The next step up from Approach Anxiety

[Anonymous]

Hi All,

I enjoy the wealth of really useful information that is available on this site.

I have read a lot of articles but not so many posts so apologies if this has been covered.

My real problem is the mental battle I face internally, every time I try and move a girl or take her number. I have no problem opening and can usually get to a hook point where I know I should try and escalate, but I can only do so in a situation where I don't feel like I'm being watched. Getting rejected when opening a girl is fine - she didn't know you in the first place. But in my head, trying to move a girl or get her number becomes an insurmountable task when other people are aware of the situation, this includes friends and complete strangers. There is more on the line when rejected in this scenario, as its more personal because you've actually gotten to know them somewhat. This may partly be explained by my frequent use of cold approaches, were it becomes increasingly onerous because you only met 5/10 minutes ago and it is not the social norm. Yet at the same time its exciting and you can tell that that is exactly what a lot of girls want you to do...

I can do it relatively well, when I'm not being watched. I just feel like I'd take a large ego hit if I was ever observed attempting and failing to move a girl. For clarity I can obviously take things to the next level with a girl that is clearly interested, It's those girls that you have small windows of opportunity with, for whatever reason, that I find hard to move, because in its very nature, it is more of a gamble. I sense it is one that would pay off a lot if I ever took the risk.

I was wondering if anyone could allude to a mindset that would help me overcome this unnecessary fear. Additionally overcoming this fear would allow all attempts at moving a girl or getting her phone number to be far easier because it would come across a lot more naturally. Just like approaches are a lot more natural when you don't have approach anxiety.

Many thanks,

 

[Richard]

Laudible question you have there, and I've recently began to take charge in destroying my approach anxiety, and it's been working, but, like yourself, I sometimes hit this point when I know people are watching as well, but it's actually a little easier to deal with than you think. As Light suggested to me, I will pass on his suggestion to you, change your physiology which in this case is changing your body composition/ disposition allowing for a change in your thought processes. Take 2 examples for instance:
-Depression.
Most depressed people will sit slouched over, head down, breathing slowly and somewhat heavily. Even if you're currently happy, change your body composition by slouching over, tilt your head down, and breathe more slowly, you will feel depressed even if you have reason not to. Seriously try that after reading this and see what happens. Your physiology, your body composition changes the thought processes your body uses, and allows for the blocking/sending of specific hormones involving depression, pressure, happiness, etc.

NOW! onto a suggestion for you.
When talking with a woman, and you start to feel the pressure from surrounding people watching you, pull your shoulders back, look straight ahead, puff your chest out a little, and breathe calmly. You will suddenly feel a bit more confident and will forget that others are watching or even noticing.

HOWEVER! in addition to that, you've fallen into a psychological trap where you feel like people are judging you, and are very concerned about whatever it is you're doing. In actuality most people could care less whether you're talking to a girl, getting rejected, or whatever it may be. Most people simply have an indifferent attitude, and are not judging you, nor watching your every move waiting for a mistake. People are people, and the majority of people keep to themselves, and think about themselves rather than focus on individuals around them. Thus, you have nothing to fear, if you are indeed rejected after a small deep dive, play along with it (make a genuine joke out of it). Even social veterans like Chase say that you should be rejected more than you're successful, but it's a numbers game, it's not about the 100 failures you have, it's about the 2 successes you have after that 100 =)
-Enjoy,
Richard

 

[diegoC]

Piece of advice:

• If you feel there is a real chance she will be leaving soon, you leave first.
• If she says she wants to leave make her stall a moment saying whatever. Then you say something like "Ah okay, that' nice. Well, I have to go see my friends. See you later"

If you do this, it would seem as you walked away from her and not the other way around. Your status won't be affected. It might even get higher. Side benefit would be that, in the first case you walked away from her, and in the second, although she was gonna do it you make her stay longer and then you ended it. In both cases you appear, to her, as you decided to leave.

Cheers!