I'm a 22 yr old virgin. I feel rather at odds at life for ending up this way late at life. I've been lurking here for a while and wonder if any of the members here can relate to my problem. I have never kissed a girl or even been dated anyone before so my complete inexperience with women further inhibits my rather weak confidence. I have read the material on this site but seem to hit a sticking point when physically escalating with women. I don't have a social circle as I always could never relate to people my age and have been working non stop to even engage anyone socially. Is there hope for people like me ?or will I be cursed to roam through life as a failure because I cannot attract women to my bed. I don't know where else to turn. I'm tired of the b.s I deal w/ everyday. I'm tired with being myself. I wish had never been born.
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,982
Hey dude sympathize with your predicament, however there seems to be a bit of a contradiction, you say you have read the material on this site, but if you really had read and absorbed it you would know that socializing (and by extension seduction) is a skillset like any other. Of course you can learn!
However, there is a reason why we aren't all kickarse computer programmers, musicians, dancers, seducers, ..., it's because it takes time, effort, grit, determination and a positive attitude to learn a skillset.
To see what might be involved in becoming a halfway competent seducer see some of the journals on these boards, even those of intermediate guys like myself (who can't reliably pull women or get laid & who are coming from a similar place to yourself, usually porn addicted & having few friends & scared of talking to real women)... run to hundreds of pages. Don't want to scare you off but just to point out you'll need to have realistic, modest goals at least initially.
I suggest you buy the e-book "How to make girls chase" (no I'm not affiliated with this site, just have found the products here well thought out & helpful), this should give you a more overall view than just reading random articles & should allay some of the concerns in your post.
Also since you say you cannot relate to your peers you will need to take a close look at your conversation and focus on talking to everybody you meet and try to have quality conversations (more than a minute or so) in which you draw them out and invite them to tell you about themselves. This is how you find commonalities between your experience and theirs and hence opportunities to relate to them.
Don't hesitate to ask for help, but bear in mind that everything you need to be successful is already here in front of you. You just need to take responsibility for your own learning and commit to applying that material in real life.
-Ray
However, there is a reason why we aren't all kickarse computer programmers, musicians, dancers, seducers, ..., it's because it takes time, effort, grit, determination and a positive attitude to learn a skillset.
To see what might be involved in becoming a halfway competent seducer see some of the journals on these boards, even those of intermediate guys like myself (who can't reliably pull women or get laid & who are coming from a similar place to yourself, usually porn addicted & having few friends & scared of talking to real women)... run to hundreds of pages. Don't want to scare you off but just to point out you'll need to have realistic, modest goals at least initially.
I suggest you buy the e-book "How to make girls chase" (no I'm not affiliated with this site, just have found the products here well thought out & helpful), this should give you a more overall view than just reading random articles & should allay some of the concerns in your post.
Also since you say you cannot relate to your peers you will need to take a close look at your conversation and focus on talking to everybody you meet and try to have quality conversations (more than a minute or so) in which you draw them out and invite them to tell you about themselves. This is how you find commonalities between your experience and theirs and hence opportunities to relate to them.
Don't hesitate to ask for help, but bear in mind that everything you need to be successful is already here in front of you. You just need to take responsibility for your own learning and commit to applying that material in real life.
-Ray
Tnx friend. I just feel like I will be judged by women due to my inexperience and be shot down when I try to make a move on them. I mean I have never kissed a girl before, how pathetic is that for my age? I just see a long hard road ahead for me that is all...
Hey Keaton,
Feel your pain brother, but knock off the negativity. Used to be like you -- didn't start getting lays until my early twenties too. But things flipped when I changed my negative mindset and discovered Chase and the guys on this site. You say you wish you weren't born because you're not getting pussy? Really? There's more to life than just women. Build a career, think of yourself as the only shit that matters in positive terms then watch every thing else just flow.
Look, there're billions of women in this world -- don't put what they have between their legs on a pedestal, yeah sure it's great. But so are many other things in life. Eventually you'll conquer your virginity, trust me.
Feel your pain brother, but knock off the negativity. Used to be like you -- didn't start getting lays until my early twenties too. But things flipped when I changed my negative mindset and discovered Chase and the guys on this site. You say you wish you weren't born because you're not getting pussy? Really? There's more to life than just women. Build a career, think of yourself as the only shit that matters in positive terms then watch every thing else just flow.
Look, there're billions of women in this world -- don't put what they have between their legs on a pedestal, yeah sure it's great. But so are many other things in life. Eventually you'll conquer your virginity, trust me.
I started almost a year ago (24 yo at that time) and had never kissed or anything with a girl. Within a month I got my first nr. and first kiss through a cold approach from simple eye-contact and told myself that if I didn't go over there after that then hells what was I doing going out?
Few months later I got home to a girl who even rejected her cb'ing girl friend to sleep with me.
Few months later I got home to a girl who even rejected her cb'ing girl friend to sleep with me.
Honestly try this, if a kiss is such a big deal make it less of one. Do the triangle gaze were you look from one eye to another then look at her loops and back to her eyes. Then toss on a sexy smile with the cute and sexy look. If she looks at your lips or you feel something, anything, just go for the kiss do it randomly and burn it down. You will get a kiss eventually take baby steps.
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2015
- Messages
- 89
whenever I hear of a guy being a virgin at 22, it reminds me of the late Elliot Rodger, that's how old he was.
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,982
Hey dude, regarding the kisses and getting shot down, well this happened to me on Sunday, see my post "FR: Homeless", specifically the part that goes
If it really worries you that much, consider it as follows: She didn't reject you -- she only rejected your packaging -- how you presented yourself. And she did this because she didn't know any better. Obviously if she knew what a great guy you are, she would have been down, but she didn't know, so you just need to concentrate on selling yourself better next time.
-Ray
And you know, got rejected but didn't give a fuck, in fact spent the rest of the day with her as just friends... so it's really just a mindset thing, once you get used to asking women for dates every day (a lot of them say no or otherwise avoid the question) and getting physical once you get a date (again, a lot of them aren't into it)... you won't really notice it anymore.ray_zorse said:
If it really worries you that much, consider it as follows: She didn't reject you -- she only rejected your packaging -- how you presented yourself. And she did this because she didn't know any better. Obviously if she knew what a great guy you are, she would have been down, but she didn't know, so you just need to concentrate on selling yourself better next time.
-Ray
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2015
- Messages
- 1,107
I'm gonna be brutally honest with you Keaton, the general negativity of your post, plus specifically, the above quote are all very characteristic of clinical depression. Before anything else, I would get a diagnostic to make sure you don't have that. Cause having women in your life is nearly impossible if all you bring is negative energy (which is something you almost certainly do if you're depressed).
As for the rest, listen to what everyone else here said. Dating is a skill and not something you're born with. Work at it and you will get the results you want.
Also, as painful as it is now, keep in mind that your desperation is what got you here. Had you lost your virginity at age 17 like most guys, and had a mediocre girlfriend here and there, you probably wouldn't have decided to take this site seriously. Cause your results are "good enough". Since you're getting no results, I'm sure you've made it a mission to do whatever it takes to become great at this. As a result, in the long run, if you truly commit yourself, you will ironically enough surpass everyone else and have more women in your life than anyone you know. And generally speaking, lead a far more fulfilling life.
Mystery, one of the most influential PUA's out there (I don't actually recommend his material!), didn't lose his virginity till he was 21. I bet he never would have made it a goal of his to become good at this had he gotten "average" results (in other words getting laid once in a blue moon like what most guys you know are doing). No, he became great because he was desperate. Desperation is strength, not weakness.
Hope this helps!
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2015
- Messages
- 89
glad to hear you say it is a skill, it is all skill-based through practice, for a while I had the limiting belief but it was something you had to be born withBboy100 said: