The one and perhaps only thing struggling guys should do to get results.

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Over the years, like Chase, I have seen guys who were fat, ugly, not rich and did not have much going for them do just okay with dating and women. On the flip side I have also seen guys who were not bad looking, doing alright with their careers and had a lot going for them on the outside struggling with women. I have come to the conclusion that there is one thing that separates guys who actually do well with women versus those that don't, one unforgivable sin in the eyes of most decent looking women.

The one thing you can do is get a life.

When I say get a life, I mean a social life.

Too many guys try to go from zero to hero too fast, from social loner who never fit in growing up to PUA. What you should be doing instead as a guy is working on your social skills to where you are not eating lonely every weekend. In fact I would recommend that all guys struggling quit this going out alone to cold approach nonsense and instead work on getting better with people. Try to go out to meet new people, join groups that are relevant to you and work on getting a social life together.

If you are doing a hobby, make it a hobby that actually has you interacting with other people. Do not try to do loner hobbies like videogames that have you shut inside your room 24/7, never coming out. Get a hobby that has you meeting new people and actually engage with the new people you do meet.

I would say that for now, put women on the backburner. Your goal should be to just keep making friends and finding groups to go out with.

Get better with people first.

Learn not to be awkward around other guys, show value in front of them and actually be someone they can look up to. Learn what is socially acceptable and what is not.

Then learn what some social trends are in your area and your age group, then learn to engage with those trends so you are not coming off as a weirdo outcast to random women and have things to talk to them about.

That is it.

 

[Space]

Fair enough. And logistics?

 

[Big Daddy]

Incredible insight.

I thought of a different way to say more or less the same thing some weeks ago: make sure you have more numbers from girls than guys on your phone. Not only girls that you approach and want to bed, but girls that you actually know the last name and could go get a brunch with next Sunday.

Like you said, sometimes guys just do things that involves them being at home alone, most likely with other loners. Just signing up for classes with any social interaction and getting somebody out for drinks on a Saturday night is a great way to get the social engine well oiled.

 

[radeng]

OP,

Yes and No to this. Depends on the guy really. For me - Ive been extremely social my entire life. For years before i got laid, while I was a virgin, I partied with a rather popular crowd in HS and couldn't get laid to save my life. I had no edge. I had charisma, but it was very safe, nice guy charisma. So in that part no - just being social and likable won't get you any results. I was both of those things, and had many friends that were hot girls way before I got any pussy.

That being said, yes you absolutely need some degree of likeability and social intuition. When I learned how to be edgy and alpha I was able to incorporate that into the social structure I had already built. However, some degree of wanting the crowd to like me held me back a bit from making bold moves early on. So its a bit of a mixed bag there.

So yes I agree with you, but I think the importance of a big social group is overstated. Once I started cold approaching I actually dropped most of my social life and had the best results with women at that point. So to you newbs out there, don't forsake your social training. Be friends with everyone. However, for many newbs this isn't the problem, the real problem is learning how to stop giving a fuck about your social circle and be ballsy enough to hit on girls and make moves on them and saying fuck it if someone doesn't like it.

Cheers,
radeng

 

[Hue]

radeng,

However, some degree of wanting the crowd to like me held me back a bit from making bold moves early on. So its a bit of a mixed bag there.

Could you elaborate on this?

I feel in somewhat of a similar position because some of my closer friends are becoming upset with who I've become in that:
- I'll leave their social events the moment I get bored
- I'll approach without hesitation when we're out and potentially leave with girls to another place
- If I even mention a girl I'm seeing they take it as bragging because "have fun fucking your hoes"
- I feel a strong desire to stop hanging out with some of my friends even though there are very few people I share as strong of bonds with

My bad if I'm hijacking here, wanted to ask and thought it was still relevant to the original post.


Hue

 

[radeng]

Hue,

I feel in somewhat of a similar position because some of my closer friends are becoming upset with who I've become in that:
- I'll leave their social events the moment I get bored
- I'll approach without hesitation when we're out and potentially leave with girls to another place
- If I even mention a girl I'm seeing they take it as bragging because "have fun fucking your hoes"
- I feel a strong desire to stop hanging out with some of my friends even though there are very few people I share as strong of bonds with

Yeah this was a factor for me, especially in college, that really was an excuse for me to not take action. Even though I knew about cold approach theory at the time, I didn't put it into practice until a few years after college. My game in college really involved around throwing parties and being the center of social circle.

I face similar issues with friends when I go out, but I pretty much let people know up front that Im going out to holla so don't be offended. Sometimes I go out with the sole purpose of sticking with my friends. I think for me, it's actually more of a self thing. When I am with other people it's not so much that the other people care if I leave them to go chat up some girls, but more a limiting belief of my own, that I want them to only see me succeed and so I take less risks when Im around others. I also feel guilty when I leave my friends that I went out with. That's why I've always gotten the best results when I've been alone, and why when I go out with wings, I let them know right up front that I am not trying to holla with them unless its needed, we split and do our own things and meet back up if shits not going to good. Even when Im with guys that are into game, I have a need to warm up on my own. I don't like people I know seeing me get rejected, even though I really shouldn't care or even if my friends don't care.

There was a very long period of time I would turn down invites from people to go out in favor of going out alone. If you feel stifled because of your bros, I wouldn't nescesarily drop them as friends, but I would set aside time where you focus on your game and nights where you focus on your friends and if you feel like you need to immerse yourself in game for a while, your buddies will be there when you want to kick it with them. I avoid trying to mix the two.

My personal favorite is going out with a group and letting them know up front you will be checking in and out or go out with people who are cool with you doing that. I chat with my friends for a couple minutes, keep the social mood in myself alive, then make a trip around the bar. Kind of best of both worlds. Sometimes you gotta be a little shameless about what you are there to do.

radeng

 

[Hue]

radeng,

Yeah, I've tried similar actions.

I'll make a mental note that "I'm doing shit with the boys tonight" and we'll all just get drinks, talk, play bar games, etc. and it's usually fine. Sometimes, I'll do that when I'd much rather be gaming - so I think from now on I'm just gonna follow my instinct and go game when I feel it and go chill when I feel it instead of throwing myself into a psychological battle. Thanks for the advice.

A few times I'll be out with the guys though and a girl will just fall in my lap - I'd have to be insane not to see where it goes! To some extent if my dudes can't understand that, well, that's their problem.

My personal favorite is going out with a group and letting them know up front you will be checking in and out or go out with people who are cool with you doing that. I chat with my friends for a couple minutes, keep the social mood in myself alive, then make a trip around the bar. Kind of best of both worlds. Sometimes you gotta be a little shameless about what you are there to do.

Word up!


One thing I don't get (even when I was a semi-natural at my other school) is WHY most guys aren't more interested in cold approach gaming girls during college - as in beyond setting up a social scene that's conducive to it, but I suppose the points you outline in your own experience are likely similar to what they are thinking, too.

Now during my last year of undergrad I don't really have any steady wingmen, because they're simply not interested in going out with that sort of goal in mind. When I did earlier this year - after a few failures my single friends just threw their hands up and went back to fucking their ex's or jerking off to porn. Pussy will eventually fall into their lap (they'll get lucky) and they're cool with that.

Their lives, I guess

Haha, I mean, if that weren't the case you'd probably see a lot more people on forums like these than there already are.


Anyways, thanks for the insight - I'll keep it in mind.

Hue

 

[Fuck This]

Oh Pry ,

Thank you for expressing this and having the LR's to back it up. I think you expressed it perfectly. So much of meeting and bedding women is being able to read social cues.