Time to be Honest.

[Bboy100]

I've always been a very competitive person. When it comes to something I don't care about or is only a little hobby, I'm pretty chill. But when its something I have passion for, I absolutely despise losing. I distinctly remember crying one time after losing a Wrestling match in high school (I rarely lost).

Well...this same competitiveness has started to come up in the context of seduction. And even though its motivating me to take action like never before, it's absolutely ruining my emotional health and my overall life satisfaction.

Anytime I:
- Lose a girl
- Get cockblocked
- See another guy being successful with a girl when I'm not
- Feel like I didn't perform as well as I should have
- Had an unsuccessful night
...and so on.

I completely lose my shit. I just came back from a night out where I was chatting with a girl who was a sure thing. Then out of no where, her friends (who were at a different venue till then) came out of nowhere and whisked her away from me. I've literally been punching my bed and my pillow in rage over this. Similarly, last night a dude took a girl home from a small get together we were having. I felt jealous and frustrated. I didn't even like the girl he went home with. I think she's ugly. I was just butthurt cause he was getting laid and I wasn't. The other day, roommate fucked a new girl. His success and the fact that I accomplished nothing caused lots of internal suffering. A few weeks ago, I saw a guy making progress with a girl who had previously rejected me. This was infuriating. I went on a date with a girl the other day. Worst date since my absolute beginner days. I fucked up in too many ways to list. The amount of self-loathing and uncontrollable negative-self talk that occurred after that was unreal.

I've also been flaked on about 10 times in the past month or so. And although I've had lots of makeouts, I haven't taken any girls to bed in the past month or so. Plus, I've been running into an exceptional amount of rejection when I go out to day game. The lack of (recent) success, combined with the jealousy and frustration from seeing others around me succeed is making me miserable.

Now...to expect to ALWAYS get what I want and to ALWAYS be better than everyone around me is unrealistic. I don't want to fix the external problem. I want to learn to deal with the fact that sometimes, I'll lose. There are bad nights, bad weeks and sometimes even bad months. In the end, it should be nbd cause ik I'll get there sooner or later. Even though I know this, it seems like my emotions are running haywire.

Advice on how to deal with this?

 

[PrettyDecent]

Bboy,

Back in August when I got back into game after a (ugly) breakup, I didn't reach success for 2 or 3 months. A few guys that I talked to who are veterans in the seduction community said it only takes them a week after a long break to be where they were before.

And like you, I'm very competitive. The breakup mixed with the victim mentality plus the constant rejection and lack of success made me emotionally unstable, and while it's probably a little deep to discuss on this post, had me fighting thoughts of suicide.

Interestingly enough, in the last month or so, I've started sleeping with the highest quality of girls I've ever had. And they just keep coming. So, I guess you could call it a breakthrough. But I had to keep fighting and approaching despite the ego beatings to make it.

Sounds like you're already doing it yourself, man. You've got a lot of experience as it is, and if you keep doing what you're doing, you're probably going to have a breakthrough at some point.

And once you're experiencing success, then your roommate fucking a new girl, or some girl you rejected flirting with some guy actually won't mean anything to you. And you'll just remember how much success you're having on your own.

If there's something I'd suggest other than "keep doing what you're doing" is the obvious suggestion to try and find where you're messing up by writing the whole interaction down. Field-reporting, I guess.

Anyway, I'm pretty confident you'll start achieving results again, you've done it before many times

Nick

 

[mindful]

Hey man, I feel you. Since moving to a new city over the summer I have been focusing more on dating and seduction after months of not doing it. It's funny, after only being out here a month, my friend told me I went on more dates than him or any of his friends have in the past year! Which, I'm not surprised by. For most guys seduction and getting girls is not a high priority... and life is all about priorities and where you focus your time.

But, I consider myself more on the sensitive side and get real bent out of shape when things don't go my way or are out my control. And seduction is a big fucking roller coaster for sure (especially for me). Like you, when I mess up with a girl or things go wrong I definitely get down on myself and get pissed. If I go on a date and don't get laid, I honestly think of the time I wasted and then try to put it out of my mind. While most other people come home and play video games or something and don't go through those emotional highs and lows week-after-week with going on dates and trying to get girls.

This past month has been a lot of failures for me as well. Flakes, failed lays at my apartment, not getting girls back to my apartment. But think about the effort we are putting in man, yeah it sucks but this is life and we are playing it. I still find it hard to have abundance mentality honestly. I wish I had more consistent rotation of girls to sleep with but I don't have any. Every new girl is a new seduction, and I'm just looking for one to stick, even after a first-date sex.

I've honestly considered therapy recently to deal with little things in life that completely throw my day off. My good friend recommends it since he knows I get bent out of shape with dating and also that i'm a sensitive person where a lot of things just bother me. Honestly, I think just going through flakes and the same scenerios over-and-over definitely helps to numb the effects it brings, but it is more an internal problem than an external one. How to change that? I don't know man. It's tough. It's one thing to say, "yeah, I'm not going to let this bother me and upset me", but then another to actually push it out of your mind and focus on other things. The only thing that has helped me when I was stuck on a girl or a negative feeling has been time. It might take a few days, or a few weeks... but eventually just one day that feeling, or anxiety I'm having about something just disappears... and fades away. I would really like to figure out how to cut this down and have more control but it hasn't happened yet haha.

 

[skin_man]

Keep being this way. I don't see anything wrong with it. The internal suffering you speak of needs you to ease into things by putting things into perspective ALWAYS.

So simply allow you competitive streak to rule you till it gets what it wants, but if you don't, put things in perspective.

iblew it with those girls
Hmm.. I could have been more stupid but she at least listened to me spit in her face.

My room mate fucked a girl but i didn't, time to see that i could have had a roommate who watched porn 24/7 and never went out.

And so on.

 

[Bboy100]

Thanks for the words of encouragement guys!

And once you're experiencing success, then your roommate fucking a new girl, or some girl you rejected flirting with some guy actually won't mean anything to you. And you'll just remember how much success you're having on your own.

What's interesting to me was that back before I was any good at this stuff, seeing other guys experience success didn't really bother me. Since I was pretty shitty at talking to girls, I figured that its completely natural that there would be guys who are more successful than me. It's only after I got somewhat competent that I started to develop an ego.

The other thing to note is that part of the issue is definitely the fact that I don't really have anything else going for me. I'm about to finish my undergrad. And in only a year, I'll be starting my masters then gunning for a Psyd. The problem with this is that up till now, the only contribution I made to the world was sticking my nose in books and handing in meaningless assignments to professors. And it seems like it'll probably be more of the same for the next four to five years. I feel like if there was something else I could really bite my teeth into, bad days with seduction would be less troublesome for me.

Of course, this brings to light a deeper issue...the fact that I tie my sense of self into external accomplishments. In middle school and high school it was Wrestling. In college it was getting girls. So even if I find something else, all I'll be doing is replacing the activity or skill. The core issue will not be resolved. I need to stop relating my sense of worth to external achievement or competence at a particular skill(s). But I've still yet to figure out how exactly I would go about doing that. :/

 

[killerman]

Well what other stuff do you do with your time? If I remember correctly you used to go to the gym, right? Also easiest thing to figure out how to make a contribution to the world, what are your passions, like what stuff do you like other than girls?

 

[Bboy100]

If I remember correctly you used to go to the gym, right?

Yes, but I only go to the gym because it helps me stay in shape and remain healthy. It can be kinda fun. But it's not something I'm super into.

Well what other stuff do you do with your time?

There are plenty of other things I do with my time. But similar to the gym, they don't inspire the same level of passion as going out to meet girls does. They're all either things I have to do to reach my goals (e.g. studying/school) or things which are fun, but I do casually (e.g. skiing)

what are your passions, like what stuff do you like other than girls?

I have had other passions before. And I had the same problem. First, it was videogames (admittedly I played them a very unhealthy amount.). Then in High School, it was Wrestling. And as I mentioned before, I was the same way with Wrestling as I am with girls. I couldn't stand losing. In fact, my self-esteem was so tied into my success with Wrestling, that the few times I lost, I got depressed for a full day when it happened.

Which is why I'm worried. This is a consistent pattern in my life. The only thing that changes is the activity. The core issue- tieing my self-worth to my external success hasn't changed. So I fear that even after I start contributing to the world, I'll face the same problem. Just that instead of basing my self-worth on getting girls, it'll be based on success in my career.

So even five years down the road, after I've gotten my Psyd in Psychology and opened my own practice, I feel like after a while, if I'm not "the best I know" at being a therapist, I'll start to encounter the same problem.

 

[Smith]

Hey BBoy,

Can totally relate to this. You feel like shit when you're not "successful". I came across this post yesterdayhttp://www.rsdnation.com/node/127450, and it resonated with me. There is the other side of the hustle, which is self-acceptance. It's important to work hard and become the best you can be, but it's the place you're coming from that will determine whether you're happy or not. If you're working hard to run away from yourself, which you subconsciously assumed is a piece of shit, then you'll always reinforce that belief. Check out this Julien video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33pwVOqYofc

 

[SillyCarl]

BBoy

As a youngster in the game I completely understand what you feeling but I've been lucky man in getting coaching and advice this young. I always have girls in rotation, ever since I took coaching that is. Which can help during the tough days and months of game.

Basically how he explained it was guys who are new and some who've been in game tend to shoot above their universal attractive level. It's like a 4 going for a 10, he may be able to get a quick lay doing night game but can he keep the girl around long-term.

It's like an ego based thing where every guy wants to go for the hottest girls but don't have the skills, vibe, mental systems to keep those hot girls around. What he's saying is go for girls that are naturally interested in you and want to keep you around long-term first then work your way up, this will ensure that you really have no dry months as you will always have girls around you. You've just got to be honest with yourself and look at your experiences with girls and rate where the girls that you've been able keep around rate from 1-10 and keep going for those for a while while working your way up. This can cut out a lot of the pain of dry seasons.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Now you're starting to get to the juicy part.

Go into the insanity. Look around and see what it has to offer.

Hector