Using your name

[Flames]

Im going to post this is the beginner section, because it sounds like a ridiculous question when I say it out loud. I'd be interested in Franco and Chases ideas if they have any.

So here goes,

What does it mean when people use your name in convos. I've met people who do it a lot, and people who hardly use it at all, and about the only pattern I can see in it is that it grabs your attention, and creates familiarity (rapport?)

My main reason for asking is because when some girl you already know suddenly starts using your name, that would suggest she was trying to tell me something right? I've done a lot of web searches and I get every answer from 'She's interested to she's angry with you" lol.

So again I put one of my questions to the community, what does it mean when a girl uses your name?

 

[Estate]

I can only give what I have heard also but it's usually a positive thing.

I tend to attribute using someones name to their being some emotion involved in the conversation... so depending on the context... sure, it could mean anger

In terms of pickup, I've read and heard it by a lot of sources (and I'm pretty sure in Chase's old articles somewhere) that you want to use the girls name.
Drop it in casually but using someone's name makes the conversation more personal and yes, grabs their attention... so if a girl is using it on you I'd assume some emotion is involved. If it's a pickup situation or somewhere you are interacting with her positively then it sounds like a good thing.

One thing I have noticed though is this....
Some tactics like this and things about specific body languages and phrases and ways of speaking to people is not JUST about pickup. It's actually used and thought in a lot of circles, especially business networking. Maybe it's tweaked a little but the same principal holds... thats why I mention the context...

i.e. if a girl in work is constantly coming to your desk to just talk to you and being flirty like this, sure she likes you.
But if she constantly does the same with others in group settings, she may just be well versed in social interactions, I notice a lot of upper management in my firm are quite adept at this sort of thing.

 

[Franco]

Flames,

My main reason for asking is because when some girl you already know suddenly starts using your name, that would suggest she was trying to tell me something right? I've done a lot of web searches and I get every answer from 'She's interested to she's angry with you" lol.

From texting a lot of women (from the ones that were hot to the ones that were cold), I can certainly say that when a girl uses your name, it certainly implies some emotional value to it, and it is usually positive (as Estate mentioned). Girls get texts from guys all the time, and I've noticed that in a lot of my early conversations with girls (especially over text), they'll usually just reply with, "hey, yeah, I'm free at that time!" or "hey, I'm good, how are you?"

As soon as these women go on a date with me however, I've noticed the tone changes. For example, I went on a date this past Tuesday where the girl hadn't used my name in any text messages, but by the time the date was over, she seemed to feel much closer to me. For example, she sent me a text later that night that said the following: "Night Franco it was great hangin with you"

I always try to open a conversation with a girl's name, and I also use it when I am trying to emphasize a serious point. It does help personalize things between you two, and as an added bonus, it also helps you remember her name!

I wouldn't go overboard with using a girl's name in the middle of a conversation, but opening by saying her name (i.e. "Hey Megan, how was the drive over here?") or using it at the beginning of a text (i.e. "Hey Megan, what's your schedule like this week?") is a great way to keep things personal and do the little extra things that most guys won't do to show her you're a sharp, charming individual.

- Franco

 

[Aspirant]

Something I've personally noticed about using names in openers on people i know, especially women, it helps to create the bubble of just me and her, that she has my undivided attention, and that coupled with nonverbals and fundamentals i find people put their walls down easier when i deep dive following that opener. Using their name just makes it more personal i feel. I havnt really played around with names in indirect direct because it almost feels heavy-handed or like it's too serious. Maybe ill play around with it at work tomorrow for my daily goal and post it if anyone would be interested. Maybe adding in there trying out chase frames after using her name in a direct opener. I feel like using a name is a good way to get her attention which is a short step from garnering true investment. I never really consciously thought about names before now. (Except when i start a text to someone i want to chill with, Chase has a post about that somewhere) Although i specifically remember that an ex of mine barely used my name and when she did i paid more attention to our immediate short term interaction.
Anyways take from this what you will. - Jake

 

[Flames]

Ok thanks all, so it is basically an attention grabber, but one with an emotional tag attached. It commands focus and makes that point they are addressing you on a personal level. Depending on the tone it can either be positive or negative, although it tends towards a more positive note.

And yes Estate you make a good point that it's not always PUA related with these things. You have to weigh up everything rather than specific things.

 

[Chase]

Flames-

Names, along with other specific references to things going on with you, can be a tool of the socially savvy. The shrewder a person is socially, the better he/she tends to be at interspersing these at just the right moment in a conversation.

• Average Joe gretting: "Hey man, how's it going?"
  
  Socially savvy greeting: "Hey Flames! How's the new car treating you?"

Like others have noted, this creates a feeling of closeness, familiarity, and unity with the person using your details. It also shows confidence, and that the person takes the time to pay attention and remember what she's learned about you. Ever run into someone you're 85% sure you know her name right, but not 100%, so you just say, "Heeeeeey, how's it goooing?!" instead of, "Hey Shirley! How's that bump you got from tennis now - all better or still sore?"

Usually, the people who use names and details use these about everyone. In that case, it doesn't mean anything special, just that the person is socially savvy. (this, by the way, is a very good habit to form - I'd recommend training yourself to remember and use people's names and details in greetings and throughout your conversations with them, for those reasons of closeness, familiarity, unity, displaying confidence and that you care, etc.)

People who know to use names will use them more on the phone, where there's less social context and you can't tell the person's looking at you, so using his name helps reinforce that, yes, this conversation is between us and I know I'm talking to you and not just talking into a handset. When you're in person, you'll usually only use names during the greeting or during points you need to make special emphasis ("Flames, I really need you to pay attention to this"). Using names too much outside of greetings / points of emphasis in conversation ends up feeling like the person doing this is trying to manipulate you (because he/she is repeatedly calling you to attention, and that's not something that people normally do).

Sometimes, like Franco notes, girls who DON'T use names a lot as part of their standard social repertoire will start using your name. e.g., she sees other people, and it's, "Morning!" without a name. Then she sees you, and it's, "Hi Flames!" In that case, it's usually a sign that she likes you. You'll also notice she'll quit using your name if she becomes uninterested in you or writes you off as moving too slow or not going to take action and auto-rejects.

Chase

 

[Flames]

Thanks everyone, I think I've got a lot better understanding of this now and will try to incorporate it into my daily life. A thing I have noticed with greetings is almost an overwhelming compulsion to greet in the same style/energy level. I'm not sure wether I should be doing this it not, again it's the same thing it creates rapport/familiarity but I'm not sure wether I shouldn't be more selective.

I actually use to really struggle with names, but I've been working on my memory issues/concentration and think I've got it nailed down. Of course it's a lot easier to remember the name of a pretty girl, than it is the guy who delivers your newspaper

 

[Whizzy]

Thanks for the advice Chase, I've notice this as well with people. The more attuned they are socially the more frequently they open with a person's name. The receiver tends to appreciate and value it much more as well