nobel price? It doesn't matter where you're passionate about, as long as you have that deep burning desire to complete your dream. A example of how passion can redefine modern culture would be (again) Steve Jobs and the Macintosh. Steve Jobs had such a deep rooted desire to make the Macintosh a success. He exceeded the budget, he delivered the final product months later than planned, firing people who didn't share his vision and perfectionism towards the product. Afterwards he was hated by thousands of people and fired from his own company. But in the end, Steve got the status of an legend because of his deep burning desire to complete his dream. So how can you have such a deep burning passion about something?
- Find where you're passionate about and try to master it.
Talk with passion about your passions.
Develop some grid.
And afterwards reread the article about edge again.
Become the outsider woman adore
Have you ever seen a bad boy who was some weak, supplicating nice guy? Me neither..
Bad boys are naturally nomads, they always play to win and are very dominating. This is mainly because of their own reality in which they live.
They don't have time to enter complex social circle, engage in some stupid social ladder climbing to see who's the bigger man. They already know they're the bigger man, so why waste time their value time to prove what they'll already know? They rather enter a group, come of as strong and dominating, obtain what they were going for and then leave.
The Law of Least Effort and Sprezzatura come naturally to them. Why would they go out of their way to please anybody besides themselves? People should go out of their way to please them. This is especially true if someone tries to infiltrate your own reality. Why would you live inside a reality where everyone's unhappy and some rule following sheep? A bad boy rather stays inside his own reality where things are better. When someone wanna get to know the bad boy, they have to accept his reality.
If you've read all the above mentioned points, reread all the linked articles, you'll have a pretty firm grasp on the bad boys dominating behavior. But it can never hurt to re-read some articles.
Recap
After reading this piece I'd hope you'll have a better understanding of the bad boys inner motives and mindsets. It all comes down to the bad boy and his role as the liberator on the intrapersonal level. They don't care about the sociopolitical, that's the rebel his territory. They'd rather focus on themselves and their life. If you wanna be a little more bad boy you'll have to create your own personal reality, with your own rules,morals and values. You'll have to live by these rules and morals, and act accordingly to people who are violating them. It also means that you'll become more self centered. You take your own path and work towards your personal goals and ambitions with a deep rooted passion and burning desire. In essence, the bad boy is someone who's just a breath of fresh air.. inside a warm and dull room..
Comments, support, constructive criticism, compliments and such are always welcome and I look forward to it.
Pax Vobiscum,
