The "I will let you know" shit test (via text)

[cubi239]

So I meet/reunite with this girl at a party this past weekend. I hit her up previously for plans but didn't get anything. She was "busy". Meet this girl over the weekend and she's showing extreme interest, touch, etc however the party was very cliquish and the logistics weren't right. I honestly didn't pursue 'hooking up' that night and also she was in party mode. Told her I would text her to set up some plans which she seemed excited about. We texted previously with some small talk, but I already had plans. Texted her yesterday (start of the week) to set something up. This is how the texts went:

Me: Hey what are you doing this week?

Her: Nothing hbu?

Me: Oh just the usual lol, let's grab a bite to eat tomorrow night. Does 8 work for you?

Her: I can't I have plans.

Me: Ah ok all good when are you free?

Her: I'm not sure I'll let you know

I didn't even reply because I get hit with this all the time. It usually doesn't lead to anything.. at all. I've had issues getting past this reply for a long time. Not sure if it is a blow off or a shit test. Also don't know if I was too aggressive in pursuing a date but I try to take the lead by setting a date and time. Usually I am expecting a no, but then I say "when are you free" and usually get a girl's schedule. Pretty simple. How do you deal with this?

Instance #2:
Had a girl I DM'd on Instagram. Tried setting up 4 different dates, 4 different weeks (spread out). Flaked or was busy on all 4 instances. So on the final one she said: "I'm gonna be the one to make plans because I'm forever ditching you". Side note: she always replies to my texts, snapchats me often. Now she has the upper hand and I'm chasing. No idea how to deal with it. My plan is to lay off for 1-2 weeks and see if she texts, if she doesn't, hit her with a "hey stranger" text. I feel at this point if she was really interested we would've met up.

These are both similar in that both these girls are trying to set the schedule/frame in their favor. How do you work around this?

 

[foggy]

Hi there,

You should have fucked her brains out at the party bro. Yes, she was excited to hang at the time but that was because she was drunk and in party mode. Her emotions will definitely have changed by Monday morning...

Initially she says that she's got nothing going on but then when you present the frame (lets eat food), she does a total 180 and says she got plans. You should have said something like "yeah come over to my place." I don't think you're presenting enough value to her.

I haven't gotten many good results after hearing the "I'm not sure I'll let you know" either...I don't think its a shit test, I think when girls say that they are saying "yeah lol I'M NOT INTERESTED LOL but it feels good to keep getting attention from you"

 

[cubi239]

Hmm this is true, however I've had a lot of "I'll let you knows" only one went somewhere. The other 99% were failures. Trying to look for a way to beat it.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey cubi,

The "I will let you a know" is a feminine classics. We've all been there.

Things are looking good with a girl, so you make your move and text her some specific details about meeting up. But then she texts you "I will let you know". Being a guy, you trust her to come back to you as you would trust a buddy. And of course she never comes back. If you're like most of us, as the meeting time approaches you start asking her for updates, perhaps expressing a little impatience / frustration in the process. Later on, you start texting her again in the hope of setting up another meeting. You are now just another guy chasing her ass.

At this point the interaction is over.

What happened is, you were initially leading the interaction towards a hopefully happy conclusion. With her "I will let you know", she stole the leadership away from you. The frame is reversed. The interaction is now at her initiative, and in the process she sets you in the chasing position. You're now dependent on her, in a more vulnerable position, and prone to do mistakes (expressing frustration, chasing...). The worse part being, you just let her do that to you without reacting. Very bad for your karma.

You can view that as a major leadership test. Can't lead her, test failed, bye.

How to handle the situation? Just don't let her do that to you.

Her: I will let you know
You: Oh. It's okay if you're busy. Let's just do that another day

At this point, you do not discuss about further meeting. Enough for today. You just stop texting her for now, less is more, let her wonder. You keep radio silence for a week or so, then reengage her with a ping text: "Hey, how is your week?" If the mood is good, you then proceed to setup another meeting.

See the difference? You kept the leadership at all times. The interaction remained at your sole initiative. You kept the option to ask again at later time. You are now persistent, instead of chasing. And at no point did you lose your frame.

Actually I already made a post about this, and other feminine classics, here.

Cheers,
Seppuku
PS. At all times, it is better to lose the girl than to lose your frame.

 

[ac1000]

I'm kinda in the same situation with a girl that I should meet tomorrow.
She text me today
Her " Hey, what time do you want to meet tomorrow ? I would like to go to a concert and it starts tomorrow at 8 PM "
Me " Ah, what concert ?"
Her " Dream Teather "
Me " Daylight inspire me nothing. We can see each other after show "
Her "Ok. I do not know how long it takes.(laugh smiles ) "


What should I say in this case ?

 

[Seppuku]

Hey ac1000,

Logistically there's plenty of potential to fuck up. You're going to be waiting for the show to finish and her to message you. And odds are that she won't. Or she will, but way too late.

So if it was me, I would take the initiative back and propose another day.

Her: Ok. I do not know how long it takes.(laugh smiles )
Me: Oh I see. It's better to do it another day then.

Again, for now, just avoid rescheduling yet to another day. Leave her in silence for a few days. Believe me, keeping them in the dark wondering about you, does good things for you. Then after three days or so, reengage her with a ping text, and proceed to propose another date.

Seppuku

 

[Witcher]

Hey cubi,

The "I will let you a know" is a feminine classics. We've all been there.

Things are looking good with a girl, so you make your move and text her some specific details about meeting up. But then she texts you "I will let you know". Being a guy, you trust her to come back to you as you would trust a buddy. And of course she never comes back. If you're like most of us, as the meeting time approaches you start asking her for updates, perhaps expressing a little impatience / frustration in the process. Later on, you start texting her again in the hope of setting up another meeting. You are now just another guy chasing her ass.

At this point the interaction is over.

What happened is, you were initially leading the interaction towards a hopefully happy conclusion. With her "I will let you know", she stole the leadership away from you. The frame is reversed. The interaction is now at her initiative, and in the process she sets you in the chasing position. You're now dependent on her, in a more vulnerable position, and prone to do mistakes (expressing frustration, chasing...). The worse part being, you just let her do that to you without reacting. Very bad for your karma.

You can view that as a major leadership test. Can't lead her, test failed, bye.

How to handle the situation? Just don't let her do that to you.

Her: I will let you know
You: Oh. It's okay if you're busy. Let's just do that another day

At this point, you do not discuss about further meeting. Enough for today. You just stop texting her for now, less is more, let her wonder. You keep radio silence for a week or so, then reengage her with a ping text: "Hey, how is your week?" If the mood is good, you then proceed to setup another meeting.

See the difference? You kept the leadership at all times. The interaction remained at your sole initiative. You kept the option to ask again at later time. You are now persistent, instead of chasing. And at no point did you lose your frame.

Actually I already made a post about this, and other feminine classics, here.

Cheers,
Seppuku
PS. At all times, it is better to lose the girl than to lose your frame.

Very insight full, how many time I lost date because of this!
Now, what advice would you give to a guy, who made the mistake, like me or the OP with a girl some days ago and who didn't know about your way of handeling this? Is there a way of reversing the frame when we lost it in this fashion?

 

[Seppuku]

Hey witcher,

Don't worry you are not the only one to have been through this, again and again and again.

Unfortunately, once things are screwed up, there is no magic trick to undo them. No reset button. So it is really key to do things right from the very first.

Some general pointers though:
* Don't have too high expectations now
* Immediately stop any chasing behavior
* Withdraw attention for a little while
* Ask again as if nothing happened after a few days

If it doesn't work on a second attempt, don't stick around, your time will be much better used elsewhere, and next time don't let yourself trapped into the "I will let you know" black hole.

Seppuku

 

[Bastian]

I've been in the same situation before, and I will add it to my journal later. Like Cubi, I was waiting for a firm "no" but she gave me an uneasy look and said she'll let me know when we could go for a walk, because she "was busy today". It was actually the first time I asked someone on a date (this last fall), but I I could have handled it better. I'm gonna copy + paste my notes below. My two suggestions are 1. Talk normal & 2. Be Sexier, LMAO!

Knocked on screen, since door was open. Mom went in, asked me if I wanted to see Jenny.

"Yeah", I said

"Jenny vente, que te quiren ver." or something like that (English: "Jenny come, he wants to see you")

I wait 10-15 seconds, looking at something interesting near the road. She opens the screen and says "hi".

"Hey... would you like to go for a walk sometime?" <--- It's been a few days since it happened and memory is foggy, this and below is approximate.

She makes a grimace

"I'm busy today."

"Oh yeah not today, we got visit coming over."

"I'll come over when I have time."

I walk away

How it Could Have Been Better:
"Whenever you have time" (instead of "Oh yeah not... over")
"Shy eyes" Look down and up when first meeting her

I never re-engaged, because I felt it would be chasing and Seppuku nailed it right on the head. (Thanks for the explanation, by the way!) She took control of the situation by being deliberately ambiguous. Of course, this was in person rather than text, and she was my neighbor (we're both in late teens). Needless to say, her real name isn't Jenny either.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Bastian,

Your case (with this girl) doesn't look too bad. It was more or less clear from the verbal interaction that it wouldn't happen tonight ("I'm busy today"), so it's not like if she was letting you wait if she's going to come tonight or not. However the interaction is still left open ("I'll come over when I have time").

To me your answer ("Oh yeah not today, we got visit coming over") is better than your suggested "whenever you have time". It means you are a busy man and you have other things going on in your life than just waiting for her forever. Your suggested "whenever you have time", on the opposite, gives her permission to make you wait forever if she wishes so. If you let a girl do that to you, she will use it and abuse it against you. So, never leave the option of further interaction at her discretion.

You are the one who decide if and when you guys are going to meet, and what you are going to do - because you're the man and you must lead.

For now your initial request is still pending with her ("I'll come over when I have time"). So you need to take the initiative back into your hands and ask again. The best way is to completely ignore she ever said that, and ask again as if nothing happened. I would leave it a few days of silence before asking again.

Also, maybe what happens is, she's ok with seeing you but would prefer doing something else than going for a walk? So she turned down the actual activity you proposed, rather than you? I'm saying maybe. It's just food for thought, think about it, you know best.

Seppuku

 

[Witcher]

Hey witcher,

Don't worry you are not the only one to have been through this, again and again and again.

Unfortunately, once things are screwed up, there is no magic trick to undo them. No reset button. So it is really key to do things right from the very first.

Some general pointers though:
* Don't have too high expectations now
* Immediately stop any chasing behavior
* Withdraw attention for a little while
* Ask again as if nothing happened after a few days

If it doesn't work on a second attempt, don't stick around, your time will be much better used elsewhere, and next time don't let yourself trapped into the "I will let you know" black hole.

Seppuku

Hey Seppeku,

Two weeks ago I was happy to find myself in a situation where a girl was telling me the "I will let you know " classic, so I can practice some new good habits But applying your recommendations, I may be found myself facing another feminine classic too.

A Little background first:
The girl and I are both alumni of our past student organization. We never had the chance to talk when in office, but we met and talked and connected at a networking event where we were both invited.
Since she is a facebook friend, we had to chance to talk on Facebook, and planned to go on dates but unfortunately, both of our schedules didn't allow us to make it happen (yes even mine). At one moment, I just left this there.

One day, however, it was like a traditional event in my country ( like chrsitmas) in my country, where she managed to message me first to send me her wishes, and after some little talk, I asked her out which she agreed, She gave me the "I will let you know" and i proceeded as you said. Exerpt from the chat below:

Her: Not sure, about this week, I have extra work. I'am alone in the office so i have to deal with everything until the new recruit comes.
Me: Or we can do it in weekend?
Me: Or know what, let's talk and re-plane this next week. I think that would be better.
Her: Blabalbla , I will update you ^^
Her: Why did you say you're living like a monk
Me: Blabla answering. Its okay if you're busy. let's just do it another day.
Some little small talk
Me: So I have to go, Se Ya later and Sweet Dreams.
Her: Good Nigh, and Sweet dreams to you to witcher.

I didn't interact wiht her after this anymore, and like 1 week or little more after that, she messages me out of the blue in the morning with a "Have a cute day " This is what I consider the other feminine classic.
My friend who is a natural told me that It's her testing the shit to see if i'am still interesed after my slilence.

I managed to aswner her at the end of the day wiht a "Thanks, Sara, So swwet of you. Ad It was a very cute one"
After that we had some talk, with e teasing her for beign at the office while I was heading to beach. (Truth ) .
I ended the talk without asking her out again.

Comment, suggestions, how to proceed further?

 

[Seppuku]

Her: Not sure, about this week, I have extra work. I'am alone in the office so i have to deal with everything until the new recruit comes.
Me: Or we can do it in weekend?
Me: Or know what, let's talk and re-plane this next week. I think that would be better.
Her: Blabalbla , I will update you ^^
Her: Why did you say you're living like a monk
Me: Blabla answering. Its okay if you're busy. let's just do it another day.
Some little small talk
Me: So I have to go, Se Ya later and Sweet Dreams.
Her: Good Nigh, and Sweet dreams to you to witcher.

I didn't interact wiht her after this anymore, and like 1 week or little more after that, she messages me out of the blue in the morning with a "Have a cute day " This is what I consider the other feminine classic.
My friend who is a natural told me that It's her testing the shit to see if i'am still interesed after my slilence.

I managed to aswner her at the end of the day wiht a "Thanks, Sara, So swwet of you. Ad It was a very cute one"
After that we had some talk, with e teasing her for beign at the office while I was heading to beach. (Truth ) .
I ended the talk without asking her out again.

Comment, suggestions, how to proceed further?

Woow you did very well

You didn't let yourself trapped into the "let you know" loophole. At that point, you must have impressed her somehow. The other dudes she's chatting with all got drowned into her "will let you know", but you didn't.

Then you kept radio silence!

She's not used to that. She's used to guys kissing her ass and chasing her 24/7. But not you! You are a challenge. She loves it. You got her curious now, and I would bet, interested. But you're not chasing her like the other dudes, and you're silent. So, she had to do something.

What she did is pinging you, to see if you're still responsive, and also to draw your attention on her. And you chit chat her, and teased her, all very good. And even better, you didn't lose your shit by asking her out (yet). You closed the conversation with asking her. More mystery, more challenge. Good.

But now, you just wait a just a couple of days, and reengage her - you ping her, the same way she did. When you get a little responsive back and forth with her, you float the idea "we should really meet one of these days" or similar. I bet you she's going to be more positive this time. Once she agreed, propose a time "what do you think about tomorrow 6PM?" or whatever. This time you shouldn't have problems because you did a good job with the tension - but just in case you get anymore crap, then it's sign you should move to another.

Seppuku
PS. And man, I hope many guys read this because there's a lot to learn from.

 

[Witcher]

Her: Not sure, about this week, I have extra work. I'am alone in the office so i have to deal with everything until the new recruit comes.
Me: Or we can do it in weekend?
Me: Or know what, let's talk and re-plane this next week. I think that would be better.
Her: Blabalbla , I will update you ^^
Her: Why did you say you're living like a monk
Me: Blabla answering. Its okay if you're busy. let's just do it another day.
Some little small talk
Me: So I have to go, Se Ya later and Sweet Dreams.
Her: Good Nigh, and Sweet dreams to you to witcher.

I didn't interact wiht her after this anymore, and like 1 week or little more after that, she messages me out of the blue in the morning with a "Have a cute day " This is what I consider the other feminine classic.
My friend who is a natural told me that It's her testing the shit to see if i'am still interesed after my slilence.

I managed to aswner her at the end of the day wiht a "Thanks, Sara, So swwet of you. Ad It was a very cute one"
After that we had some talk, with e teasing her for beign at the office while I was heading to beach. (Truth ) .
I ended the talk without asking her out again.

Comment, suggestions, how to proceed further?

Woow you did very well

You didn't let yourself trapped into the "let you know" loophole. At that point, you must have impressed her somehow. The other dudes she's chatting with all got drowned into her "will let you know", but you didn't.

Then you kept radio silence!

She's not used to that. She's used to guys kissing her ass and chasing her 24/7. But not you! You are a challenge. She loves it. You got her curious now, and I would bet, interested. But you're not chasing her like the other dudes, and you're silent. So, she had to do something.

What she did is pinging you, to see if you're still responsive, and also to draw your attention on her. And you chit chat her, and teased her, all very good. And even better, you didn't lose your shit by asking her out (yet). You closed the conversation with asking her. More mystery, more challenge. Good.

But now, you just wait a just a couple of days, and reengage her - you ping her, the same way she did. When you get a little responsive back and forth with her, you float the idea "we should really meet one of these days" or similar. I bet you she's going to be more positive this time. Once she agreed, propose a time "what do you think about tomorrow 6PM?" or whatever. This time you shouldn't have problems because you did a good job with the tension - but just in case you get anymore crap, then it's sign you should move to another.

Seppuku
PS. And man, I hope many guys read this because there's a lot to learn from.

Thanks Seppuku for the encouragement. I'm happy to see that my studies of the GirlsChase method is giving me better results. Even if I will be honest, the moment the girl shouted the "I will let you know", I immediately opened this post

What do you think will be the best way to re-ping, considering that tomorrow it will be one week since I ended our little conversation with a "Seen" on her last message(too long or not enough?). Do you suggest Chase "re-engaging text?" or something less formal? This is also a little Sp of mine, i don't really know how to re-engage girls after a made them chase a little bit, without looking like the pursuer.

 

[Seppuku]

Calibration is key.

Keeping silence strategically does you good things. However keeping too much silence can cause the girl to decide "well... he doesn't seem to like me after all! Who is he, anyway?", that is, auto rejection - when she decides that after all, she doesn't like you, rather than taking the ego hit. That's the risk you have now.

So the girl returned to you with a ping, to see if you were still interested, and also to bring your attention to her. That's a great sign of interest from her. It is good to show some restraint and not jumping on the chance to immediately ask her out - it would be massively incongruent. So that's why it is good to save it for a later time. In general, I always favor asking out on my own, unprompted, initiative.

But waiting another week in more silence is too much, you risk auto-rejection like I explained.

So, wait no further and engage her. Pinging her is very easy:

You: Hey!
You: Sorry, I've been busy. How are you?
Her: I'm fine

Get her to chat a little, then ask her out. That's it!

Seppuku

 

[dcman]

Hmm this is true, however I've had a lot of "I'll let you knows" only one went somewhere. The other 99% were failures. Trying to look for a way to beat it.

Hi Cubi I feel you are not building enough rapport with the girls. Once the girls have a connection and see you as high value man they would be looking forward to going out with you not the other way around. Try to work on this and see how it goes

 

[Witcher]

Calibration is key.

Keeping silence strategically does you good things. However keeping too much silence can cause the girl to decide "well... he doesn't seem to like me after all! Who is he, anyway?", that is, auto rejection - when she decides that after all, she doesn't like you, rather than taking the ego hit. That's the risk you have now.

So the girl returned to you with a ping, to see if you were still interested, and also to bring your attention to her. That's a great sign of interest from her. It is good to show some restraint and not jumping on the chance to immediately ask her out - it would be massively incongruent. So that's why it is good to save it for a later time. In general, I always favor asking out on my own, unprompted, initiative.

But waiting another week in more silence is too much, you risk auto-rejection like I explained.

So, wait no further and engage her. Pinging her is very easy:

You: Hey!
You: Sorry, I've been busy. How are you?
Her: I'm fine

Get her to chat a little, then ask her out. That's it!

Seppuku

Hey Seppuku,

Thank you for the advice, and I think I felt for the trap and I got too much time and that made the girl go auto rejection. I initially tought that It would be better to post it in a field repport in a new subject, but I think that it's a continuity of this thread and it will help more other members because they will be able to follow the past messages.

I Piged her as you said and after some initial chat I asked her out and she accepted but I had to cancel one day before. But when i offered to resechdule, she neither responded to my message neither left it with a seen. I put below the mini field repport with the log of our conversation I another aswner because of time outs. i'am sure I lost the girl because of a stupid mistake rather than a lack of attraction. So if anyone has any comment or suggestions so I can target the bad things and keep the good ones.

 

[Witcher]

Hey,
Since it seems that I can't sumbit the message with the full log or even partly. I keep getting timeouts I have pit the whole conversation in a google doc:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/13Ee ... sp=sharing

Enjoy reading.