- Joined
- Jul 6, 2014
- Messages
- 481
Background
Her: Canadian Brunette. Dark brown eyes. (Attractive and has a nice figure but didn't really get a proper look at her butt cause...winter)
How we met: I opened her on the street. Conversation was very unstructured this time, because I had gone through a period of adding a bunch of tech to my interactions and seeing zero difference to the phone number conversions, so I suspected it was because I was not being authentic. I instead focused more on just having fun in the interaction and being a little unfiltered. She gave off very strong ‘career oriented’ vibes and the conversation was very logical and dry at first BUT she was very talkative so it wasn’t awkward, but I just initially felt like I needed to inject more vibe otherwise I would lose the initial impact of my street stop. I did some mild banter and at one point asked her what her biggest hot take was. She said she doesn’t want to say because it’s not pc and asks me mine so I tell her how I don’t like social media. Also at one point teased her asking if she moved to my city bc she got tired of the guys back in canada but she answered it logically as well.
She was very responsive over text and actually immediately told me she was rethinking her social media usage when she got home. The curious thing about her is that she doesn’t seem to outwardly react to banter. So when I banter with her, it doesn’t necessarily set off fireworks but I think she still plays along. But very subtly. To the point where I’m almost not even sure if she’s playing along or actually giving a logical response. I just found this kind of curious.
I went for a number close and hand her my phone but she starts compliance requesting me with “Oh my fingers are cold so you type it in because I don’t want to remove my gloves”
Date Structure:
Met up at a bar for a quick drink. She tells me she has plans after and has to leave in an hour and 15 min. (Date lasted about 90 min)
I was feeling dragonflies in my stomach and met up with Kvothe a couple hours before the date to do some approaching and get the social juices flowing, and then went home to do a quick meditation session at @Devilicious and @Kvothe recommendation. Approaching helped boost my mood and after just a couple approaches was feeling good again.
First Venue
When we were texting up to the date, she seemed very keen. But when I met her it seemed like the vibe was very dry. Like we were talking about topics but it was all logical conversation and she had a habit of really controlling the flow of the conversation so I was struggling to get out of that landscape. When we ordered our drink she started giving me ‘compliance requests’ like oh can you grab us some napkins and I didn’t even see them so she pointed them out to me. I just introduced the questions game to get out of it and she was like “that sounds soo formal like wouldn’t you be asking each other questions anyway! but ok…we can try it”We were first sitting side by side on a bench but we didn’t have a table to place our drinks so it was kind of cramped.
I started off asking some rapport type questions like: What was the naughtiest thing you did as a child, what are your 3 favorite scents. Then tried to make it more mtw by asking things like what made her want to come out (Reason I asked her this is Dante demonstrated this with me as a way to flirt on dates like take whatever she says and get in real close and be like “so you like x guys” and it builds sexual tension But in retrospect I doubt he does this literally but was just giving me a spur of the moment example)
At some point she notices one of the tables free up so we go sit there (across from each other).
Also asked stuff like what was your first kiss like and she gave me the story which I don’t know was the best idea because iirc Chase mentioned that asking a girl about her past partners has a way of dampening her attraction for you but maybe this was not an issue here since it’s just asking about the first kiss.
I tried the strawberry fields gambit but she was being super logical about it, asking things like “why would I eat any of the strawberries? If I see some strawberries I would leave them alone because that’s technically theft!” I couldn’t let her slide with that answer so asked her to think about this field as just in her imagination so it’s not a big deal if she’s allowed to eat strawberries. Otherwise she was being way too logical. I explained what her answers meant (meaning doesn’t really matter the point is to just interpret them in a way that frames her as sexually aggressive and adventurous) She was kind of agreeing with the read but then ultimately concluded that it was a load of bs.
Curiously enough, she went to the bathroom (while giving me another compliance request telling me to watch her jacket), and when she came back, I noticed she had a sexual look on her face when she was looking at me and she was brushing her hair back. But didn’t know what to do with it or what to make of it.
She also said she had a lot of hobbies and really opened up when talking about scuba diving.
Her Questions
Her questions were things like:
- “How often do you approach strangers on the street like this?”(First I joked about it like “Oh only when I encounter a cute canadian girl and she was like You have to tell the truth!! So I said I don’t like keep a record of it and every once in a while)
- “What do you hate about yourself the most?”(This caught me off guard. I don’t really hate anything about myself, so I told her that, but I added something about wishing I could be more aggressive in managing my resources, just to give her a thoughtful answer. She thought I meant to say I wasn’t assertive enough which I pushed back on and said that if it was something serious I would push back but I mean for the little things)
- “What’s your biggest red flag in a person?”(I said it’s when someone has a warped sense of reality, and she agreed.)
What I did well
- I went out and scouted a bunch of date spots the week before because I always have a tendency to get caught unprepared for this. It sneaks up on you because you need to know your date spots well before you even know you’re going to take the girl out. So after sampling a bunch of bars and doing a lot of research actually found some incredible venues that are even better than the original spot I told her about. That’ll come in handy for later dates one was
- Interaction and texting was good
- Made a date plan and at least went through many components of it. Even if things didn't go according to plan, I was able to make tweaks to it and got really useful intel.
What I could do better
- Got a lot of feedback from @TomInHo @StrayDog and @rockstar on this date. For the scheduling portion, pick a time first before the venue. And if they ask for the venue first, be like “I have a couple ideas but it depends on when you’re free”
- The overall thing was that I needed to realize that anytime she was ‘calling me out’ for something, it was just a test and to remember that girls are silly and cute. She was the bratty type and those girls like being put in their place a little bit. (Still a little unclear how I would do that but at least I remember
- Give her a little bit of flack for any compliance demands she gives. Use it to tease her. Was talking about this with @Devilicious and StrayDog and they gave me some examples of how they’d handle the compliance demands
- Think of compliance demands to give her.
- Keep an eye out for texts that are late at night and a little suggestive
- Kvothe suggested for the next dates to focus more on having fun and vibing with the girl rather than a structure or gambits (which I think was very helpful in the next morning's date)