Too Sexual?

[Rakehell]

Hey girls chase,

I’m curious on you guy’s stance on the topic of coming off too sexual. Or sexy. I’m often told I have alot of sex appeal, girls put me in their group chats and pander my dick size, I get unwarranted stares from women of all ages young and old. I’m often met with deep eye contact in interactions and very forward aggressive girls. People say I remind them of johnny depp or scar from lion king (ikr). Im 18 by the way.

I admit that this is all by my intention. I deliberately try to elicit these reactions from women but I think it may be harboring me more rejection than needed. I don’t know if it’s the mirror neurons, the state change, or what but I feel I get way too many flakes, ghosts and rejections from seemingly interested girls. They are always warm and compliant in the interactions so i’m stumped. Maybe it’s just the luck of the draw.

I feel as though these reactions inhibit me from screening in girls who are actually interested because they all seem interested at first. It’s like a game of imposter, 5 girls who seem interested but really theres only one.

 

[Derek da man]

Attraction is time limited, you're behaviors can extend it a bit, but it is very time limited. Their level of attraction to you is evident but you are struggling to maintain that attraction and you need to escalate within that window. If you don't you're done and you will struggle to re-ignite it. Consequently you get a positive initial response but that attraction won't hold up until you get them out on a date. You stand a better chance of getting an instant date and quickly escalate to the lay but that's it.

Eliciting this response will get reactions from confident women but will result in you seeming unattainable to a lot of others.

 

[Rakehell]

Attraction is time limited, you're behaviors can extend it a bit, but it is very time limited. Their level of attraction to you is evident but you are struggling to maintain that attraction and you need to escalate within that window. If you don't you're done and you will struggle to re-ignite it. Consequently you get a positive initial response but that attraction won't hold up until you get them out on a date. You stand a better chance of getting an instant date and quickly escalate to the lay but that's it.

Eliciting this response will get reactions from confident women but will result in you seeming unattainable to a lot of others.

Interesting, I never considered that the attraction itself fizzled out. So you’re suggesting that I need to pull from the location instead of putting them on ice?

The only issue I have with this is the fact that I day game. So I meet girls in shopping malls, grocery stores, food places, libraries, etc. Meaning that for me to pull from those locations, the only strategy I can think of would be: to settle for instant dates, or literally pull them into a public bathroom.

I have the logistics of an 18 year old who lives with their mom (literally speaking); although I do drive a pretty cool car. So my options for pulling for sex that day are highly limited.

I also don’t care for relationships or courting girls on dates so I try not to even bring something like dates to a girls attention. I try to keep my bf potential pretty low and my platonic friend potential even lower.

Do you have any suggestions for maintaining that attraction past the initial interaction? I don’t like to be the guy keeping girls wanting but sheesh.

 

[Derek da man]

Sounds like you are way ahead of where I was at 18. I'd only notice if a girl liked me if she actually asked me out! It took me years to learn any social awareness of girls at all.

So . . you get the initial attraction from looks, eye contact, etc and make an approach and she's all excited that a hot guy is chatting to her. When the interaction is over she will go through a state change and so be less excited about you unless you leave something to be excited about in the future.

The opportunity of a date may be enough for some but most girls want more substance so in your initial interaction you need to create more attraction to you as a person. To do this you need to be able to find a shared common interest, even if it is a bit tenuous, you need her to feel a deeper connection beyond the initial look. For some guys it will be their humor, quick wit or that they are very entertaining, for others it may be intellect or shared passion for something - a band, a show, motor racing, a walk along the beach in the sun, whatever, it doesn't matter as long as she's enthusiastic about it then make it a shared passion with yourself. Then she will feel a connection which reduces the likelihood of flaking on you.

Following this you need to text her to confirm the date, etc - there's a couple of good articles on Girlschase about this - basically keep it short and targeted on the date, don't get into other conversations on text.

I also don’t care for relationships or courting girls on dates so I try not to even bring something like dates to a girls attention. I try to keep my bf potential pretty low and my platonic friend potential even lower.

I'm a bit confused, you say you don't want a date, but previously you said the girl flakes which would indicate you were trying to get her on date?

Overall you need a plan, how/where/when are you going to get the lay - how you are going to get you and her to that position - then you can use that as the basis for your screening when chatting to her.

 

[Rakehell]

Hey Derek, I appreciate you taking your time to continue dropping your individual knowledge on my particular situation.

Sounds like you are way ahead of where I was at 18. I'd only notice if a girl liked me if she actually asked me out! It took me years to learn any social awareness of girls at all.

Haha yes I realize i’m pretty young compared to others on this forum. Truth is I was sexualized at a very young age, and have been working on being perceived as attractive as early as 1st grade. I’m very socially aware and can pick up on non verbal cues easily. I’m also adept at reading peoples body language and mental space from a distance. As far as game goes I’m always open to new advice from anyone and am nowhere near a master in my own right so thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

If i’m interpreting your advice correctly you’re suggesting I emphasize connection building in my interactions. Since my targets are very sexually attracted their emotions are volatile and once the interaction is over the effects they feel are gone. Once this happens they feel they have nothing to really go on outside of how I made them feel in the moment.

By building a connection, and attracting them to me as a person in addition to the already looming sexual attraction I should see more success?

I'm a bit confused, you say you don't want a date, but previously you said the girl flakes which would indicate you were trying to get her on date?

As for this it seems that I may have not been detailed enough in the initial post. I frame my interactions with girls as something like a short term vacation of adventure. I actively disqualify myself as a boyfriend so they don’t really come to expect dates. Most of the girl’s i’ve slept with have happened within a week of meeting them, no date, and on the first meetup after the number grab. Sex is always implied before hand and I always frame it in a way that would be beneficial for the both of us. It may sound kind of sleazy but i’m always up front and honest about my intentions although indirectly. We text and talk on the phone but the first meetup outside of the initial number grab is somewhere sex can take place. The girl’s i’ve been with respect my honesty and even go as far as saying i’m a good guy and whoever can tie me down will be lucky (yay me). One of the problems i’m having now is getting girls to text back to even game them further.

They may text back really interested, or not but lately i’ve been getting silence from girls after a few flirty texts.

“Flaking” was a misuse of terminology on my part, as I see ghosting as them deading a potential meetup.

 

[ulrich]

If you come as “too sexual”, I’m willing to bet you may also come as too flashy and over the top.

If I am correct on that, then your problem is probably lack of connection.
For a girl to follow up with you she needs to feel the similarity/connection and the attraction. Sounds like you’re placing all your chips is attraction.
That will make all your interactions pretty volatile.

Check some articles on attainability, you’re probably coming off as someone with a lot of value but who also requires too much work from a girl to catch.

As a side note: There’s this quirk in human psychology in which the more flashy something is, the less memorable it becomes.
Strong impressions don’t last... which means you probably need to balance flashy openers with more normal and calm interaction.... otherwise she will forget about you soon.

 

[Rakehell]

If you come as “too sexual”, I’m willing to bet you may also come as too flashy and over the top.

If I am correct on that, then your problem is probably lack of connection.
For a girl to follow up with you she needs to feel the similarity/connection and the attraction. Sounds like you’re placing all your chips is attraction.
That will make all your interactions pretty volatile.

Interesting so similar to Derek’s summation you believe I need to emphasize connection building alot more? I will definitely pay way closer attention to this from now on. I admit that sometimes I don’t stop to connect with girls on an intellectual level nearly as much as I do flirt and qualify their own attractiveness.

Now that you have brought this to my attention I fear i’ve been thinking about girls too much from a man’s perspective lately.

This has opened my eyes and I believe i’ve been forgetting some key aspects of seduction as of lately and putting too much emphasis on my fundamentals and making them horny.

Thank you

As a side note: There’s this quirk in human psychology in which the more flashy something is, the less memorable it becomes.
Strong impressions don’t last... which means you probably need to balance flashy openers with more normal and calm interaction.... otherwise she will forget about you soon.

Interesting, i’ve never heard of this phenomena. Does it have a name? Or can you source me something related to it, i’m interested in learning about it further.

 

[Rakehell]

Update: i’ve been reading posts about attainability and connection building. I feel like they hit close to home so i’ll just have to implement and see if that helps fix the holes in my success I guess.

My only issue is how do I build connection without coming across as trying to make her my girlfriend. It seems counterintuitive to build deep connection with someone I don’t plan on being around for very long. To do so would seem like it does more harm than good to both her and me.

 

[ulrich]

Now that you have brought this to my attention I fear i’ve been thinking about girls too much from a man’s perspective lately.

This has opened my eyes and I believe i’ve been forgetting some key aspects of seduction as of lately and putting too much emphasis on my fundamentals and making them horny.

It’s OK. When starting, it is normal to fall in one extreme of the spectrum.

If your fundamentals are on top and you’re making them horny, you’re already far beyond most guys. Now you just need to balance that.

Make sure you’re relateable. Deep conversation is good but what you are aiming for is the girl thinking “this guy gets me” or “this guy is just like me” at some level.
That can be conveyed with “normal” mundane conversation.
Think 80-20... 80% cool and sexy... 20% normal down to earth.

Thank you


Interesting, i’ve never heard of this phenomena. Does it have a name? Or can you source me something related to it, i’m interested in learning about it further.

I don’t know if it has a name but I read it about it in Cialdini’s book “Pre-suasion”.

He says there are basically three ways to call people’s attention: Something dangerous, something different and something personally relevant.

The thing with both “dangerous” and “different” is that they create a dissonance that the mind is trying to solve. Once solved (the danger averted, the different figured out), they drop their importance to the mind.

I think his main example was internet ads. The ones that caused more reactions are also the ones that elicited poorer recollections.

 

[Toby2030]

It sounds like an attainability problem as the other guy suggests. You have to qualify the girl in order for her to believe that there's a chance she can get you. The big thing for you is qualification.

 

[ulrich]

My only issue is how do I build connection without coming across as trying to make her my girlfriend. It seems counterintuitive to build deep connection with someone I don’t plan on being around for very long. To do so would seem like it does more harm than good to both her and me.

Think of connection as similarity.

No connection —> “This guy is a rando”
Little connection —> “Hey, this guy is somewhat like me”
Big connection —> “He totally gets me, he is just like me”


You only need a little connection to complement your style and make you relatable.
Think 80-20.

What you don’t want is being on the extreme of all connection, no excitement (all safe but no results) or in your case all excitement, no connection (all risk, unpredictable results).

 

[Rakehell]

Make sure you’re relateable. Deep conversation is good but what you are aiming for is the girl thinking “this guy gets me” or “this guy is just like me” at some level.
That can be conveyed with “normal” mundane conversation.
Think 80-20... 80% cool and sexy... 20% normal down to earth.

You guys have been more than insightful in regards to things i’ve been omitting in interactions.

I feel like at a certain point I became too shrouded in arrogance and appearing attractive to feel like I needed to relate to girls anymore. Not intentionally, but as a side effect of success I had been receiving.

I’ve definitely got more things to work on which is oddly sweet because it means there’s room for improvement.

Think of connection as similarity.

No connection —> “This guy is a rando”
Little connection —> “Hey, this guy is somewhat like me”
Big connection —> “He totally gets me, he is just like me”


You only need a little connection to complement your style and make you relatable.
Think 80-20.

What you don’t want is being on the extreme of all connection, no excitement (all safe but no results) or in your case all excitement, no connection (all risk, unpredictable results).

Great breakdown i’ll be sure to screenshot this so I can cement the concept into my future relationships.

I thank you all for sharing your individual expertise, if you have anymore insightful information; I’m all ears.

 

[ulrich]

Sure, just keep asking in the boards and tag me. I’ll be happy to help.