TomGray's Journal

[TomGray]

Hello, everyone. Since reading Chase's article on getting past sticking points, I realized it's time to start writing things down. It's been probably more than a year since I discovered the website and it's impacted my life in tremendous ways. I felt very lost and confused before, and it felt like life was just a big lottery that I kept losing. Now I know that there is nothing that can't be done if you put your mind to it methodically and passionately. However, my progress has not been as dramatic as I would like. Although the first girls I've ever kissed I met using these methods, they were also the last girls I've kissed, I'm still a virgin, and I haven't had a date since LAST YEAR. Of course, that's all on me. It's been a long dry spell. But I have hope and I feel that a breakthrough is due soon. Seeing these posts inspires me when I feel a little low.

My goals for the year are to sleep with at least one girl. If that's accomplished, then I'll bump it up to three, but I need to be realistic or I'll crush myself with stratospheric expectations.

It's gonna be a great year!

 

[TomGray]

Seeing the work that everyone else has made has helped put my own goals into perspective. I've come to the same conclusion that I realized some time ago in my workouts when I wasn't seeing any progress: I'm not working as hard as I think I am. I'm not approaching enough girls as I really need to. Definitely need to start doing night game soon. At least going to a more populous day-game arena. Ergo, I will put some things down to keep me anchored.

Daily Goals:
Non-game day: approach at least three girls
Game day: approach ten to fifteen girls
Write five pages
Check agenda

Weekly Goals:
Two game days
At least three workouts

Monthly Goals:
Take martial arts
Get new phone

Yearly goals:
Sleep with a girl
Get a new job

Fears to overcome:
Rollercoasters
Roaches (and other large insects)
Fighting

 

[TomGray]

I'm feeling that I'm pretty much at the same stratum as when I started, just smarter about it, not smoother. So, here are my sticking points:

Have trouble getting right vibe
Have trouble getting girls excited/interested
Have trouble teasing
Have trouble being smooth

When I get a number, they don't answer back

 

[charming]

I'm feeling that I'm pretty much at the same stratum as when I started, just smarter about it, not smoother. So, here are my sticking points:

Have trouble getting right vibe
Have trouble getting girls excited/interested
Have trouble teasing
Have trouble being smooth

When I get a number, they don't answer back

Don't give up! The moment right after you're about to call it all bunk and throw in the towel is a moment of growth. Keep on keeping on. You're a sexy man, girls want sexy men to seduce them and have sex with them. Don't just let us tell you you're a sexy man. Live like it!

 

[TomGray]

- Body Fundamentals
- Fashion Fundamentals
- Vocal Fundamentals
- Social Fundamentals

These are what PrettyDecent told me are the four categories of fundamentals. Let's see how I can take baby steps to improve each one. A big mistake of mine was trying to do too much too soon without having properly bolted anything down. I will continue to add to these.

-Body Fundamentals: Move slower, get haircut

Fashion Fundamentals: Wear tighter clothes, get corduroy pants?

Vocal Fundamentals: Speak slower

Social Fundamentals: Get to the root, Help others think, Relate

 

[TomGray]

Body Fundamentals: Move slower, get haircut

Fashion Fundamentals: Wear tighter clothes, get corduroy pants?

Vocal Fundamentals: Speak slower

Social Fundamentals: Get to the root, Help others think, Relate

Problems to tweak: hesitation. When I hesitate or rethink something, it dramatically undercuts the chance of me doing it and my confidence. Trust in the abilities I've gained thus far and go for it.

Also, when at school and looking good, carry a bag or something so that it doesn't look like you're just out to get girls. And actually work on whatever's in the bag.

 

[TomGray]

Body Fundamentals: Move slower, get haircut

Fashion Fundamentals: Wear tighter clothes, get corduroy pants?

Vocal Fundamentals: Speak slower

Social Fundamentals: Get to the root, Help others think, Relate

Problems to tweak: hesitation. When I hesitate or rethink something, it dramatically undercuts the chance of me doing it and my confidence. Trust in the abilities I've gained thus far and go for it.

The hesitation thing I'm working on but it's much better. Ha...this is so funny. It feels like I'm starting all over again but without the physiological nervousness of beating heart and sweaty palms. So, I have progressed somewhat!

My voice sounded weak cause I was a little nervous but I won't work on that until I start speaking slower. One thing at a time, cowboy. Moving slower I am working on too.

Improved:
Body Fundamentals: Walk, posture, facial hair, looking between eyes, hair care

Fashion Fundamentals: necklace, better shirts, better shoes, belt, layering

Vocal Fundamentals: Resonance (sometimes)

Social Fundamentals: Get to the root, Help others think, Active Listening

 

[TomGray]

Asking my coworker today if she thinks my walk is sexy and, bless her heart, she said a little bit. I asked her how I could make it sexier and she was kind enough to demonstrate. It seems that I need to put more shoulder swagger into it, more like a model.

Also, trying to grow a soul patch. I think it could look good on me, much better than the mustache I tried.

 

[TomGray]

While at work today, I saw a beautiful Latina. As I was walking to the break room, I decided to approach her but backed out at the last second and glided right on by. I beat myself up for a little bit and then started thinking about WHY I didn't follow through. She intimidated me because:

1. She was quite good-looking as opposed to just cute.
2. I was at work and I thought it would be weird.
3. I didn’t want to be rejected.

Never mind that I’ve hit on girls at work before. Never mind that I’ve been rejected hundreds of times before. I realized that I need to start seeing women as silly and cute girls. I also realized that I need to start seeing rejection as a good thing because I can learn from them.
My goals for the next time I go out:

Body: strut, sexy face, musk (wear a poncho in shower?)
Voice: talk slower, more resonance
Fashion: add bracelet
Social: dig deep, help others think, relate
And a new category:
Mentality: girls are silly and cute, rejection is a good thing because it helps you learn

 

[TomGray]

I think that a lot of my learning curve could be subverted if I work directly on being sexier. It will involve a lot of faking it until I make it.

Body: strut (almost down), sexy face and eyes(must do all the time), musk (wear a poncho in shower or just wash hair in sink), sexy body language
Voice: talk slower, more resonance
Fashion: add bracelet
Social: dig deep, help others think, relate, tease
And a new category:
Mentality: girls are silly and cute, rejection is a good thing because it helps you learn, I'm a Dolce and Gabbana male model

 

[TomGray]

Self-doubt.

My biggest mental block and sticking point, and inciter of all my unhappy feelings with women or skills in general. Last thursday, in the early day, I had self-confidence again for the first time in a long time because I had talked to a girl the day before about my values and how I had changed and improved myself. It made me realize subconsciously that I was in a better place than I used to be. I felt a weight had been lifted and I was more secure in who I was. But I lost it in the afternoon and today I had another breakdown/attack. And I felt lost and adrift. The thoughts of being a loser came to me, of not measuring up came to me. Of being older than Zphix and not nearly at his level. Of never having had sex or a girlfriend. Of not having kissed a girl since 2012 or how my recent two dates have sucked. Of not being ripped. Of not being attractive.

But I AM good-looking and I AM confident. And I DO have purpose and ambition. But my brain says to me all these things which cause me to doubt myself and compare myself to others in a negative way. I've got to work on saying "yes" to myself and not hating myself. It's so hard to do it when you're in that dark cloud of emotions. I want to be loved but I need to learn to love myself first.

 

[TomGray]

Realized that a lot of people don't take me that seriously. It's cause of my old habit of being a bit crazy to get attention. Except now that I've combined it with extroverted tendencies, I am a little outrageous. Act cool, don't seek attention, and don't be bothered.