FU Trying to think through a blown set at a hostel

[karanova]

I am a hostel in Amsterdam and at the front desk is this cute French redhead about 21. She is there as a language major. I flirted a bit with her a bit and teased her on her English skills. Collect a bit more info on her background. She seemed receptive. After a couple min convo, I had to jet but basically a few hours later came back to the hostel and bought some coffee. I open her as, "language girl!" and she laughs. Did a bit more minutes of teasing/flirting and screened logistics (rather challenging -- she works from 3pm-11pm then goes to sleep). So I said, I'm looking to practice my french skills, and looking for a native speaker, you have whatsapp? She shared hers and I kind of skittered away.

Now here is where things went awry. I text her "Salut language girl" wave emoji and she never reads it? Maybe has read receipts off. The next day I stop by the front desk again while she's coming off shift. She's chatting with coworkers, and I open them like is this where you guys keep an eye over us (they are in front of their CCTV screens). To try to make it about her and polarize a bit I go "I feel safe that you guys are watching but not her" and the coworkers laugh and join in on the tease. But she seems very unhappy to see me. Like she's seen a ghost. She asks her manager to leave early I think and rushes out as if trying to get away from me.

I think inner game wise I am coming from a place of scarcity and just feel completely exhausted w my travel/work schedule. But I'm curious how just tactically things went wrong.

Possible explanations
1. She somehow picked up on scarcity or lack of congruence. I wonder if maybe she saw me loitering around a couple times afterward trying to work up some courage to talk to her again (they have security cams).
2. She wasn't into a guy who is here for only a couple days (revealed this on logistics)
3. The message was lame
4. The magic of the OG approach wore off and she's a new person now and on reflection feels it was corny
5. She wasn't actually disinterested, just wanted me to game HER more and when I didn't do that, she felt awkward.
6. She's rushing for a totally unrelated reason -- it seems unlikely as she seemed relaxed before the appraoch.


So to summarize my takeaways would be:
Outergame
1. Make plans in person after the number is exchanged
2. Try to insta/same-day date if possible (in this case, it wasn't -- I was utterly exhausted that day)
3. If a girl doesn't respond to your texts in this weird situation, just talk to her again and POLARIZE. The worst she can say is no. As a beginner, maybe try to go for more direct openers or indications of interest later in the set like I find you cute. I don't want to have the uncertainty of knowing i maybe psyched myself out of a set by being too indirect (though I feel like with all the teasing, it had to be clear?)

Innergame
1. Have abundance. Pursue other leads and don't invest
2. Don't loiter, just approach a girl if she's in your vicinity and she's crossing your mind. I guess you have to be a BIT tactical because if she's working you don't wanna derail that.
3. Take some time for self care. This is so hard because I am a 25M virgin, and I just need to fuck. Actually my plan if this girl didn't work out was to just get a hooker, but I've heard such bad things about the hookers in amsterdam and I am fucking exhausted tonight.

 

[POB]

Kudos on the approach.

But don't overcomplicate.
You are a customer seducing her at her workplace, so it's not the best scenario.
You have to aknowledge it and try to move her away from there.

What you should do, after the first convo, is to seed a date (in person, not by text).
After some banther:
"Look, you already seem familiar with this location....would you care to show me your way around here sometime?
Like your favorite food spot, that would be dope!
Of course we could do it on your free hours, I mos def don't wanna upset your boss.
What you say?"

The next day I stop by the front desk again while she's coming off shift. She's chatting with coworkers, and I open them like is this where you guys keep an eye over us (they are in front of their CCTV screens). To try to make it about her and polarize a bit I go "I feel safe that you guys are watching but not her" and the coworkers laugh and join in on the tease. But she seems very unhappy to see me. Like she's seen a ghost. She asks her manager to leave early I think and rushes out as if trying to get away from me.

This is a bit of miscalibration.
Unless they give you a reason for it, you should never tease girls in front of people you don't know.
Specially in front of co-workers. Specially in front of other men.
You know nothing about their dynamics, there's just not enough information for you to pull that off.

 

[TheEcho]

Reminds me of Chick 5 in my journal (also Amsterdam lol, she was a Kiwi, though). Not sure what it's all about, but going off POB's recommendation and what I'm experiencing irl, seems more and more like text is a backup it'd be better to not need.

 

[karanova]

Kudos on the approach.

But don't overcomplicate.
You are a customer seducing her at her workplace, so it's not the best scenario.
You have to aknowledge it and try to move her away from there.

What you should do, after the first convo, is to seed a date (in person, not by text).
After some banther:
"Look, you already seem familiar with this location....would you care to show me your way around here sometime?
Like your favorite food spot, that would be dope!
Of course we could do it on your free hours, I mos def don't wanna upset your boss.
What you say?"


This is a bit of miscalibration.
Unless they give you a reason for it, you should never tease girls in front of people you don't know.
Specially in front of co-workers. Specially in front of other men.
You know nothing about their dynamics, there's just not enough information for you to pull that off.

Yeah agreed, seed the pull/date in person. I just got nervous I think and left immediately after. She was already entering logistics mode when she asked how long are you here.

Re miscalibration, In this case the work was kind of a social environment since she’s a 20? year old At a hostel on an internship with peers (not her boss). I was trying to polarize a bit because I felt I wasn’t being aggressive enough and it was in danger of fizzling, but maybe it already had by that point. Open to suggestions for other moves in this scenario.

 

[POB]

Yeah agreed, seed the pull/date in person. I just got nervous I think and left immediately after. She was already entering logistics mode when she asked how long are you here.

Yeah, probing questions from them are nice.
You should have def folowed-up in person to seed the date!

Re miscalibration, In this case the work was kind of a social environment since she’s a 20? year old At a hostel on an internship with peers (not her boss). I was trying to polarize a bit because I felt I wasn’t being aggressive enough and it was in danger of fizzling, but maybe it already had by that point. Open to suggestions for other moves in this scenario.

Doesn't matter, there are still social implications for her.
One thing I learned: when in doubt, probe for more information, or just wait a bit before you bust balls within an unfamiliar group.

It's been a while since I've stayed on a hostel, not gonna lie, but as far as I recall, it's the perfect environment to fuck chicks like "it just happened".
All my hostel lays were kinda like this one:
https://realpob.wordpress.com/2018/09/12/sex-report-sex-on-the-beach-during-a-light-summer-storm/

> Meet and greet, socialize, party or tour, late afternoon or evening make-outs, sexual non-judgemental framing, then first or second night take care of logistics and have sex.

(heck, once in Chile my logistics were so fucked-up that I had to sneak out of a locked dorm room at 5am - don't ask me how I got the key - to hop in bed with a chick who was on another private room).