Using Suggestive Language

[Marty]

Hey fellas,

A number of helpful members commenting on my field reports over the past couple months have recommended that I work some sexual innuendo into my conversations with girls... something that I don't really understand very well.

I don't mean I don't understand how to do it... I mean that I don't see how to make it congruent with the rest of our conversation.

The thing about sexual innuendo is that I really don't find it very funny. I enjoy a good joke as much as the next guy, and I have no issue with locker-room talk in general and won't hesitate to share a spontaneous remark about a woman's body with male associates. I'm also very comfortable complimenting women directly and sincerely on their assets... legs and ass especially. They almost always lap it up.

But when it comes to suggestive language as opposed to frank discussion of erotic beauty, I honestly don't see the humor in it. I think the issue is that it trivializes sex, which I'm sure most members of this forum will agree is one of the most beautiful and emotional activities known to man.

Given that I don't have a great deal of appreciation for sexual innuendo myself, I'm finding it difficult to imagine how I'd deliver it congruently to a girl without grossing her out.

And in any case, isn't one of the prime tenets of the Girls Chase school that being funny is unnecessary, a try-hard "entertainer"–type distraction from the real business of seduction?

Looking forward to your commentary, friends.

Thank you!

-Marty

 

[Franco]

Marty,

Keep in mind that everyone has their own style as to how they wish to convey their sexuality. For example, if you've seen some of Alek's posts or articles (including How to Use Sex Talk to Set a Sexual Tone and Mood), you'll notice that he uses a much more "direct" approach with sex talk to let the woman know what type of man he is.

Personally, this isn't really my style, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work. What Alek is trying to convey about himself is exactly the same as what I try to convey when I use witty, sexual remarks. But I love the "tease" factor when using playful comments (which also gets her excited), but sometimes just being direct about the way you talk about sex can be enough to let a woman know what you're about -- and she'll want to be a part of it too!

Given that I don't have a great deal of appreciation for sexual innuendo myself, I'm finding it difficult to imagine how I'd deliver it congruently to a girl without grossing her out.

This is the "fear" part that I'm talking about. You're worried about how she'll react to it because you have an image in your head of how you think she'll react to it. And is it possible she can react that way? Sure.

But this is almost totally where your congruency comes into play. If Alek had been portraying himself as a sexual man who talks about sex freely from the near-beginning of the conversation, then that will be something that is not "unexpected" of him, and the girl will play along if she's intrigued. Remember, women are sexual creatures -- MUCH more sexual than we can even imagine. It's only social stigmas that hold them back from wanting to be ravaged sexually by a dominant man, so it's your job as the dominant man to convey both sexual prowess AND secrecy in your actions. And this needs to be congruent with the way you are from the start.

Based on your flirty, charming style... I would think that sexual innuendos is something that would suit you more than Alek's style in the article I mentioned above. But I could be wrong -- maybe that is exactly the way you would like to bring up the subject! So I would experiment with both styles (or even come up with your own) and see what suits Marty best. =)

EDIT:

And in any case, isn't one of the prime tenets of the Girls Chase school that being funny is unnecessary, a try-hard "entertainer"–type distraction from the real business of seduction?

Well, the idea is to deliver a message that is primarily to get her aroused... the addition of it being funny is usually just a side effect of the circumstances. As long as you get her "thinking" sexually, regardless if she laughs, then you've done things correctly.

Don't focus on laughter if it doesn't have a sexual message to get her more aroused behind it. =)

- Franco

 

[Ross]

Marty, something that I've noticed is that you come across as a friendly guy who women would enjoy talking to. However, as you know, being friendly and accessible doesn't mean that you are a man that women want to have sex with. I feel this is why people have been suggesting that you work on incorporating a sexual touch to your interactions, as they feel a tad too platonic.

Now, I don't necessarily agree that adding suggestive language to your conversations will all of the sudden make women wildly attracted to you. The cocky and funny technique that most guys claim works ("Hey sexy, I'm sure you want this dick but I've got other things to do") fell out as a viable technique for myself ages ago. Can still work given the right personality, but mine doesn't mesh with it.

That being said, you've still got this platonic aura about your interactions. While you do get plenty of phone numbers, the interactions feel a bit flat. You've certainly mastered the art of decisive persistence, and your openers are spot on, but it's time to move into the depth of mastering the conversation pieces in between the hook points. Normally, I see that you fill this time with getting to know them, but I'm going to suggest trying out a different technique: challenge them, and make them work.

Throw some decisive push-pull into your interactions. Definitely work on incorporating chase framing. Make her become invested in you, and dates will surely follow. Those are enough techniques to work on for now. I'd say work on incorporating one or two at a time when you go out and practice, and focus less on getting to know her initially. You may notice that women will be a lot less flaky.

 

[Marty]

Franco, Ross, thank you for your excellent suggestions =)

I very much like your recommendation that I develop a congruent style that meshes with my personality. For example, I'd never crack the jokes that Zphix does with such success, because that's not what I'm like and I wouldn't be able to pull it off. NarrowJ's style of sexual framing seems more accessible to me, although of course he's a different sort of person too because he's very social and at ease in large groups even when he's pursuing women—or they're pursuing him, most of the time!

Franco, I think I'd bring it up directly but not in such flagrant, vivid detail as Alek; I'd be comfortable slipping a little humor in there, and leaving most of the rest to the imagination. To ensure I have the right idea, I want to play back my understanding of what you said, in the form of a little vignette... I thought I could make it look as if I was building up to something else and then release the tension with humor and a little bathos. This is totally fictitious:

• 
  Marty: You know, you really intrigue me...
  
  Girl: Oh?
  
  Marty: I mean, you have this deep desire to excel, and it seems to come from a sense of healthy pride... Not to impress anyone else, but to live up to your own expectations—
  
  Girl: (smiling)
  
  Marty: ...and I love that about you, of course. But... (pause)
  
  Girl: What??
  
  Marty: But that's not all. There's more to it, isn't there? Do you know what I really like?
  
  Girl: No, what? (laughing) TELL me!
  
  Marty: (grabbing her ass) Your sexy round ass!
  
  Girl: (playfully hitting me) Oh, you... you BEAST!

What do you reckon, Franco? Do you think that would be a good way of working in a discreet sexual note to the interaction, with just a little humor but not an excessive effort to entertain? Is this somewhat realistic?

Thanks again

-Marty

 

[Franco]

Marty,

Marty: You know, you really intrigue me...

Girl: Oh?

Marty: I mean, you have this deep desire to excel, and it seems to come from a sense of healthy pride... Not to impress anyone else, but to live up to your own expectations—

Girl: (smiling)

Marty: ...and I love that about you, of course. But... (pause)

Girl: What??

Marty: But that's not all. There's more to it, isn't there? Do you know what I really like?

Girl: No, what? (laughing) TELL me!

Marty: (grabbing her ass) Your sexy round ass!

Girl: (playfully hitting me) Oh, you... you BEAST!

You could probably make this work with the right vibe (and if she's already significantly into you), but there is one issue here I'd like to point out: this conversation doesn't necessarily engage her in sexual conversation.

You're kind of just throwing a "sexual compliment" out there, and it's kind of abrupt. If she's not already turned on, it might be a bit too forward to just say. The sexual talk should be more of a back and forth banter between you two, and it should work toward creating a sexual vibe. She likely won't respond with something sexual in the above conversation because you didn't give her the means to do that.

The reason I love to use sexual innuendo is that is urges her to play along and see how far I can go without directly saying "I want to fuck you." If you notice in Alek's approach, he engages the girl with some assumptions followed by some questions. This requires the girl to participate while continuously thinking sexual thoughts. You want to make sure that your comments aren't just random sexual comments (like catcalls) and rather have a building momentum behind them. Start out with small, sexual remarks, and then snowball them into something even more sexual!

- Franco

 

[PinotNoir]

I don't mean to hijack Marty's thread, but giving some examples to see if they line up with suggestive language. Based on my past experiences, Chase Frames and Sexual Frames appear the easiest way to make language suggestive.

When I went to Target yesterday, I had this interaction with the cashier. It starts off pretty mundane though.

As she is scanning my groceries...

Me: "Hi, how are you?"
Her: "Fine, how are you?"
Me: "Doing all right... It seems a bit empty in here tonight."
Her: "Yes, it's always this empty on Mondays."
Me: "Ah, I need to start shopping here on Mondays then."
Her: "Please do! No one is ever here."
Me: "I think you're just saying that because you want to keep seeing me every Monday!"
Her: "Haha, maybe so!"

The conversation went well from this point, but ended up having a boyfriend. This is more of a Chase Frame.

Sexual Frame that happened a month or so ago:

Her: "Excuse me, I just wanted to let you know that you have a hole in the back of your jeans."
Me: "Oh, thanks! Wait, I have a question though."
Her: "Yes?"
Me: "Do you look at all guy's butts or just mine?"
Her: "Oh my god haha. I'm not sure..."

I think I could have been even more sexual/suggestive with the use of "hole," but that may have been too direct.

I think it's just a matter of listening and seeing how you can turn it into something suggestive, but not direct/obvious. "Wet" is a very easy/common one to do. Chase also uses the example of playing pool and talking about the "stick" and "balls." Fictional examples:

Her: "Ah, the rain got my clothes all wet!"
Him: "I thought you liked it wet "

Her: "Wow, these balls are heavier than I thought."
Him #1: "Just be gentle when you play with them "
Him #2: "Feels light to me. I'm just used to holding heavy balls though."

Sometimes, I think it can be difficult to introduce this in the conversation so early. And if you analyze the dialogue of your discussions, you can then be like, "Ah, I should have said this!" and learn from it for next time. When I think about past dialogues, I always find some sexual thing that I could have said.

Do you guys think it's okay to use suggestive language as an opener?

For example, let's say I'm running at the park and open a girl:

Me: "Hi, I don't mean to offend... but you look very sexy for being drenched in sweat."

Or does this sound too creepy? Is there anyway to use suggestive language in an opener?

One last example. I was thinking about a past conversation. I didn't say this, but wish I had now:

Me: "So what kind of instrument would you play if could play anything?"
Her: "Oh, I'd love to play the oboe."
Me: "Ah, so you love to blow on things."
or...
Her: "I'd love to play the harp."
Me: "I like a girl with skillful fingers."
(Or maybe a g-string suggestion.)

It feels like just humor/wit with a sexual undertone. And the sexual undertone can be anywhere from a 1 to a 9, depending on your preference and style. Thoughts?

 

[Grand Pooba]

Hey Marty,

Great thread! I've been in the same boat as you more or less, as I find I'm not witty enough as a person to come up with quick sexual innuendos on the fly and respond to what she says sexually, let alone make chase and sexual frames. I'm still not there yet. It's definitely getting better, but that's also been because I've pushing it to see what works and what doesn't and I'm focusing more on being fun. I've also come out of interactions analyzing it and thinking "MAN! I should have said something sexual to XX remark!"

One strategy is to make a remark that has a double meaning in response to something she says - one interpretation sexual and the other straightforward and on topic. The key here is that you're not trying to make her laugh or be funny, you're just seeing if she picks up on it and runs with it, or reacts in some way. Here's one in my last FR that's a good example of this:

HER: My friend and I came to that meetup together.
ME: So you like coming together?
HER: HAHAHA...I mean I like coming to these things.
ME: It doesn't matter if it's together...as long as you come?
HER: <nervous laugh>...mayyyyyybeeee...
ME: That's good, you won't see the benefits of it...unless you COME ;-)

All I did was take one word in what she said, "come," which could also have a sexual context. My delivery was very serious but with a shit-smile look. At first she reacted by laughing and tried to play it off non-sexually, but then I kept going and took it another level. You know it's working when they're reacting or processing it, whether or not it's funny. With such remarks I've seen some girls smirk and continue like nothing happened, and others almost fall on the floor laughing, and others continue completely unphased only to throw something similar back at me later in the conversation. For me I never verbally admit to making a sexual remark, I just let her run with her own interpretation.

This style, as Franco said:

urges her to play along and see how far I can go without directly saying "I want to fuck you."

It's all about having fun, not necessarily being funny. It can be a fun that's also very smooth and subtly erotic.



Another method I use sometimes is opening up a girl to talking directly about sex that she likes (on a date, of course). This is a little more complex and not all girls are down with this, and I think Alek's style is similar to this. But if I get her comfortable enough to the point where they'll talk about anything with me and they're convinced I'm cool and not judgmental, the doors open to talk about:

- How she likes to be kissed.
- How she likes to be touched.
- How she likes to be bitten and where.
- What are the most sensitive parts of her body.
- How she likes her nipples sucked.
- What's the most erotic experience she's ever had or wants to have?
- etc. etc.

Then you can sometimes demonstrate it to them on the spot with "...so you mean like this...?" and do it. If she says she likes X kind of sensual touch, do X kind of sensual touch on her forearm or palm and ask if that's what she means. This conveys you as being both bold and comfortable with sexuality. Not every girl's okay with this though, and some get a little afraid because it tends to be a bit unusual.



I like the examples that Pinot Noir lists as well; they're smooth sexual frames.