Too Many Rejections- Starting to affect my Mood?

[Bboy100]

Ok, I've been doing a LOT of meeting women type stuff as of late. I write in my journal on an almost daily basis. Unfortunately, given my current skill level, I don't close very often at all. In fact, I usually never see the girl after a first date. Also, when I go to parties, I naturally get a lot of rejection (just the nature of playing the numbers game). But I feel like going on date after date and having no tangible success is really starting to wear me down. I'm starting to feel a little bit of anxiety and depression. This in turn, makes my game even worse. Which makes my anxiety worse and so fourth. There are also other factors at play. But they're unrelated to GC, so I won't discuss them here.

I understand that rejection is not something to take personally, and that it has very little to do with who I am and my value as a person (especially given the nature of the type of rejection I frequently face). But after chronic exposure to it, it seems like its still getting to me a little bit.

Have any of you guys gone through a similar drop in mood/happiness after getting lots of rejections? If so, how do you cope with it?

 

[Lawliet]

Have you tried viewing it as a skill?

When I first started out, it really burned me.
Then, I calmed down and sat down. I thought, wait...every time I get more experience (aka rejected), I'm a step closer to getting good.
Right?!

That's when it hit me.
Get rejected, I'm actually getting better. The skill keeps honing! Then, I just go out and hit it right on. Rejected or lay, my skill only gets better and better. It won't get better if I stop, and that will be the worse thing that can happen (much worse than a rejection from a girl who doesn't even know me or YOU; remember rejections aren't rejecting YOU, it's rejecting your skill...which of course only gets sharper and sharper as you keep it going).

 

[HellAtlantic]

Have you tried maybe going for girls who are just cute as opposed to the hotter girls? Like get your experience with a bunch of 5s and 6s before going up to the 8s and 9s. Sometimes getting a few layups will do a confidence good before you start taking the 3 point shots.

 

[HellAtlantic]

I'm telling you bro, go to a bar tonite and have 2 drinks. Then walk up to the first 6 you see and you'll get your confidence back. I'm all about nite game, bar scene is where I'm comfortable. You start talking to a 6 or someone you feel you're better looking than and you will feel all the confidence in the world. You'll give supreme eye contact and your eyes will say this and this only "you are fortunate to have me talking to you. How many better looking girls are in this bar right now not getting approached and here I am, a guy, talking to you and giving you the privilege of being seen talking to me in front of everyone. I'm increasing your social value right now talking to you. You're welcome." I'm telling you you will feel 20x more confident. I'm not saying to talk to a fat troll, just a girl you maybe normally wouldn't think about approaching because maybe she's a bit chunky than you normally go for or doesn't have a model face.

Do this for a month or two just to build your confidence back up, get reference points and have experience. Experience and reference points increase your confidence and confidence increases your attraction that other (hotter?) girls have towards you. No one goes straight to the major leagues - you gotta start off in the farm system and when you're ready for prime time then you'll get called up.

 

[Lotus]

I'm 100 percent with radeng, go out with the objective of having fun. If you don't have any success with women on a given night then fuck at least you had a jolly good time.

When I go out my goal is to have fun and meet people... Notice the emphasis is not talk to girls. The nature of meeting people will eventually lead me to meet some hot girls though.

A lot of my favorite memories aren't even girls they are just feom the interesting people I meet along the way. For example last night I met some swingers. Gay guys are pretty fun as well because most of them don't have filters.

 

[Bboy100]

Yes. I've tried all this stuff before. I lowered my standards a long time ago. If I hadn't I probably would've been on only like, 10 total lifetime dates instead of 52 just this yr. lol.
As for viewing it as a skill- yes, I've also done that. Had I not, I probably would have quit this a long time ago. No one can handle the nature of this game if he believes every rejection is a personal attack against him. lol. So I definitely have adopted this mindset.

As for viewing it with the objective of having fun- Its interesting. I came in this yr doing just that. And It worked great. But for some reason, as of late, I've felt like I "need" 2-3 dates per week. Perhaps its because I can't keep any girls in my life (cause they don't text me back after first dates). So I feel like I should always have some sort of replacement. Otherwise, I feel kind of lonely and dissatisfied with life. Given that this is the case, I feel like every time I go out, I "need" to get phone numbers. I'm aware that these are all very poisonous and irrational beliefs. But for some reason, I just can't shake them off.

Moreover, I think that this stems more from my dates and not from going out. Its the fact that I feel "stuck". Like I've gone out on a bunch of dates, and lost the girl at the exact same point in the process almost every time. I've posted forum topics, and you guys have given me some great advice which I'm excited to implement. But the fact that I feel like I'm having a relatively hard time making any significant progress is also a big part of what's getting to me.

Finally, I'm starting to feel a sense of inadequacy because it feels like even the "average" guy would have had more success than me at this point. My close rate is ridiculously low. With 52 first dates, I feel like just due to sheer numbers alone, I should have found considerably more success than I have thus far.

 

[Lotus]

It might be of benefit to take break for a couple weeks.

 

[Bboy100]

Edit: I've answered my own question:

I feel like I should always have some sort of replacement. Otherwise, I feel kind of lonely and dissatisfied with life.

This is very bad. It sounds to me like I might be back at a point where I'm seeking validation via women. I don't know why I'm back in this state. But whatever the reason, I clearly have some internal work to do. And no amount of "game" will help with this. Thanks to all of you for helping me realize this. Don't think I would have seen this if I hadn't physically written out on concerns so I can read them aloud to myself. haha

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Maybe I am off base with this but I think there is a slippery slope here. No matter how much we want to see ourselves as as independent masculine men we still need the validation of women. If not then AA wouldn't be such a big issue. The greatest validation a woman can give you is to let you have sex with her. Which is a whole other discussion. We thrive on getting this validation. 90 percent of the to chase is to receive the validation. The other 10 percent is the sex itself. How many times have you looked at a woman and said I don't want to have sex with her because you considered her below your social value. Thus the validation from her is of little value to you. The sex may have been as good or better than with a hot girl but that is not the reason to have sex with her. It is the validation. So I think for you to try an eliminate your need for validation from women is not possible. Therefore instead of trying to replace the validation from women with validation from some other sources you should embrace this need. Understand this need within yourself. Then you can evaluate what will fulfill the validation. You already know this as you are not reaching validation at this point.

My thought is that to get validation you need to have penetrating sex with a girl of equal or higher social value in your mind. From what I see is there is a problem with your skills once you are on a date to where your success setting the right frame to get her to want to have sex with you. I think that going back to dating girls that are of lower social value and working on your skills to bed them will help you learn what work. Then you can work your way up to the hot girls. Yes this means you will have to fuck several frogs to finally fuck the princesses. This will build your skills and confidence. Note to keep your guard up so you don't fall in love with a frog.

BDSC

 

[Lawliet]

Edit: I've answered my own question:

I feel like I should always have some sort of replacement. Otherwise, I feel kind of lonely and dissatisfied with life.

This is very bad. It sounds to me like I might be back at a point where I'm seeking validation via women. I don't know why I'm back in this state. But whatever the reason, I clearly have some internal work to do. And no amount of "game" will help with this. Thanks to all of you for helping me realize this. Don't think I would have seen this if I hadn't physically written out on concerns so I can read them aloud to myself. haha

You got it!