Tips on how to build your social circle when you don't really know anyone

[Orgasmatron]

Hey dudes,

So, any tips on how to build your social circle when you are kindof new in town and you don't really know anyone?

I need to be in more social situations to meet girls, but it would be good to have some guys friends too.

There's work, but there are only 10 people at my work - 2 guys there would go out, so I'll be hitting the bars with them at some point.

There's hippy neighbour girl who I smoked a joint with a while ago. Trying to get out with her and her boyfriend - I figure she might know people.

Apart from that, I don't really know anyone.

All the internet advice is pretty useless - volunteer at a cat shelter or take a class to learn how to speak French or cook. But I don't think anything like that is going to have much of a pay-off either in available chicks or cool dudes to know.

Any suggestions?

For context, I'm in UK and a good bit past college age, if any of that makes a difference.

Cheers.

 

[Rakehell]

I’m going to assume you’re someone who presents themself as someone who’d be cool to hangout with in a non needy non tryhard way.

When out talk to everyone especially people that look cool to you.

Other than that all I can say is be more outgoing, try including yourself in a socially savvy way if presented with an opportunity, start things and bring people in; don’t always wait for invites, send them out yourself too.

When out with people be a socially valuable guy.

 

[fog]

picture this.

you're sitting alone on a chair at a dimly lit bar. and as you are looking around for a girl to talk to, you spot an awkward shrimp standing in the corner. as you gaze towards him, your mind is drawn to the fact that....he desperately wants to talk to someone, but doesn't know how.

so you get out of your chair, walk over there and introduce yourself. and you nearly puke from stench of desperation hanging in the air around him. but as you connect with him, you get the sense that this kinda guy might be worth keeping around. because you realize that... he can help you achieve your goal. so you exchange contact information with him and make plans to meet again.

3 months later, you're at the same dimly lit bar - this time, sitting on a cozy couch in the VIP section, surrounded by a familiar group of cool guys and girls. you feel a warm sense of belonging, and you can't help but think....this is my social circle!

you might wonder how you got here. well, after meeting the first awkward shrimp, you decided to continue doing it. you hit the bar weekend after weekend, meeting more and more shrimps in dark corners...until one day, you invited all of them to meet each other and hang out as a group. and after a couple times of smoking weed, or going to brunch, things started to snowball. the shrimps introduced you to their friends, who introduced you to their friends...and suddenly, you found yourself meeting, and hanging around with, some really cool people.

 

[Derek da man]

I think you're right, it is hard and takes work. There isn't a magic solution.

there are only 10 people at my work - 2 guys there would go out,

All the internet advice is pretty useless - volunteer at a cat shelter or take a class to learn how to speak French or cook. But I don't think anything like that is going to have much of a pay-off either in available chicks or cool dudes to know

If the only reason you are going for is to meet people then you are probably right it isn't going to work. The same would apply as in your workplace that there could potentially be "2 in 10 people" which isn't great as there are probably only just over 10 people in any class or course.

If you go to a class you're passionate about then you will hopefully get something out of the class as well so has multiple benefits, but that also increases your attraction level to other people in the class which helps.

If you just want to put effort into meeting for direct access to girls and dudes you consider cool then as @fog says, go meet in a bar and work up. There aren't any easy answers, it's taken me about 5 years to grow a good circle of freinds that then in turn give me access to others. It will take time.

 

[Lover]

An unusual strategy I have seen working recently: date/sleep with girls through online apps, then meet their social circle. If you're cool and provide value to the circle, they may accept you as a "regular" even if you break up.

 

[mist]

Step 1. Build a social life around things you like to do.

Talk to everyone everywhere. If you have a great interaction grab social media or a number and invite them to something with a soft close or just keep their info and let them know you'll be in the area. I wing manned for a dude I met at a bar and now I'd consider us friends. He could be a bar buddy for example. Have had this happen a lot by simply going out for pussy. Another bonus is that when people see other people want to be your friend they tend to want to be your friend as well.

Social proof baby yeah. That's that good shit yeah baby.

2. Have a steady social life even before you have a circle. Make something out of your house routine.

3. Talk with lot's of people. You're not always going to be awesome. Still talk to many people and do your best to present valuable parts of yourself. ( Don't take that as being douchey. Be classy

4. Grab contact info if the interaction goes well. Sometimes it goes so well they'll ask for your info. Grab a ton of peoples info and be proactive in reaching out in ways that up your chances of meeting again.

5. GO OUT GO OUT GO OUT. Find something to go out for. Go out for more than pickup. Consider even just being social for a fair portion of the days you want to just be pickupy. Two birds one stone.

6. Have a social life built around activities people will gravitate towards. Sports, dancing, alcohol, art, etc. If you want something niche like nature walking in your social life look for community clubs. Because niche activities have a lower volume but usually more devoted amount of people. People come together for activities. Simply be at activities. Social circles are usually an accident and pretty basic in how they formed. A shared activity or passion brought them together.

7. Risk being annoying and needy. You have nothing. You will lose nothing. Don't enter the sport of showing who cares the least without social capital. Even then it's a hard enough game to play with varied results. Put yourself out there and if it is annoying or needy so be it for now. Go for it earnestly and learn from it when you mess up.

List over.

I can't give you the nitty gritty of building a circle, but a big barrier to entry for dudes who ask this question is they simply aren't going out enough and doing activities lot's of people do or at least a few do outside of their house.

Even if you suck just by being a regular somewhere you'll eventually get in a circle of sorts. Probably the bottom of one or a low value one, but still. Social circles are mostly accidental.

This is sort of redundant, but I hope it helps.

Peace.

 

[Fuck This]

^ This is it /endthread

 

[Orgasmatron]

Thanks dudes,

Lots of good info here. Appreciate your input, especially @Mist22 cheers man

 

[Toby2030]

what mist said above ^ but a good point to have in mind as well is what glow describes here https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/social-circle-building-tips.25032/post-137171

 

[happynanako]

I think there is no point in forcing yourself unless

- you want to pick up a new hobby / interest

explore those things you always wanted to try out. Go there with the goal of learning it where meeting the ladies are secondary.
However, don't join those hobby where you know consist majority of guys