the EX question.....

girlsfollow

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 24, 2012
Messages
317
I've been holding off on posting about this for as long as I could because I know what the knee jerk reaction of every at least slightly experienced person on here is going to be "DON'T even think about it - its worse than a waste of time"
but hold it:
- I am seeing other people
- I am not obsessing
- I am working on myself
- I just see this as just another girl to date - this one happens to be one that I have had a very long test drive with and so I know things could work - its in a way decreasing risk - I know what I'm getting.

I have learnt over the years that intuitions do sometimes get some things right and while in many cases its best to ignore them, in just as many others they are very important and can be disastrous if they are. So I have had a strong feeling that when me and my ex broke up it was not as final as either of us thought it was at the time. I think we broke up because of bad circumstances - if the circumstances are changed I think things could work very well again in time.

At least if I choose to take things into my own hands I think something could happen between us again. I am still seeing other girls - may even be starting one with another girl so this isn't some kind of obsession - its just a gentle looking at what can be done - I think she might even be in a relationship at the moment - I see this as super long game......

I would like to ask anyone on here about their experiences of getting back together with past long term gf's:

How did you get back in contact at first? - was it you or her that initiated? How long after the breakup was it? what do you think you did right/wrong?

How did you arrange your first meetup? - what kind of meetup? straight into normal dating or did you do something more friendly first eg. go for coffee during the day (I ask because my ex wanted to do this and I refused because I wanted to meet in the evening - just as I would have with any new girl - I never meet them during the day since it makes the sexual dynamic more difficult to create)
 

Just_Dave

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 21, 2012
Messages
529
My first response is "if you love someone then let go ... I say I moved on until I'm reminded of you .. .Can somebody help me get out of the "circle?" Marques Houston (Marques Houston - Youtube it)

Now for your questions directly:


1. I contacted several of my ex's either through Facebook, Phone numbers, or in person (if we went to the same school or I saw them walking around). Now one thing I want to point out is me and my ex's broke up for a reason!


Problem: People remember people by they way they left them (the good times and how amazing they looked at the time). People change either for the better or worse. I changed after each one of my break ups. I only got back with one but she turned into a pot head and her looks went down the drain so that quickly ended.

2. Since your ex liked you this is rather easy, just simply say let's grab some coffee.

Problem: It depends if your ex actually wants to see you the feeling has be mutual.
*Just because you want to get back together doesn't mean they want you.
http://www.shmittenkitten.com/2011/03/difference-between-sexes.html A link from Chase's post
*If your ex is in a current relationship learn from them and move on. Because they obviously have!

Another thing I went through with a couple of girls I did want to get back with is am I missing out on someone better! Don't get stuck on something live and experience things! I rarely see when people break up and get back together they really last long term, this isn't Hollywood it's real life.

Just Dave



PS: Choose your path wisely and read these!
https://www.girlschase.com/content/get-over-your-ex-13-steps-emotional-freedom how to get over an ex :D
https://www.girlschase.com/content/cant-stop-thinking-about-her-heres-why-you-need-meet-more-girls can't stop thinking of her :)
https://www.girlschase.com/content/ultimate-guide-how-get-girl-back how to get a girl back ;)

Take care and live free,

Dave
 

girlsfollow

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 24, 2012
Messages
317
Now one thing I want to point out is me and my ex's broke up for a reason!

thanks for your input - i'll respond more when I have time - just for now I want to respond to this.

First of all - I am free - I am not the regular that needs to be told the standard cliche's I'm happy doing what I would be

The reason in this case was circumstantial and because we were both inexperienced - I think both of these have changed so the "reason" is no longer there.

I want you to understand that I am taking this super slow - there is no rush - I can wait a few years if need be - I'm just interested in whether anyone else has turned things around after so long (its been more than a year now- although we had sex in January - which was AMAZING)
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Messages
3,641
Location
Southern California
Hey girlsfollow,

It's okay if you feel like you want to give it another shot with your ex-girlfriend, as long as it's for the right reasons (like Dave mentioned above).

If you broke up because you weren't compatible and things weren't working out, then you might want to consider whether or not this is just an emotional reaction (i.e. maybe the sex was really good and the level of passion between you two was high, but everything else about the relationship was shit). There are many reasons why people break up, and not all of them are good ones. For example, the girl that caused me to even find this website left me because she thought I was cheating on her (when I really wasn't). The problem was, I handled it the wrong way and ended up pushing her away instead of bringing her back... it had very little to do with our level of compatibility. So make sure you know what you are getting into before you proceed.

The other important things are that you have to be seeing other people and you have to not always be thinking about her. You need to be "free" as Dave mentioned, and you claimed that you are, so I will assume that you have been on this website and forum long enough to know that we emphasize not being stuck on one girl. If you are stuck on her, then contacting her is probably the worst thing you could do for yourself.

You need to put yourself in this theoretical situation: "if I contact her and she doesn't respond, how will I feel?"

Give yourself some time to think about that. If the answer in your mind isn't something along the lines of, "Oh well, there are plenty of other promising prospects in my life right now..." then you should reconsider.

If you DO truly feel that you would be okay, then one of the best ways to contact an ex is to use a situational, almost "out of the blue" type of text referring to a very fond memory between you two. For example:

"I was just looking through some old photos of that Christmas two years ago that we spent in the mountains. That was a great weekend, Angela. =)"

The idea is to get her to respond. It's probably been months -- maybe years -- since you've talked to her, so the text needs to come across as extremely warm and friendly. A very fond memory of you two will invoke the best emotions in her and will be the best shot you have at getting her to respond. Ideally, she would respond and there would be some warm "texting back and forth" about that memory or other fond memories. Once you feel comfortable, then you can suggest meeting up as Dave suggested. If you're lucky (and if she has actually been thinking about you), she might even be the one to suggest meeting up!

Anyway, heed the warning posted by Dave and myself before attempting this.

Good luck!

- Franco
 

Rain

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
534
Should you not send this text unless they are single?
 
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