University: People not interested in me, making FRIENDS?

[LightMode324]

So this is a really real and recent problem of mine.

I would really like advise, which I can actually do, advice which makes me take action to change something. THX

To make it short:

I'm 19 years old and 5'9 tall, fit . I just started university and made quite some acquaintances here in my first two months.(there are also some loners so I'm not that bad). I moved 3 hours away from home and live in a little room not far away from campus. I read all articles to this topic btw. I have money and everything at the moment....(was working and saving up for the first term)

Even though I dont look ugly or something , including that I'm not weird or a loner, somehow the people I got to know until now, aren't really interested in me more, than "lets eat together".

They ask me questions, greet me and I ask them, and we talk everyday about school, sometimes laugh, sit together, eat together,walk together, but when they talk with some other "new" people, it often seems a little bit different.

They almost never ask me questions first about something, mostly other people, even when I am right next to them on the right, they ask another person right through me who sits right from me or when there is something funny on their phone, they don't show it to me, even though we're three people there eating, as if they don't care about my reaction."Look this is the girl, I told you "x" about" he says to this guy grinning which he also knows since 2 months and shows him a girl on facebook, I have to ask, to see it too. How come he wants to show this guy, but not me? We both know us, since the same time, we all only meet in university?

When I write "they" I mean different kind of people I met, which all seem to act in this manner with me sometimes.

It's not like I'm the only one, who gets this, but I feel like I don't deserve this treatment. Even though, the people don't mean it in a bad way. I don't think they even notice it .

This doesn't seem to bad, but this is just a example, its easy to see, that they won't invite me to parties and these kinds of things too, or when I want to invite them, they feel like we're not that big together, so act like there are super busy, or have fun in which I'm not really included. One person asks "want to come to eat something"..he then count me in most of the time because I'm also standing there, but never ask me directly to eat with him in university...and if I don't come I don't think they would care..if the other person would say no and I would say yes, they would probably still not go...

Its also hard meeting new people without going to parties...or social gatherings..because alone SUCKS.

Its not like I'm desperate for friends, but I really want to change my without friend status, 2 years is enough for me, I have to admit that I don't like it how it is, even though I can spend quite some time on my computer, AND I also want a girlfriend too. What I also know is, that you NEED friends if you want to get a girlfriend most of the time.

I can't change my whole way of life to make some friends if they make it so hard, but I woul be happy about advice.
I can actually be funny or smart ..so its not like I don't have any value but they don't seem the see it.
English isn't my native language so sry and I wrote fast.

 

[Whizzy]

I can understand how you feel, I was the same way when I first attended a university. If people are otherwise ignoring you in conversations and the such then I would say that you need to insert yourself. If they are indeed the people you want to hangout with, then there shouldn't be a problem with you joining in right? Eventually you wont need to insert yourself as they will automatically assume that you are included and whatnot. However due to the way that you described your friends I am wondering if they are not the most socially adept people currently which can contribute to the problem. Therefore, they might not know you want to be included until you say something

 

[Smith]

Hey LightMode,

First year of university is always tougher for some people, especially if u moved away and no one from your high school attend the same uni as you and ur starting a social circle from scratch.

There's this book called "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carniege. It has a lot of good advice on how to make friends.
You can't expect people to become interested in you unless you become interested in them first. Most people like to talk about themselves.
Find common interests - It's a lot easier to connect with someone if you both have something interesting to talk about and add 'value' into the conversation.

For your first year of uni, I would suggest u join as much social clubs, sport clubs...etc in your university if you have them, basically any gatherings organized by students to bring people of the same interests together. It's a lot easy to make friends in these situations because you'll already have something to talk about.

BE the party. I would assume your friends are around 19 as well, so they're probably just as clueless about social dynamic as most of the 19 year olds. Don't be too hurt if they don't include you in activities, they're probably afraid you'll be too cool to join them!

 

[Mr.Rob]

For me when I first started trying to make friends I was doing so just for the sake of having friends and not really because I actually liked/was interested in the people I was meeting.

I continue to lone it up and meet people but only really try and connect with people I vibe with that are of actual value to me.

One of the biggest things I've had to learn being a loner (about 2 years now) is how to
1. Draw my happiness from within as opposed to external uncontrollable places.

2. As long as you show up to the venue and talk to people no one even questions as to if you came alone, as long as you're having FUN.

Don't stress if you're a loner (or not having super awesome friends) just keep meeting people until you meet some that you actually vibe with and the vibing is mutual.