FU  Too needy on instant date?

zappbrannigan

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
129
For short background: I'm doing day game, not often or consistently, but I am working up towards a bit of a regimen where I go for a round around town for an hour or two about once every two weeks. With some day game product's help, I've my initial direct approach down pat (posture, smile, the stop, the compliment); I universally get positive responses (worst case is a "thank you" followed by "I have a boyfriend/I am married/I am in a hurry"), but the follow-up is tricky. Once I get a conversation going, often it is okay. I'm currently working on my teasing and banter, which is improving a bit. Still need to work on social skills.

So today I went into town to practice my day game. I talked to two women, those interactions went nowhere. After a break I walked around again and saw a woman I kind of liked. I decided again after a short wait (got to get rid of this!) to approach. She had a bit of trouble understanding me at first (I had to talk English to her, which is not my native language nor hers) but I actually enjoyed that, as it allowed me some more thought in a natural way - thinking of the words in English.

I asked her what she was doing, and she was shopping for shoes. I looked her up and down and told her that she probably was the kind who buys so many shoes she has no time to wear all of them. While talking to her I looked her in the eye and noticed her eyes had two colors, so I commented on that. She said they were contacts, so I jokingly said "it's fake!" and something about her already trying to trick me. I asked her what music she listened to, which was classical. I thought that was pretty interesting but not the type I listen to. I asked where she was from and how long she'd been in the country.

After what must've been only ten minutes I suggested going for a drink together. She asked me "but what about my shoe shopping?" so I told her it's fine, it'll be only fifteen minutes or so, and she gladly followed along, almost effortlessly. I think this went great! So we walked a short bit to a coffee place. She ordered espresso and I got an americano. We talked a bit about coffee while we were waiting, and I was also talking to the guy at the counter briefly, letting her stand alone awkwardly for a short bit. I think this was good, as I don't want her to be too comfortable (thoughts?).

We sat down. She wanted to sit opposite me so I moved to the chair on the side so we were sitting adjacent to eachother. We talked about travel, and what she liked to do. She occasionally would go out, but not much (great, as an introvert I'm not really looking for a party girl). I think I made a few qualifying questions / statements about her hobbies. She kept looking me straight in the eye while I was talking, and whenever I looked away (to think), she followed my eyes intently, as if "searching"/requesting me to look back at her. The most brilliant bit was where I guessed correctly that she studied psychology. She was completely baffled and flustered that I "knew" it, and I said it was just a lucky guess.

At some point, I felt her shoes poking into my shoes (nothing obvious), so I thought she was looking for some physicality. We got to talk about travel and trying the local cuisine, and she told me that Syrian food is delicious, she wanted to show me a picture of a particular dish on her phone, so I took the opportunity "to see better", moving my chair really next to her so our legs touched lightly (too needy?). She then talked about the dish and said she'd make some for me(!). I asked her "when?" and then suggested "next week?" (Was this a mistake? Was I being too needy?) and she said yeah. After a few minutes there was a lull in the conversation and she was looking me straight in the eye. Then I took her neck and tried to go in for the kiss, but she dodged it, physically dodging down and away from me. I think I set off her creep radar.

After the attempt, I said "too soon?" and was silent for one second, then continued talking about other stuff. When I finished my coffee, I asked her number (which I got; another thing I've noticed - they never say no) and then told her she could go on with her shoe shopping again. I asked what stores she'd typically go, and she said "all of them", which was another great opportunity to tease her. I said she was the terror of the shoe shops. We reached a crossroads and I said I was going right (assuming she was going to go back to where I met her). Then I moved in to hug her, but she moved away quickly, as if burnt, and I said "too much?". I gave her a hand, but her body language told me all I needed to know; she was angled away from me and stepping out. She did take my hand to shake it but her body was already walking away. Like I said, creep radar?

I shot her a text an hour and a half or so later when I got back home (more than 4 hours ago), but I don't expect a response anymore.

What went right: Approach, got through the awkward first minute, even got her out to an instant date. Chemistry wasn't great, but she was looking me in the eye constantly. Didn't take her too seriously, made a few jokes and had this great guess at her studies. I was leading her by telling her it was okay and we would only be out a short while for the drink.

What went wrong: Physicality / escalation, possibly other neediness seeping out. I don't think I was tested either (but maybe she was just too flabbergasted by my heavy approach and "leadership" - she was kind of young)

I would love pointers or tips. Should I avoid going for the kiss at all on an instant date? Should I try to do some light touching ("kino") first, so she gets used to me? How to work this into the interaction in a natural way?

Should I start working in some "fake" insecurity to appear more genuine?
 

zeroman2

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 11, 2018
Messages
73
First off.

For Being a Beginner you are Doing a lot of things well such as

1. Teasing
2. Specific Compliment
3. Compliance
4. Moving Fast
5. Deep Dive (although it can be better)

However there is a Hugh thing you are missing. Your conversations are too Platonic and not sexual enough.

I mean you didn't set up sexual framing, didn't have sex talk, you didn't physically escalate, and your overall Sexual vibe is off. You can't just go from going from a platonic friendly interaction to trying to kiss her that's not how it works. You have to present yourself as a sexual man that loves sex and your not ashamed of it. I suggest you look up articles on how to be more sexual in your interactions.

Also a few other thing, she keep looking at you because she was into you (or was). it's not to needy to touch her leg lightly if your trying to escalate things (in fact you want to start off with light touching and as the interaction go's on get a little bolder in your touch each time). When she said she can cook for you that was an Escalation Window you miss (it was not needy, But still a mistake).

I hope those few things help.
 

zappbrannigan

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
129
zeroman2 said:
However there is a Hugh thing you are missing. Your conversations are too Platonic and not sexual enough.
I was beginning to suspect that. I am still somewhat "ashamed" of sexuality. Do you have some tips about how to best make conversations sexual in a non-creepy way?
 
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