5 months since meeting a girl and about 2 months since becoming exclusive with her, I have my first doubt on whether she lied to me about something.
Context is that when we started seeing eachother, she thought I was a player who was going to use her. I wasnt totally innocent as I was indeed acting as if it was a fwb situation as I wasnt sure I wanted a relationship.
Because of this, sometimes she would tell me when other guys flirt with her. While she probably did hope to make me a little jealous, it wasnt totally malicious as I usually encourage girls to tell me stories like that as I find it makes fwb last longer.
Anyhow, the other day I was at her apartment and she was telling me some funny story about her friend grp that includes a guy who had tried it with her. I got curious and asked if he had tried something recently and she said she hadnt spoken or chatted to him in ages.
The problem comes a bit later when she is showing me something on her phone and at one point she was responding to a female friend's text, but when she pressed back to go the list of msgs, i'm 95% sure I saw the guy's name, not in a grp chat, being near the top.
I really couldnt care if she did text him as this grp is one of her few friend grps in a new city for her. I've also met him once and he is one of those nice guys that tries to win girls by buying them gifts etc...
What does bother me is if she lied about the texting, regardless if it was innocent or not.
I make it very clear whenever I get into an exclusive relationship that if I catch a good friend or a girlfriend lying to me about something other than white lies, I almost never give second chances. I also tell them that the majortiy of the time, the lie hurts me more than the action, as everyone can make mistakes, but betrayal via lies is a choice, not a mistake.
In my last long term relationship, I learned to also add that if someone admits to lying to me before I find out, It's much more likely I will forgive. Otherwise, girls tend to become better at lying rather than more honest lol.
I did ask her about it, and she said he had just msged in a grp chat. Offered me her phone to check and also gave me her pin code. The thing is, she is smart and knows me well enough that I would decline. For me, if I have to look through a gf's phone, trust is already broken.
I highly doubt she has cheated on me purely because we are both really busy and when we are not, we are together. She is also putting in a lot of effort in the relationship to risk it for that guy. He had no game.
Maybe she felt a bit cornered and got into a lying spiral but for me, that's still not something I can be bothered to deal with, esp it coming so early into the relationship.
The reason Im revisiting it today is that after the whole ordeal, she told me that someone from the grp asked her if she was going to some event. That sounded exactly like the guy as this was the kind of thing my gf would share with me when we were not exclusive so I asked if it was him. She said no, and told me the guy's name.
Today, I felt a little uneasy about it and tried to see if someone from her followers had that name. Turns out the first guy has that name as his surname lol. It is a common first name as well, esp in the country he is from, and she did say both are from there, but what are the chances...
I do have some trust insecurities but I don't think I show them much to her and I also have never made a fuss about her speaking to guys or whatever.
The problem is that now that this has gotten into my head, it's super distracting. It's like a puzzle that I cannot stop thinking about (partially why I hate when people lie to me, I start playing chess with the lies and I have horrible memory that doesnt help).
Im super busy starting my own business and I just cannot have this distracting me, but it wont leave my mind now until I figure it out. If she did lie to me, I would break up. But I dont want to go through her phone, asking her about it again seems weak, and I will struggle to forget about it.
So question is - any advice on what I should do?
Context is that when we started seeing eachother, she thought I was a player who was going to use her. I wasnt totally innocent as I was indeed acting as if it was a fwb situation as I wasnt sure I wanted a relationship.
Because of this, sometimes she would tell me when other guys flirt with her. While she probably did hope to make me a little jealous, it wasnt totally malicious as I usually encourage girls to tell me stories like that as I find it makes fwb last longer.
Anyhow, the other day I was at her apartment and she was telling me some funny story about her friend grp that includes a guy who had tried it with her. I got curious and asked if he had tried something recently and she said she hadnt spoken or chatted to him in ages.
The problem comes a bit later when she is showing me something on her phone and at one point she was responding to a female friend's text, but when she pressed back to go the list of msgs, i'm 95% sure I saw the guy's name, not in a grp chat, being near the top.
I really couldnt care if she did text him as this grp is one of her few friend grps in a new city for her. I've also met him once and he is one of those nice guys that tries to win girls by buying them gifts etc...
What does bother me is if she lied about the texting, regardless if it was innocent or not.
I make it very clear whenever I get into an exclusive relationship that if I catch a good friend or a girlfriend lying to me about something other than white lies, I almost never give second chances. I also tell them that the majortiy of the time, the lie hurts me more than the action, as everyone can make mistakes, but betrayal via lies is a choice, not a mistake.
In my last long term relationship, I learned to also add that if someone admits to lying to me before I find out, It's much more likely I will forgive. Otherwise, girls tend to become better at lying rather than more honest lol.
I did ask her about it, and she said he had just msged in a grp chat. Offered me her phone to check and also gave me her pin code. The thing is, she is smart and knows me well enough that I would decline. For me, if I have to look through a gf's phone, trust is already broken.
I highly doubt she has cheated on me purely because we are both really busy and when we are not, we are together. She is also putting in a lot of effort in the relationship to risk it for that guy. He had no game.
Maybe she felt a bit cornered and got into a lying spiral but for me, that's still not something I can be bothered to deal with, esp it coming so early into the relationship.
The reason Im revisiting it today is that after the whole ordeal, she told me that someone from the grp asked her if she was going to some event. That sounded exactly like the guy as this was the kind of thing my gf would share with me when we were not exclusive so I asked if it was him. She said no, and told me the guy's name.
Today, I felt a little uneasy about it and tried to see if someone from her followers had that name. Turns out the first guy has that name as his surname lol. It is a common first name as well, esp in the country he is from, and she did say both are from there, but what are the chances...
I do have some trust insecurities but I don't think I show them much to her and I also have never made a fuss about her speaking to guys or whatever.
The problem is that now that this has gotten into my head, it's super distracting. It's like a puzzle that I cannot stop thinking about (partially why I hate when people lie to me, I start playing chess with the lies and I have horrible memory that doesnt help).
Im super busy starting my own business and I just cannot have this distracting me, but it wont leave my mind now until I figure it out. If she did lie to me, I would break up. But I dont want to go through her phone, asking her about it again seems weak, and I will struggle to forget about it.
So question is - any advice on what I should do?
) but they did kiss when she had told me she wouldnt even be dating anyone else.
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