Hey Guys - would really appreciate your perspective on a situation I encountered with my girlfriend.
Some context:
- Been seeing each other for 2 months, officially started dating for 2 weeks
- She is Korean and highly submissive - she is willing to hang out at a moment’s notice and is almost always available for me
- She is very stable - there is never any drama, no demands for attention, etc - when we hang out it’s incredibly natural and easy going
- English is not her native tongue which presents some communication challenges and barriers
- She really likes to drink - I have told her she’s free to do what she wants but I prefer if she doesn’t; she promised to never get drunk without me
- We had a ONS and a whirlwind romance ensued
- I’ve followed the principles this site preaches and she told me she loves me; she seems to genuinely enjoy being in my presence
So here’s the story... Last Friday, I was set to go on a flight at 10 pm. I asked her to hang out that morning and she was with me until 10, until she told me she went home. While we hung out that day, we talked about how she was part of a wine club. She explained you sign up for events to sample and try wines, members are not allowed to get drunk, etc.
After I landed, I was going to send her a venmo request. I noticed she had made a payment earlier in the week for a Christmas party on the same day I was leaving related to the wine club. I thought it was odd that she never brought it up despite us talking about the club and the event being on the same day.
So I called and asked her general questions “did you go to any events this weekend?” “any wine club events”? All of which she said no to. Then I said, “so to be clear, you never made reservations for any events, including the day I was leaving?” Before she said no, I heard her quiver, pause and seem uneasy.
I told her I saw the venmo payment and asked her to explain it. She admitted that she had lied to me. She said she originally intended to go, but chose to be with me when I asked - and thought there was no need to bring it up. She called it a white lie and apologized. She said she didn’t go or would have told me about it. And she said she understood why I questioned her honesty and that she would never do it again. And that she wanted to discuss how she could build my trust back up in her. She spent a lot of time writing lengthy texts and essays to explain herself.
I didn’t understand why she didn’t tell me and told her it seemed like she was hiding something and also called her honesty into question. She said she didn’t because she wanted to be fully available to me and she thought if she told me and picked me over the event, I might feel bad. Apparently she spent $100 on it. She said it’s in her culture and upbringing to not give pressure to others or make them feel bad.
So I guess my first question is... Do you buy this rationale? To me it’s very odd it was never brought up despite us discussing the wine club on the day of AND then me asking her very directly (and giving her an easy way to tell me about it). She later said she also said no to my question because she never went to any event, but that it was her mistake for not telling me she planned to go.
I questioned if she went to the party and she said she could prove she did not go (if i wanted) by talking to members at the club, her roommate, or security footage from her building. None of which I requested.
I was willing to give her one more chance and chalk it up to miscommunication or a difference in thinking / personality. However, a few days later, I noticed that the venmo payment became private. It appears the recipient (host of the party) made all Christmas party payments private. Which are both her payment and other people’s’ payments. But oddly, another separate payment she made for a wine purchase became private too, despite other people’s payments remaininf public.
This made me scratch my head and made me think something weird was going on again, given the coincidental timing. It’s unclear who hid the payments or why.
So I’m curious what you guys think... Am I being paranoid and psycho? Insecure? Is she hiding something? Am I missing something? I normally wouldn’t care about this (what she does on venmo is her business) but because she had lied to me about this issue I feel very suspicious.
And would you confront her on this? It’s been eating me up. I am ready to cut the cord if she’s a liar since I am dating her seriously and do not want to waste time. I do really like her and she’s great in many aspects so I am swayed by my emotions.
Would really appreciate your thoughts on this. Thank you for reading this.
Some context:
- Been seeing each other for 2 months, officially started dating for 2 weeks
- She is Korean and highly submissive - she is willing to hang out at a moment’s notice and is almost always available for me
- She is very stable - there is never any drama, no demands for attention, etc - when we hang out it’s incredibly natural and easy going
- English is not her native tongue which presents some communication challenges and barriers
- She really likes to drink - I have told her she’s free to do what she wants but I prefer if she doesn’t; she promised to never get drunk without me
- We had a ONS and a whirlwind romance ensued
- I’ve followed the principles this site preaches and she told me she loves me; she seems to genuinely enjoy being in my presence
So here’s the story... Last Friday, I was set to go on a flight at 10 pm. I asked her to hang out that morning and she was with me until 10, until she told me she went home. While we hung out that day, we talked about how she was part of a wine club. She explained you sign up for events to sample and try wines, members are not allowed to get drunk, etc.
After I landed, I was going to send her a venmo request. I noticed she had made a payment earlier in the week for a Christmas party on the same day I was leaving related to the wine club. I thought it was odd that she never brought it up despite us talking about the club and the event being on the same day.
So I called and asked her general questions “did you go to any events this weekend?” “any wine club events”? All of which she said no to. Then I said, “so to be clear, you never made reservations for any events, including the day I was leaving?” Before she said no, I heard her quiver, pause and seem uneasy.
I told her I saw the venmo payment and asked her to explain it. She admitted that she had lied to me. She said she originally intended to go, but chose to be with me when I asked - and thought there was no need to bring it up. She called it a white lie and apologized. She said she didn’t go or would have told me about it. And she said she understood why I questioned her honesty and that she would never do it again. And that she wanted to discuss how she could build my trust back up in her. She spent a lot of time writing lengthy texts and essays to explain herself.
I didn’t understand why she didn’t tell me and told her it seemed like she was hiding something and also called her honesty into question. She said she didn’t because she wanted to be fully available to me and she thought if she told me and picked me over the event, I might feel bad. Apparently she spent $100 on it. She said it’s in her culture and upbringing to not give pressure to others or make them feel bad.
So I guess my first question is... Do you buy this rationale? To me it’s very odd it was never brought up despite us discussing the wine club on the day of AND then me asking her very directly (and giving her an easy way to tell me about it). She later said she also said no to my question because she never went to any event, but that it was her mistake for not telling me she planned to go.
I questioned if she went to the party and she said she could prove she did not go (if i wanted) by talking to members at the club, her roommate, or security footage from her building. None of which I requested.
I was willing to give her one more chance and chalk it up to miscommunication or a difference in thinking / personality. However, a few days later, I noticed that the venmo payment became private. It appears the recipient (host of the party) made all Christmas party payments private. Which are both her payment and other people’s’ payments. But oddly, another separate payment she made for a wine purchase became private too, despite other people’s payments remaininf public.
This made me scratch my head and made me think something weird was going on again, given the coincidental timing. It’s unclear who hid the payments or why.
So I’m curious what you guys think... Am I being paranoid and psycho? Insecure? Is she hiding something? Am I missing something? I normally wouldn’t care about this (what she does on venmo is her business) but because she had lied to me about this issue I feel very suspicious.
And would you confront her on this? It’s been eating me up. I am ready to cut the cord if she’s a liar since I am dating her seriously and do not want to waste time. I do really like her and she’s great in many aspects so I am swayed by my emotions.
Would really appreciate your thoughts on this. Thank you for reading this.
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