Tips on moving conversations to the next level

[kalyan]

So I have 2 stumbling blocks that I frequently deal with, and they're kind of similar (btw, by conversation I meant with both sexes). I've read thread cutting, looping, and amplifying, but they're too basic, so some articles might be helpful
1) I sometimes have lengthy conversations where I know I'm following the basic rule of listening more than talking, yet I have this feeling that no, I am not comfortable in this interaction and I'm not leading it (not wowing the other person). I also get the feeling that the conversation might be flowing, but it has no "direction"). So I don't dry up of subjects soon, but the things we discuss don't seem to be all that fun.
2) I have days where I'm feeling very bright, but many times, I'm not in the mood to converse. This amplifies the issue of point 1.
Any pointer on 1, or tip on being more "in the vibe" for 2 is appreciated

 

[Chase]

Kalyan-

I suspect your #s 1 and 2 both have the same root, which is most likely that you have no clear objective for the conversation.

It's impossible to lead a conversation if you don't have an idea about where you want it to go. And it's difficult to feel like conversing if you don't see much point to a chat... if there's no end point in mind.

Doesn't always have to be conscious; sometimes there's an unconscious driver where you know you want to talk to people because good things come of that. But if there's no unconscious driver, you need to set a conscious direction to take your conversations in to build that motivation.

Some possible motivations:

• Let me see if I can make this girl fall for me
• Let me see if I can make this guy want to hang out with me
• Let me see if I can make this person really enjoy talking with me
• Let me see if I can get this person to invite me to [X] event

... etc. Pick something you want to influence the other person to do, then build the conversation around that. If you're excited about the goal, you'll be motivated for the conversation, and you'll nudge it the way you want it to go.

Chase