Socializing The extremely pushy/weird sales guy : how to handle?

[lux7]

Yesterday was the weirdest time I have ever had with a sales guy.

I hadn't even walked into the stores and he approaches me, almost intimidantignly of a guy whom you're about to step into his turf, his face super close, speaking the local language.

I first ignore, but he's so persistent I neutrally engage him with "hey man what's up", then in English he invites me into the store.

I wanted to check it out, so in spite the neutral reaction would be to steer clear from this idiot, I go.

He keeps literally following me at every turn I make, he makes me feel as if I have to run away from him.
He intermittently speaks the local language to me in spite of the fact he now knows I don't speak it.

I'm adamant to keep doing whatever I'd do even if this guy wasn't weirding me out.
I see two nice coats and pick two to try on as he walks me to fitting rooms. He closes the curtain himself, which also feels pushy, then loudly says something to his colleague.

This was all so weird I'm thinking in my head iron bars will come down and I'm trapped here .

He then asks something and opens the curtain and stupidly says how amazing it looks on me. That's sooo bad sales style, but he keeps repeating it so often that it doesn't sound bad, it just sounds.. He's out of his mind.

I try the second coat on and take picture so I can decide calmly later on.
I'd like to take my vest off and try them both back on again, but with him in sight I now just want to cut the interaction, so I hand him both coats.

He acts as if I'm buying and on the way out I say "I need to think about it" and he says "no" "no". I say "yeah man, need to think about it" and he again "no no, now".
It now feels both aggressive and rude.

I am starting to walk upstairs to check other shops, but he's again following me and tells me it's 9 and the place is closing (I know that was true) and he proceeds to walk with me to the downstairs elevator, which again feels weird because I absolutely didn't want him to follow me I know the way out and it feels I'm being babied.

I want to go back to this place not only because it had cool stuff... But also because I want to interact with this idiot again and see if I can learn a thing or two.



Do you have any tip on how to handle these scenarios?

 

[Lover]

Guys like this needs a hard "no" or "stop" with a strong voice. Alternatively followed up with something like "you're crossing the line, pal". If there are other people around, make sure you speak loud enough for them to hear it.

I used to be a guy like him. I wouldn't get a hint. Everything had to be stated as direct as possible, otherwise I was clueless. A hard "no" is the only way a guy like this will understand anything because he's socially awkward.

But I'm curious: did you go there afterwards?

 

[lux7]

Ahah thanks man, I was convinced this was going to be one of my usual "rambling, too deep/specific" topics ending up with no replies .

For the record I went back around "his" store first walking in front of it (it was a place with many stores) and the guy was standing there, I ignored him at first, he recognized me and said something, I replied "hey man" and kept walking.
I'd have half expected him to keep nagging me I "had" to buy now, but he didn't.
A bit later that same day I also walked a bit around "his store", but he either wasn't there or didn't aggress that time.

That's very interesting what you mention man, probably you're right indeed, and that's also interesting you mention you were like that.

Props to you for realizing and changing course!

Some questions: were you in sales, did it work for you at least some of the times?
How did you realize it was better to change and you did you develop more calibration/social tact?

 

[Lover]

were you in sales, did it work for you at least some of the times?

This wasn't in sales no.. but you could say I was very similar to that guy regardless. Here's why.

I was this pushy, empathyless person as a kid who didn't understand the language of nonverbals. I didn't care if I crossed any line verbally unless people told me "no". Trying to change the topic didn't help others haha I would return to it immediately. If someone wanted not to do something with me, they had to say "no". And whenever I had persisted for several minutes, and they finally utter a no, I would be like "why didn't you just tell me then?" ... and back then, the funny thing to me was they wouldn't answer that question. But now I'm slapping my forehead as I realize that they tried to tell me.. I just didn't recognize the signals AT ALL. But the heck, I was a kid, and I thought everybody communicated with each other as I communicated with them.

I wasn't good at compromising with people.. it was either my way or the high way haha. And I would only stop fighting for something until I could no more.

I was nice to people, and I have always been this kid with idealistic, optimistic and perfectionistic thoughts about the world and people. But I lacked social aptitude. My social development was on a plateau for a very, very long time.. so in the end, it didn't matter that I wanted the world to do well. It didn't matter I wanted others to be comfortable around me since I didn't understand the concept the boundaries and personal spaces.

Oh, I was also picked on in elementary school because I didn't undestand the concept of "making fun of each other". I took every word of somebody's mouth at face value. This one has probably been the hugest lesson I have learned as I have developed social aptitude.

But all this did help at one point: my first gf (I was 14 LOL). Now that I think of her, I remember she once told me after a "good time" that she found the way I took control of things attractive. So yeah, I finally found someone who wanted the genuine me.

How did you realize it was better to change and you did you develop more calibration/social tact?

I don't know if this is cliche, but I realized changing was better around the time I found GC (two years ago).. I had read a little about nonverbal communication beforehand, but I thought it was BS. A book stated that 7 % of all interactions between humans was based on the verbal site of things. The rest depended on body language and voice tonality. I was provoked to no end by reading this. Because that would mean two things, 1: I had been unconscious about how I nonverbally interacted with people for 20 years, and 2: I had been misreading people for 20 years.

Then I found GC, and they said pretty much the same as that book I read. I swallowed my pride and dedicated myself to become socially adjusted. You might ask "how"? Well, I decided to try things from a new angle.. small things like "look at her mouth as she speaks" or "look away when he says something". And by doing all these small things I wanted to test what responses I would get by doing them.

Here we are, two years later. I have a loooooong way to go, but I'm nowhere close to where I was back then. *phew* what a relief =) But I still wonder why people are so bad at saying directly when something bothers them. Instead, they talk with their friends about it. People are funny.