The long work dance!

[Mjgpd]

So I'm new to this community, and have always been good with getting girls chasing me. I never played games and thus girls knew they had no control over me and I never, if rarely lose my frame. I'm looking for wife material though, and the girls who throw themselves at me bring me no interest. If not me one night some other guy! Ive been looking for a worthy opponent, a challenge, and a woman who has the high value that I have always believed I have had!

I've looked for my match and feel like I've found her, when I was about to give up on finding her. I am a manager at 5 coffee stands where there are 30 young women and me! I'm 34 and most of them are in their early 20s. Needless to say I'm having a good time, and all the girls love me and flirt constantly! I've friend zoned them all, but the one hb9 who is 22.

I have established great rapport with her as she even has said to me, " I have never said this or that to even my girlfriends." We both started at the job 7 months ago and in the last 3 months I have stepped up my interest with her, and began to ask her out, flirt with her and plant sexual tension through subtle innuendos, so as not to be friend zoned!

I have gone out with many of the girls at once and she knows this and has acted jealous by commenting on it! She is a home body, and doesn't go out really, which I like. She always finds ways to deny me, so as I back off she takes steps forward, than I step forward ask her out again and she gives me a wall! We have been going through this dance all summer, and I feel we are getting closer and there is great tension between us! When other girls are around, she rarely acknowledges me! Which used to piss me off, but I have gotten used to it and it seems apart of the game! So I push, she runs, I step back, she steps forward! Over and over again! It really is kinda fun!

About once a week we work with each other for about a half hour when I and her are closing the stand! Just us! This is when the great conversations happen! A month ago she was subtly telling me how I love working with all the women! I texted her the next day and was flirting with her pretty hard, she was responding favorably! Than she said she had to go she was at her boyfriends! Shit test I think but wasn't sure. So I backed off!

In the last few weeks we have been talking about relationships and in her non direct way she always seems to do, saving face, plausible deniability, etc... She mentioned something where I had to read between the lines, (farking women!) I'm getting good at it, I think lol. Basically I concluded she said she doesn't have a bf and she is working stuff out and is not ready for a relationship! It's so difficult because I can never be sure im reading between the lines correctly!

So anyhow last week at the end of our shift she said she wants to go party! I said oh ya you going to go dancing? She said ya I want a traditional dress and a red flower! She never talks about going out so I take the hint, it's for me! She than says no the only party she is going to is a pj party, meaning she is going to bed! I comment oh the best type of party!

This woman is super guarded with her heart, which I like! On Friday I decided to push my luck again! I texted her, "so are you ready to loosen your control and go dance the tango! She responded immediately hahaha wtf. In the past she has taken her time responding or not responded at all! I texted back, "I thought you wanted to go dancing, your comment inspired me. You bring the dress, I'll bring the rose!" Her: hahaha, thanks but no thanks! Me: well you can't blame a guy for trying, to bad though we would have had a blast! She didn't respond!

So today I went to get a coffee, the other women in the stand did their usual flirting hellos, and she just came to the window sweeping the floor right in front of me, but would not acknowledge me what so ever! So I did not acknowledge her, got my coffee from another girl and left!

So long story short lol! I'm beginning for the first time in my life to enjoy the games of a high quality woman, who is testing the shit out of me, I think lol! This girl is totally worth it, and is the type of woman I have been looking for forever! She obviously has plenty of options, I'm older by a quite a bit, and the fact that we are coworkers and there are many women involved, there are many obstacles in my way of pushing over the edge to win her over, but I feel like I am, through persistence and a push/pull high tension relationship! I have to be careful though because of work!

I know never to chase one woman, but dammit if I don't want a relationship with her! Patience and persistence is my game plan! We have continually gotten closer over time! My question is for an expert and his opinion of my predicament!

Am I wasting my time?
Is she playing or am I delusional?
How to continue in this sticky situation?
How much do I keep turning it up on her versus backing off!
I still don't really know if she has a bf, but in my last text all she had to say was" my bf wouldn't want me to dance with you!

Help me win this amazing woman!

 

[Flames]

I am/have been in a similar situation (Girl L2 from my journal, "Work in progress") so I'll just get down to answering your questions directly.

Q) Am I wasting my time?

A) Probably yes, but personally I just keep having a go anyway because I'm curious to see how it'll end up. No point burning bridges IMO. Besides I actually learn while I'm doing it.

Q) Is she playing or am I delusional?

A) She's probably enjoying the attention, though that's not neccerserily a bad thing. You have to ask does she want attention or does she want MY attention? In my case she definitely wants my attention. I've no idea what the motivations for this are but while she wants it. I'm not loosing anything by giving it when she needs it, for now at least. You're not delusional she maybe extremely interested and she may not be able to communicate it properly or she may just like messing with you.

Q) How to continue in this sticky situation?

A) I've no real help with this except in my case she does want 'out' and neither do I particularly. So just keep it going and realise it may not get any further.

Q) How much do I keep turning it up on her versus backing off!

A) You can probably push it as far as you like TBH. I've done some really strange stuff both good and bad and still she doesn't want out, it's crazy but still it goes on.

I will say though at times it can be really stressful and it defies explanation or reason and if you can't deal with that then your better off just opting out while you have a choice. However it can be fun and yes I have to admit I get off on it sometimes. However I'm in a no lose situation if your in any danger from repercussions I'd just forget about it.

And of course always keep your options open.

 

[Mjgpd]

Thanks for the reply flame

I have to say the situations between your L2 and the girl I'm interested in are uncanny! I read your journal on her. Maybe I should start one.
I have plenty of girls in my life, but I have never felt this connection it is amazing yet horrible! It seems as if I know this woman. From the start I felt that and as she has opened up to me, always when we are alone of course, which is too far and few between for me, I realize how similar our pasts are, how we think and how we feel! She seems to be very similar to me. Because of our age difference I have more experience in life, and I can see where she is in her develpment and understanding in life. I totally remember being there and how confused I was. I want to bring her out of her shell she seems to be placing herself in, for control! Just as I once did and regret!

I Understand when you speak of frustrations. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to pull out all my hair and go off on her behavior, sometimes because of this tension between us, I feel like I am going to jump her in the moment. It is the subtle ness of our relation that is complex with depth, missed oppurtunities, and mixed signals, that drives me crazy. Last week we talked about the type of woman I like and I didn't want to straight out say her, I did hints but not enough. Regardless the conversations went well. The next day I'm in the stand with her and a couple girls, she doesn't acknowledge me at all, and after I make a harmless comment to another girl,under her breath I hear her say "player, player! She said it loud Enough for me to hear. Under my breath I said, "whatever" loud enough for her to hear.

This woman is a challenge and the work situation makes it difficult. She is smart and I know some of her putting up walls to me comes from not wanting to rock the boat. I'm at an age and this job is temporarry as I finish school, where I realize you don't let connections like this slip by you in life! I have been slow with her but in the last month have taken some of the ambiguity out of my desire to spend time with her. She knows I like her, just probably not how much. As I know she likes me just not how much, because of her walls and control of self.

She asked me last week if I was going to our one your anniversary party for the new owners at work. She asked in a very excited manor. I stated I wasn't sure as there will be a lot of women there and me, with the exceptions of the owners husbands. So me, something close to 40 women and two husbands. Overwhelming! I have great relations with all the woman and in the stands they vie for my attention, not sure how to handle all at once!

She will be watching me closely I'm sure! Gulp! Lol this girl gives me the interest than aloof act so much and it is killing me, based on the fact I know more about her from what she has shared with me than any other girl. A lot of it very personal! Sometimes I think about doing a more aggressive move on her, like I think she wants sometimes, but if I am wrong, I could possible get in trouble if this girl is not As into me as it may seem in my head. I guess I have to go off the moment, let her initiate and lead where she is willing to go, with just enough subtleties to direct her where I want to go! I guess letting evolve naturally, which goes against my instincts and how to really get woman to follow men.

Honestly I am confused. It does seem to be coming to a climax, but one wrong move and game over. I think I am going to start planting the ideas of a secret romance in her head somehow! That just might be the excitement she needs to push her over the edge toward me!

 

[Franco]

Mjgpd,

I skimmed most of what you wrote, so sorry if I misinterpret your stance in all of this.

The one thing I wanted to chime in on was that you want to be very careful about pinpointing a girl as "wife" or "girlfriend" material before you've even slept with her. This is dangerous territory as you don't really have control over the situation yet but you desire her more than you do any other girl, which could lead you into chasing with no end in sight.

In general, your attitude needs to be, "I sleep with lots of women, and if one of the women I've slept with ends up being pretty damn awesome, then I'll take her into a relationship." Any girl you haven't slept with you should take with a grain of salt, especially ones who have known you for an extended period of time (rather than a cold approach where the mystery is still there). This is simply for the fact that there is no guarantee you will get this girl, so you need to understand that there are lots of women out there who will probably fulfill the role of "wife" quite well for you. Don't get too attached to just one.

That all being said, just do your best to get this girl out on a date with you and invite her back to your place as your normally would. If you end up sleeping with her, great. If not, great. You have plenty of other options out there. =)

- Franco

 

[Flames]

You should absolutely write down a journal if for no other reason than to give me another perspective

I'm not currently pursuing this girl at the moment as to be honest I'm out of ideas and I'm not bumping into her as often as I used to. When I do she does her usual attention seeking behaviour and I give her the bare minimum back. I'm of the impression that she doesn't have the social skills (as ironic as that is). I'm taking time to pursue other girls who I know without doubt, enjoy my company, because they either they either tell me or show me.

That being said I keep my options open and keep my fingers crossed she'll sort herself out (for her sake). However she's a lot like me so I do understand it may take a while.