The HORROR of having to validate fake & racist “beauty”

ThePhoenix

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 14, 2017
Messages
305
 
 
For TL;DR:Just read the big print.


I just posted an essay to my journal, about the horror of our often having to validate fake beauty, and in my case also racist beauty. If you donʼt have time to read the essay, this post is the executive summary. (If you read the essay instead and want to reply, reply here so that others can see.)


Fake Beauty, Racist Beauty

Imagine you see a girl who is genetically beautiful, but also happens to be wearing fake hair, fake nails, those stupid looking fake press‑on eyelashes, and lots of makeup. Whatʼs going through your mind?

I donʼt know, maybe some guys actually like this shit, or somehow get dazzled by it, but personally, it disgusts me.

I love natural beauty. I think cosmetics cheapen women. The women Iʼm most drawn to, look their best with little or none.

For me personally, this issue also takes on a deeper and more sinister dimension, because Iʼm primarily attracted to black * women.

It drives me fucking crazy. All I have to do is turn on the news, and if itʼs being delivered by a black woman, Iʼm almost guaranteed to see loosely waved, straight hair down past her shoulders. Iʼm. Just. So. Fucking. Sick of it.

I imagine most of the guys here know little or nothing about black womensʼ hair, so in the essay, I go into more detail on both the practical and sociological aspects of black hair and link some videos. But briefly, basically all (excluding heavily mixed) black womenʼs real hair coils tightly, goes bushy, and defies gravity; if youʼve watched 1970ʼs disco videos, youʼve seen it. Unfortunately for me — since I love their real hair, — itʼs now so uncommon for them to wear it natural that some white people today honestly believe black girlsʼ hair turns straight at puberty!

If a black girlʼs hair is straight and not that long, then it was straightened either using lots of heat and force, or else harsh chemicals. If her hair is straight or wavy and down past her shoulders, the story is even worse — thatʼs not even her hair at all!! Called “weave”, this is an Indian girlʼs hair sewn over top of her completely covered‑up hair. Some women even go as far as wearing fake skin for the fake hair to grow out of!!!

If I had to guess, as much as 70% of black women wear their hair straight, and at least 40% wear weave, often near-continually.

Black hair is an extremely political topic, and dislike of black womensʼ natural hair has actually become embedded in black cultureʼs own psyche to a degree that is nothing short of remarkable — and depressing.

I have personally been told by a black woman to just wait and see, because if I have a half‑black girl child, I will most certainly be making her straighten that shit. (Over my dead body!!)

When I see straight hair on a black woman, I look at it as a symbol of racism and self‑hate and conformance to pervasive Eurocentric beauty standards. And my view will not change so long as such a large percentage of black women are going to such enormous lengths to have the look of a different raceʼs hair. (There are black people who agree, though not the weave‑wearing ones!)

My impression is particularly bad when itʼs weave, or when she also wears fake nails, fake eyelashes, and tons of makeup. And this is unfortunately especially common in darker-skinned black women, who Iʼd otherwise love even more.

She of course doesnʼt think this consciously, but her actions nevertheless unmistakably communicate the message, “us black women are not pretty unless we doll ourselves up and try our damndest to compensate for the fact that weʼre not white.”

When I see such a woman, my mind becomes overwhelmed by the vileness of what she is effectively saying. It is nothing short of an attack on my very sense of beauty!!

Itʼs hard to explain what this does to me, but Iʼll try. Imagine, for a second, that two thirds of the women youʼd otherwise find attractive happen to also have a mask glued to their face, of some celebrity broad you donʼt even think is cute. And itʼs always the same celebrity.

My enthusiasm for hitting on her goes out the window. Iʼm sure as hell not going to compliment her hair, so now Iʼm pressed to find some other way to open — giving approach anxiety a further edge.

Iʼd be overjoyed to only ever hit on natural sistas. (Itʼs one of many reasons I plan to move to Africa.) The problem is, I already struggle with bad approach anxiety, I suspect in part due to my sticking to what is an ethnic minority in my country. If only 30% of black girls are natural, here, thatʼs 30% of 10%, or a mere three percent!! I obviously canʼt limit myself like that. Not in this country.


How To Hit on Weave Queens

This is a serious problem for me.

have hit on girls in weave before, but itʼs fairly rare.

A couple years back, this black girl with a blonde weave who I actually hit on — sheʼd given me a large A.I., so what the hell, — was banging her head. They do this sometimes because weave is time‑consuming and expensive to install, so they keep it in as long as possible, and shit builds up under the weave and makes their head extremely itchy. Itʼs almost comical... but also rather sad, what these ladies think they have to go through to be beautiful. I actually teased her over it, lightly, while suggesting she wouldnʼt need to do that if she went natural. Not gonna happen, she told me. She was friendly but wouldnʼt give me her number.

I have to suspect our worldʼs fucked up racist beauty standards may have warped and twisted her interpretation of my word “natural”; I get into this more in the essay.

But how am I going to hit on these faked‑out girls more regularly?

When Iʼm about to approach such a girl, my mind instantly ideates an impression of, “Great.  If I hit on her, sheʼs going to think I hit on her because sheʼs so pretty in the weave and fake nails and fake eyelashes and makeup. Iʼll have validated all of that. Iʼll have sent a clear message to her that, ‘cover up your own looks and your blackness as much as possible, and guys will like you.’” And it gives me just zero will to hit on her, because in a very real sense, doing so would disgrace black beauty.

Iʼve thought of three different ways I may be able to hit on weave queens while not completely pissing myself off:

  • Counter-Compliment. Assuming sheʼs dark-skinned, compliment her skin tone. Itʼs a bit strange, but itʼs the one thing that she canʼt construe as a compliment of her weave or fake nails or fake eyelashes or makeup. And it goes a step further, by complimenting the very thing insecurity probably compelled her to fake herself out over.

  • Anti-Compliment. Rather than hitting on the girl, complain. Open by showing her a pic of Adut Akech or another dark-skinned African beauty wearing natural hair and minimal cosmetics, and say, “Looking at this, I donʼt understand why black women wear weave. Although sheʼs usually natural, I have seen a pic of this girl in weave, and it just cheapens her.”

    This oneʼs probably not going to get me many dates, but itʼd get it off my chest. Approaching with zero expectation or intent to succeed may also help desensitise me to approach anxiety, making it less likely I chicken out when I do happen to spot a natural sista.

  • Qualified Compliment. Open with, “Iʼm really not into straight hair, or long hair, or long eyelashes; but other than that, youʼre really cute.” (The wording here is very crucial, and explained in the essay.)

    Iʼm just not sure if the girl will even believe me. Because if that were really true, I must not like white girls, which sounds ridiculous. Hahaha, if only she knew!


How To Swipe on Weave Queens

On‑line is another matter. I strongly dislike on‑line game, but Iʼve been considering adding it as an adjunct to day game, to hopefully add some crucial positive sexual reference points that may help lower approach anxiety.

One huge problem with going for black women on‑line, is that a weave queen will only see that we matched. Fuuuuuuck me. At least in real life, I can quickly communicate my disdain for her (un?)twisted sense of beauty.

I am completely unwilling to hit on a weave-wearing girl without at least hinting at the fact that I think the weave cheapens her and is an insult to the beauty of black women.

I see only two choices. The first is to left‑swipe weave queens. But thatʼs going to do real damage to my odds.

The second is to shove the following into my profile, and hope to God that the assertion I read somewhere that women actually read Tinder profiles, is true:
I like afros and afro-puffs and twist-outs and Bantu knots. Iʼm not into straight/wavy/long hair. If youʼre wearing four bundles of 22 inch Indian Remy and we matched, there must be something ELSE about you that I like.
It doesnʼt take much reading between the lines here to know I prefer black women. (And know one hell of a lot more about their hair than most white men...) I might lose a few over this display of racial preference, but I donʼt know what else to do.


In Closing

I realize my concerns are probably going to come across as stupid to many of you. Well, some of you may also hate fake beauty but just suck it up and ignore it.

You have to understand that the texture that black women wear their hair in, is extremely political, and basically a proxy for a debate on whether white women are worth more than black women. That makes it something that is very important to me, as much as that also screws me up.
 
 
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* Iʼm aware some places in Eastern Europe use these terms differently, so to be clear, Iʼm using “black” to mean someone with mainly sub‑Saharan African descent (not counting prehistory) and “white” to mean someone with mainly European/Caucasian descent.
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
Location
Middle East, Asia, Africa
Hey Phoenix,

I can relate. My current girlfriend is a Kenyan, and over the years she has shown up with a number of wigs and hair extensions, yet to this day my favorite hairstyle of hers is her natural hair.

That being said, this is not a problem specific to black girls.

Artifices are what women do. No need to draw a list of all artifices. The basic one is make up. Some girls also wear this thing around the waist (forgive my deficiency in the English language) that will flatten their bellies and make them appear thin waist. Then you have the wonderbras, and hair colors. Nowadays you have the fake boobs, the fake asses, the fake lips. Modernity is extending the trend from basic artifice to plastic surgery and fake bodies. But basically it's the same idea, taken to a new level. Fake hair is just more of the same. And, by the way, white girls also do hair extensions now.

It's not just the competition to attract males. It is also (and perhaps even more) the intense competition between women themselves, which is exacerbated by social media. "That ho published such and such photos on Instagram, but I'm better than her, I just need to show her!".

We accepted long time ago that artifices are part of women seduction. You should view artifices, and fake hair as well, as an embedded feature of the product.

And when you have a girl you see regularly, you can encourage her in the way that better suits you. I told my girl I prefer her with natural hair, and that's what she's giving me now.

Seppuku
PS. By the way, here and there in your posts you hint at more successes with girls. I only know one LR of yours. If you have had more successes, we would certainly like to read about them if you would share them!
 

ThePhoenix

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 14, 2017
Messages
305
Hey Seppuku,

Yeah, women have been doing this shit for millenia. My psyche still rejects it as an insult to my intelligence among other things. Like Iʼm suddenly going to think she has good genes because she drew some lines on her face. Maybe if they all did it, Iʼd adapt to it out of utter and total necessity. But some either donʼt do it or keep it extremely subtle, and those ones make the many that are dolled‑up look ridiculous and stupid. My brain is hard‑wired to look for genetic beauty, so appreciating artifice as part of the package is impossible. Itʼs not a feature. Itʼs an anti‑feature.

And yes, certainly all races engage in artifice. But it takes on a crucial dimension in black women, that it does not in any others.

When is the last time you saw a white woman with her real hair covered up by a black womanʼs hair?

I canʼt say Iʼve ever seen it.

The fact that this never happens and yet the reverse is irritatingly common, can only be for one reason: the world idolizes white women. You can even see that in these boards, in the number of guys who come in asking how to get hot white girls. Shit, they even get called “blonde bombshell”. I never hear “black bombshell”.

The strong racist connotations surrounding black hair can even be seen in the way that black people themselves refer to it, and this is basically an internalization of centuries of oppression. Black people commonly use the term “good hair” to refer to hair that is not tightly curled like theirs. And the term used to describe their hair texture, “nappy”, is even used by them as an insult — “get away from my man, you nappy‑headed hoe!” (A term that got a white sports commentator fired!) “Ohh, girl, you best relax that nappy mess!”

(And for the oppressive origins, consider for instance that, until recently, in South Africa, your legal social class was determined by whether a pencil would stick in your hair or fall out — see Pencil test.)

See, I grew up around them, so their cultural narratives are carved into my brain to the extent that I have personality‑level convictions on certain topics such as this.

So, weave is an invention of the devil, and thatʼs the only way Iʼll ever see it.

Also, I didnʼt mention it in the summary, but the possibility of accidentally knocking up a girl in straight hair also worries me. Because the mother will be doing psychological damage to the child. Iʼve personally witnessed how complete ignorance and disdain for natural black hair is basically inherited — mom starts perming the girlʼs hair at age 10, and thatʼs all she knows as an adult.


Seppuku said:
And when you have a girl you see regularly, you can encourage her in the way that better suits you. I told my girl I prefer her with natural hair, and thatʼs what sheʼs giving me now.
This, at least, is somewhat heartening.

Mind you, there was some luck here. Had she been using relaxer (which is permanent), it may not have been so easy to get her to do the “big chop!”

There is also the fact that you had to have gotten into a certain position before going from negative to positive influence. If I go up to a weave queen to hit on her, there is no guarantee Iʼll ever get to that point — and if I donʼt, Iʼll have become one of her data points, telling her that weave is good. And that data may even spread to other women.

I canʼt hit on a weave queen unless I do so in a way wherein my disdain for straight hair is communicated so early in the interaction that thereʼs little chance of her brushing me off before itʼs been said. I donʼt know if itʼs possible to do this smoothly enough to not completely burn the seductionʼs chances, but I have to try, because my only other choice is to just keep avoiding them entirely. Because I have principles, and those principles do not allow me to in any slightest manner encourage this anti‑blackness.

If I forefit every single chance with any weave queen, so be it. Iʼll move.

There are natural sistas. (And their choice says a lot about their personality, too.) More than once Iʼve opened one by expressing how refreshing it was to see, with all this weave everywhere. In retrospect, 75% of the time Iʼve done that, the girlʼs been very open. The first time was some years ago, and she gave me such a (now) obvious invitation to close her that I lament I couldʼve easily lost my virginity a decade sooner if I hadʼve been less boneheaded!


So, for naturals, Iʼll open that way. (And Iʼll just flat out diss weave to the naturals; no need to couch it in humour, Iʼm already on their side!) For weave queens, Iʼll go with either “not into straight hair, but...”, or compliment on dark complexion if applicable. (As for the anti‑compliment, itʼs trickier, and downright dangerous on private property! Maybe Iʼll try it on the sidewalk. I canʼt get kicked out of the sidewalk!) I may as well go with roughly the same formula for relaxer and flat‑iron, unless thereʼs an obvious situational opener.

This might actually help me, because it means that for the majority of women, Iʼm automatically opening them via their hair, and would only be relying on situational openers for braids, cornrows, or ambiguous cases. Having to find a situational opener is a common ingredient of approach anxiety.

For on-line, Iʼll put the weave disclaimer in my profile. At first, Iʼll assume that she read it and not bring it up until weʼre in person. Part of my justification here is that there were probably weave queens who didnʼt match me who still got to read it. Once in person Iʼll see if the girl read it, and if I find that less than 80% of them read the profile, then Iʼll have to start rapidly bringing it up in chat, just like in cold approach. Because I love black women.

Phoenix


p.s., As for me and game, I havenʼt really been at it for a while. Iʼll take the odd pot shot, but approach anxiety has me basically neutered in this country, so I put more focus on prerequisites of moving. I will likely give Tinder a quick craps shot first, though.
 
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