The silent vacuum

[Smith]

Hey guys,

Two years ago I visited a counselor because I thought I had depression, and throughout the session, I noticed something he did that got me to open up and that is the "silent vacuum". At that time, I didn't know what's going on. But whenever I said something and he just sits there looking calm not saying a word, I would go on and explain more. I had always seen it on TV but that was the first time I've experienced that kinda pressure. Now, in seduction, sometimes I noticed I'll do the same thing to a girl without realizing it, and it's usually when I'm in a sort of meditative state. The girl would just open up and tell me more about herself without prompting. Whereas sometimes I have the bad habit of replying her comment a little too quickly with "yea" or "cool", and the conversation dies down. It was almost like I was cutting her off unintentionally and didn't allow her to pause. There were also times when I tried to force myself to go silent and it didn't work, the girl would leave the conversation. I think maybe the vibe behind it and the timing is very important. If anyone has figured out the psychology or mechanism behind this for it to work, I would be keen to hear it. =)

Cheers!

 

[Lover]

Isn't that the same as the pregnant pause? Or am I mistaking something?

 

[Smith]

Isn't that the same as the pregnant pause? Or am I mistaking something?

I'm talking about not saying anything and letting the girl invest, and I think pregnant pause is when you're talking, you pause a bit. I could be wrong haha forgot what a pregnant pause is. For example, the silent vacuum I'm referring to

Me: "so why did you decided to do art instead of engineering?
Her: "hmm I like art more because I felt like it was my calling"
Me looking calm and not saying anything.
Her: "well I've always....(goes on and qualify herself"

whereas if I was running on autopilot

Me: "so why did you decided to do art instead of engineering?
Her: "hmm I like art more because I felt like it was my calling"
Me: "oh cool"
Her: "yea..."

I'm still trying to grasp how I can pull it off sometimes and when you should use it. Not saying you should always do this in a conversation because that would be weird lol so I think maybe when she's trying to qualify herself, it's a good time to stay silent. Just wondering if anyone had similar experience.

 

[Lotus]

I'm still trying to grasp how I can pull it off sometimes and when you should use it. Not saying you should always do this in a conversation because that would be weird lol so I think maybe when she's trying to qualify herself, it's a good time to stay silent. Just wondering if anyone had similar experience.

This has happened to me now that I think about it, and yeah it seems to come in a form of a qualification mostly. If you let the silence brew it shows that you are expecting more from her.

I've also noticed it when you ask a girl a question and she answers but doesn't relate and invest back.

My girl did it to meet the other day and it was kind of an extreme example but....

Me: Have you ever tried anal?
Her: No.
......*15 minutes later*
Her: I open to trying though, have you?

Completely on accident, but my impression is that it wouldn't get noticed as much in high energy situations as low energy ones. Maybe I'm completely off. Just thinking as I write.

 

[jdoc]

Definitely an interesting topic right here! Lately I've been experimenting around with it a little bit. I tend to talk too much during approaches, so recently I've tried to let the silence sink in, putting the social pressure on the girl to talk. It's worked with screening girls as well - I figure that girls who were giving me reactions instead of results would tend to say something like, "well I better head off now" whenever I stop talking, whereas girls who are attracted will make an effort keep the conversation going.

Can anyone relate to this?

 

[Bboy100]

If anyone has figured out the psychology or mechanism behind this for it to work, I would be keen to hear it.

I naturally use this on a lot of my dates. Girls will literally sit there for like 30+ mins and talk about shit and I'll say almost nothing throughout.

Imo, there are two contributing factors to when it works and when it doesn't:
1. The vibe of the convo. If the vibe is that of "We just ran out of shit to say and now its that awkward silence", it won't work. But if it's that more relaxed vibe of "I'm just chillin back and really enjoying the stuff you're talking about" it usually works really well.
2. Her level of investment/comfort with you. I've noticed that at the start of almost all my dates, I have to ask a LOT of questions and relate back to them. That's because she's not yet comfortable enough with me to volunteer information. So she'll only tell me what I want to know. Probably because she feels like if she does her own thing, she might "screw up". But once she feels comfortable/realizes that I'm a non-judgmental person, she starts to open up and and auto-invest like this a LOT.

 

[jdoc]

2. Her level of investment/comfort with you. I've noticed that at the start of almost all my dates, I have to ask a LOT of questions and relate back to them. That's because she's not yet comfortable enough with me to volunteer information. So she'll only tell me what I want to know. Probably because she feels like if she does her own thing, she might "screw up". But once she feels comfortable/realizes that I'm a non-judgmental person, she starts to open up and and auto-invest like this a LOT.

Definitely an interesting thought - will try this myself sometime!