Special Girl Too strong of a sexual connection? Auto Rejection?

[JacobPalmer]

I don't see it making her think that either.

I see her becoming emotionally uncomfortable, not understanding why, and then coming up with a separate but related thought to justify her emotional reaction and reject you ("fit for different people") a.k.a. "rationalizing"



That's not what Velasco said, he said figure out her objection and address it. Also Teevster has some great points about making her feel "allowed" to get turned on with you before you turn her in (very insightful in my opinion). Go read his "purity gambit" and his and my recent exchanges for some ideas.

Probably some sexual frames during the date to make her feel at ease, dealing with the underlying objection (though some empathizing, and if possible), and then turning her on and sealing the deal would have been the best strategy (and probably the most fun!).

Yes my bad, sorry miswrote there. My minds a jumble right now.

 

[Watts]

Ahh, apologies, I do appreciate the the insight. I'm just saying that the current info is what's most important in this case. But correct, I don't think the prior text exchanges will be productive to either of us.

No need to apologize, though I appreciate that. And you didn't offend me, I don't get offended easily anyway (remember, equanimity).

Hmm, fair point. I suppose I just wasn't expecting it, as I felt things went really well, and that things would progress with her. Hence why I felt blindsided. I will meditate on this though, thanks.

Good! One things the Stoics would do to steel themselves against the negatives of fortune was to imagine negative scenarios vividly, let themselves feel it as if it was real, and then once they open their eyes they would A) Be ready to respond with less of an emotional swing if it did happen and B) Feel grateful it hadn't happened yet.

A while ago on an SNL we were getting food at an after hours place, with a big group. I had kissed this girl, we had a good connection, but I hadn't fucked her yet, and she had several guy friends I was uncertain about. While going up to the counter to get my food, I find out that they screwed it up. So I basically had to stand up there and wait, while they all ate on the other side of the restaurant, for a good 5-10 minutes. Felt like an eternity. But what I did, to prepare for any "wildcard" situation when I got back, such as her turning cold on me, was to imagine the worst possible scenarios (them leaving without me, her telling me fuck off, her making out with one of the other guys when I came back) and to just let myself feel it. Then, I got my food, went over, and everything was cool. But I was ready for whatever.

Also, just a side note, as my messages may be coming across as annoyed or frustrated. It's not aimed at you, I'm just frustrated this happened.

Right, emotions from one thing affecting another. We (men) do it too. And I didn't think it was directed at me. But, thanks for saying it.

 

[Watts]

Yes my bad, sorry miswrote there.

You said

Yeah, fuck I should have just tried to turn her on more and more until she gave in. And yeah, she probably will.

Just make sure you understand why this was probably not ideal. I'm not concerned with what you wrote but your understanding.

My minds a jumble right now.

Then take a break and come back to it.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

I was just looking over your texts, that "sweet dreams" and also trying to lock down a meet immediately after the date may have come off as needy.

Also, you just opened with asking her schedule, instead of some fun fluff (get her in a social mood with you), or a spike or something else. That also may be the cause of her rejection here.

Also, in your second text in a row (when the first was unanswered), you suggested dessert at your place. Perhaps a bit aggressive to a girl who told you she didn't want to go home with you the last time you two were together, particularly without any setup.

@Watts dude! I definitely agree with the second text in the row and suggesting his place as being a bit aggressive, and I'm unsure how I feel about the sweet dreams message without context of their previous conversations but I understand asking her out again soon and I have done the same thing myself... Its in a girls chase text guide: 14 ways to text a girl - Post date

If you didn't sleep with her, theres times you would send a post date text and then on the examples go to schedule another date straight away. If you were to "fluff" between I still feel you would want to try and adhere to asking her out within 5 messages.

I recently "fucked up" after having a date with a girl, not escalating (I knew I couldn't because of my time constraint and I should have rescheduled) and she text to "apologise if she made me late" I ignored the bull shit (I planned to give me a buffer time) and focused on the positive by just doing a post date text saying the drinks were fun. She text back saying that she had fun, really enjoyed it and we need to go out soon. I waited a day (like in the example) and then asked when should we meet again. I've been greeted with radio silence for a week. Guess we're not going out soon! :')