Unsure about interest levels

[Anonymous]

Hi there. I recently decided to give a go at picking up girls (or, at least, going to "bad" from "horrible" in that department). Full disclosure: from France, so (1) pardon my English and the long-winded post and (2) mind possible cultural differences.

From my start (15-20 conversations > 5 min with girls at bars etc. in the last month) I thought I was quite OK for reading interest levels of the girl I am discussing with. Sometimes it looks like it would be easy to push the matter (she is laughing at my lamest jokes, constantly smiling, playing with her hair, etc.) and sometimes I am taking to a wall of ice. And then comes this girl... I have no f***ing idea of whether she might be interested.

We were in high school together and had never seen each other for 6 years. Back then, my social skills were poor (I am still bad at dating, but at least I keep friends now) and so were hers, so we did not talk a lot; I had a crush on her briefly but none could possibly have known since I did not make the slightest move. Fast forward six years, she googled me and contacted me, and we arranged to meet for a drink on a Friday night. Shortly after we sit at the bar, since the same causes have the same effect, I figured I had to "try my luck" (she is reasonably beautiful and comes across as very dynamic, which attracts me).

So, during the whole thing:

-she smiled a lot
-she made a few over-the-top compliments (e.g. "so you do XXX now? That is fantastic! I wished more people would!" when XXX is not that incredible)
-she paid for the drinks/meal (and insisted to do so). Here in Paris it is common to pay separately or share the bill when dining with friends - the three exceptions are when you are "officially" a couple (and that goes a bit out of fashion), when either of the two is significantly richer/older than the other (he is expected to pay), and business meals (where the organizer pays for the guests). She proclaimed it was a feminist gesture but it still comes across strange to me.
-she reacted well to jokes with sexual innuendo (laughing and looking straight into my eyes with a "I am a little naughty girl" look)

BUT also:

- she kept some distance while talking in a somewhat loud environment; when I waved her to come closer she leaned slightly towards me for a minute before resuming her previous position, when she could easily have moved her chair closer while still being far enough that it does not get a sexy subtext. (looks like "I will not comply with his request because I am not interested, but I will give him something because I am polite")
- she had a open vest over a T-shirt and repeatedly closed it while crossing her arms, just as if she were cold, but since it was not cold there the only second option I can see is "hiding my breasts" (even though the T-shirt did not show much, and she is rather flat, I think the point stands)
- when we kept on talking outside on the way out, she complained about the lack of social interactions at her work which gave me an opportunity to hug her, but this seemed to make her very uncomfortable (a tree would not have been stiffer) even though she had the same big smile before and after the hug.


I have two guesses: (1) interested but uncomfortable with physical touch, or (2) not interested but with an emotional baseline that leans toward "very happy". Any thoughts?


Also, I find the Friday night meeting weird - my initial proposition was "sometime in the late afternoon this week" and she came up with Friday 7.30, which on one hand is more "sexy time" (she is working, so Friday is the only week day she can reasonably get out late) but on the other hand is the furthest away from when we made the arrangement. I do not believe for a moment that her week was fully booked but Friday night wasn't!

 

[ray_zorse]

Over analyzing, if she shows interest in some ways and not in others then presumably her interest level is "medium", the only way you'll know is by pushing forward -- invite her home, go in for the kiss, whatever. Although you do have to go by instinct a little, and it seems the hug didn't go down well and she also wasn't super compliant, both of these are bad signs so on the strength of that I would not escalate too hard, I would either try to build more connection first, or I would try to isolate in case she was just shy about hugging in public.
Ray

 

[Skid]

Hey man ,

Basically what ray said is good. If she gives signals of interest then just try something , and see how it goes. If it doesn't go down too well back off and try it or something that requires less compliance then work back up. And if you didn't isolate her at all , you should have tried when you had a good amount of compliance going. You just created barriers for yourself by saying oh man , she's doing this small thing that conveys a lack of compliance its over and then not trying anything.

 

[Edd--19]

Hey JMU,

I'm going to 3rd what Ray has said here, she's not running hills to see you but she isn't trying to exit the conversation with a fake excuse. Id hazard a guess at her being more into you than not as you're a mystery man from her past. Though the attraction will start to wane.

You've got some stuff going on that's steering you into her panties but a few things are tethering you to the docks still. Here's what I make of your points in order:

- You probably stood slightly farther from her at the start of the conversation, making it difficult to build closeness. She also rejects (partially) your suggestions/commands so you have to build up compliance here as well. Ask her to move a little closer to you so you two can hear eachother. Then you could use a compliance demand and tell her to move closer still.

- Closed body language is usually a sign of feeling a lack of connection/comfortableness with the person whom you're with. The best thing to do is to not focus on her and trying to open her up but to focus on enjoying yourself and making light, fun conversation. Then you can progress into deeper forests of connections. It doesn't mean she's not sexually interested in you. A slight word of caution, don't judge a single item of body language by itself, everything works together, she could have been cold and you might have felt warm. She could have been recovering from the flu hence the jacket and crossed arms.

- The awkwardness from the hug would have been from 0 to 100 kmph in 2 seconds. It's a knee jerk response when something happens thats a bigger jump than you'd expect and be comfortable with. Next time try touching her arm when you've gotten her closer to you, high five her, inspect something on her hand or wrist; anything that breaks the touch barrier.

Other than that, sweet job on building her attraction and flirting. From the way you've described it she was interested in something between you two and was thinking about it. If you've got another date with her, post it up, I'd be happy to hear your successes. Maybe you'll be ripping her skin-tight clothes of her hot, damp body next time . Keep it up!

Edd.

 

[ray_zorse]

Solid reply, I hadn't considered those aspects.
Ray