- Joined
- Nov 14, 2017
- Messages
- 316
I have run into the kid-in-tow problem, which I'm sure some have encountered before, so I wonder how guys handle this.
It was dead-easy to first meet this girl, so my ultimate solution is to just approach more of her, or better, but I certainly would like to pull if it's possible... and this could easily come up again (I've had similar problems before), so I'd like to figure out generally how to overcome this.
To be clear, I'm not going to make this or any girl an LTR, I have no interest in that, my preferred relationship style is a rotation of FwB, though I'm not at that stage yet due to just recovering from debilitating approach inhibition.
My instinct says that it's crucial for any meet-up to have a decent chance to lead to sex, but this likely requires her to have babysitting—something this one doesn't seem to have worked out yet—and also for her to be able to stay out long enough for coffee and pull. In past I've been slow to escalate once home, I'd likely have to be quite fast.
Another possibility might be to somehow wind up at her home. At least we'd then have all night, and it sidesteps the need for a babysitter, but it's trickier in other ways, and excuses to invite myself are not as sure-fire.
One thing I'm not going to do is go on repeated dates that can't lead to sex. I have no time for that, I'd sooner go back to the mall and meet more girls.
Case Specifics
This particular case is a doozy!
Met a cute Kenyan chick (I'm very attracted to African chicks), a good bit younger than me, a student, in a big box store as she was shopping. Our eyes met through a shelf and then I wandered over from the other side and opened her with a situational joke question. Responded well. Alas, she was wearing an insult to black beauty—weave—but on this occasion I decided not to disclaim it just yet.
A little chit chat on her studies and also her background. When I learn she's Kenyan I (white guy) surprise her with some knowledge of her country. She asks if the friends I knew this from were from on-line dating. (Huh??) No, I don't do that!
I can't say I'm the smoothest, but I'm not clueless, either. Probably could've been edgier. Still, the girl was pretty compliant and welcomed my closing proposal to meet for coffee. Took her number, a bit later sent her a "save my #" text, and she replied warmly.
Next day, I try to set up a coffee date for later in the week and get:
Hey Pholenix [sic], unfortunately that won't work out. I'm flying out tomorrow for vacation in Kenya and then once I'm back, we can have coffee.
I get her date of return and part with a request to bring me back pics.
Come that date, a month later, I text her in the evening a quick ping asking how was Kenya. Next afternoon, a Friday, she answers—incidentally while I was in the megamall approaching more chicks:
Hey Phoen, How are you doing? I just landed now and saw your message.
Kenya was beautiful
Waiting for my luggage..now
Nice! Did you remember to get pics for me?
I got alot
Excellent! I should have time Sunday
Yes, absolutely, let me know. Headed home now
Early Saturday afternoon, I write her:
Hey Claire, hope you got some rest after that longass flight! Let's shoot for 3pm tomorrow, we can meet at the food court in [same mall I approached her in]
(For reference, presently I don't drive, but my usual tactic here would be to walk to this mall, it's about 3.5 miles/5.7km from home, meet the girl, and once things look good, make an excuse I have to do something quick back home, then we go there using whatever means she used to get to the mall, be it either she drives, or bus, since I walked there.)
About 4h later:
Hey Pholenix, yes, I got proper rest... Tim [sic] to [a mall on the other end of the city] to show my son around. I came with him by the way he will be joining School here.
I take almost 3h and after some debating on how the hell to handle this, I write:
Ah ok. Should show him [iconic mall of my city] too. What do you do for babysitting?
I brought this up because a kid tagging along on that critical first meet-up is a guaranteed missed escalation window!
He is 8 years old, I should enroll him hopefully by next week. He's been out of [sic] my mom's care for the last almost 2 years since I came here to study.... now that i am done with my post Graduate.... decided to get him
Babysitting, I will have to figure it out
I'm not sure what her visa situation is or if/how she would've gotten him residency here, but anyway, my main worry is that date logistics sound like they're shot.
Day game is quite the box of chocolates:
Oh wow, so you brought him from
literally yesterday?
Yes, we just came yesterday
How was your day? Are you on whatsapp? I barely check my messages, hence i take time to respond
She is actually responding fairly quickly. I don't want to get too realtime, and generally try to avoid too much electronic contact, so I deflect a bit:
I did but I gotta reinstall it. So, do you have other family here?
I am asking her this because it would make it easier for her to get someone to look after her son while she comes out to meet me. Unfortunately, for as much as the girl seems interested, the situation is getting worse by the second:
Not really, its me and my son now
It's now fairly late into the night before Sunday and, for as much as I want to respond, I have no idea what response wouldn't be going backwards so I just leave it.
How do you guys think I should handle this?
Meanwhile...
This isn't essential to the above, but since I haven't posted much in a long time I'll note where I'm at.
After seven painful years of debilitating approach inhibition, I finally figured out how to overcome it easily. I can't express how terrible it had been to have actually seen first-hand how easily I could sometimes get a chick into bed from day game, and yet go without any at infinitum because I just couldn't pick up my balls and approach them in any useful numbers to repeat that isolated success.
I eventually came to largely not even bother with game in my present location because I felt it was a waste of time due to the inhibition, and that in order to kick that, I needed to move somewhere where my favorite flavor is the majority, so that my motivation to approach would be a lot more concentrated. And, somewhere without a pussified anti-masculine culture pumping into my brain.
But recently I serendipitously learned what was psychologically perpetuating my inhibition, at which point I knocked it way, way down, virtually overnight. It used to be I had to spend 10+ hours in a busy megamall just to talk to a couple of girls. Now, in less time I can approach 10+. It used to be that I would chicken out on 100% of all incidental opportunities, and the only time I'd ever approach a girl would be on a day-long dedicated approach mission. But now I approach a girl almost every time I do grocery shopping unless it's quiet.
I've started to meet cute African chicks—a fairly small minority here—at a rate that until very recently I expected I'd have to be in Africa to do. I still want to move for other reasons, but I'm much less miserable!
It was dead-easy to first meet this girl, so my ultimate solution is to just approach more of her, or better, but I certainly would like to pull if it's possible... and this could easily come up again (I've had similar problems before), so I'd like to figure out generally how to overcome this.
To be clear, I'm not going to make this or any girl an LTR, I have no interest in that, my preferred relationship style is a rotation of FwB, though I'm not at that stage yet due to just recovering from debilitating approach inhibition.
My instinct says that it's crucial for any meet-up to have a decent chance to lead to sex, but this likely requires her to have babysitting—something this one doesn't seem to have worked out yet—and also for her to be able to stay out long enough for coffee and pull. In past I've been slow to escalate once home, I'd likely have to be quite fast.
Another possibility might be to somehow wind up at her home. At least we'd then have all night, and it sidesteps the need for a babysitter, but it's trickier in other ways, and excuses to invite myself are not as sure-fire.
One thing I'm not going to do is go on repeated dates that can't lead to sex. I have no time for that, I'd sooner go back to the mall and meet more girls.
Case Specifics
This particular case is a doozy!
Met a cute Kenyan chick (I'm very attracted to African chicks), a good bit younger than me, a student, in a big box store as she was shopping. Our eyes met through a shelf and then I wandered over from the other side and opened her with a situational joke question. Responded well. Alas, she was wearing an insult to black beauty—weave—but on this occasion I decided not to disclaim it just yet.
A little chit chat on her studies and also her background. When I learn she's Kenyan I (white guy) surprise her with some knowledge of her country. She asks if the friends I knew this from were from on-line dating. (Huh??) No, I don't do that!
I can't say I'm the smoothest, but I'm not clueless, either. Probably could've been edgier. Still, the girl was pretty compliant and welcomed my closing proposal to meet for coffee. Took her number, a bit later sent her a "save my #" text, and she replied warmly.
Next day, I try to set up a coffee date for later in the week and get:
Hey Pholenix [sic], unfortunately that won't work out. I'm flying out tomorrow for vacation in Kenya and then once I'm back, we can have coffee.
I get her date of return and part with a request to bring me back pics.
Come that date, a month later, I text her in the evening a quick ping asking how was Kenya. Next afternoon, a Friday, she answers—incidentally while I was in the megamall approaching more chicks:
Hey Phoen, How are you doing? I just landed now and saw your message.
Kenya was beautiful
Waiting for my luggage..now
Nice! Did you remember to get pics for me?
I got alot
Excellent! I should have time Sunday
Yes, absolutely, let me know. Headed home now
Early Saturday afternoon, I write her:
Hey Claire, hope you got some rest after that longass flight! Let's shoot for 3pm tomorrow, we can meet at the food court in [same mall I approached her in]
(For reference, presently I don't drive, but my usual tactic here would be to walk to this mall, it's about 3.5 miles/5.7km from home, meet the girl, and once things look good, make an excuse I have to do something quick back home, then we go there using whatever means she used to get to the mall, be it either she drives, or bus, since I walked there.)
About 4h later:
Hey Pholenix, yes, I got proper rest... Tim [sic] to [a mall on the other end of the city] to show my son around. I came with him by the way he will be joining School here.
I take almost 3h and after some debating on how the hell to handle this, I write:
Ah ok. Should show him [iconic mall of my city] too. What do you do for babysitting?
I brought this up because a kid tagging along on that critical first meet-up is a guaranteed missed escalation window!
He is 8 years old, I should enroll him hopefully by next week. He's been out of [sic] my mom's care for the last almost 2 years since I came here to study.... now that i am done with my post Graduate.... decided to get him
Babysitting, I will have to figure it out
I'm not sure what her visa situation is or if/how she would've gotten him residency here, but anyway, my main worry is that date logistics sound like they're shot.
Day game is quite the box of chocolates:
Oh wow, so you brought him from
literally yesterday?Yes, we just came yesterday
How was your day? Are you on whatsapp? I barely check my messages, hence i take time to respond
She is actually responding fairly quickly. I don't want to get too realtime, and generally try to avoid too much electronic contact, so I deflect a bit:
I did but I gotta reinstall it. So, do you have other family here?
I am asking her this because it would make it easier for her to get someone to look after her son while she comes out to meet me. Unfortunately, for as much as the girl seems interested, the situation is getting worse by the second:
Not really, its me and my son now
It's now fairly late into the night before Sunday and, for as much as I want to respond, I have no idea what response wouldn't be going backwards so I just leave it.
How do you guys think I should handle this?
Meanwhile...
This isn't essential to the above, but since I haven't posted much in a long time I'll note where I'm at.
After seven painful years of debilitating approach inhibition, I finally figured out how to overcome it easily. I can't express how terrible it had been to have actually seen first-hand how easily I could sometimes get a chick into bed from day game, and yet go without any at infinitum because I just couldn't pick up my balls and approach them in any useful numbers to repeat that isolated success.
I eventually came to largely not even bother with game in my present location because I felt it was a waste of time due to the inhibition, and that in order to kick that, I needed to move somewhere where my favorite flavor is the majority, so that my motivation to approach would be a lot more concentrated. And, somewhere without a pussified anti-masculine culture pumping into my brain.
But recently I serendipitously learned what was psychologically perpetuating my inhibition, at which point I knocked it way, way down, virtually overnight. It used to be I had to spend 10+ hours in a busy megamall just to talk to a couple of girls. Now, in less time I can approach 10+. It used to be that I would chicken out on 100% of all incidental opportunities, and the only time I'd ever approach a girl would be on a day-long dedicated approach mission. But now I approach a girl almost every time I do grocery shopping unless it's quiet.
I've started to meet cute African chicks—a fairly small minority here—at a rate that until very recently I expected I'd have to be in Africa to do. I still want to move for other reasons, but I'm much less miserable!
