FR++ Tinder Lunch Date

[JDB7750]

I get a message from this girl on Tinder. She is absolutely a 9.5. Tall, brunette, fake tits, perfect body, gorgeous face. We go back and forth about where she lives, etc when she suddenly just says that she is free tomorrow day and we should go out to lunch tomorrow nearby where I live (I work from home). I tell her that I'm already wanting to make tomorrow a "sick day" and that she is "bad influence " She replies with saying that she'll just bring me lunch so I don't get in trouble, and that she is such a bad influence, but trying to change that. She had a job interview that morning, which would make it so that she wasn't free during the days anymore, so I wasn't sure if saying she was a bad influence was a sexual reference or referring to how she has days free and always distracts people during the work day.

Anyways, fast forward to the next day. She meets me outside of my place wearing a short tight dress, and we walk to a place nearby to grab lunch. We have a great time and chat for about an hour. Afterwards, I say I can probably take the rest of the day off and we should go to another daytime drinking spot nearby. She agrees, but almost on autopilot, we walk back to my place and as she comes up without me ever asking her if she wanted to come back. She just kinda did, maybe just for a quick stop before going to the other place, I wasn't sure.

Fast forward about 10 minutes, we're sitting on the couch talking. I've got my arm around her waist and we're both drinking a beer. I grab her and we start kissing. Pretty intensely. Now, I'm a guy who usually escalates pretty quickly and have slept with a lot of girls that i've taken home from clubs/bars, etc but I couldn't figure out the move this time. I didn't want to blow it with this girl, and while normally that wouldn't stop me, it was the middle of the day and it was a tinder lunch date and I didn't want to come across as a guy that just automatically assumes she's gonna have sex because it's Tinder. If that wasn't what she was after than I'd just come across as a sleaze and would probably never see her again. If it was night, and I had invited her up, etc I would've thought much differently...but I just wasn't sure about all of it. Her messages, her actions, they all could've been innocent and easily misconstrued.

So we kiss for a few minutes, but I completely fail to escalate. I've got my hand around her waist but I'm not feeling her body at all (very unlike me, I've been known to finger girls on the dance floor). I'm holding the side of her head/neck while we kiss but that's about it. As a way to test whether this girl wanted to get down or not, I ask her if she wants the tour of my place. I grab her by the hand (which 99% of the time is what I do when taking a girl back to my room for sex) and take her to the other rooms in my place first, ending in my room. Once in my room, I grab her again and start kissing her but still not feeling her body at all. Just kissing. After about 15 secs of this, she says well we should probably get going to that other bar we were talking about going to. I was really just waiting to see her reaction in my room before escalating.

We go to this other bar, talk again for another few hours and proceed to kiss a lot just at the bar. After a few hours, she says that she has to get home and we should take off. She talks about how we should see each other soon, maybe the next day. She gave some reason about her dog. She enedd up back outside of my place, and because of how worried she seemed about her dog I didn't even bother asking her upstairs again. Instead just walk her to her car and kiss her before leaving.

We texted that night and all seemed good. She texted back night with a kiss face. The next day I text to see what she is doing that night, she had friends in town so was hanging with them, but still was still really engaging in her texts. I wait a few days and text her to see how rest of weekend was. Her responses are once again seemingly very engaged. However, when I go to ask her what her week looks like, she responds with some bullshit line about doing yoga every night with her roommate and how she wasn't drinking that week. I tell her have fun, namaste and cool it for a week. Then I text her about a week later to go grab drinks and she responds with some other bullshit about how she just started dating someone that she was set up with, but that I was so much fun and blah blah blah.

I know she isn't dating anyone because I still see her active on Tinder. I'm guessing this girl really wanted me to escalate physically both times I had the chance, and pretty much wrote me off when I didn't. Basically the plan of not blowing it resulting in exactly that happening - blowing it. Do you think that I blew it? I mean I did make somewhat of a move by kissing her and leading her to my room, I just didn't escalate. On the other side though, she didn't really give me a chance to escalate once we got to my room by suggesting that we leave.

What can I do? How can I get this girl back and show her that I'm the confident, sexual guy that I am. Please help, I don't really care about girls that get away too much but this one is driving me crazy because I feel it was such a sure thing, and I probably could've converted her into a steady hookup at worst or a girlfriend at best.

 

[Ross]

Re: FR ++: Tinder Lunch Date

JDB,

Yeah, it sounds like this girl wanted to do a little more than kissing when she came back to your place. Even if she does present the objection that she doesn't want to be some Tinder pick-up, you're going to have to move past it at some point in the interaction. Better to have persisted to (or past) the line than never at all.

What can I do? How can I get this girl back and show her that I'm the confident, sexual guy that I am. Please help, I don't really care about girls that get away too much but this one is driving me crazy because I feel it was such a sure thing, and I probably could've converted her into a steady hookup at worst or a girlfriend at best.

If you've asked a girl back out on a date and she's come up with bullshit 2-3 times in a row, it's probably time to implement a hard push as a final gesture of interest. Luckily the hard push is a pretty easy, step-by-step process:

1) Warmly text her saying hi, and suggest a meet-up.
2) If she says no because XYZ, continue asking her while shooting down her objections.
3) If you've asked her about 3 times and she's still saying no she can't, then leave her with a text saying that perhaps it's better that she tell you when if/when she's free.

Any more asking her out and it'll start to look a lot like chasing and less like persistence. The most you can hope for is that the hard push will work, or maybe she'll think of you down the line. If that doesn't happen, you're probably going to need to move on.

 

[JDB7750]

Re: FR ++: Tinder Lunch Date

Thanks for the advice, some really good stuff in there. I think she wanted to do more than kissing as well, but I guess what I'm really wondering is if I blew it. Sure, I didn't aggressively grab her tits or start fingering her, but I did lead her back to my room. If she wanted to do more than kiss, I would think she would know that I was on the same page and give me some time to make my move in the bedroom rather than just say we should leave. What I'm really upset with myself over though, is that she had decided at that point already that I was not being a confident, sexual guy and she was not turned on. Like had I just done what I usually do which is assume that a girl alone making out with me wants to have sex, it would've happened.

As far as the hard push, I pretty much already did that. She said she started seeing someone. I said didn't think our first date would our last after how it went. She said yea, i had so much fun with you. it's not like i have a boyfriend it just may be going that way and I didn't want to ignore and have you think it was because of you. I said, well you're technically still single so no harm taking me up on dinner/drinks. She said hahaha, i'll for sure let you know. Then that was it, I didn't respond. What the hell should I do now? I know this girl is very attracted to me, we had a great time, and I'm 99% sure she wanted to bang. There has gotta be a way to get her back over here.

 

[Ross]

Re: FR ++: Tinder Lunch Date

If she wanted to do more than kiss, I would think she would know that I was on the same page and give me some time to make my move in the bedroom rather than just say we should leave.

Girls don't usually think about this sort of thing logically. They're there, kissing you, then after a certain amount of time they may start to get bored or feel like things should move forward. That's why she took the initiative in saying that you two should head out for drinks. It's not that she wanted to specifically go out for drinks, but rather that she wanted to move on with things. She probably would've been okay with you taking the escalation to the next level after she suggested going out for the drinks now, just as long as you lead towards something more productive.

As far as the hard push, I pretty much already did that. She said she started seeing someone. I said didn't think our first date would our last after how it went. She said yea, i had so much fun with you. it's not like i have a boyfriend it just may be going that way and I didn't want to ignore and have you think it was because of you. I said, well you're technically still single so no harm taking me up on dinner/drinks. She said hahaha, i'll for sure let you know. Then that was it, I didn't respond. What the hell should I do now? I know this girl is very attracted to me, we had a great time, and I'm 99% sure she wanted to bang. There has gotta be a way to get her back over here.

If you've already done the hard push and left her to contact you, I don't know of much more you should do. Sure, it sucks not being seen as an attractive sexual guy by a woman, but you can't worry about trying to salvage her first impression - it's already happened. All you can focus on is things moving forward, and right now moving forward means letting her go for now because things just didn't end up happening.

 

[JDB7750]

Re: FR ++: Tinder Lunch Date

Girls don't usually think about this sort of thing logically. They're there, kissing you, then after a certain amount of time they may start to get bored or feel like things should move forward. That's why she took the initiative in saying that you two should head out for drinks. It's not that she wanted to specifically go out for drinks, but rather that she wanted to move on with things

Yea, I think you're right on here. However, wouldn't she take me leading her to my room as moving things forward. She even made a comment about why I was showing her my room last (I showed all my roommates rooms first, just so that she wouldn't be like lets see the rest of the "tour"). So we went from the couch where we only kissed to my room where I grabbed her and started kissing her up against the wall but still nothing more than kissing. Give me 30 secs more though and I'd of escalated. So I agree that girls get bored easily and want things to move forward, but I would think she would take moving from the couch to my room as moving things forward, right?

If you've already done the hard push and left her to contact you, I don't know of much more you should do. Sure, it sucks not being seen as an attractive sexual guy by a woman, but you can't worry about trying to salvage her first impression - it's already happened. All you can focus on is things moving forward, and right now moving forward means letting her go for now because things just didn't end up happening.

I might of screwed up here but I pretty much decided today that she wanted to bang and I blew it by not escalating fast enough. Ironically, because I didn't want to blow it. The other possibility is that I blew it after we went to the other bar and I didn't invite her back upstairs again, because of her saying she had to get home for her dog, which was the reason we left the bar. The third possibility which isn't really about not escalating but could be an issue because I had another absolute bombshell go from being way into me to cold and standoffish recently - I tend to kiss too much while on the date, like at the bar, walk home, in the car, etc, etc...think some girls may be turned off by that.

Anyways, the reason I say I may have screwed up here is that i responded to her "hahaha i'll for sure let you know" text today. I just said "You should...next time will be even more fun " I wanted to say it just to at least make her think, and also so that if it was just sex she wanted she'd know I'm acknowledging that I didn't escalate the way I should of. What do you think of that text...good or bad for this situation? Also, since asking a girl to dinner who probably just wanted to bang was a mistake, I've thought about sending a really bold text like "forget dinner...why don't you just come over and I'll show you what I mean" Would you recommend this or no?

Lastly, I'm thinking of possibly following her on Instagram (her ig name is on her tinder profile). The reason I'd do this is so that she'd see my profile and see that just a few weeks ago I was with a girl that is maybe even hotter than her. Plus, she'd see that rather than sitting and worrying about what happened with us, I've been traveling and partying for the past week. Lastly, she'd see that i do more for a living than what I mentioned. In addition to my job that she knows about, I also own a lifestyle brand and my ig has pics of photoshoots, etc. May at least make her re-consider what she thinks she knows about me. Thoughts?

 

[Ross]

Re: FR ++: Tinder Lunch Date

Anyways, the reason I say I may have screwed up here is that i responded to her "hahaha i'll for sure let you know" text today. I just said "You should...next time will be even more fun " I wanted to say it just to at least make her think, and also so that if it was just sex she wanted she'd know I'm acknowledging that I didn't escalate the way I should of. What do you think of that text...good or bad for this situation? Also, since asking a girl to dinner who probably just wanted to bang was a mistake, I've thought about sending a really bold text like "forget dinner...why don't you just come over and I'll show you what I mean" Would you recommend this or no?

Lastly, I'm thinking of possibly following her on Instagram (her ig name is on her tinder profile). The reason I'd do this is so that she'd see my profile and see that just a few weeks ago I was with a girl that is maybe even hotter than her. Plus, she'd see that rather than sitting and worrying about what happened with us, I've been traveling and partying for the past week. Lastly, she'd see that i do more for a living than what I mentioned. In addition to my job that she knows about, I also own a lifestyle brand and my ig has pics of photoshoots, etc. May at least make her re-consider what she thinks she knows about me. Thoughts?

I highly recommend you read this article. You're displaying tell-tale signs of chasing by going to extreme lengths to get noticed by this girl.

 

[JDB7750]

Re: FR ++: Tinder Lunch Date

Thank again for the feedback. I definitely don't want to chase the girl, but I was baseing those ideas off of the article about how to get the girl back. It said make her see with you other girls, etc...well just a few weeks ago I was out with a model so thought maybe she'd see that and be oh, this guy has got serious options. It suggested at a party, but I know that's not gonna happen so instagram is the next best i guess.

The ship has probably sailed, and honestly I'll probably never know if she was a sure thing looking for the D or if she would've gotten up and left had I tried being more aggressive. I would think had she just been over it immediately after, she probably wouldn't of send long, engaging texts. Obviously something happened to change the game.

Everything that was said and done could easily be just as innocent as they were aggressive. I've never really been in the situation where the girl is back at my place without me ever inviting her back to my place - like i just started walking upstairs and she followed. I get girls back to my place all the time, but its usually by asking "wanna go watch a movie or something", or the more bold "i can't wait to get you to my place". We were almost there just as a quick stopping point between lunch and going to another spot. Her texts me to saying that I was so much fun, almost makes me think that just fun isn't what she's looking for. She is pushing 30, though looks like she's 24.

So what would be your advice now? Text her in a month? Leave it alone completely? Go bang a random tonight? I'd really like to get this girl back whether as a hook up or more and bottom line still remains that she we were clearly into each other and had a really fun time. It shouldn't be that hard. I just don't get it. I get that there was something she didn't like, but come on clearly there was something else we wouldn't of been making out and laughing the whole time.

On a completely different note, do you think kissing a girl too much during a date is working against me?