To all the casanovas out there, would you apologize to this girl?

[perpetualsun]

Hey Everyone!

There is a girl who I have known at my college for a bit. I kinda gave her a hint I liked her at the beginning but then I lost interest in her. Therefore she is like a friend to me where there is sexual tension and a bit of ambiguity.

Anyways, we were supposed to get food together but she ended up inviting her male friend. I took this as the fact that she just thought we were friends. I couldn't go as I was sick so we decided to postpone it if I didn't feel better by today.

She then texts me asking how I felt today (which I assumed was to see if I could still go)

I said that I was fine and that if she really wanted food, she should go without me with her male friend. She then gets defensive and writes,"I was actually caring about you, u really think I just wanted to see how you were just so I could see if u could food with us?"

I then replied,

" haha I dont really know you that well but thanks for caring about me, I'll get better soon"

She then goes off and texts me "you think I'm a heartless person who only cares about food? Good to know, take care then"

I will admit I shouldn't have said "I don't really know you haha" but it was as a joke.

I think the underlying problem is that she feels frustrated I don't like her that way and her feeling rejected.

Anyways, I haven't responded yet, would u guys respond and apologize?

I know chase says to apologize in certain scenarios, is this one of them and how do I handle her?

 

[Franco]

perpetualsun,

My gut feeling here is that there is no reason to apologize, although there probably would have been better ways to handle it. Can you post the exact text conversation word for word? It sounds like she might have misconstrued what you said.

- Franco

 

[perpetualsun]

Here is the exact conversation;

I will admit I was a little bit sour and told her to just go eat with her guy friend but now realize she may have been testing to see if I was asking her on a date as she had originally said, "Jeff wants to come too" to which I replied, "sure!"

Her: r you feeling better?

Me: not bad but not good

U sound like u really want to eat there haha

You should just go with Jeff

Her: hey hey i asked how you feeling not with the intention to say if you 're feeling better then we should go eat the food...

i was genuine in asking you how you felt

Me: haha don't really know you that well yet. But thank you, I'm still sick but I should be ok soon. (I'veet her for over a month now and was somewhat joking here)

Her: and you just assumed that im a heartless person who only cares about getting food? Lol good to know, take care then.

This is the entire convo, I have no idea how to handle but would like to use this as a learning experience!

 

[Mxl158]

I don't think she's upset I think she was just joking around. No sane girl would be so insecure. It would be mega weird for you to apologize.

 

[Franco]

She then texts me asking how I felt today (which I assumed was to see if I could still go)...

Her: r you feeling better?

Me: not bad but not good

U sound like u really want to eat there haha

You should just go with Jeff

I'm not really sure why you brought up the food and the other guy when she was just asking if you were feeling better. You may suspect that her intention is probably to find out about the meal, but you should never make assumptions about what a girl is asking for over text and have her think you jumped to conclusions. Whether or not that was your intention, it's the way she's going to see it.

Next time, let her be the one bring up the topic. Just answer her question -- it's lower investment (because it doesn't make it seem like you read into it way too much) and less likely to catch you flak.

Her: hey hey i asked how you feeling not with the intention to say if you 're feeling better then we should go eat the food...

i was genuine in asking you how you felt

Me: haha don't really know you that well yet. But thank you, I'm still sick but I should be ok soon.

This probably came across as an insult to her, so she threw you under the bus for it. When you think about it, it can seem like you're saying this:

Her: I was genuine in asking how you felt
You: Well, we don't really know each other that well, so I don't believe that you care all that much. But thanks for trying.

You have to be careful in the way you word your text messages. One of the biggest complaints women have about men texting them is that they don't take the time to read the message over and analyze how it comes across. What you might have intended to be a joke actually came across as an insult to her (and she wasn't blowing it out of proportion now that you've shown me the text; I can see where she was coming from). So you need to be careful with what you say. If you're ever in doubt about the way a message will come across, you're better off just shortening the text and removing the sections that she can take the wrong way. Just make sure to re-read every message you're about to send to yourself first and think about how it will come across to her. From there, you can decide whether or not it's ready to send. If you feel like it's not, then take your time and make sure the message doesn't risk sending across any bad vibes.

You could apologize to her, but I'm not sure it would really do you any good. It sounds like she might have already been trying to friendzone you, and after that text message conversation, it's probably very likely that you've firmly lost any attraction you might have had from her. Unless you think she provides something as a friend that you really think you should hang on to, then I probably would just let this interaction go and meet some more women.

That's my advice!

- Franco