The first is the hardest

[ramirezs316]

So I've been trying Chase's pickup methods since the start of the new year. I'm now totally comfortable approaching directly and indirectly whereas before I would try to rationalize why I couldn't talk to a girl. My conversation skills and confidence have also improved and I have no trouble pulling numbers. But as for getting dates and bedding girls, I still haven't been successful on either front.

I think my main obstacle is: I've never been intimate with a woman before. And as a strapping, good looking, well built, happily endowed man in his mid-twenties, I have been beyond frustrated throughout the years. I only pursued one girl all throughout high school, then went through a sort of asexual phase in college where I couldn't find any girls I was interested in nor cared to look for any, then went through a debilitating period of unemployment, and have only really been at the dating scene for 15 months. Even still, I've only been out on one semi-date which didn't pan out. The farthest I've been allowing myself to go with girls have been long hugs and intense grinding on the dance floor.

Obviously, I've met girls I've been sexually attracted to, but the only ones I would undoubtedly have had sex with are the two I tried to start relationships with in the past year. So basically, I've only been 100% confident with having sex with the girls I've been emotionally invested in. But since those haven't panned out, I'm now of the mind that this is the time I should be experiencing as many women as possible. Yet that nagging question keeps coming up: who should I make my first? And does it matter?

 

[Verisimilitude]

Hey man its good to hear a story like mine. It sounds like you shouldn't have much trouble getting started. Here's some good news: If you are meeting people regularly (say work or class), I'd be willing to bet that there's a girl that has a huge crush on you, and you have no idea. How do I know? Because it happened to me. I had a class with a girl and took her out of contention because she had a boyfriend. But one night, she tells me that she's had the biggest crush on me for a while (two semesters I think) and one thing led to another and I ended up getting my first lay. Now here's the answer to your second question: It doesn't matter who your "first" is. In fact, its probably better if its NOT one of the two women you are really into. Because then you will be nervous and mess it up. Start paying closer attention to the girls around you. Soon enough you will see signs of interest. And then approach and take a girl to bed. Keep the expectations low. Sex isn't a mind blowing, heart racing, soul damning (if you were raised religiously) thing that people make it out to be...yet. But after you get in some practice, you'll be ready to rock a girls world.

 

[ramirezs316]

Oh, I know the whole "first time is special" argument is bullshit. I still want to make it count with a girl I really like. I think that would make it easier than forcing it. Honestly, the idea of making it special with someone I care about sounds great and I'm sure feels completely validating, but its so unrealistic at this point. I'm a little exhausted after going for the gold, and would find it much easier to go after girls who hit my "sexy" criteria.

xcrunner, I did meet a girl at work and it was very obvious she had a crush on me, but she was already dating one of my other coworkers, who it turns out happened to have a girlfriend. When she found out, she called it off and eventually showed interest in me again. I asked her out, got an "I'll think about it," and her signals indicated that she was warming up to the idea, but that jerkoff ex of hers kept stringing her along that he was gonna leave his girlfriend. She eventually decided that she couldn't handle a relationship at this time. I've had pretty bad luck of late: all the girls I've really liked have some hangup from a previous guy. Oh well.

 

[foxman2]

Maybe you aren't creating enough sexual tension with the girls you are going after. I find that I become more attracted to girls when more sexual tension is built with them. I have had the exact opposite problem as you- when I started off, I had relatively low standards with women, and I have raised them significantly. Once you are getting 8s, 9s, and 10s, why go back to 5s and 6s? But, if you are just starting off, you should pursue some more attainable girls perhaps. Obviously don't do something you don't really want to, because that probably won't be a fun experience, but create more sexual tension with girls, and I think you will find yourself more interested in having sex with them.