Is it really unfair for the men?
I read many messages on the forum that shows me that many guys are angry because they perceive the mating game as unfair for the men. Well, I once believed that too and I could totally relate to that. Unfortunately, the answer that most get is “Quit that victim mentality bro!” While it's absolutely right, I think it's not enough. Not enough because having some counter evidence is required to let go of a previously held believe. So, I will try to offer some of these here.
THE CHALLENGE
First thing first, let's acknowledge what's the heart of the men challenge when it come to seduction:
A) Having to do the sexual escalation
while
B) Women have an aversion for needy guys.
If women were craving needy guys, it wouldn't be a problem: The emotional investment created by mustering the courage to do the escalation would not fire back at us ever. Seduction would be a breeze.
If women were doing the sexual escalation, well, we wouldn't be investing in them in the first place, so neediness wouldn't be a problem.
But the very fact of mustering our courage to approach a girl, create an emotional investment from the get go (I know, as you gain experience, that investment goes down, but some always remain). On top of that, the very fact of approaching her put us at least in an apparent chasing position (and women does everything they could to frame it that way, even when they are the ones sending the discreet invitation). From there, it's really easy for everything to spiral down and crash:
Investment-> Neediness-> Rejection-> More Neediness-> Ejection
Not fun.
And after a couple of ejection, the believe that “it's unfair for men” is formed based on solid evidence. After all, you are the one who have to go through that spiral and never the women.
UNFAIR?
Ok, that's how the believe is formed deep down, but it seldom manifest that way. We said “it's unfair” because we have to do the physical escalation and in our heads, it sound a bit like that:
“Women have such a great power they just have to sit their and horde of men will shows up to offer to fulfill their sexual/romantic needs and they just have to pick wich one they want. We have to take all the risks and we have to do all the hard work.”
Ok, so let's breakdown these factors.
- Men do all the hard work
- Men take all the risks
- Horde of men
I won't address them one by one, I would rather take a look at the situation...
THE SITUATION
- The guy do the approach
- The guy have to manage an interesting conversation
- The guy have to take the number
- The guy have to organize the date
- The guy have to manage an interesting conversation AGAIN
- The guy have to move the girl
- The guy have to bring the girl home (or other logistic)
- The guy have to physically escalate to sex
...and at every step, there will be resistance...
worst: at every step there's a chance of true blue rejection.
But... as much as I could have been irritated by that hard work part in the past, with experience, I learned that it is very much needed. In a world where we have to do the sexual escalation, we definitely need to be in control of the situation. I just had an interesting girl (awesome body, smart girl, worldly and well-traveled despite being young) who improvise a date on her own with me last week. I tought it was the jackpot, but it was a nightmare: Place full of distraction, the girl moving round and around through the date, the conversation jumping left and right... TOTAL CHAOS... and I ended up proposing another date at the very moment she received a genuinely important text message... rhaaaa! Well, I failed that one because I was needy in my attempt to make the close and settle another date.
I'm a guy who crave spontaneity, chaos and disorganization, but I quickly found that it's next to impossible to seduce a woman when you are constantly destabilized by random stuff happening every 3 minutes. Now, it wasn't the girl's fault: She had to cancel our first date because she wounded her arm and wanted to make up for it. So she was doing everything she could to make it works for me... she was trying to help me and make things happen very much.
So guys, trust my word: Don't complain for the hard works. You really need it to make the sexual escalation happen. It does happen that a women do all the sexual escalation for you: it happened twice to me. That's too uncommon to rely on that if you want some healthy sex life.
The Hard work? No, that's your toolkit my friend.
COMPETITIVITY
In this world, why do a girl would choose me for mating?
Easy: because I'm the best (most skilled, audacious, interesting, etc.)
Ok, so let's make a world where the gender role in the mating dance are reversed: The girls are in charge of the sexual escalation. Ya-daaa! GREAT! AWESOME! Why a girl would choose me then?
… cricket... ...cricket...
What could I do to make a girl choose ME in such a world?
...ah... ahem...
What could I do to make sure that not only the awful ugly boring girl hit on me?
Oups.
Not so fun finally.
But that's the challenge of the girls. Because let's face it: most guys are quite bad:
Fitness of the average man? Eeeew.
Fashion style of the average man? Non-existant
Conversation of the average man? Boring
Sexual skill of the average man? Pathetic (you wouldn't believe what some girls told me)
Don't forget that the average man and the average woman on the sexual market place are not college age. They range from 18 to 60 (more or so). And let's face it, the average man doesn't offer something very tempting... yet women still have to pick one among the lot to have children, or to have companionship, love, etc. Stuck to pick the lesser evil because of their biological clock (either for the fertility aspect or attractiveness decreasing aspect). Not so fun.
The average man play the clock instead of making efforts to improve himself. Those men who compete to be provider are using the biological clock of the women to finally get one... or they wait until the women are in a difficult situation. Single mom everyone? Very likely to happen these days. The sexual market place is very hard for a single mom, most men will just eject themselves as soon as they learn about her children. Not fun at all.
As a man, we have to compete with those average man. We don't compete with women (may be a lesbian here and there) on the sexual market place, we compete with those aforementioned average men.
On top of that: as soon as we become good with women, almost all of us cease to want to settle down in long term relationship. So even when some men elevate themselves, they tend also to become unavailable for the long term relationship that women are looking for. So what stays in the available pool for women seem to be always the aforementioned average men and here and there a RARE improved man who is finally ready to settle down and have a family. May be women have a great power, very effective, but they fish in a very small pool of interesting men.
MEN AND WOMEN EFFORTS
Now, let's face it, we probably all start at the same point as these average men. Because the great thing about being a man in the seduction world, is the very thing we despise so much at the beginning: It's hard work. But any kind of work could be improved upon mastery.
Women work hard too, but there is some difference between their efforts and ours.
THEIR EFFORTS TEND TO BRING INSTANT GRATIFICATION.
A woman buy a new dress, new shoes, new haircut, new hair color? It's an instant boost to their attractiveness (hopefully). And even if some mistake could happen in the learning process to be good at choosing what's attractive on her, it's still very fast to master. On the other hand, all this stuff need constant time and effort in maintenance.
As a man, we need tremenduous efforts to learn how to be great in seduction. But when it's done, it's done. Once you are a good conversationalist, you stay there, your day to day life keep you good.
One way to see it, it's to see women as buying their attractiveness from the get go through a mortgage. The get the power and the result quick, but they have to maintain it through their life; with diminishing return for their efforts as they become older (no wonder women like credit cards so much!). As men, we have to work longer to pay it all at once so to speak, but once it's paid, it's paid and time doesn't hurt us significantly (until very late in our life).
And yes, there's a great life quality effect of enjoying instant benefits for your effort (like women do) instead of having to work AND wait (like men do).
There is still some good point about being a woman too after all.
WOMEN SOCIAL SKILLS
The women skills in social interaction come from:
1- They get approached a lot and very early in their life, wich create exposure to social interaction in seduction whatever they want it or not. As a men, we could shy away from that exposure by not approaching. Women don't have that choice, so they get exposed and learn.
2- Social pressure (wanted or not) from family and friends).
3- Their relationship, in order to build a family, tend to be their life #1 priority (wich require social-oriented skills to make successful). While men tend to focus more on their career (wich require usually more task-oriented skills). So women have reasons to learn social skills.
4- Women both power and social status come from their social circle and interaction.
5- They have much fewer years ahead of them to become good.
All this combine to create both positive incentive AND pressure to push women toward learning better social-skills (not to mention that some studies point toward the fact that their brain give them reward and gratification for socializing). All those social-skills are then learned FASTER for women than men. Social skills also make objectively very effective transversal skills when it come to seduction.
...and yet, women tend to only develop so far their social-skills, up to the point where they are enough. Men who push themselves to learn the stuff are usually much better than women in social-skills.
CONCLUSION
Wich one is the better? Men? Women? Is it unfair?
Well, it's difficult to say. I think it's easier to find EASY FUN & CONFORT for a woman than it is for a man. Meanwhile, if you aim for greatness in seduction, it's much easier achieved when you're a man.
In the end, “the mating game is unfair for men” is a very disempowering believe. To get ride of it:
- Keep approaching girls and get date, experience will quickly teach you that the hard work part is not annoying at all, but a precious toolkit to make it work. Only with experience you will come to that realisation.
- When you walk on the street or go out in a club, pay attention to the unattractive girls, the average girls. What happen to them? How much attention did they receive? Also, then look back at the stunning girls. What's the difference with the unattractive girls (hint, tons of efforts to look better).
- Also, pay attention to what happen to women AFTER their 20's.
- Try to have some compassion and empathy for the women you see around. It could help you to see the other side and understand that it's not so unfair after all.
And after all that, may be you will see that beleive vanish.
That's it guys. Hope some of you found it useful and that you will start to question and doubt that sad disempowering beleive.
I read many messages on the forum that shows me that many guys are angry because they perceive the mating game as unfair for the men. Well, I once believed that too and I could totally relate to that. Unfortunately, the answer that most get is “Quit that victim mentality bro!” While it's absolutely right, I think it's not enough. Not enough because having some counter evidence is required to let go of a previously held believe. So, I will try to offer some of these here.
THE CHALLENGE
First thing first, let's acknowledge what's the heart of the men challenge when it come to seduction:
A) Having to do the sexual escalation
while
B) Women have an aversion for needy guys.
If women were craving needy guys, it wouldn't be a problem: The emotional investment created by mustering the courage to do the escalation would not fire back at us ever. Seduction would be a breeze.
If women were doing the sexual escalation, well, we wouldn't be investing in them in the first place, so neediness wouldn't be a problem.
But the very fact of mustering our courage to approach a girl, create an emotional investment from the get go (I know, as you gain experience, that investment goes down, but some always remain). On top of that, the very fact of approaching her put us at least in an apparent chasing position (and women does everything they could to frame it that way, even when they are the ones sending the discreet invitation). From there, it's really easy for everything to spiral down and crash:
Investment-> Neediness-> Rejection-> More Neediness-> Ejection
Not fun.
And after a couple of ejection, the believe that “it's unfair for men” is formed based on solid evidence. After all, you are the one who have to go through that spiral and never the women.
UNFAIR?
Ok, that's how the believe is formed deep down, but it seldom manifest that way. We said “it's unfair” because we have to do the physical escalation and in our heads, it sound a bit like that:
“Women have such a great power they just have to sit their and horde of men will shows up to offer to fulfill their sexual/romantic needs and they just have to pick wich one they want. We have to take all the risks and we have to do all the hard work.”
Ok, so let's breakdown these factors.
- Men do all the hard work
- Men take all the risks
- Horde of men
I won't address them one by one, I would rather take a look at the situation...
THE SITUATION
- The guy do the approach
- The guy have to manage an interesting conversation
- The guy have to take the number
- The guy have to organize the date
- The guy have to manage an interesting conversation AGAIN
- The guy have to move the girl
- The guy have to bring the girl home (or other logistic)
- The guy have to physically escalate to sex
...and at every step, there will be resistance...
worst: at every step there's a chance of true blue rejection.
But... as much as I could have been irritated by that hard work part in the past, with experience, I learned that it is very much needed. In a world where we have to do the sexual escalation, we definitely need to be in control of the situation. I just had an interesting girl (awesome body, smart girl, worldly and well-traveled despite being young) who improvise a date on her own with me last week. I tought it was the jackpot, but it was a nightmare: Place full of distraction, the girl moving round and around through the date, the conversation jumping left and right... TOTAL CHAOS... and I ended up proposing another date at the very moment she received a genuinely important text message... rhaaaa! Well, I failed that one because I was needy in my attempt to make the close and settle another date.
I'm a guy who crave spontaneity, chaos and disorganization, but I quickly found that it's next to impossible to seduce a woman when you are constantly destabilized by random stuff happening every 3 minutes. Now, it wasn't the girl's fault: She had to cancel our first date because she wounded her arm and wanted to make up for it. So she was doing everything she could to make it works for me... she was trying to help me and make things happen very much.
So guys, trust my word: Don't complain for the hard works. You really need it to make the sexual escalation happen. It does happen that a women do all the sexual escalation for you: it happened twice to me. That's too uncommon to rely on that if you want some healthy sex life.
The Hard work? No, that's your toolkit my friend.
COMPETITIVITY
In this world, why do a girl would choose me for mating?
Easy: because I'm the best (most skilled, audacious, interesting, etc.)
Ok, so let's make a world where the gender role in the mating dance are reversed: The girls are in charge of the sexual escalation. Ya-daaa! GREAT! AWESOME! Why a girl would choose me then?
… cricket... ...cricket...
What could I do to make a girl choose ME in such a world?
...ah... ahem...
What could I do to make sure that not only the awful ugly boring girl hit on me?
Oups.
Not so fun finally.
But that's the challenge of the girls. Because let's face it: most guys are quite bad:
Fitness of the average man? Eeeew.
Fashion style of the average man? Non-existant
Conversation of the average man? Boring
Sexual skill of the average man? Pathetic (you wouldn't believe what some girls told me)
Don't forget that the average man and the average woman on the sexual market place are not college age. They range from 18 to 60 (more or so). And let's face it, the average man doesn't offer something very tempting... yet women still have to pick one among the lot to have children, or to have companionship, love, etc. Stuck to pick the lesser evil because of their biological clock (either for the fertility aspect or attractiveness decreasing aspect). Not so fun.
The average man play the clock instead of making efforts to improve himself. Those men who compete to be provider are using the biological clock of the women to finally get one... or they wait until the women are in a difficult situation. Single mom everyone? Very likely to happen these days. The sexual market place is very hard for a single mom, most men will just eject themselves as soon as they learn about her children. Not fun at all.
As a man, we have to compete with those average man. We don't compete with women (may be a lesbian here and there) on the sexual market place, we compete with those aforementioned average men.
On top of that: as soon as we become good with women, almost all of us cease to want to settle down in long term relationship. So even when some men elevate themselves, they tend also to become unavailable for the long term relationship that women are looking for. So what stays in the available pool for women seem to be always the aforementioned average men and here and there a RARE improved man who is finally ready to settle down and have a family. May be women have a great power, very effective, but they fish in a very small pool of interesting men.
MEN AND WOMEN EFFORTS
Now, let's face it, we probably all start at the same point as these average men. Because the great thing about being a man in the seduction world, is the very thing we despise so much at the beginning: It's hard work. But any kind of work could be improved upon mastery.
Women work hard too, but there is some difference between their efforts and ours.
THEIR EFFORTS TEND TO BRING INSTANT GRATIFICATION.
A woman buy a new dress, new shoes, new haircut, new hair color? It's an instant boost to their attractiveness (hopefully). And even if some mistake could happen in the learning process to be good at choosing what's attractive on her, it's still very fast to master. On the other hand, all this stuff need constant time and effort in maintenance.
As a man, we need tremenduous efforts to learn how to be great in seduction. But when it's done, it's done. Once you are a good conversationalist, you stay there, your day to day life keep you good.
One way to see it, it's to see women as buying their attractiveness from the get go through a mortgage. The get the power and the result quick, but they have to maintain it through their life; with diminishing return for their efforts as they become older (no wonder women like credit cards so much!). As men, we have to work longer to pay it all at once so to speak, but once it's paid, it's paid and time doesn't hurt us significantly (until very late in our life).
And yes, there's a great life quality effect of enjoying instant benefits for your effort (like women do) instead of having to work AND wait (like men do).
There is still some good point about being a woman too after all.
WOMEN SOCIAL SKILLS
The women skills in social interaction come from:
1- They get approached a lot and very early in their life, wich create exposure to social interaction in seduction whatever they want it or not. As a men, we could shy away from that exposure by not approaching. Women don't have that choice, so they get exposed and learn.
2- Social pressure (wanted or not) from family and friends).
3- Their relationship, in order to build a family, tend to be their life #1 priority (wich require social-oriented skills to make successful). While men tend to focus more on their career (wich require usually more task-oriented skills). So women have reasons to learn social skills.
4- Women both power and social status come from their social circle and interaction.
5- They have much fewer years ahead of them to become good.
All this combine to create both positive incentive AND pressure to push women toward learning better social-skills (not to mention that some studies point toward the fact that their brain give them reward and gratification for socializing). All those social-skills are then learned FASTER for women than men. Social skills also make objectively very effective transversal skills when it come to seduction.
...and yet, women tend to only develop so far their social-skills, up to the point where they are enough. Men who push themselves to learn the stuff are usually much better than women in social-skills.
CONCLUSION
Wich one is the better? Men? Women? Is it unfair?
Well, it's difficult to say. I think it's easier to find EASY FUN & CONFORT for a woman than it is for a man. Meanwhile, if you aim for greatness in seduction, it's much easier achieved when you're a man.
In the end, “the mating game is unfair for men” is a very disempowering believe. To get ride of it:
- Keep approaching girls and get date, experience will quickly teach you that the hard work part is not annoying at all, but a precious toolkit to make it work. Only with experience you will come to that realisation.
- When you walk on the street or go out in a club, pay attention to the unattractive girls, the average girls. What happen to them? How much attention did they receive? Also, then look back at the stunning girls. What's the difference with the unattractive girls (hint, tons of efforts to look better).
- Also, pay attention to what happen to women AFTER their 20's.
- Try to have some compassion and empathy for the women you see around. It could help you to see the other side and understand that it's not so unfair after all.
And after all that, may be you will see that beleive vanish.
That's it guys. Hope some of you found it useful and that you will start to question and doubt that sad disempowering beleive.
