Casual/FWB The Long-Distance Casual Relationship: Is it possible?

pearce

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Feb 17, 2015
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Dear fellow learners,
I have an interesting question that kind of presented itself to me in the last weeks: Is it, and if how, possible to have a casual relationship via long-distance?

To give you the backstory: I'm currently moving places every six months or so and thus have had a series of non-committed relations or FWBs in different places, and due to the limited time prospect, it was quite easy to stay away from proper commitment with these girls. However, then one of them moved to a town ca. a 5 hour drive away from mine and came over for a visit for like 4 days. We had fun and also went on some outings like going to the cinema or a restaurant, but spent a lot of time in bed as well. Since I had quite a lot of free time until the end of the year, we met twice again for 4 days in the following 3 months. This equals 12 days over 4 months and is thus less than 1 day per week (and so adhering to Ricardus' rule), and I was always very clear (at least verbally) about the casual character of the relationship.
But alas, the girl became more emotionally attached (but hid it quite well indeed) until she gave me "the choice". I tried to turn her down nicely by pointing to the long-distance nature and the bad experiences I made with this in the past. But she must have become very emotionally invested at this point, as she even asked me for a second time to please reconsider - and I had to turn her down again. Of course, things have gotten very sour now and she's deeply hurt; and I feel really sorry for messing this up and hurting her. Haven't dealt with such poisonous emotions in my dating history yet to be honest. =/

In hindsight, I think it was probably the intense experience of spending more or less continuous 4 days in a row for a few times and all the non-sex related activities that came with it that created a too couply feeling and made her think she could turn it into something more serious. But if you live away a certain distance, it is just the only feasible way to come for a few days in a row to see each other.
So now the big question: Can you think of any way - or even better, have you tried one - where you pull of a FWB constellation over distance, where you and a girl meet up for a few days once in a while and enjoy yourselves and then go back to your normal lives? Or is that just impossible due to the intensity of the "being together for a series of days" experience that comes with it? I think it'd be a shame if one had to lose out on all these opportunities, so all ideas very welcome!
 

Franco

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pearce,

I don't think there's really a way to "reliably" set up this type of arrangement with a woman, and that mostly has to do with the fact that it doesn't meet all of a woman's needs. That being said, you can certainly arrange it and have it work on and off for awhile depending on the girl's situation and what she wants.

The problem is, women always generally need a constant source of sex, love, and attention at their disposal, and they are also always keeping an eye out for a long-term monogamous prospect to tie down if they think they find a good guy to fit that role. When you're attempting to stay long distance and not commit to her exclusively, you're basically not fulfilling any of these roles on a regular basis, so she's likely going to be dating other guys in the meantime -- if she happens to find one that she likes and that will commit to her, then that will pretty much be the end of your casual relationship... at least until it "doesn't work out" between them down the road at some point!

However, if a girl is "single" and she really likes you, then she'll likely be willing to meet up and have sex under that arrangement as long as she does not have a guy that she's seeing regularly within driving distance of her. It doesn't usually take long for a girl to find a guy to fill that role for her, but you can certainly take advantage of the situation while she's still looking for that guy. =)

Or is that just impossible due to the intensity of the "being together for a series of days" experience that comes with it?
This doesn't have anything to do with it, so don't worry about it!

- Franco
 

Bknd

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Mar 23, 2019
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One famous player Holz tried to keep a fire in relationships and play and travel, but didn't pay off to his career - try to read about it and explore more
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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Jul 24, 2015
Messages
1,395
Anything is possible. It is up to you to maintain the level of exclusivity. Franco makes a good point about if she WANTS a monogamous relationship and she finds one that meets her needs she will go for it because that is her greatest NEED that your arrangement doesn't provide. Blackdragon writes about LSNFTE's. I think a lot of times it is about you being patient, and having other options.
 
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