FR++ The Conservatory Singer

[PrettyDecent]

Hey cats,

This one's also posted in my journal, if you wanted to have a gander through: viewtopic.php?f=15&t=7176

Having a swell week, so far - I've slept with 3 new girls in 6 days, and I've got another date tonight and tomorrow.

Today I want to post about a date I went on this afternoon. This girl is one I'd consider "higher quality", and these type of girls give me resistance I'm having a hard time to overcome - so your insights will be much appreciated .

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I met this gal through a cold-approach over in the city - the first interaction went swimmingly; quite a lovely, vibrant girl who studies singing at an elite conservatory in the city.

We scheduled to meet today - I went to the park where we planned to meet, and she rocks up, points to me and asks "Nick?". I go, yes, of course, how many people have you tried so far? She laughs and says "only 27!".

We make small talk along the way to the bar, and sit at a lounge all the way in back. I order a martini, and she orders a margarita and the bartender said he'll pass it to us. From here, the interaction goes well. I move the conversation forward, but she's doing a lot of excited talking. We spent maybe 45 minutes there. The martini was taking too long, and even after I talked to the fella, I never really got it. I said "fuck it" at some point, because I just needed to move the interaction forward. I invite her back to my place (probably wasn't the smoothest pull) to teach her some guitar, and she says "well, how do I know you're not a serial killer?" and I pinky-promise her I'm not a serial-killer.

We arrive in my room, grab the guitar, and I asked if she planned to serenade me. She laughs, and I teach her how to play a rad little song. Somewhere along the 5-10 minute range, I go in for the kiss. She kisses back, and from this point I'm escalating a bit slower - pulling back quite a bit so as not to look too eager (perhaps this is where I messed up?), and she'd lean forward to kiss me again. I'd caress the back of her head and lightly grabbing hair. And then she started to question everything, remarking "wait, we only just met" and "I really don't even know you well enough". Of course I said nothing, made a small chuckle, stared at her for a moment, and then went back in to kiss again. She'd stop me again, and this cycle repeated a couple more times. We were making out again, and we both started to get a bit more into it with us grabbing each others bodies. Then somebody (I don't remember who) pulls back, and I think I linger a bit in silence for too long to have her start thinking logically again.

She grabs the guitar up again, and says "teach me something else", and so I comply and teach her a bit more. Then I play the guitar a bit longer, and she blurts "you know, I'm really hungry, let's go grab some food in the kitchen". So we walk to the kitchen and, realizing there was nothing there to eat, says we ought to go grab some takeaway. I knew that this was going to be the end of anything constructive for the situation - but I can't think of a way to bring her back to my room without looking pushy/needy. For some reason, I comply again, we leave the house, and go snag some Thai food. Now she's the one moving the conversation forward and is firmly in control, qualifying me.

Then she says "well, I have to go meet my friend around here who's also on [nearby local street]". She walked up to my door with me, and we kissed goodbye.

Potential problems on why I lost this one:
- An overall fundamentals issue
- Needed a stronger emotional connection through deeper conversation
- Should have escalated with more raw, sexual passion, and not as much pulling back to mask my strong sexual attraction. Perhaps more complimenting and qualifying during LMR.
- Said something to logically disarm her when she was putting up resistance
- When she grabbed the guitar up and gave me a compliance demand, I should've dismissed it, and done something else distractedly for a second - like put on some background music - and then went back to kiss her again

I'm starting to run into less and less resistance with girls whom I consider "OK" quality, but the higher quality girls (the pretty, socially savvy-type) I still run into game-ending LMR. I think upgrading my fundamentals is the best long-term solution to that issue, but for now, some finesse and escalation-tech may lead to to more short-term success with these types.

Any comments and insights appreciated! If there was something vague, I'm happy to clarify if it sheds light on a glaring problem I missed and didn't recognize.

~Nick

 

[RDawg]

- Nick

Hey buddy! Great job on sleeping with 3 girls in six days, that's some solid results! Also, solid work on the cold approach and getting her back to your place!

Anyways, I just read your report, and I thought I would chime in quickly about the resistance you were getting. I had a girl, say similar things to me such as "I just met you" and "I barely even know you" right before sex. We were making out and then when I was about to go for sex, I got those lines from her. I had actually already chilled with the girl at her place and then I chilled with her again a second time, after not getting sex the first. All I replied back with was:

Me:"Yes, you know me, I'm Rdawg, I met you the other night".

and then she replied back with something like:

Her:"Oh I don't know or I don't usually do this with someone I barely know"

and then I replied back with:

Me: Aren't you enjoying yourself?

Her:Yes

Me: Doesn't this feel good what were doing?

Her: Yes

Me: Okay, so what's so bad if we do it right now?

Her: oh, I don't know or shrugs her shoulder

And then here I just proceeded to aggressively kiss her and jump on her and eventually we had sex. Now, I'm not sure if that would of worked in your case, but ya never know. However, I hope this little "scenario" above helps you and you can use this next time a girl gives you resistance like that

Anyways, take care buddy and keep doing work

- Rdawg

 

[BarryS1]

Having a swell week, so far - I've slept with 3 new girls in 6 days, and I've got another date tonight and tomorrow.

WOOO!! Good stuff!

Today I want to post about a date I went on this afternoon. This girl is one I'd consider "higher quality", and these type of girls give me resistance I'm having a hard time to overcome - so your insights will be much appreciated .

I'm at exactly the same point. I liked reading this Nick b/c it made me think more about the problem w/ higher caliber girls. I had an "lightbulb" moment while reading this b/c I have problems with frame control.

Those type of girls do something similar - almost like brushing off my advances. The girl will ignore my chase or sexual frames and keep plowing through w/ what she wants to say. She might even call me out (playfully) for using dirty talk and create an awkward silence. I couldn't tell what tactics you used in the conversation, but it seems the girl did the same by grabbing the guitar. Main point is that I loose control of the interaction quickly with the socially savvy-type as well.

You listed a bunch of potential things to do differently and RDawg gave an example of the "yes ladder" for a tactic to use, but frame control was the main point I saw.

I'm subscribing to your journal, this was a cool FR!

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey fellas,

RDawg -

However, I hope this little "scenario" above helps you and you can use this next time a girl gives you resistance like that

Cheers for the handy yes-ladder, RDawg! There seems to be so many different techniques in handling LMR - about as many different tools as you can use in a conversation, it seems.

Particularly for this situation, some verbal reassurance would've been ideal (and I'm sure this yes-ladder would've come in a jiff, brother) - I just need to figure out when verbal tech is needed rather than when it just "feels right" to do so.

Oh, and keep up your own string of LR's, bro

Barry -

I'm at exactly the same point. I liked reading this Nick b/c it made me think more about the problem w/ higher caliber girls. I had an "lightbulb" moment while reading this b/c I have problems with frame control.

Yeah, its interesting to think about, man. It's all down to frame control in the end - who has the most leverage and can gain the most compliance?

In the beginning of the date, I'd been using a lot of social pressure to establish myself as the leader of us two - but because of the uncalibrated escalation, the reigns were passed to her, and the attraction was lost.

But not to worry, I'm pretty sure the solution to this is just more practice and experience. As we tighten our process, we tighten our frame control as well.

Here's to more success for all of us

~Nick