There's another man

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

So this girl that I went on a date with and we're going on a second date, she's bee talking to this other dude for a month now. She told me this like a couple days after I met her and then we went on the date. I know the other guy, he went to my high school. All three of us go to the same college. How do I solve this problem, it seems like I'm gonna have to compete to an extent and that she's gonna have to choose. What I'm worried about is that things could get ugly. This guy used to be a drug dealer and there's a possibility he could get violent if he finds out I'm with her on the side. For example she told me he got really mad when he saw her talking to other guys. Maybe I should back out? Idk my desire to find a girlfriend seems to override my fear of this guy. Tbh he's an okay dude but he probably won't be if I get any closer to this girl. I just want to know what the best course of action is if this guy finds out (if I fight him It could trigger my bipolar disorder and I could go into a mania, so fighting isn't really an option). Ideas?

P.S.

I realize I'm getting ahead of myself, but I like to make plans, I like to plan ahead. I realize this is just a possibility.

 

[Will_V]

The answer for these messy 'social circle' situations is always the same: learn game and find new women nobody you know knows. There's a whole world out there with 3.5 billion honeys, why put yourself in a potentially bad spot? Red flags everywhere - you already know he could cause you trouble, but also, why is she dating an ex drug dealer, and why is she double dipping, is that girlfriend material (that's what you say you want)?

If he's a violent natured guy, and you're not, beware also that he will likely be able to sway her a lot more than you do - and I don't necessarily mean by direct threat, but because such people tend to have much greater psychological dominance. He's already had a month with her.

If she's really worth it (unlikely) and you want to have fun then take your frame to the smithy and get ready for potential trouble. But it doesn't sound like you're ready for a confrontation.

Personally, I prefer having enough options that throwing a stinky fish back in the river every now and then is not an issue. There are plenty of great girls out there who aren't bringing in baggage like that.

 

[Conquistador]

What I'm worried about is that things could get ugly. This guy used to be a drug dealer and there's a possibility he could get violent if he finds out I'm with her on the side.

If you're concerned about this, than consider avoiding the whole situation.

For example she told me he got really mad when he saw her talking to other guys. Maybe I should back out? Idk my desire to find a girlfriend seems to override my fear of this guy.

Well, is she really GF material? Better no GF than a lousy GF, particularly if, as you say, you have a mood disorder.

(if I fight him It could trigger my bipolar disorder and I could go into a mania, so fighting isn't really an option)

If this is a realistic possibility, might be best to avoid the whole situation and find a no-drama, stable, healthy relationship.

Also, are you sure this is girl is a good potential GF? Because while a healthy, loving LTR is an excellent mood stabilizer, a messy one could cause a lot of trouble, particularly if you have comorbid anxiety. In your position I would try to make sure from the beginning that any future breakup will be as smooth, amicable as possible and likely to segue into a close platonic friendship.

You should be screening girls carefully. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about here.

I realize I'm getting ahead of myself, but I like to make plans, I like to plan ahead. I realize this is just a possibility.

This is a very good thing.

Good luck and happy hunting!

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

The answer for these messy 'social circle' situations is always the same: learn game and find new women nobody you know knows. There's a whole world out there with 3.5 billion honeys, why put yourself in a potentially bad spot? Red flags everywhere - you already know he could cause you trouble, but also, why is she dating an ex drug dealer, and why is she double dipping, is that girlfriend material (that's what you say you want)?

If he's a violent natured guy, and you're not, beware also that he will likely be able to sway her a lot more than you do - and I don't necessarily mean by direct threat, but because such people tend to have much greater psychological dominance. He's already had a month with her.

If she's really worth it (unlikely) and you want to have fun then take your frame to the smithy and get ready for potential trouble. But it doesn't sound like you're ready for a confrontation.

Personally, I prefer having enough options that throwing a stinky fish back in the river every now and then is not an issue. There are plenty of great girls out there who aren't bringing in baggage like that.

I approached a couple girls today because I was worried about her being the only option, if I could have another lead that’s at least as good as her then I could just focus on the other and she may act differently as if she’s losing me, not that I would be talking to another girl for just that effect. But yeah I’m just gonna keep on looking for a second girl and cross my fingers this guy doesn’t find out in the mean time.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

If you're concerned about this, than consider avoiding the whole situation.

Well, is she really GF material? Better no GF than a lousy GF, particularly if, as you say, you have a mood disorder.

If this is a realistic possibility, might be best to avoid the whole situation and find a no-drama, stable, healthy relationship.

Also, are you sure this is girl is a good potential GF? Because while a healthy, loving LTR is an excellent mood stabilizer, a messy one could cause a lot of trouble, particularly if you have comorbid anxiety. In your position I would try to make sure from the beginning that any future breakup will be as smooth, amicable as possible and likely to segue into a close platonic friendship.

You should be screening girls carefully. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about here.

This is a very good thing.

Good luck and happy hunting!

This is a stable girl, good mental health from what I can tell, physically a 7, and a personality that is harmonious with mine. Every time we meet it is an atmosphere of understanding and acceptance. On the first date we were already sharing personal shit. Idk I’m inexperienced so I don’t know how much better it can get than that. I don’t have a good wealth of experience I can draw on to compare to her. There are some logistical things that are in my favor were this guy to find out. He can only access me via university, so if he assaulted me there would be witnesses and he would be charged, as long as he’s not stupid he’ll understand that. During quarantine I hit on a few girls that had boyfriends by accident, this was online tho, but the guys just responded with “hey don’t talk to my girl” I’m expecting the same would happen in this circumstance, I would just get a warning. I’m gonna play it by ear, im gonna ask this girl what exactly is going on with this guy, and most importantly I’m gonna find women who are less trouble

 

[Conquistador]

This is a stable girl, good mental health from what I can tell, physically a 7, and a personality that is harmonious with mine. Every time we meet it is an atmosphere of understanding and acceptance. On the first date we were already sharing personal shit. Idk I’m inexperienced so I don’t know how much better it can get than that. I don’t have a good wealth of experience I can draw on to compare to her.

A lack of red flags doesn't necessarily mean that you will end up with a stable, exclusive relationship. Make sure you know what you're getting into.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

A lack of red flags doesn't necessarily mean that you will end up with a stable, exclusive relationship. Make sure you know what you're getting into.

That’s an interesting point, could you elaborate on that

 

[Conquistador]

That’s an interesting point, could you elaborate on that

Disclaimer: I don't have any significant firsthand relationship experience...yet.

-Building an LTR takes work. From getting a girl to commit, to keeping her devoted and faithful, to growing together and staying together, it's not a walk in the park.
-Is she aware of the kind of emotional support you might need from her, both all the time and from time to time? Is she willing and able to provide that support?
-Can you provide for her emotional, sexual and other needs effectively?
-Are you strong enough to handle all this, and handle her? I don't mean emotionally tough, you're already ahead of the guy on the street, I mean dominant and manly and stuff. Particularly because you need to be extra strong in order to be able to be extra vulnerable to her.
-Can you handle any breakup smoothly?
-Will you get too invested in the relationship?
-What does she want sexually? Is that what you want?

etc etc

Also, out of curiosity, how many platonic female friends do you have and how close are you with them?

Idk tbh, I'm in a bit of a hurry. Maybe someone older and wiser can give better and more specific advice.

 

[Rakehell]

If she’s responsive to you its not his girl. I wouldn’t walk on eggshells with your sex life just because she’s talking to some other guy. Most girls have some other guy.

 

[TomInHo]

It's not that serious.

Fuck her. Keep the relationship a secret and also look for other prospects

This girl should be considered one of many until she proves otherwise

 

[Chase]

As @Rakehell and @TomInHo said.

This guy doesn't own her. He hasn't even shagged her yet from the sound of it. She's been "talking to" him for a month? He's super possessive of her? Sounds like every clingy nice guy in the friend zone ever.

What you do is shag the girl, and if it turns into a closer relationship, you tell her to cut it off with the guy.

He's her problem to deal with, not yours.

If he has some issue with having sex with a girl he isn't having sex with, tell him to take it up with her and ask her why she chose you and not him.

There's Always Another Man in Her Life

At the start of the new year, there was a thread on the boards with suggestions for new articles this year. Zac suggested one on the tendency of women to always have men in their lives... and that this should never be an obstacle for you when meeting new women. It’s a curious thing for me to...

www.girlschase.com

Chase

 

[Will_V]

As @Rakehell and @TomInHo said.

This guy doesn't own her. He hasn't even shagged her yet from the sound of it. She's been "talking to" him for a month? He's super possessive of her? Sounds like every clingy nice guy in the friend zone ever.

What you do is shag the girl, and if it turns into a closer relationship, you tell her to cut it off with the guy.

He's her problem to deal with, not yours.

If he has some issue with having sex with a girl he isn't having sex with, tell him to take it up with her and ask her why she chose you and not him.

There's Always Another Man in Her Life

At the start of the new year, there was a thread on the boards with suggestions for new articles this year. Zac suggested one on the tendency of women to always have men in their lives... and that this should never be an obstacle for you when meeting new women. It’s a curious thing for me to...

www.girlschase.com

Chase

Fair point, maybe I was wrong here. Better to be the man that shoots his shots than not.