trusting signs vs. having a talk

[Lotus]

Hey Guys,

So I have been seeing this girl since about April. It started as a casual relationship which I framed with, "I'm not looking for anything serious because I'm not going to be around for long." Since then it has picked up and we hangout more and do more GF/BF ish activities and sleep over, but the relationship still remains undefined. We've never had a talk about what we are doing, what we are. It's implied that we are "dating" per se, but we both are aware this isn't a long term situation.

Unless her whole personality is concoction to make me think she is a good girl in order to get me into a relationship we both know will never happen.
Based on what I know about her, her personality,the manner of our conversations and the quality of the sex I don't think she is sleeping around.

Exclusivity seems implied by actions not words and I've never asked because I don't really care.

I'm not naïve though, I understand it's completely possible.

My question revolves around the fact that we stopped having sex with condoms. Do I need to have a talk to ensure safety from STD's? If so how would I bring it up?

I'm hesitant to because it feels needy and incongruent with how this relationship is framed. And if she is seeing other guys and purposefully deceiving me, what going to stop her from continuing the deception and lying anyway.

- I ask because I saw someone post about having an exclusivity talk when you stop using condoms.

Taylor

 

[Smith]

Lotus

I'm curious...is it her or you that don't want to use condoms? Because if it's a casual relationship, I would insist on using condoms even if the girl prefer not to. The reason is simple...I don't want to catch anything and get her knocked up. I had a few scare before and that made me set a hard boundary on using condoms.

So I don't think you need to have any talk at all. If you don't intend to get into an exclusive relationship with this girl, just insist on using condoms during sex, and get tested for STD. Stay safe from now on and you should be fine

 

[Lotus]

Smith,

Honestly... I'm not so sure, It just kind of happened and she asked, "have you been tested" and we just kind of went from there. The sex was 100x better after that and I've never really had sex without a condom.

I gradually just stopped seeing other girls because the sex was just so much better. But I think both of us enjoy the rawdawg so much it would be hard to go back....so maybe it would just bring it up real chill something along the lines of:

"Hey I know we have been have sex without condoms for a bit, but I realize we never actually verbalized exclusivity....."

I've been the same way about condoms for a while, but it was easier not even experiencing how it felt without them. Kind of snuck up on me here!

Thanks for the response

 

[Zoro]

Wait, need a little more clarity here. Do you want to be exclusive with her?

 

[Lotus]

I'm not sure, especially given the job offer.

What's the point of being exclusive for a couple weeks?

 

[Zoro]

I'm not sure,

Welcome to the danger zone. Danger zone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yK0P1Bk8Cx4

Figuring out what you want out of the relationship will help you decide the best course of action.

I'm sure you know, but just to remind you, being unsure of what you want out of a relationship can spell trouble.

If it lacks direction from you, then she will start directing it. And neither of you want that.
It can lead to a drop in attraction (from not leading), unwanted monogamy (thats where she will take it) and a whole slew of other potential issues.

When you do know what you want, you can lead with clarity, dominance, and handle challenging situations like yours better (because you understand what outcome you're ultimately looking for). So figure it out, even if you're just looking for some fun with this girl until you move.

Just had this talk with my dad lol

In any case, I think communication is good. I prefer to use actions to spell out the relationship, but sometimes you just need to "have a talk." Especially if you're actions are not aligned with your desired direction (ex. doing lots of boyfriend-y stuff with a FWB).

PS

You should definitely do what you think is right, but let me remind you that South Florida is quite nice this time of year ;]

 

[Lotus]

I spoke to her about it Saturday and she hasn't been seeing other people. So we are exclusive for the next couple weeks, but there's no desire from either of us to do long distance after the move. We just want to hang out and continue having great sex... safely.

I do agree the communication was important. My assumptions about what she wanted were right, so I'm more confident about my ability to read her and then hopefully for other girls in the future.

Thanks for the response,

Lotus

 

[Dude909]

I know everyone doesn't share that view but stopping to wear condoms pretty much sub communicates "serious, possibly mono relationship" in my view. Combined with all the bfish activities you describe and you've got yourself a girlfriend my friend, no matter what you said -- actions speak louder than words. So if you don't want a gf then just stop doing all those bfgf shit with her. It's really that simple.

 

[Lotus]

Fair enough.... I enjoy doing those things with her and have no desire to stop doing those things, so I guess I have a GF.