The Quest for The Girlfriend: Kiss or Close?

[Tanathip]

Hello fellas at GirlsChase!

This is my second post here and I'm so excited with my experience in studying in Japan right now as I can now get Japanese girls to line up for dates with me with the first one starting tomorrow! I'd like to thank Chase, expert contributors and our friends on this forum for my first milestone.

So amongst my dates, there is a girl I would like to make my girlfriend. We have met on several occasions and the attraction is still steaming hot (as assumed by her body language, verbal language getting more girly and submissive, having high compliance with me, etc, etc.) and I would like to give it a shot with her by asking her out, NOT as a lover but as a girlfriend.

I know, never pursue the path of girlfriend and go for the lover path and that is what exactly I'm doing. However, I have only been able to execute quick pulls with party girls or the girls I meet during the night game (though still a beginner) and not so much with the nerdy, rather innocent and childish Asian (especially Japanese) girls (Yup, they are 19 and still acting like a 15 years old. Cultural difference here I suppose). That makes the same day pull a lot difficult with the more conservative, or rather innocent regular girls of this age (18-21 years old).

With the girl I want to make my girlfriend, I want to ensure that I do everything right. I've seen Chase mentioning that attempting to pull a conservative girl home will strike a high level of resistance and may scare her away. I've been planning 2 types of logistics so far: (Plan A) One being near my home and I will be able to pull her back rather quickly and another (Plan B) being logistically better and has a rather secluded location nearby (public park by a beautiful beach with almost no one around except dogs lying around)

In Japan, I've heard from my friends that if you manage to make her "girlfriend", sex is almost guaranteed, as she will be super open to coming to your place and allowing the physical escalation to take place (although I have never personally experienced this before).

My question is: after a short, simple date at a restaurant from Plan A or B, I will have to escalate somehow. Question is:

1) Should I go for a romantic kiss as Chase mentioned in one of his articles that it will leave her excited about our future relationship, which is the exact frame I want. Then I would proceed tell her in a strong and confident way that: "Hey, let's go out" or "Let's become a couple." sort of thing. Then after that, I'll take her home and call it a day. Or...

2) Take the risk and ask her home and follow the lovers path

I know that fortune favors the bold and high reward is always accompanied by high risk. The point right here is: unlike other girls who I want to just sleep with (lovers), for this girl, I wish to secure my position as her boyfriend. I can wait for weeks and months for sex (though statistically should be no more than 5 days before she knocks the door and says "I'm lonely.") but I just want to give her a shot as my company and someone to support my life. I have gotten to known her through deep diving and she offers the exact personality traits that I have been looking for and wanting as my romantic partner.

So, I would like to ask you all for your advice on which methods should I execute if my main focus is getting her as a "girlfriend", not a "lover". How should I put things forward if the 1st priority is relationship and sex is the 2nd?

I'm open to all comments and ideas! Thanks in advance for your replies!

Keep the good times roll,
Jay

 

[Bboy100]

When I started my journey about 6 or 7 months ago, I had the same mentality as you. I always thought:

"Better not screw this up by trying to move too fast, it'll scare her off".

After countless dates and missed escalation windows, I'll tell you right now that its the exact opposite. NOT pushing for a close increases your chances of losing her. Its MORE risky to "Play it safe" than it is to try to pull. Because here's the thing...even if you try to pull/escalate and you fail, she's not gonna stop seeing you (given that you act unphased by her resistance). On the contrary, it shows that you're willing to make a move, which makes you look more dominant and it shows that you're attracted to her which in turn increases her attraction for you (this is one of the reasons the direct opener is so powerful). The only time escalating will actually "scare her away" is if she was never attracted to you in the first place.. But that doesn't seem to be the case here.

My point is, trying to escalate is a win-win. Only three things can happen
1. She complies and you become lovers.
2. She puts up resistance, but her attraction and respect for you spikes because you were bold enough to try.
3. She's disgusted and walks away because she was never attracted to you in the first place.<----This is still good because now you know to stop wasting your time on her.

Now my mentality is:

"Uh oh, its been an hour and all we've been doing is chatting. Better try to escalate, otherwise I'll probably never see her again."

So, I would like to ask you all for your advice on which methods should I execute if my main focus is getting her as a "girlfriend", not a "lover". How should I put things forward if the 1st priority is relationship and

I'm sure you've already heard this but again...doesn't matter if your intent is a relationship or not. Sleeping with her is your #1 priority. Making her your GF is 10x easier after that.

Also, keep in mind that even if your friends are right and sex is guaranteed after she becomes your GF, that's still probably a harder path to take. Think of it like this:

Who do you expect more of/to be a higher quality person?
A. A hookup/"lover"
B. Your GF

Your answer is probably B. Right? Well girls are no different. They hold men they want as BFs to a much higher standard than those they would sleep with.
So becoming her lover is probably easier...or at the very least no more difficult than becoming her BF. Even if she's a conservative girl.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey mate I am in Japan right now and I can say that I have missed out on about 10 lays since I have been here, through moving too slow and missing windows, my experience is if you haven't fucked her within 1hr of time spent with her, usually less, she's stone cold disinterested and ignoring. My theory is this is down to their strange repressive upbringing plus the equally strange sexual openness in Japan, leaving them mentally confused so just relying on biological instinct, and possibly the lack of aggressive men in JP, meaning they have to screen hard against time wasters. JP girls are basically Western girls on steroids, my advice is MOVE FAST, and then, MOVE EVEN FASTER. My results improved a lot in recent days since I realized this. Don't be fooled by the little girl exterior. These girls are as sophisticated as fuck, they want dick big time and will only take top shelf. Luckily you are top shelf, or on the way there. If I were you I would iron out a date plan that ends in a hotel or similar within the first 45min, then focus on PROCESS PROCESS PROCESS until your pulls are as smooth as glass.
Ray

 

[Tanathip]

Hey mate!

I would like to thank you two again for the advice. Being from a generally conservative country myself (Thailand), I was unable to fully bring myself to the mentality of moving fast and pushing for the close early on in the interaction. When I met her, she was dead nervous and then I tried to comfort her up by touching on her shoulders, which she said out loud "Iyada! Iyada!", meaning that she didn't want it and therefore I took my hand of her shoulders. I was confused with the signal as of why she was so nervous and afraid of me. So I took her to the restaurant and tried to accomplish some conversation with her and went on about 2 hours of talking (though her having a strong eye contact and remaining relatively nervous). After a fun lunch session together, I noticed that she opened up with a big smile on her face and with a happy go lucky attitude, and I think it was time to escalate and build compliance. I said, "Look, let's go to the coffee shop and talk some more.". She said "Nope, I'm going home dude." sort of thing. After convincing her 3 times and trying to lead her forward, she did not comply and ran to the bus stop to go home. I was left speechless and I came to the realization that I was sent into the dreaded "Friend Zone". She's an exchange student and was leaving soon so I wouldn't waste my time trying to turn the game over, but big lesson learned here: I thought too much and missed an escalation window. When was the escalation window? It was when she was looking deep into my eyes over the dining table and what I should have done was touching lightly on her face or something. Stupid me...

Well, that being said, I'm going back into the pickup business with more confidence and a rock solid mindset of moving not too fast, but definitely FASTER!

Cheers,
Jay

 

[Bboy100]

In your original post, you said:

So amongst my dates, there is a girl I would like to make my girlfriend. We have met on several occasions and the attraction is still steaming hot

The fact that you met her and took no action prior to the date is important. You may have missed an escalation window on one of those few times. Because honestly, by the way you describe the situation, it sounds like she friend-zoned you a long time ago. Imo, she just saw this as platonic lunch.

Conversely, its also possible that you may have misread her being friendly as signs of attraction (we as men are biologically wired to do this!) and she was never interested in you to begin with. This is an especially easy mistake to make if you met her at work or social circle. Girls in those environments will often treat you nicely even if they have no sexual interest in you. If this is the case, there was almost nothing you could have done. The long-term fix for no initial attraction is to work on your fundamentals.

As for this specific girl, NEXT her and go find someone hotter and cooler.